The Old Man in Heaven
      One day in heaven, Jesus’s secretary says,

‘Sir, I think you have been working far too hard lately. You need to get out and meet the people.’
     Jesus agrees, so he closes up his books and goes for a walk down the streets of gold. Presently, from a side street he hears the curious rhythmic sound of sawing and spies an old, bearded carpenter in his workshop.
     ‘Sir,’ Jesus says, ‘why do you labour so? This is heaven, and your days of hard labour are behind you.’
     The old man, his face dripping with sweat, replies, ‘I had a son on earth whose birth was a miracle. I haven’t seen him since he died. He knew I loved working with wood, and I thought if I made enough noise he might hear it and find me.’
     A look of stunned realisation comes upon Jesus’s face. The carpenter sees it and stops sawing. As he gazes at Jesus, his eyes beginning to mist up, their eyes lock.
     Jesus says, simply, ‘Father.’

     The old man says, ‘Pinocchio?’

Sad news.

The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.

There will be no coughin' at his funeral.