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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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22 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

DeadEndJob.jpg.da428775802a9971f603a58a800e5f6b.jpg

Up your street I assume although I imagine it was a bit of a dead end job  but at least the turn round was quick and easy with no road for mistakes.

If you lose your scapegoat,
you have no one to blame but yourself.

Another Christmas present for the wife sorted. A second hand artificial leg.
Nice stocking filler.

*** Advice needed ***
My kids keep finding the Christmas presents I have hidden around the house.

Someone suggested I put them up in the loft, so I did and last night I literally had no sleep. All I could hear was them crying and moaning about spiders, the dark and wanting to be let back down.
Any other suggestions please?

My wife woke up with a big grin this morning.

I love those magic markers.

If I had a pound for every time I didn't finish a point that I was making

Got my wife a wombat for Christmas
Don't know where she's going to play wom though.

Thieves have stolen 20 crates of Red Bull from my local corner shop today.
How do they sleep at night ?

The secret to originality is to never reveal your source.
My dad told me that.

I took my wife out last night.

The gunsmith's done a remarkable job on those sights.

It’s a lovely crisp morning.
I’ve had three packets already.

3 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

*** Advice needed ***
My kids keep finding the Christmas presents I have hidden around the house.

Someone suggested I put them up in the loft, so I did and last night I literally had no sleep. All I could hear was them crying and moaning about spiders, the dark and wanting to be let back down.
Any other suggestions please?

Insulate the loft with sound proofing material!

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink.
I'm now in hospital waiting to be seen.

What did the Croydon mother name her 4 kids ?
Jamal, Jamal, Jamal, and Jamal
How does she tell them apart ?
Their last names

10 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

A second hand artificial leg.

Would it not be better with a foot on the bottom of the leg rather than a hand and if she does need a second hand it might be better to put on the end of her arm instead!

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1087464393_santaboob.jpg.dc1510a2e2bc65ace234382f20c36df4.jpg

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
He  doesn't know, he hasn't opened it yet
 

Christmas has been a bit repetitive...
so I got a different type of tree just to spruce it up a bit
 

What does the Pope and a Christmas tree have in common?
The balls are just for decoration
 

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