Another one bites the dust (me)

[totally thaied up]

11 hours ago, Pravda said:

 

I'm asking people how much are they paying and nobody's answering.

 

Will you?

I have been married three years. My wife has cost me nothing. She has contracting work, owns riceland and a house. When we bought a car, her father paid half and my father paid half as a Wedding present. I spent 300K on her house making it farang friendly. She offered to pay half.

 

My wife does not treat me like a door mate. We are currently in Australia and she is doing her contract work online. Really, I cannot ask for more. No salaries or anything in this relationship. 

 

Previous to this I was in a relationship for six years to a bar girl. I did not pay her a salary but we bought and raised a successful business together. In the end I walked away mainly due to her past. She had been abused too much and she always wanted to go to the bar to be with her friends on Friday nights. She would be hung over on Saturdays and cause problems.  Over six years I spent 25K on holidays and extension to her house. I had a damn good time till she started drinking too much on Fridays. She is still running now the same business but also works bar on Friday nights. No matter what, I could not get the bar out of her and I vowed never to date bar girls again. I stopped the bar scene, met my wife bumping into her at a local market and it all went from that point.

 

So I have answered your question. It seems the way you write, your wife is terribly unhappy with you and you are staying because of the money.

[totally thaied up]

11 minutes ago, Benroon said:

Interesting story but you left what seemed like a good relationship because your wife wanted to go out once a week with her mates for a laugh ? 

 

Controlling much ?

My girlfriend would get blind drunk. I mean blind baby blind and get abusive. I did not care her being out with her friends but the level of blindness was just too much and it started creeping into Wednesday nights as well. I asked her to ease off but it just got more extreme. The relationship I am in now revolves around no bars, no drugs or drinking. Much, much better. My ex-girlfriend was not willing to just slow down and lost me because of that. I took into fact she was a bar girl and gave her lots of leeway and would have warned her 200 times to slow down but would not listen. 

[Pravda]

41 minutes ago, totally thaied up said:

 

It seems the way you write, your wife is terribly unhappy with you and you are staying because of the money.

 

Well, yes.... yes she is. Hence the thread.

 

I am not getting any financial benefit long term by staying with her. Like other weak and needy men I get attached. Like your wife she was always fair with money, but I think maybe she sees no benefit being with me and wants to live alone. 

 

I have no kids, no brothers and sisters and no family that will outlive me. I have a condo in one of the most desirable cities worth about half a million dollars, but now I have to make sure she never gets that. Some of my distant family will get lucky it seems.....

[Odysseus123]

1 minute ago, Pravda said:

 

Well, yes.... yes she is. Hence the thread.

 

I am not getting any financial benefit long term by staying with her. Like other weak and needy men I get attached. Like your wife she was always fair with money, but I think maybe she sees no benefit being with me and wants to live alone. 

 

I have no kids, no brothers and sisters and no family that will outlive me. I have a condo in one of the most desirable cities worth about half a million dollars, but now I have to make sure she never gets that. Some of my distant family will get lucky it seems.....

Very interesting and honest post.

 

I fell down on "the art of the deal" (what exactly were the benefits?) and had to scramble to save what was left.A very close call.

 

Curiously enough-two years down the track-I don't seem to have any residual bitterness but that is probably because I managed to make it home in one piece.

[totally thaied up]

7 minutes ago, Pravda said:

 

Well, yes.... yes she is. Hence the thread.

 

I am not getting any financial benefit long term by staying with her. Like other weak and needy men I get attached. Like your wife she was always fair with money, but I think maybe she sees no benefit being with me and wants to live alone. 

 

I have no kids, no brothers and sisters and no family that will outlive me. I have a condo in one of the most desirable cities worth about half a million dollars, but now I have to make sure she never gets that. Some of my distant family will get lucky it seems.....

Okay, I understand. I have met independent Thai women that in fact don't want help, really do not care about men and live a seemingly happy life by themselves. One of my friends lives in such a relationship that is totally sexless but he has invested too much time into it to cut himself free. He goes to Pattaya every six months and his wife turns a blind eye to It all.

 

I come from a wealthy family. My wife never understood this as I am poor. My later years in life (if I outlive my parents) will be very good. If my wife was not happy with me and indeed did not live with me during the start of our hard times, I would leave. I have honestly found that being single is much easier than being married but I have become attached to my wife. Life certainly is not easier but it is great to have someone on your side when you go through bad times.

 

I would ask myself does she make you a better person. I think this is most likely my biggest question to myself. My wife makes me a better person and maybe you need to ask yourself this question. If it is nothing but silence and inner feelings of conflict and the fact you are independently wealthy, you need to ask yourself what you are doing. Independent women can be hard to live with.

[BritManToo]

23 minutes ago, Benroon said:

just check out the volume of 'men' on here that are bleating that thai women are all crap,

You're mistaken.

Most guys on here, who aren't delusional snowflakes, agree that women in general are selfish, vicious, greedy and untrustworthy.

Some mistakenly add 'Thai' to their sentences, but I don't believe they really mean that.

I was always 'loving, supportive, caring and sharing' until a women showed me that was a mistake.

I'm still that caring and sharing person, but I not longer let that stand in the way of letting her know she's instantly replaceable with a younger and prettier version, if she wishes to leave, and no longer give her access to my assets which are kept in a different country.

 

A caveman would force his woman to stay, I'm happy when they decide to leave, I can pick out a new one.

[AlexRich]

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

You're mistaken.

Most guys on here who aren't delusional snowflakes, agree that women in general are selfish, vicious, greedy and untrustworthy.

Some mistakenly add 'Thai' to their sentences, but I don't believe they really mean that.

I was always 'loving, supportive, caring and sharing' until women showed me that was a mistake.

I'm still that caring and sharing person, but I not longer let that stand in the way of letting her know she's instantly replaceable with a young and prettier version, if she wishes to leave, and no longer give her access to my assets which are kept in a different country..

I’m all for protecting my wealth from an unscrupulous partner, so avoid marriage and keep assets overseas. But if you are constantly threatening your partner with her “easily replaceability” it doesn’t make for a great relationship? If I felt that I had to use that weapon I’d question whether I was in the right relationship.

[Pravda]

1 minute ago, AlexRich said:

I’m all for protecting my wealth from an unscrupulous partner, so avoid marriage and keep assets overseas. But if you are constantly threatening your partner with her “easily replaceability” it doesn’t make for a great relationship? If I felt that I had to use that weapon I’d question whether I was in the right relationship.

 

Not to mention that this wouldn't fly in most countries, but only in countries where citizets are extremely divided between rich and poor and are afraid to speak their mind to anyone who is above them.

 

 

[BritManToo]

7 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

I’m all for protecting my wealth from an unscrupulous partner, so avoid marriage and keep assets overseas. But if you are constantly threatening your partner with her “easily replaceability” it doesn’t make for a great relationship? If I felt that I had to use that weapon I’d question whether I was in the right relationship.

Who says I even threatened once?

Not me, I'm caring and sharing, but I never tell them they are the only one or I will love them forever.

I've always found it's the girls that threaten to leave, in reply I usually say I've loved our time together and will be really sad to see you go. It's weakness to try and talk them into staying, in the UK that would be considered manipulative behaviour and a form of domestic violence.

[totally thaied up]

27 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

I’m all for protecting my wealth from an unscrupulous partner, so avoid marriage and keep assets overseas. But if you are constantly threatening your partner with her “easily replaceability” it doesn’t make for a great relationship? If I felt that I had to use that weapon I’d question whether I was in the right relationship.

In my wife’s circle of friends married to a farang, 70% are there only for the security. Security comes before anything else. I have heard the women state this. The other 10% know there partners have not got long on this mortal coil and really are in it for themselves and are doing the long con, gaining what they can for tomorrow. My only advantage is I am still young and really, that is the only thing I got going for me.

 

[richard_smith237]

There are a handful of posters on this forum, many of whom have contributed to this topic who think that Woman are nothing more than 'money grabbing whores' and should be kept in their place....  

 

These men are always divorced and have a horror story or two.

These men are bitter having been treated poorly by a woman in the past.

These men are unable to have a mutually respectful relationship with a female.

These men are unable to comprehend those in a normal relationship and can only assume the male is a controlled snowflake or some other idiotic assumption.

These men are unable to recognize a successful and mutually respectful relationship and can only judge the world by their own experiences and project those bitter experiences on others.

 

These men are not the men to take advice from, they are bitter, twisted and sour souls who can do nothing other than throw ridiculous outlandish statements towards those in normal healthy relationships.

 

 

Something can be said for being firm, not allowing yourself to be treated poorly or walked all over, but treating your partner like she is a replaceable commodity is not recipe for a healthy, mutually respectful relationship, its the recipe for paid slavery, only those underprivileged and desperate enough for the financial benefits such a relationship offers would accept such a situation.

[AlexRich]

12 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Who says I even threatened once?

Not me, I'm caring and sharing, but I never tell them they are the only one or I will love them forever.

I've always found it's the girls that threaten to leave, in reply I usually say I've loved our time together and will be really sad to see you go. It's weakness to try and talk them into staying, in the UK that would be considered manipulative behaviour and a form of domestic violence.

I would do exactly the same ... I’d use the reverse psychology of not wanting them to be unhappy, so wish them all the best for a good future. The key is never to let emotion or feelings get in the way ... which requires a certain hardness of the heart ... and that will keep you safe from the unscrupulous. I might take the odd small hit, but I’ll never take a devastating one from any woman. 

 

There are many many guys on here with very successful relationships, that will continue to the end of their lives. But there are also many who have been left abandoned without a pot to pee in ... and most are too old to recover from it. Better to be safe than sorry.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, AlexRich said:

There are many many guys on here with very successful relationships, that will continue to the end of their lives. But there are also many who have been left abandoned without a pot to pee in ... and most are too old to recover from it. Better to be safe than sorry.

I'm lucky and have a pension, not large, but no matter how foolish I am, I'll have more money next month.

[AlexRich]

10 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I'm lucky and have a pension, not large, but no matter how foolish I am, I'll have more money next month.

That’s good. But many who arrive here with “love” in their heart do not, they just have a finite capital sum that can quickly disappear. I did a lot of homework before I began travelling around SE Asia and quickly realised the dangers ... unfortunately many others did not. Many TV patrons with good relationships are heavily critical of the more cynical posters, but I reckon that most of them simply got lucky ... so I try to learn from the mistakes of others.

[totally thaied up]

1 minute ago, AlexRich said:

Many TV patrons with good relationships are heavily critical of the more cynical posters,

I am not overtly cynical of other posters as everyone has a story to tell and maybe something I can learn. You can always learn.

 

[BritManToo]

10 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

Many TV patrons with good relationships are heavily critical of the more cynical posters, but I reckon that most of them simply got lucky ... so I try to learn from the mistakes of others.

More like they're living in loveless, sexless relationships and cover it with denial.

I know several of the 'happy' posters, and their lives are shit.

 

In fact, if you read the Ops posts, you will see exactly that, before he 'came out'.

I don't believe they intentionally lie to us, but they lie a lot to themselves.

[richard_smith237]

42 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

50 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

Many TV patrons with good relationships are heavily critical of the more cynical posters, but I reckon that most of them simply got lucky ... so I try to learn from the mistakes of others.

More like they're living in loveless, sexless relationships and cover it with denial.

I know several of the 'happy' posters, and their lives are shit.

 

In fact, if you read the Ops posts, you will see exactly that, before he 'came out'.

I don't believe they intentionally lie to us, but they lie a lot to themselves.

 

Yawn... the same pathetic BS over and over again... Because something hasn't worked out, these 'grand-masters' now think they're relationship psychologists and can paint all other relationships in the same flawed manner as their failed experiences, in doing so completely omitting the reality that they themselves were perhaps the weak-link.

 

 

1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

These men are not the men to take advice from, they are bitter, twisted and sour souls who can do nothing other than throw ridiculous outlandish statements towards those in normal healthy relationships.

 

[473geo]

????????????????

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

More like they're living in loveless, sexless relationships and cover it with denial.

I know several of the 'happy' posters, and their lives are shit.

 

In fact, if you read the Ops posts, you will see exactly that, before he 'came out'.

I don't believe they intentionally lie to us, but they lie a lot to themselves.

Why lie?? I'm happy to get a good nights sleep and wake up to breakfast ready cooked, all the other good things in my relationship are an added bonus, and there are surely a lot......

 Hence I am happy

[totally thaied up]

1 minute ago, 473geo said:

????????????????

Why lie?? I'm happy to get a good nights sleep and wake up to breakfast ready cooked, all the other good things in my relationship are an added bonus, and there are surely a lot......

 Hence I am happy

The wife and I are getting dressed to go Rock an Roll dancing with my parents tonight. I am well enough to go out for once, so much like you, I am going to enjoy.

[Thongkorn]

 I join the Ranks  too. I have found out how cold and uncaring they are, After a disagreement That ended in total silence as usual from Thai women, the eternal sulk. I went to bed and the wife stayed down stairs, I got up a few ours later and heard her talking on the phone, I thought unusual. I got up again a few Hours later to go to the toilet, Her phone was on the side of the wash basin, I did something i have never done in 12 years of being married, I cheeked her phone. I found that she had called a Thai man in Thaland and was talking with him on Facebook, She said  to him love you and miss you, i want to see your face. He sent a photo of himself to her. I photoed all the conversation and pictures he had sent,  So she could not deny it. To cut a long story short, I am now in the process of getting rid of her, As usual, even in the UK the Thai community has made me the guilty one for looking at her phone, She has turned it around to make me the guilty party. I have posted on here years ago how strong my marriage was, So You never know dont judge other peoples downfalls. It could be you next.

[tifino]

7 minutes ago, Thongkorn said:

 I join the Ranks  too. I have found out how cold and uncaring they are, After a disagreement That ended in total silence as usual from Thai women, the eternal sulk. I went to bed and the wife stayed down stairs, I got up a few ours later and heard her talking on the phone, I thought unusual. I got up again a few Hours later to go to the toilet, Her phone was on the side of the wash basin, I did something i have never done in 12 years of being married, I cheeked her phone. I found that she had called a Thai man in Thaland and was talking with him, She said  to him love you and miss you, i want to see your face. He sent a photo of himself o get yourselfto her. I photoed all the conversation and pictures he had sent,  So she could not deny it. To cut a long story short, I am now in the process of getting rid of her, As usual, even in the UK the Thai community has made me the guilty one for looking at her phone, She has turned it around to make me the guilty party. I have posted on here years ago how strong my marriage was, So You never know dont judge other peoples downfalls. It could be you next.

... and then go get yourself tested; for whatever you don't yet know you've caught from via her, from her somchai

 

[Thongkorn]

12 minutes ago, tifino said:

... and then go get yourself tested; for whatever you don't yet know you've caught from via her, from her somchai

 

always been with her for the last twelve years, she had never left my side, We went to Thailand this year March the 1st. For 9 weeks as usual , i have lukimia. I did not feel well  so i came back to the UK , Also  I/we was having a new kitchen fitted, She spent 6 weeks alone in Thialand with her Family, after 12 years of trust that had never been brocken, Thought no problem,  But proved wrong, Yes  i will get tested, becasue once  there is a lie how can you belive anything they say, So keeping her sweet she is looking for a room , Once out then My turn , will go and see a Solicitor, 

[AlexRich]

5 minutes ago, Thongkorn said:

always been with her for the last twelve years, she had never left my side, We went to Thailand this year March the 1st. For 9 weeks as usual , i have lukimia. I did not feel well  so i came back to the UK , Also  I/we was having a new kitchen fitted, She spent 6 weeks alone in Thialand with her Family, after 12 years of trust that had never been brocken, Thought no problem,  But proved wrong, Yes  i will get tested, becasue once  there is a lie how can you belive anything they say, So keeping her sweet she is looking for a room , Once out then My turn , will go and see a Solicitor, 

 

I hope everything turns out well for you, particularly with your illness. And thanks for your honesty, much appreciated.

 

 

 

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, Thongkorn said:

always been with her for the last twelve years, she had never left my side, We went to Thailand this year March the 1st. For 9 weeks as usual , i have lukimia. I did not feel well  so i came back to the UK , Also  I/we was having a new kitchen fitted, She spent 6 weeks alone in Thialand with her Family, after 12 years of trust that had never been brocken, Thought no problem,  But proved wrong, Yes  i will get tested, becasue once  there is a lie how can you belive anything they say, So keeping her sweet she is looking for a room , Once out then My turn , will go and see a Solicitor, 

it's sad but it's normal.

Good luck with the leukaemia treatments.

[richard_smith237]

32 minutes ago, Thongkorn said:

 I join the Ranks  too. I have found out how cold and uncaring they are, After a disagreement That ended in total silence as usual from Thai women, the eternal sulk. I went to bed and the wife stayed down stairs, I got up a few ours later and heard her talking on the phone, I thought unusual. I got up again a few Hours later to go to the toilet, Her phone was on the side of the wash basin, I did something i have never done in 12 years of being married, I cheeked her phone. I found that she had called a Thai man in Thaland and was talking with him on Facebook, She said  to him love you and miss you, i want to see your face. He sent a photo of himself to her. I photoed all the conversation and pictures he had sent,  So she could not deny it. To cut a long story short, I am now in the process of getting rid of her, As usual, even in the UK the Thai community has made me the guilty one for looking at her phone, She has turned it around to make me the guilty party. I have posted on here years ago how strong my marriage was, So You never know dont judge other peoples downfalls. It could be you next.

 

Sounds awful...    and, I agree, nobody's downfall should be judged. It 'can' happen to anyone, we never know. But, I do disagree with those who imply that because it happened to them it will happen to everyone else - this idea is just flawed, intelligence seems overruled by bitterness when such comments are written...  

...  its all different, there is no one rule for all...

[richard_smith237]

11 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

19 minutes ago, Thongkorn said:

always been with her for the last twelve years, she had never left my side, We went to Thailand this year March the 1st. For 9 weeks as usual , i have lukimia. I did not feel well  so i came back to the UK , Also  I/we was having a new kitchen fitted, She spent 6 weeks alone in Thialand with her Family, after 12 years of trust that had never been brocken, Thought no problem,  But proved wrong, Yes  i will get tested, becasue once  there is a lie how can you belive anything they say, So keeping her sweet she is looking for a room , Once out then My turn , will go and see a Solicitor, 

it's sad but it's normal.

 

No... It's not normal. 

 

It happens, it's happened to plenty of people, it will continue to happen to plenty of people. But it's not normal because there are also plenty of people it does not happen to.

[AlexRich]

5 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Sounds awful...    and, I agree, nobody's downfall should be judged. It 'can' happen to anyone, we never know. But, I do disagree with those who imply that because it happened to them it will happen to everyone else - this idea is just flawed, intelligence seems overruled by bitterness when such comments are written...  

...  its all different, there is no one rule for all...

 

You are right, of course, it is not everyone. But for me the Thai/Farang long-term commitment and/or marriage has too much of a "roll of the dice" feel to it. The good relationships owe a great deal to luck, rather than design. 

 

[OneEyedPie]

10 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

But for me the Thai/Farang long-term commitment and/or marriage has too much of a "roll of the dice" feel to it. 

Which can be said of any relationship.  Family, friend, lover, spouse and Uncle Tom Cobley.  All relationships across the globe are roll of the dice as to success or failure.  

[AlexRich]

10 minutes ago, OneEyedPie said:

Which can be said of any relationship.  Family, friend, lover, spouse and Uncle Tom Cobley.  All relationships across the globe are roll of the dice as to success or failure.  

... more so when there is a different cultural and, in most cases, economic background.

[Thongkorn]

8 minutes ago, OneEyedPie said:

Which can be said of any relationship.  Family, friend, lover, spouse and Uncle Tom Cobley.  All relationships across the globe are roll of the dice as to success or failure.  

 I would say With My case and probably many cases involving Thai women , I can only talk about Thai women as married one. I do speak a bit of Thai and understand Thai and their culture, But i would say if only they would talk, and not just go in the  eternal sulk, Head down face like they are sucking a wasp, Things maybe would be better, but they just get their head down and carry on headlong. Its Thai culture some people say Loss of face but in reality just an excuse to not except their failings.