Thai Manfriend Problem

[amykat]

I say this as kindly as possible ...you are living a delusion.  You are mostly doing this to yourself.  Stop doing it.

[canthai55]

 

Substitute Women for Men

[jvs]

1 hour ago, Bobbie Davies said:

relationship

What kind of relationship?You have never met either one of them.

So far it is all a fantasy,you can not believe all you experience on the internet.

You have to learn to say no very firmly,if you do not Thailand will eat you alive.

Have you made any promises to them?

Maybe you are just lonely and enjoying all the attention but you are old and wise enough to

take a step back.

If they are starting to talk bad about each other now ,wait until you come to Thailand!

Deep down you know what to do,you are just searching confirmation.

[varun]

53-year HIV+ gay man develops an online infatuation for 2 Thai boys halfway across the world?

Sounds like a rejected Sense8 pitch - not buyin' it for a second

[Skallywag]

40 minutes ago, Bobbie Davies said:

, I have Social Security because of HIV but I worked so get the SS I earned. Since you come from the United States you know that there are circumstances in which Social Security is granted before 62 or 65

Then you are getting SSD, social security disability.  You can not earn more than 39,000 baht a month if on SSD, BTW.

You should be fine as many English teachers jobs here pay just 30,000 baht a month.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Bobbie Davies said:

I guess what I am asking advice for is not clear. I am very aware that I need to break up with one of these men. What I am asking is does anyone have any advice on how to do so with a minimum of pain to the one who is being broken up with?

 

Here is my confusion. As an American I want to try to stay friends. One of my Thai friends told me that is not possible with Thai exes. Ex is ex. He further elaborated by saying that Thais love deeply and hate from the gut. His words.

 

I've only had experience with Thai women, and Thai men dressed as women ....... maybe not that different.

No need to break up with either, Thailand has a long tradition of multiple wives/partners.

But you must never talk about one in front of the other.

Learn to lie like a Thai .......... "Yes, I love only you" ....... that's really all it takes.

Western ideas of monogamy just aren't the way things are here, but you must pretend they are.

 

As for the advice about exs ..... also wrong.

Generally if you've banged em once, you can call round and bang them again.

After it's over you can often retain 'visiting rights'.

 

You can't ask 'Thai friends' for advice, the nation is built on constant (and to our minds) pointless lying.

They'll either tell you what they think you would like to hear, or how they would like things to be.

Edited April 16, 2020 by BritManToo

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

You really like both these guys, and don't want to break either of their hearts. Keep both of them as friends. Then once you're in Thailand, do some looking around, and it won't be long before another catches your eye. Perhaps a better one. Both these guys are coming on a bit too strong it seems. You still got some looking to do.

 

Best of luck to you with your teaching. You're in a great position with the supplementary income, as you'll find the salary is woefully insufficient. I was always dipping into my savings starting out. Try to push for 35-40k, even from an agency. Then by all means, don't spend longer than 1 or 2 years there, before going to a decent, direct hire school.

[Bobbie Davies]

12 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

I have found that being w/non-mean people usually works better... Now is the honeymoon phase or whatever online people call it... will you be the object of the "mean" later on... 

Ken24, I agree with you. I am worried about that with one of them. I also tend to think that he is probably the one that I will have to break up with. I just don't know how to do it without some major fallout. His family actually owns a chunk of his village. I think he does love me but he is also flawed by Thai standards and is 44 going to be 45 in July. He is considered bad luck he has been married twice and his first wife was murdered after their divorce by her new husband. Second marriage only lasted 1 year. He also has arthritis that has deformed his hands so swollen the fingertips. All of his sisters have married Farang and he is the only unmarried/unrelationshiped. He lives in one of the sisters 3000000 Baht house while she lives in Scotland, she won't be returning to Thailand. Family owns two restaurants a food booth and 2 stores. I have other friends that live in the village. So face is involved. Sounds like a bad drama but it is true.

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

17 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Generally if you've banged em once, you can call round and bang them again.

There's more than a few guys who've made headlines for certain unwanted amputations, and "losing their balance" off condo balconies, who'd like to disagree with you.

[Bobbie Davies]

Varun, First of all, they are not Thai "boys". They are grown men with the lives and responsibilities of grown men. One is 40 and the other 44 years old they work like dogs and support extended families with their work. Second, what is there to buy or not to buy, I do not know you nor did I focus this tag specifically toward you for you to believe.My situation exists outside of your narrow self centric reality. I am sorry if it doesn't meet your parameters. I would have asked if I had realized it was necessary.

[1FinickyOne]

10 minutes ago, Bobbie Davies said:

He is considered bad luck

sometimes you make your own luck... but the 'mean' would scare me because it will likely/surely come back on you... your relationship now is virtual, but what happens when it gets real? Is this the person you want to be having a disagreement with? As you know, relationships change with time... and then you are left with 'character' as the most important factor... 

 

14 minutes ago, Bobbie Davies said:

So face is involved. Sounds like a bad drama but it is true.

It is a bad drama already? Why would you want to deepen the plot? Do you really believe this is going to get better? Also, what you may not know now is that when you get here and meet people in reality, you might find that you have more choices then you ever would have believed possible.. why tie yourself down before you have even examined the culture... 

[Bender Rodriguez]

problem solved, you are not allowed in the country

 

the HIV is  on the list of communicable diseases, so no WP for you

 

or am I wrong?

[Bobbie Davies]

28 minutes ago, Skallywag said:

Then you are getting SSD, social security disability.  You can not earn more than 39,000 baht a month if on SSD, BTW.

You should be fine as many English teachers jobs here pay just 30,000 baht a month.

Yes Skallywag, I am actually aware of all of this, but thank you for clarifying for me.

[Bobbie Davies]

4 minutes ago, Bender Rodriguez said:

problem solved, you are not allowed in the country

 

the HIV is  on the list of communicable diseases, so no WP for you

 

or am I wrong?

You're wrong. But I almost hate to tell you. You sounded so excited to give me that information.

[Bobbie Davies]

For those that keep saying wait until you get here. Just for clarification it was never stated and no one has asked, I have been to Thailand before. I was also raised up with a lot of information about Thailand as my father was stationed there. My studies in University focussed on SE Asia specifically Thailand and I have been dealing with these men daily for over a year not a couple of days, weeks, or months. They have as I have said, with modesty, shown me every aspect of their lives almost every day for that long. I don't think it very likely that my roving eye will just pop out and be irresistibly drawn to another man. I was certainly able to control myself on my other trips to Thailand. Never even had an interest in even one moneyboy go figure. I was actually able to keep my drooling to a minimum. 

[2 is 1]

Im give no comment your situation coz i don't have any knowledge about gay people lovelife!

But i wonder how you can be self-respected fisherman in Udon Thani? Where he do hes "job" ?

Huai Luang or some pond? Where any other guys fish whit Lao Khao rounding whit them.

Edited April 16, 2020 by 2 is 1

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, Skallywag said:

 

This makes no sense.  Must be 62 to receive SS.

Post is long and you are not in Thailand - cannot relate, but good luck 

Do you expect to pay rent and utilities and food, entertainment, probably pay most or even all of the expenses (not shared) etc., on 24,000Baht a month?

 

The reality is that you could not even survive on 24,000. Three to four times this would be a just OK quality of life.

[shy coconut]

4 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Is this a troll post to bring the homophobes on TV out of the woodwork? IMO it could be successful.

It's in the "gay people in Thailand" section, so homophobes need to ask themselves

why they are reading this.

[orchis]

2 hours ago, keith101 said:

Before doing anything check your HIV status with Immigration to make sure you will be allowed into the country i heard that people with it are not allowed entry but that may be wrong .

you are absolutely wrong.

[jak2002003]

2 hours ago, amykat said:

I say this as kindly as possible ...you are living a delusion.  You are mostly doing this to yourself.  Stop doing it.

I could not agree more with amykat.

 

 

OP, you need a reality check.  At the moment you are fooling yourself and playing silly games of 'love' on social media.

 

You are a grown, educated man, but acting like some inexperienced, naïve teenager.

 

How can you even consider that you will have a serious long term ready made relationship with either one of these guys... when you have never even met them or spent time with them in REAL LIFE?!

 

What the heck is the nonsense of the family giving their blessing for you to marry one of the guys.....<deleted>... they don't even know you!!!  It's madness.  

 

Why are you letting some old friends set up a relationship for you like an arranged marriage?  Are you incapable of finding someone yourself?   

 

I am sorry to sound so negative, and may sound harsh, but you are indeed living in a dream land and not in the real world.

 

Why do you feel you need to be locked into a committed serious relationship before you even get to Thailand?  That will restrict your options when you get here.  

 

When you come here you will need time to settle in, find you feet, and get to know how the Thai culture works before getting married to a native or committing yourself to be a long term relationship.  You might want to travel around the country to work in different places, or you may find you don't like it here and leave.  

 

My advice is tell both these guys you are not wanting a relationship with them, just be friends.  Thank your friends, but tell them not to try to fix you up with someone romantically.  

 

When you come over here you will find other men you get on with and are attracted to and let a relationship form naturally.  Don't rush into a serious relationship!  

 

At the moment you sound like you want other people to control your life and made decisions for you.  That will not make you happy and you need to have the confidence to do things for yourself.  

 

 

Edited April 16, 2020 by jak2002003

[saakura]

4 hours ago, Bobbie Davies said:

Am starting Thai classes. They both speak English.

You say both of them are from Udon Thani and used to being poor. One works in a food shop and the other is a fisherman. Nice to know they both can converse with you in English.

[Bobbie Davies]

Jak, Just a moment. Just because I am not doing something the way you would do it does not mean I am not living in the real world. I personally know of many relationships that have started out by friends introducing the parties involved.

 

That said. This is just the start of any relationship. It is thought on all our parts that this is something that will take time, and getting to know each other in person as well as online is absolutely necessary. No one is expecting a readymade marriage when I get to Thailand. We are taking the relationship slow. I use the word relationship advisedly in that we have all committed that we are not looking for others outside of ourselves while we work out if this is for real. I am not building fantasies out of what is not there. We have discussed the realities of working as a teacher and being bounced around. Where they want to live, how they want to work keeping anything we have going while such bouncing around happens. We've even discussed closure once I'm there if they decide that I am not what they expect or they are not what I expect. What we might do If I decide if Thailand is not for me, etc... Remember though I have been to Thailand so I do have some idea. Yes it is always possible that I might find someone else looking around, unlikely if one of them stays the course, but possible, I just am not made that way. I will keep working on this until I know if it is permanent or not. You don't think I understand the strangeness of the mother shoving her son at me? I understand it as clearly as I would understand the almost impossible strangeness of a daughter marrying without the mother meeting the husband to be.

 

Thing is no one expected the Covid and so the timelines were all thrown off. Everyone is stressing and one of them is starting to show extreme jealousy cracks. Useless to say he would have shown them anyway, of course he would. the problem is I want to be able to bow out gracefully from one of these men. I am not asking for a diatribe on how purely internet romances are pie in the sky. Of course they are. But they can be a reasonable beginning. And to say that you should not have a relationship when you first get to Thailand is not necessarily true. Having someone you can depend on can be useful in a variety of ways. It is much better than going into Thailand blind with no support system whatsoever except for whatever potentially rinky dink outfit may have hired you.

[Bobbie Davies]

25 minutes ago, saakura said:

You say both of them are from Udon Thani and used to being poor. One works in a food shop and the other is a fisherman. Nice to know they both can converse with you in English.

Yes it is. I suppose poor is in the definition. But yes they are both fluent in English. the one who works in the food shop is actually from a family whose daughters are all married to Farang and actually owns quite a bit of the village but used to work for an airline in Phuket and in Bangkok, and the other worked in Phuket but is actually frighteningly intelligent and is back working in his hometown as a fisherman taking care of his mother and for personal reasons.

 

Not sure exactly what you're getting at but I hope your not going where I think you are. I grew up dirt poor. When I first started in University I actually had to deal with discrimination that assumed that because I was poor I couldn't possibly be intelligent enough to do University level work. And as my family did not have the money to have me take placement exams I was told that I was obviously not intelligent enough to skip courses in my first years. They refused to give me the exams even with my professors telling them. I actually had to be driven to a different University to take the exams so I could bring them back and shove them in the deans face.

Edited April 16, 2020 by Bobbie Davies

[scorecard]

4 hours ago, keith101 said:

Before doing anything check your HIV status with Immigration to make sure you will be allowed into the country i heard that people with it are not allowed entry but that may be wrong .

And check whether a school would employ you if they are aware you are HIV+. This is not the USA, still lots of negative here re such things and with officialdom and with parents etc.

 

Also be careful what your two sweethearts know about you. If and when you announce 'the winner', Thais can be very vengeful and 'the loser' informing the police, your school etc., would be a fairly common action.

 

 

 

Edited April 16, 2020 by scorecard

[orchis]

42 minutes ago, scorecard said:

And check whether a school would employ you if they are aware you are HIV+. This is not the USA, still lots of negative here re such things and with officialdom and with parents etc.

That's true; while it's not illegal to enter Thailand and/or work here being hiv positive, many schools can work their way around hiring you and give you a 'health check-up' before signing a contract.

Also, if both guys are from the same city and one is already showing signs of 'extreme jealousy cracks' (your words) then you, as a hiv poz-would-be-teacher in that town, would be in a very vulnerable spot almost immediately.
(because frankly, you're playing these two guys, quote: "I use the word relationship advisedly in that we have all committed that we are not looking for others outside of ourselves while we work out if this is for real", you do this with two guys at once - you have a choice and they do not- and they both know of each other because you informed them, the rejected guy will not take it lightly, especially considering the quickly fading prospects in that age group).


 

Edited April 16, 2020 by orchis
spelling

[RJRS1301]

6 hours ago, keith101 said:

Before doing anything check your HIV status with Immigration to make sure you will be allowed into the country i heard that people with it are not allowed entry but that may be wrong .

I believe that to be incorrect they do not ask about HIV status on Visa application.

They question about elephantiasis, TB and tertiary syphilis.   

[orchis]

2 minutes ago, RJRS1301 said:

I believe that to be incorrect they do not ask about HIV status on Visa application.

They question about elephantiasis, TB and tertiary syphilis.   

and drug addiction and leprosy, the big five.

[UTH001]

My goodness, you are some lucky guy! Two men waiting for you in the big city of Udon, and you are not even here yet! Interesting though that one was married before (twice, how many kids are there to support?), and both speak English (shame neither works at say Global House or Tesco Lotus, always difficult to find English speaking Thais in shops). They don't want your money (maybe US residency instead?), and don't worry about your health status. And both are hard working (a fisherman in Udon, really?),  another miracle, generally only Thai women work hard, you really hit the jackpot, I am almost jealous!

Sorry, I don't buy any of this, maybe because I am a bitter and twisted old man...

[RJRS1301]

3 hours ago, orchis said:

and drug addiction and leprosy, the big five.

oh forgot about the leprosy

 

[geisha]

I don’t want to sound mean, but I think you may have fallen into a scam. Thai men in their work rarely speak any English at all for a start. It all seems too exaggerated to me. Sorry.