My wifes family have banished me for good.

[Despondent Foreigner]

30 minutes ago, DaRoadrunner said:

 

Now if we could just get them to eat with their mouths closed and not stick their finger up their nose...... Ah, that's different, they just don't see how they offend us Farangs.

And dont forget how they love to spit. The great grandmother loves to do a big green one outside her house every morning. She really gets her chest into it!

Edited April 18, 2019 by Despondent Foreigner

[tlandtday]

1 hour ago, colinneil said:

OP the fact you put your foot up is enough to cause offence, it not accepted here.

My wife had a farang girl in her pickup, she did exactly as you did, my wife said nothing to her, but when she came home i got an ear bashing, and instructed to tell the girl never to do it again.

Ridiculous.why anyone puts up with such nonsense.  I have seen many a thai with feet up on a bus with no problem.  Sounds like a case of keeping the farang in line.

Edited April 18, 2019 by tlandtday

[DaRoadrunner]

37 minutes ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

And dont forget how they love to spit. The great grandmother loves to do a big green one outside her house every morning. She really gets her chest into it!

The problem with Thais is they think money is class. They have not got the idea that true class may be seen in how one behaves.

[Odysseus123]

16 minutes ago, tlandtday said:

Ridiculous.why anyone puts up with such nonsense.  I have seen many a thai with feet up on a bus with no problem.  Sounds like a case of keeping the farang in line.

Very true....

 

It is most selective.

 

In this case someone (S-I-L) was firing a warning shot across the poster's bows.

 

I must go now because my wife has the TV on full volume,shouting into her mobile phone AND has her feet stuck up on the arm of the sofa.

 

Boy,is she going to get a lecture on Thai culture from me..

[marcusarelus]

6 minutes ago, DaRoadrunner said:

The problem with Thais is they think money is class. They have not got the idea that true class may be seen in how one behaves.

We know better. Below is true class as he gets a knighthood.

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

I didnt show her the sole of my foot. I was in the front seat and she was sat behind me.

As I suggested...

 

Just now, NanLaew said:

... It is also something that a disgruntled, younger generation Thai will use as a flimsy excuse to make the OP look bad or make everything the OP's fault.

They are simply looking for excuses. Where I come from, it's called sh!t-stirring.

[grollies]

2 hours ago, 55Jay said:

The foot fetish they have here is typically forgone among close family members in a private setting, around the house, etc.   You weren't in that "zone" anymore and got pulled up.   Suspect the family group would agree, although some may still have hope for you

Spot on. My uncle comes round and him and our neighbour will sit on the verandah wall cross-legged, soles of feet on display. The woman taking offence, sitting behind you in the car, is trying to pick a fight.

[grollies]

1 hour ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

And dont forget how they love to spit. The great grandmother loves to do a big green one outside her house every morning. She really gets her chest into it!

Thanks, I was just eating a pork wanton when I read that.

[transam]

3 hours ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

I dont know. I didnt ask. After her cousins outburst in the car everyone was quiet until we arrived home. Most awkward journey of my life,

Did you take your trainers off....?   ????

[4675636b596f75]

3 hours ago, CharlieH said:

Showing the sole of your foot to someone is indeed considered an insult, (usually to older generation)

Good thing that he doesn't wear a kilt.

[4675636b596f75]

I threw grandma out of my house over a year and a half ago.  My wife soon followed and has been gone over a year, leaving me with our son.  I've never had it so good.

[grollies]

Just a suggestion

 

 

[richard_smith237]

Thai's can sometimes show Faux outrage towards Westerners, when they themselves can be seen frequently breaking these sensitive rules which truthfully are only exercised when on ceremony. 

 

In the home, in the car and quite often in a restaurant you see Thai's breaking the rules that we as Westerners we told 'you can't do that'... we were usually told by other westerners or some uneducated local in a bar... 

 

Having lived here for over 20 years I've found the social rules to closely mirror common sense rules of my home country and don't take much getting used to. 

 

Feet up...  I've done it all my life at home, in laws never have an issue... I take care not to show the soul of my foot to my FIL and MIL (even at home) but sometimes it happens and they don't even blink.

 

That someone made such a large issue out of something so small highlights the SIL's impoliteness more than the Ops - She was just looking for a problem and when she saw an opportunity to complain and make a scene she took the chance with both hands....  The Op will do well just to laugh at her and ignore her. 

[Despondent Foreigner]

20 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 The Op will do well just to laugh at her and ignore her. 

She will most definitely be getting ignored. Along with the rest of the mrs family. Please let me reiterate, this is not an ideal situation, nor one that I actively sought out, its just the only possible solution that will save our marriage and keep us together in the long term.

Edited April 18, 2019 by Despondent Foreigner

[grollies]

44 minutes ago, Despondent Foreigner said:

She will most definitely be getting ignored. Along with the rest of the mrs family. Please let me reiterate, this is not an ideal situation, nor one that I actively sought out, its just the only possible solution that will save our marriage and keep us together in the long term.

I wish you luck but don't hold out much hope for you unless you change your avatar name and bloody-well cheer up a bit.

[poohy]

6 hours ago, CharlieH said:

Showing the sole of your foot to someone is indeed considered an insult, (usually to older generation)

i have lived 19 years so read all this stuff originally but to be honest it is something i have never come across , my 50 yo thai mrs lies on the settee with her feet up, so  i would really assume its a really old folks thing or some devout more buddhist than buddha or  an argumentative  thai being pedantic.

Now while we are on about feet....What pis**s me of is thais sitting cross legged in restaurants surely thats just as offensive????

[tlandtday]

3 hours ago, 4675636b596f75 said:

Good thing that he doesn't wear a kilt.

skip

Edited April 18, 2019 by tlandtday

[likerdup1]

Ultimately one has only oneself to blame for not studying, in detail, Thai culture before embarking on a commitment with a Thai such as marriage. It's an old story that get's played out each and everyday in Thailand An endless parade of Farang men expecting a Thai woman and family to behave like rational westerners might behave in regards to a marriage and everything connected to it in making a family.

 

Basically, and I hate to be blunt but to any Farang man who marries a Thai woman and doesn't study Thai culture and doesn't learn even some of the language first - then runs into "trouble".      It's your own fault.

 

Pipe dreams and fantasies imagined on the Pattaya beer bar stool become nightmares and disappointment. I have lived in Thailand for 4 years and have studied the culture and learned the language. My best relationship which ended for reasons other than cultural was with a Filipina I met in Bangkok.

 

Marry a Thai woman? she would have to be exceptional and I would investigate everything about her and her family first... having a kid too? Another major investigation and round of good planning ... immigration, rules about Farang/Thai kids in education... Unbelievable how many punters rush right into marriage and children... then run into so called "trouble" of their own making a few miles down the road. I still haven't met any Thai woman I would consider marrying. There was one recently, then after 4 dates the real truth surfaced... no way.

Edited April 18, 2019 by likerdup1

[Orton Rd]

Thai culture, that's a bit of a contradiction surely? ????

[likerdup1]

4 minutes ago, Orton Rd said:

Thai culture, that's a bit of a contradiction surely? ????

In the English language and my use of it in my reply the word "culture" means:

 

The totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought.

 

You seem to have mistaken the definition... no sunglasses emoticon. I would suggest we not in anyway put down the Thai culture or it's people. It simply exists and is what it is.

Edited April 18, 2019 by likerdup1

[Tongjaw]

8 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

Are they upset because you wouldn't go in to the Waterfall ?

Sounds very much like it all came to ahead on the trip home from his last post. The one when he ruined the family  Songkran waterfalls visit by throwing a hissy-fit at being asked to pay entrance fee. Anyone who has been in Thailand for any length of time knows the majority of Thai parks and attractions charge foreigners entrance fee even if Thais are free. I’m sure there is a lot more to the story than the OP is admitting to. As the old saying goes there are 3 sides to every story, yours, theirs and the correct one. 

[Laddy123]

Sounds awful but helpful. May as well put some distance between you and them and move to another town/city

[inThailand]

Your lucky to rid yourself of the inlaws. The problem is now the wife will rid herself of you. 

[crazykopite]

My understanding is that there could be a lot of Foreigners married to a Thai who wish they were in your position . I say enjoy the freedom and hassle while you can at some point they will come around especially if they ever find themselves with financial problems.

[Despondent Foreigner]

11 hours ago, likerdup1 said:

 

Basically, and I hate to be blunt but to any Farang man who marries a Thai woman and doesn't study Thai culture and doesn't learn even some of the language first - then runs into "trouble".      It's your own fault.

????????????????????

[Aussieroaming]

Why are you still bothering to attend "family" functions? They are treating you like an inferior and you are setting yourself up to be rejected.

 

Pull your family out of their sphere of dominance and take control and dont let yourself be put into a position where you are passive e.g. sitting in a vehicle as a passenger or being dragged to the in laws house.

 

Alpha male leads the pack, so bark back and be prepared to stand up for yourself. Tell them they can visit your child in your home and if they dont treat you with respect then you will kick them out on their ass. That way you are 100% in control and remind your wife that you, her and your child are a family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Gecko123]

What exactly are the in-laws objections to your parenting skills? I find it hard to believe that they would be getting involved over minor differences of opinion about parenting styles. Are they concerned about the welfare and safety of the child? Do you have any drinking or anger management problems which might need to be addressed?

[woofwoof]

Stand your ground ! Why would you not keep your child and raise him as you see fit. My girlfriend's grandson has been with us since he was born and is 8 yrs old now going to a private school to give him a future. Straight A student and my girlfriends family see's that he has a future.

[fruitman]

18 hours ago, colinneil said:

OP the fact you put your foot up is enough to cause offence, it not accepted here.

My wife had a farang girl in her pickup, she did exactly as you did, my wife said nothing to her, but when she came home i got an ear bashing, and instructed to tell the girl never to do it again.

In the BKK bts the thai do it all the time..even sit with bare feet on the seats and let their kids stand/walk on them.

In restaurants they even put their feet on another chair aiming at me or any other dining guest.

 

[bert bloggs]

I dont know if i am just lucky or are most guys in my boat ,i have a loving wife a son who now has a very good career ,my wifes family are lovely ,i go to family does and i am just"one of the family", i laugh and joke with them , only ever had any problems in the begining of our relationship ,when they were not sure if i was serious ,once they realized i was , its always been good ,