Debt crisis with girlfriend

[ThaiBunny]

7 minutes ago, jimn said:

It sounds like you have already made your decision to ignore the advice on here and stay with your gf. The situation you need to avoid is doing nothing. You either need to bite the bullet and agree to help her with the 50k, but if you do she she has to agree to let you control her finances. Or you just need to run as some have suggested. If you just choose to do nothing and see how it goes month to month, then you will be as guilty as her and not facing up to the situation. You need to man up for whatever option you choose.

Perhaps Harry Sussex could act as an adviser here?

[justin case]

welcome to the long con game ... never asked in the past ... the ATM game just started

 

she might have 1,2,5,10 other boyfriends and trying

[vukovar77]

On 1/30/2020 at 10:26 PM, genericptr said:

If I give her the benefit of the doubt then she made one incredibly stupid mistake with her first boyfriend and she's not recovered from it since then. She's not been smart about it though by doing things like buying new cars but she absolutely insists on the car. It's 10k/month for that payment alone.

It is crazy to help her with Your money???She is gold digger.She can destroy You financial and probably she will if You stay with her!

Edited February 1, 2020 by vukovar77
make more clear

[Wake Up]

On 1/30/2020 at 9:27 PM, CharlieH said:

One of the issues here is we in the west take a totally different view and considerations where loans and debt is concerned.

Thais very much live in the moment and worry about next month etc when it gets here. As bizarre at it may seem to western thinking, its totally believable by Thai thinking, based on my experience.

 

Help if you want, its your money after all, but consider any money you help with to be a gift as its unlikely to be returned.

Personally, unless you are invested in her emotionally, I would stay well out of it.

If she means a lot to you, help as best and as far as you are comfortable with but dont make the mistake of trying to be the white knight !

????????????????????????????????

you are directly on point. I hope the OP takes your advice. One of the better Thai visa responses I have seen in a long time. 

[Searat7]

If creditors take her to court and there is no agreement they can request an order from the court to attach her pay each month....especially since she has a good job.

[thasoss]

On 1/30/2020 at 11:02 PM, genericptr said:

I knew she had debt but I assumed it was under control. She was using her bonus to keep afloat and she assumed it would always be there I guess.

and it's the reduction in bonus that has brought things to a head. You're looking at forking out 55000 baht and another 120,000 baht next month.

[Max69xl]

On 1/30/2020 at 9:38 PM, genericptr said:

That's what it feels like. I already sent her 6000/month for that last 6 months or so and paid her insurance which was 18k. My fear is that I've unlocked something in her brain and now it's going to be sick Dad next month and then sick buffalo the month after that.

 

Again she's never had a history of this but it's so suspicious. It feels like giving her money is making her money problems worse and she has no plan into the future even though it's very easy to predict how this needs to managed. 

 

Speaking of that, why did the bank just decide that it's next month or she's going to court? All she can do is keep making the monthly payment so it doesn't seem to be in the interest of the bank to enforce this arbitrary time limit, unless she's lying to me of course.

"Again she's never had a history of this but it's so suspicious."

How do you know her history? You've been together 7 years, and she's in her 40's. When a Thai person have a proper salary, they think they can afford anything. They haven't got a clue about loans and interests. If they can't borrow money from a bank,they go to loan sharks, and the interest/year goes sky high. Suddenly the phone they bought for 10k, cost 30k after 36 payments. Don't give here any money. Next month she will ask for more. 

[Captain 776]

Does it make sense to YOU?

Anytime u have to pay money by TODAY to get a deal.    No matter what the deal is.  Its total BS.

 

If she makes 38 a month and free housing, no excuse to be in debt.

 

[Scouse123]

On 1/30/2020 at 9:53 PM, genericptr said:

That sounds plausible. This kind of lying is a deal breaker back home but I don't know how to feel about with the Thais. Doesn't feel good to say the least.

 

It doesn't feel right and I can read that with your posts. Your money, you are in charge, I would say don't do it. And yes, she is probably lying her ass off as she knows if she tells you the truth, it will be even worse for you to accept.

 

Yesterday, the mother of my other half came to borrow from me to get her useless son out of jail for Yaa Baa smoking again. He is 36 and never worked. His girlfriend raised 15,000 baht and they wanted an additional 5,000 baht to pay back the moneylenders. The 20,000 baht fine was being deducted at 500 baht a day whilst he was in jail.

 

I said No, I can't afford it. end of story. Only last week I had to promise to pay the first term for the niece at University and her mother sits up in the road living with her ' new man ' saying she can't help as she has no money. She also doesn't work. The kid is hers, not mine.

 

They make me puke. Bottomless pit my friend. Up to you.

 

 

[johnmcc6]

Most Thais have no idea how to handle money. They are only experts at spending it and worry about it  later. They dream of lottery wins or some gullible ferang to come bail them out. You can make her debt free today and she will do it all over again in time. Let the Thai system work it out. It will take ages.

 

[Tony125]

On 1/30/2020 at 9:53 PM, genericptr said:

That sounds plausible. This kind of lying is a deal breaker back home but I don't know how to feel about with the Thais. Doesn't feel good to say the least.

Another farang cheap charlie that states he saved a bunch of money from good paying job but is too cheap to bail out his GF of  "7" years . Can see if she was some newly met bar girl but she is not. Without the large payment her former BF/husband left her with she probably could manage her finances. If you two have been together this long I don't see the problem bailing her out and if you need to be repaid give her a repayment plan that is interest free or low enough that she can pay you back with out struggling.

Edited February 1, 2020 by Tony125

[The Theory]

Thai ladies are givers to family, friends and Thai boyfriends, but if there is a farang around he will be the one who pays for everything, because that's what a farang for. 
some guys love to keep their head in snow.
good luck

[Stevemercer]

It's not unusual for a Thai lady to be paying 80-90% of her salary in debt. Eventually one or the other debt reaches crisis point and needs urgent action, usually another 'loan'. This cycle will continue.

 

It can be very difficult to find out just how much debt your GF really has, and to whom. Just when you think everything is covered, an old debt to a friend will resurface or you'll find your GF acted as guarantor for some loan that is now owed.

 

You just have to go with the flow and try not to think about. If you really love your GF then all you can do as help if you are financially able. But it will never end. Once word gets around that your GF has hooked a farang, everyone will start coming out of the woodwork.

 

But, in my view, it doesn't have to be a deal-breaker. If you can honestly say that you don't have the money to help, then life will go on and she will find some other work around. 

[LeoCesar]

Face her and tell her to sit down and calmly explain everything untill you clearly understand all of it, if she cant do that without excuses such as shes busy, has to answer the phone or whatever, just leave her and let her deal with all of it herself.

All you have been posting here sounds like a case where regrets will hit you hard afterwords if you decide to buy her story without understanding and on that base decide to help her out..

She will probably drain you economically.

Better safe than sorry.

[BritManToo]

18 minutes ago, LeoCesar said:

Face her and tell her to sit down and calmly explain everything untill you clearly understand all of it,

I'm guessing you've not been in Thailand long.

Saying that to any Thai would be potentially risking your life.

[cabanlit]

1) Tell her you'll marry her

 

2) Tell the parents that the full sin sod will have to go to the credit card / whatever.

 

3) Sit back and enjoy.

[Straight8]

On 1/30/2020 at 9:53 PM, genericptr said:

That sounds plausible. This kind of lying is a deal breaker back home but I don't know how to feel about with the Thais. Doesn't feel good to say the least.

Should be no different here.. I'd be out of this one quick smart.

[Straight8]

On 1/30/2020 at 10:53 PM, khunpa said:

Considering they have been together for 7 years and she has not had "strange" behaviour before, she might be telling the truth. But for sure she must have some kind of spending problem and that has to stop. If me (and I loved her.... and she was super hot and crazy in bed), I would properly help her this one time and then make a plan to get out of the debt as fast as possible. If she could not stick to the plan, I would RUN! ????

 

Just strange a huge debt like that can go unnoticed for years.

Oh really? Racking up all this debt is not strange behaviour. Or is it the OP has his up his **** and didn't notice ?

 

Love don't pay the rent & a secure plan for a financial future, & you're advice sucks big time. A fool and his money parted, in this case the OP if he stays around.

[ubonr1971]

run forest run.....

[Straight8]

On 1/31/2020 at 11:48 AM, Kadilo said:

 

The deal breaker for me would be the new car. Face > self help = Bye bye 
 

 

 

OP can put her to the sword. Sell the car to fix this <deleted> up or we are done. Let's see how much see really loves him?

 

I'm betting she keeps the car option.

[Janner1]

geneticptr

I -it your question to my Gf and she gave a simple answer which I think tells you all you need to know.

She said Thais have no idea about money so much so that when they get it they simply spend it ALL.

There is no thought about saving for tomorrow and any access to a credit card is to be maxed out and another one is obtained and the process continues.

One thing you mention and should remember is that already deep in debt she bought another car !! Although surrounded by cheap take you anywhere public transport.

One wonders if there is a buffalo element creeping into your relationship, so maybe you should step back and see what happens.

If she is or is not telling the truth, either will result in a salutary lesson for her and you will know the direction you must go in..

 

I understand that government civil servants (if that is what she is ) must agree not to go into debt so as not to embarrass the government and the breaking of this results in loss of her job

Good luck to you

[ChaiyaTH]

She is not telling you everything and that is enough to not be able to trust her. Ditch her and move on.

P.S. If she earns like 38K, she can easily lend 3-4M baht and most likely even more. Total nonsense if she says to face court over 500K debt or 55K + 120K payments right away to fix it (4-5K a month payments would solve that debt, which she should be able to afford). She either lies entirely or is in much deeper trouble, to repeat and ask you too if agreeing. As I said already, ditch her lol.

Or has she been lying since you know her, and her income is not even close to 50% of the 38K quote, which seems much more logical? 
A bonus of 7% a year (that now has been cut) at such job, doesn't make any sense either.

And yeah, many many Thais are at max credit already and delaying payments as long as they can, now these stories and desperate moves will be frequent news.

Edited February 1, 2020 by ChaiyaTH

[bwpage3]

You are soon going to find out if you are more important to her than money.

 

Without being able to do a 100% bailout, if you wanted to, these debts will still need to be paid next month and well into the future.

 

Are you prepared to pay her debts in full?

 

A one time bailout now is just a waste of money.

 

If she was so in debt and still decided she needed a new car, I myself couldn't handle that level of irresponsibility.

 

The fact she did this herself and is asking for a bailout sends up the RED FLAG!

 

 

[scubascuba3]

I've concluded that their brains are wired differently. I don't give money even when the tears come but I'm glad others do

[BookmanBkk]

500K + debt owing + Credit cards + Car loan + yearly car insurances

 

That's a hell of a debt to take over

[Don Mega]

Who spunked the coin for the car deposit ?

[Assurancetourix]

21 hours ago, jimn said:

It sounds like you have already made your decision to ignore the advice on here and stay with your gf.

 

This is also my opinion;
He believes in miracles;
something that will obviously never happen.
and then put a finger in this kind of gear is something that I can not explain.

but some are, like the Thais, in deni;

above all they like to put themselves in danger ..
As already written above: It's your money, you do what you want with it, but throwing it out the window is an option I will never use.

[Scott]

Off-topic post reported and removed.  

 

[krobert6]

On 1/30/2020 at 9:38 PM, genericptr said:

That's what it feels like. I already sent her 6000/month for that last 6 months or so and paid her insurance which was 18k. My fear is that I've unlocked something in her brain and now it's going to be sick Dad next month and then sick buffalo the month after that.

 

Again she's never had a history of this but it's so suspicious. It feels like giving her money is making her money problems worse and she has no plan into the future even though it's very easy to predict how this needs to managed. 

 

Speaking of that, why did the bank just decide that it's next month or she's going to court? All she can do is keep making the monthly payment so it doesn't seem to be in the interest of the bank to enforce this arbitrary time limit, unless she's lying to me of course.

Sound more like a Credit collection agency with they demands

[RocketDog]

On 1/30/2020 at 9:27 PM, CharlieH said:

One of the issues here is we in the west take a totally different view and considerations where loans and debt is concerned.

Thais very much live in the moment and worry about next month etc when it gets here. As bizarre at it may seem to western thinking, its totally believable by Thai thinking, based on my experience.

 

Help if you want, its your money after all, but consider any money you help with to be a gift as its unlikely to be returned.

Personally, unless you are invested in her emotionally, I would stay well out of it.

If she means a lot to you, help as best and as far as you are comfortable with but dont make the mistake of trying to be the white knight !

After being with the woman for 7 years I would hope he's emotionally invested in her. 

Maybe I'm just old school or simply naive.