Is it "taboo" to talk about money with your Thai girlfriend?

[andux]

21 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

My Thai wife used to do that, story is entirely believable IMHO.

Mental illness, Yaba, or Thainess? ........ who can tell.

Really? Do you think it was Thainess from your wife, or maybe BPD or some other personality or mood disorder? 

Was she also triggered by discussions about money? 

[Isaanbiker]

 She also got a bit violent and I felt she was going to hit me, but she started hitting herself instead. I had to stop her as she started punching her own head with increasing strength.

 

     You've met an ignorant, arrogant and selfish Psychopath, who doesn't deserve it to have a guy who pays for all and everything.

 

     As already mentioned, make a video next time and just in case she does something stupid when you "let her go".

 

   Other mothers also have beautiful daughters and life's really too short to waste it with a nutcase. 

[NCC1701A]

3 hours ago, andux said:

Was I really wrong with my suggestion? Is discussing financial matters some kind of taboo topic in Thailand, or overly sensitive?

I have had two "official" girlfriends in Thailand and I always get the notebook computer out and show them a spread sheet of monthly expenses. 

 

They know the bottom line of how much disposable income there is. Of course they would never see the real income, married or not.   

 

Also I choose my rental house because it is old and looks like shit. When I bring bargirls home their faces really drop. Exactly the reaction I want.    

Edited June 23, 2019 by NCC1701A

[neeray]

23 minutes ago, andux said:

 

I agree. I wanted a partnership though. But I guess it's not going to be possible with her.

All her friends her age date older guys, which might tell me something about what they all want.

And what she wants. The acronym starts with A, ends with M.

[Pharoticus]

28 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

My Thai wife used to do that, story is entirely believable IMHO.

Mental illness, Yaba, or Thainess? ........ who can tell.

OK, well thank you for educating me.

 

I've seen all sorts of weird crap in Thailand, but have never seen the behavior described here. 

[BobBKK]

It's very difficult to expect her to change after time to be fair. I have a Thai sister (friend no sex) and I pay for her every time we go out, coffee or dinner. I don't mind and it's expected here in this culture. I date girls fairly regularly and would not dream of asking them to pay, it's the 'norm' in this paradigm. Even if you change her the next will be the same. Not sure it's about money this time rather than 'face' and expectation. 

[NCC1701A]

3 hours ago, andux said:

but she started hitting herself instead. I had to stop her as she started punching her own head with increasing strength.

you are lucky, I normally pay more for this.

[OneMoreFarang]

40 minutes ago, andux said:

I agree. I wanted a partnership though. But I guess it's not going to be possible with her.

All her friends her age date older guys, which might tell me something about what they all want.

They obviously all admire mature guys with experience - not unexperienced lads like you. ???? 

[richard_smith237]

Woah.... Bat-Sh!t crazy !!!!

 

She gets angry at the suggestion of sharing costs when she is the primary earner in the relationship. 

She gets highly irritated and attempts to injure herself. 

 

Neither are endearing characteristics lending towards a mutually respectful relationship...  She's shown her true character, it doesn't get better after this.

 

She already dumped you right... Great - the psycho-nut-job has done you a favor... Now follow through and refuse any further contact with her !

[OneMoreFarang]

One Chinese Thai couple comes to my mind. They both came from very rich families living in Bangkok. I don't know how they met but they were a couple and they wanted to marry. And the parents of each of them was concerned that the other partner, or specifically the other partners family, didn't have enough money. They both had enough that they never even had to work again. But there is obviously still a hacking order.

 

I know this has not much to do with this case but I think it's interesting that in Thailand, and maybe not only Thailand, it's about the money for the poorest and for the richest. Same same, not much different.

[Kwasaki]

3 hours ago, andux said:

We've been dating for 2 years.

She went completely crazy, and basically dumped me on the spot.

You should of asked her go dutch 2 years ago.

[andux]

5 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

You should of asked her go dutch 2 years ago.

We went dutch at the beginning, naturally, never talked about it. But at one point that changed, and she started expecting me to pay.

We talked about it at that point when I realized she started to pay less and less, but she claimed it was a culture thing that I should pay, so I accepted it.

Now due to my current financial concerns I proposed going back to our "old model", at least for a while, but then things developed as explained in the first post.

 

[Kwasaki]

1 minute ago, andux said:

We went dutch at the beginning, naturally, never talked about it. But at one point that changed, and she started expecting me to pay.

We talked about it at that point when I realized she started to pay less and less, but she claimed it was a culture thing that I should pay, so I accepted it.

Now due to my current financial concerns I proposed going back to our "old model", at least for a while, but then things developed as explained in the first post.

 

I don't really see it as how things developed, her behaviour of what you described is unacceptable in a relationship such as yours.

[totally thaied up]

4 minutes ago, andux said:

We went dutch at the beginning, naturally, never talked about it. But at one point that changed, and she started expecting me to pay.

We talked about it at that point when I realized she started to pay less and less, but she claimed it was a culture thing that I should pay, so I accepted it.

Now due to my current financial concerns I proposed going back to our "old model", at least for a while, but then things developed as explained in the first post.

 

When my wife gets paid, she shares her money with me. Last week she got paid for a job over a few days and she came home and took me out for dinner. I will get shirts show up from Lazada that she has bought for me. I get aftershaves sent to me from online. When you meet the right Thai person, that is how it should be. They want to share the money around they make with you. It is not a culture thing. The first dates I had with my wife for the first six months were dutch and like I said now, when she gets paid every month, she likes to spread it around with me. Most guys here find girls from low social economical backgrounds - so what do you expect.  You are going to pay.

[beau thai]

I guess you really knew the answer before you posted here.  If her behaviour is unacceptable to you, then its unacceptable. End of. Unless you have very good reason to believe she will change.

 

Move on, in 12 months time you will wonder why you even raised the question.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, andux said:

Really? Do you think it was Thainess from your wife, or maybe BPD or some other personality or mood disorder? 

Was she also triggered by discussions about money? 

I'm not sure my wife needed anything to 'trigger' her, but she had been taking 10 yaba a day since she was 15.

Edited June 23, 2019 by BritManToo

[BritManToo]

17 minutes ago, andux said:

We went dutch at the beginning, naturally, never talked about it. But at one point that changed, and she started expecting me to pay.

That point would have been when you started banging her.

It ain't free!

[andux]

14 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

That point would have been when you started banging her.

It ain't free!

No, it was way after that. Maybe it was the point when she started considering me a very serious boyfriend/future husband. Not really sure though, just a wild guess. It might also be related to her environment/friends.

[WalkingOrders]

<deleted>! King of your castle man, my way or the highway  more then one fish in the sea......

[swissie]

NOT to talk money BEFORE a relationship turns into a long-term relationship is worse than a crime, it is a major mistake.
Not setting financial parameters beforehand (how much the Farang can/wants) to invest into a relationship, is asking for trouble.
Without pre-set limitations, no one can blame the Thai-Lady for expecting that the spending habits during the "courtship-phase", will not last forever.
Also, the Farang should clearly indicate beforehand, if official marriage/real-estate investement is part of his agenda (yes/no).
If the Farang sets parameters on the upside plus does not show any interest in marriage nor R/E investement, 90 % of Thai-Ladies will lose interest quickly.
All of the above can serve as a low-cost pre-selection "filter".

[lipflipper]

Yep here in the Land of the Fake Smile you are only good as your pay stub in the ladies eyes. They will bleed you dry given the opportunity, they will use any means possible to keep the tap flowing and God help you if you try to reduce the output or even shut it off. Of course I am not making a blanket indictment because there are genuine and fine Thai ladies but it's like trying to find a truffle in a forest. Ain't easy but well worth the search.

Sent from my CMR-AL19 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[kekalot]

On 6/23/2019 at 11:45 AM, andux said:

We talked about it at that point when I realized she started to pay less and less, but she claimed it was a culture thing that I should pay, so I accepted it.

 

[chippendale]

On 6/23/2019 at 8:40 AM, BritManToo said:

Take your phone out and video her hitting herself, just in case she goes along to the police later and suggests it was you hitting her.

As for shared costs, if you gotta pay, might as well go with someone younger.

Yes, and please post the video on Thaivisa. It's gonna be hilarious to watch a girl go full Mike Tyson on herself.

[marko kok prong]

Andux,

 listen man i have been through 2 Thai wives[i am currently still married to the second,but seperated], if you are a Falang here you are expected to pay for everything,i got unhappy a few times when we would go out to eat with her son and daughter and she would order vast amounts of food that i knew we could not consume,of course she took it all home[she was living at her mothers house then],one day in kfc i told just order what we can eat,she got very angry and yelled at me,i walked out and sat in the car,suprisingly she and the kids came out shortly after,i told her never to yell at me in public again,if she had dared to do this to a Thai husband he would have beaten the crap out of her,needless to say not a word was spoken on the way home.

 Then i built a large house with a pool,when she moved in i told her as i would be paying all the bills and food costs i would reduce her monthly allowance from 30,000 to 20,000,she went nuts,screaming and wailing,then running to the toilet to pretend she was vomiting,stupidly i relented,then some how she talked me into buying her a car,i later found out why the sex had dropped off she was paying a 20 something Thai guy for sex with my money who lives just down the road.

 Now i do not want to compare this,narcissistic sociopath + a kleptomaniac and compulsive liar to your girl,but she ,from your description,certainley is showing the same hallmarks,luckily for me eventually through a legal document i had drawn up,i was able to get her removed from my house this was 2 months ago and i have not seen her since,i have a new girl now and though it is very casual she shows none of these signg's ,ie endless selfies on her phone,never off the phone,does your girl do this andux?

 Mate,listen to what other posters have said ;Sheryl for instance,a moderator but a highly respected female member of this forum. Look i lost a fair bit of money on this woman,my first wife in retrospect was a far better person,but it was different issues that caused us to split,i would say to you if you stay with this girl she will only cause you heartache,better to break now,sure it's hard but the longer you leave it the harder it gets,is up to you mate,and i wish you all the best.

[Saltire]

My only regret in life is staying too long with my first wife (not Thai) thinking things would 'get better'. They didn't and I look back at the time I wasted with her. You are lucky enough to be young, don't waste a second with the wrong partner for whatever reason. 

[pookondee]

Just for my own research

Is this girl Thai/Chin, or of the Isaan extraction?

 

It doesnt really matter much anyway.

Anything you pay will be "nid-noi" and if she has to contribute 100baht it will be like the imposing end of the world as we know it.

 

I would say just get used to it, but really you are better off kicking them all to the curb and doing short time rental.

 

Works out a LOT better in the long run!

[Sandy Freckle]

Man some of these women must chat on the same social media platform...., and guess what they teach each other on their social media platform......, it's a modern Thai version of that old chestnut about a fool and their money....,   and it goes something like this ....., 

"A falang and their money have no right being together in the first place...., It's our collective moral obligation to relieve them of it....., and it's part of our traditional Thai culture..., an updated version of making merit no less.

..., oops, hush up my typing fingers !   

Edited June 24, 2019 by Sandy Freckle

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎23‎/‎2019 at 12:52 PM, andux said:

She believes men should always pay on dates

I once took a western woman I knew out to dinner and she told me it was my responsibility to pay- I never took her out again, but she married some sucker anyway.

I once offered to take a western woman out to dinner- my shout. She suggested a more expensive place, so I assumed she was going Dutch. She still expected me to pay all.

When I took my Thai wife out for dinner I expected to pay as she earned only 9,000 a month, but I insisted that she pay for her own booze, else she'd have bankrupted me. 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 2:19 AM, swissie said:

NOT to talk money BEFORE a relationship turns into a long-term relationship is worse than a crime, it is a major mistake.
Not setting financial parameters beforehand (how much the Farang can/wants) to invest into a relationship, is asking for trouble.
Without pre-set limitations, no one can blame the Thai-Lady for expecting that the spending habits during the "courtship-phase", will not last forever.
Also, the Farang should clearly indicate beforehand, if official marriage/real-estate investement is part of his agenda (yes/no).
If the Farang sets parameters on the upside plus does not show any interest in marriage nor R/E investement, 90 % of Thai-Ladies will lose interest quickly.
All of the above can serve as a low-cost pre-selection "filter".

Did all that. Made no difference. 5 years later she started demanding I give money to her family. That was when I asked for a divorce. She was so angry that I wouldn't, she agreed.

[thaibeachlovers]

22 hours ago, Saltire said:

My only regret in life is staying too long with my first wife (not Thai) thinking things would 'get better'. They didn't and I look back at the time I wasted with her. You are lucky enough to be young, don't waste a second with the wrong partner for whatever reason. 

Ah, the wisdom of age. It's all different when doing it for the first time. Assuming one did actually love her, it's a very big step to consider leaving the love of your life.

 

I was luckier with my Thai wife, as she had been nibbling away at my feelings for her for a couple of years, and when it was all over there was little to regret leaving behind, except all the money I'd invested in a bad deal.

I rarely think about her now, except when I read threads like this, but I like to think that she realises what a big mistake she made in the way she behaved to me. Not that anything can change now though.