As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo in one of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I sent the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally, she showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired – and the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words, which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned, and in accordance with the new company policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.

 

PS;  It was Taco Bell Corporation.
 

The manager was talking to his new mid-field player. 
"We've got a much more important match on Saturday so tonight you'll just play the first half and I'll pull you off at half time." 
"Gee Boss, thanks. At half time at my old club, all we got was a slice of orange." 
 

"Hey George, I had a great dream last night. I dreamt I was in a boat with Bo Derek." 
"Really! How did it go?" 
"Oh it was great, we caught a 10 lb salmon." 

 

Two Irish “Micks” are walking along the street when one of them sees a mirror on the ground. He picks it up and says, "Hey, I recognise that bloke." 
The other man takes it from him and replies, 
"Of course you do, you idiot, it's me." 
 

On 8/22/2019 at 10:59 AM, faraday said:

Yes Andrew, I did try to play it!!

 

So did I, you swine! ????

I’ve been singing this wrong all these years !![emoji20]

5 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

I’ve been singing this wrong all these years !!

As my friend used to say, "I keep mountain goats missus."

As my friend used to say, "I keep mountain goats missus."

That’s what the horns are for [emoji51]

10 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

That’s what the horns are for

Four?

11 minutes ago, bluesofa said:

Four?

Four candles...

 

 

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

 

They don't make 'em like that any, more's the pity.

Four old friends were playing their weekly game of golf.

 

One remarked how nice it would be to have a round together on Christmas morning. They would probably have the whole course to themselves.

 

His mates all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority - figure out a way to convince the wives and meet here early, Christmas morning."

 

Christmas morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

 

The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring and she can't take her eyes off it."

 

The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I bought her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

 

The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

 

The last guy says "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game ...

 

I slapped my wife on the <deleted> and said, 'Merry Christmas babe! It’s a beautiful winter morning. Golf Course or Intercourse?'”

 

She said, "Don't forget your wooly hat."

8 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Reminds me of the backward clock I used to have. Visitors initially read the time from it perfectly, then did a double take:

14 hours ago, billd766 said:

They don't make 'em like that any, more's the pity.

 

 

Low flying aircraft or giraffe on stilts ?

Here’s a little joke for ya !!

If she waited long enough she might have encountered me !!........... buying some for a friend ☹️

This girl got an unexpected large amount of visitors that day !!

No sex for this guy for a few months me thinks !!

I tried it once !!
Shouldn’t have used frozen though ☹️

Jingjoks are bad enough, but this !! [emoji22]

Yup, that’s the only way I’m gonna get into shape !!

More from the master...

 

There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?

 

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

 

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.