On 8/16/2019 at 6:23 AM, Dexlowe said:

The one on the right reminds me of that song which has the lyrics "nice legs, shame about the boat race". There's a suspicion of a decent body there.

yeah , that one's the bloke

Lost a good friend and drinking buddy at the weekend in a tragic accident he got his finger caught in a wedding ring..

 

Sent from my ARE-AL00 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

 

On 8/17/2019 at 5:39 PM, bluesofa said:

He'll probably do that 'at a stretch.'

Jumpin' Jehosophats! Religion on the fly. Cut the cord, brothers and embrace the Lord, for he that gives up all earthly pleasures will soar into the heavens. He that is down will be up ...

 

... and I think I'll stop this tripe before I lose any more friends.

This restaurant adds new meaning to the term "Fast Food" 

 

Hey Guys !   I smell something burning and I'm not waiting around to find out what it is !

a

I wasn’t particularly close to my father when he died.........which was lucky cos he trod on a landmine !!

Mines been broke for years.

What ? you don’t believe me..... you $&@“$&@

Could have just poured it into his mouth with a funnel when he was asleep ?............couldn’t he ???

Gotta think of the environmental consequences !!

Asked my Thai gf to try this tongue twister !!



It didn’t go well !! [emoji51]

I have kleptomania – especially for Hi-Tech mobile devices. When I was in court for these offences, I was asked if there were any mitigating circumstances.

I replied, “Your Honour, I went to see my doctor about it and he told me to keep taking the tablets.”

On 8/19/2019 at 3:58 AM, Dexlowe said:

I think I'll stop this tripe before I lose any more friends.

Too late????

^ Amen to that!

A man was arrested for stalking a lady on a bus and during his trial the prosecution outlined what had happened. This Lady Out On A Bus. His Explanation Is Perfect
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat but this time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed even more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested at the next stop.

The Judge then asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied,
'Well your Honour, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus. I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said.
‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned.
Than she moved and sat under a sign that said,
‘Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said.
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident’
“I Just lost it and she got upset”.

10 Things you always wanted to hear from your wife. Unfortunately, this will never happen
1.    The smell of beer on your breath drives me wild.
2.    I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
3.    Let's get a good porno movie, a case of beer. And make an afternoon of it.
4.    God. If I don't blow you soon. I swear I'm gonna bust!
5.    1 only signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head.
6.    Let's subscribe to hustler.
7.    Lets take pictures so your friends will believe you.
8.    Honey, our neighbor's daughter is sunbathing nude again. Come see
9.    Awesome fart! Do another one and have a good scratch of your b*lls     while your at it.!
10.    Bring all your friends round any time, day or night to watch the sports and I’ll get the food and booze for you all
 

The man sat at the bar looking morosely into his pint of beer. 
No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, a little voice inside his head kept on and on at him
"How could you Bob, how could you sleep with one of your patients!" 
Time went by, and a few more pints disappeared down his throat until he began to feel a little better -- even the voice inside his head began to mellow. 
"OK Bob, I suppose you're not the first person to sleep with one of their patients and no matter what they say, you're still the best vet in the district." 
 

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

You want a real story?

A guy i knew in Canada a long time ago bought a new fridge.

He decided to give the old one to someone who really needed it for free.

So he put the fridge on the front lawn with the following sign,'please feel free to take this if you need it,it works just fine.'

A week later the fridge was still there so he changed the sign,'good working fridge for sale,50 dollars'

The next morning the fridge was gone!!!