Rugby Union

[Pink Mist]

It's test time again.

The soapies should have sore bums after the ramming they got from the sheep shaggers.

World Champions go into free fall

New Zealand have handed England their third defeat in six games since the World Cup final and, with South Africa also triumphant over Ireland and Wales defeated in Argentina, the balance of power looks to be swinging towards the south.

The All Blacks humbled England 36-3 thanks to a commanding forward performance and tries from Carlos Spencer, Joe Rokocoko and Doug Howlett.

Although the English produced a better second half display after trailing 30-3 at the interval the All Blacks were dominant throughout with Jono Gibbes and Richie McCaw to the fore up front.

Picture: Joe Rokocoko bursts through the England defence (Getty Images)

South Africa gave Jake White a great start to his reign as National coach with a 31-17 win over Ireland in Bloemfontein.

The Boks outscored the Irish by four tries to one and the margin would have been greater had Gaffie du Toit been more accurate with his kicking. Ireland could only offer a few glimpses of individual brilliance from Brian O’Driscoll as the Springbok pack blew their Irish counterparts away in the scrum and in the loose

The game was finely balanced at the interval with Bakkies Botha and Shane Horgan both scoring but The Boks took control in the second period with Botha getting a second and Wayne Julies and Pedrie Wannenburg also scoring.

Saturday’s third game saw another Southern Hemisphere win – with Argentina hanging on for a 50-44 win over Wales in Tucuman.

The Pumas had led 38-9 early in the second half after scoring 24 unanswered points and although the Welsh battled back it was not enough to overhaul the Argentineans.

The Welsh cause had not been helped by the sin-binning of skipper Colin Charvis after half an hour - although he came back to score one of their five tries, However the Argentineans scored six - with Lucas Borges grabbing two.

[Tornado]

It's test time again.

The soapies should have sore bums after the ramming they got from the sheep shaggers.

The one thing I love about England is.................Heathrow!

I just realised its June 13th! Isnt that kick a Pom day?

[Tornado]

35 Australia 15 Jockland

[Pink Mist]

Northern Hemisphere superiority waning me thinks, gonna be us and the sheep rooters again.

[fatter than harry]

The Empire strikes back!

Tuesday June 22 2004

Your FREE 'print out and keep' Survival Guide

It has come to our attention that England fans are copping a fair amount of abuse for their team's less-than-glorious record over the last few months.

Far be it for Planet Rugby to take sides on such matters, but - in the interests of fair play - we felt we should help the English as they struggle to keep the hoards of gloating Antipodeans and Celts at bay.

If you are a member England's army of devotees, all you they need to do is print off this FREE Survival Guide and keep it within arm's length at all times.

Should you then find yourself being harassed in the pub, simply whip it out and hit your assailants with a few of the handy facts - yes, FACTS - that are listed below.

For best results, we recommend that you lay it on really thick.

PLAN OF ATTACK ONE - RECENT RESULTS:

This section will ward off any slanderous anti-English mutterings that include words such as 'losers', 'try-less', 'feckless' or that brilliantly clever pun 'world chumps' (good effort on that one, guys).

All you have to do is deduce the nationality of the owner of the big mouth, locate the relevant group of results from the data below, and reel off a few choice scores.

ENGLAND v AUSTRALIA:

In 2003: England won 20-17 in Sydney (RWC)

In 2003: England won 25-14 in Melbourne

In 2002: England won 32-31 in London

In 2001: England won 21-15 in London

In 2000: England won 22-19 in London

ENGLAND v FRANCE:

In 2004: France won 21-24 in Paris

In 2003: England won 24-7 in Sydney (RWC)

In 2003: England won 45-14 in London

In 2003: France won 17-16 in Marseille

In 2003: England won 25-17 in London

ENGLAND v IRELAND:

In 2004: Ireland won 19-13 in London

In 2003: England won 42-6 in Dublin

In 2002: England won 45-11 in London

In 2001: Ireland won 20-14 in Dublin

In 2000: England won 50-18 in London

ENGLAND v NEW ZEALAND:

In 2004: New Zealand won 36-12 in Auckland

In 2004: New Zealand won 36-3 in Dunedin

In 2003: England won 15-13 in Wellington

In 2002: England won 31-28 in London

In 1999: New Zealand won 30-16 in London (RWC)

ENGLAND v SCOTLAND:

In 2004: England won 35-13 in Edinburgh

In 2003: England won 40-9 in London

In 2002: England won 29-3 in Edinburgh

In 2001: England won 43-3 in London

In 2000: Scotland won 19-13 in Edinburgh

ENGLAND v SOUTH AFRICA:

In 2003: England won 25-6 in Perth, Australia (RWC)

In 2002: England won 53-3 in London

In 2001: England won 29-9 in London

In 2000: England won 25-17 in London

In 2000: England won 27-22 in Bloemfontein

ENGLAND v WALES:

In 2004: England won 31-21 in London

In 2003: England won 28-17 in Brisbane (RWC)

In 2003: England won 43-9 in Cardiff

In 2003: England won 26-9 in Cardiff

In 2002: England won 50-10 in London

PLAN OF ATTACK TWO - FOUL PLAY:

A new weapon in the arsenal of England's miserable knockers is the lie that England are in some way 'dirty'. Huh?

Should the England team be accused of being thugs in your presence, take a leaf from those unflappable boys in white - don't rise to the bait.

Simply state that three red cards in the entire history of English rugby is hardly grounds to institutionalise an entire team. And besides, what's rugby without a little bite?

Feel free to use the data below to add weight to your argument that England are not as crooked as most, and not as girlie as others. In fact, they have it spot on - bless 'em.

Hopefully, your tormenter will be part of a group of French, Welsh and Fijian fans - if so, be ready to duck.

DISMISSALS IN MAJOR TESTS SINCE 1925:

9: France

6: Fiji

6: Wales

5: South Africa

4: Canada

3: Argentina

3: England

3: Italy

2: New Zealand

1: Australia

1: Ireland

1: Scotland

PLAN OF ATTACK THREE - UNAVAILABLE FOR DUTY:

Many of the accusations heaped at the feet of the rightful world champions involve those two meaningless tour games played in New Zealand recently. Pah.

The fact that England were forced to participate in those silly knock-abouts after enduring a gruelling 11-month season is definitely worth a mention - and pepper your musings with the names of a few absence English friends.

Here are just a few to get you started...

Jonny Wilkinson OBE

(52 caps, 817 points - IRB Player of the Year)*

Will Greenwood MBE

(52 caps, 150 pts)

Jason Robinson MBE

(33 caps, 95 pts)

Lewis Moody MBE

(24 caps, 30 pts)

Ben Kay MBE

(33 caps, 10 pts)

Phil Vickery MBE

(43 caps, 5 pts)

* You may, nay, will be told that Wilko is nothing more than a left boot - enlighten the moron in front of you to the fact that goal kicking is actually a legitimate form of scoring.

PLAN OF ATTACK FOUR - PICTORAL EVIDENCE:

If you are still finding it hard to make yourself heard above the foul din of your molester's self-congratulatory rubbish, simply point to the photo we've include at no additional cost.

It should become immediately obvious to your aggressor that the man holding the Webb Ellis Trophy is not from New Zealand or Australia.

Nor is he from South Africa or France.

Or Ireland or Wales or Scotland.

Or from any other country on God's good earth.

He's an Englishman. End of story!

Disclaimer: The use of this Survival Guide could lead to the loss of your teeth - please use with caution.

Excuses / Information formulated by Andy Jackson

[Tornado]

Does anyone want a "make believe" bet, (as gambling in LOS is illegal ) on the Aussie/Brit game?

I will bet 1 million "web dollars" on the Aussies to win and another mil that the Aussies will win by at least 5 points

I will be the Bookie if you like

[fatter than harry]

You're on!

I bet 1,000 web dollars England will lose by 36 points, on the nose.

What do I get? (apart from humiliated?)

[dr_Pat_Pong]

You're on!

I bet 1,000 web dollars England will lose by 36 points, on the nose.

What do I get? (apart from humiliated?)

Wear that humiliation with pride Fatter than Harry. The soapdodger's did come second last night. A poor second, but nevertheless, it was second place. Settle up behind the change shed.

[john b good]

A few more facts..........

* There is no team that has won more games against the All Blacks than they have lost. From memory the closest team to having an even record are the Springboks.

* There are a number of rugby teams that have never recorded a win against the All Blacks in the 108 years that internationals have been played.

* The New Zealand All Blacks are the most successful entity (i.e. team or individual) in the history of world sport.

Admittedly they had lost the way a bit over the past few years but it seems that they are emerging again.

The forthcoming Tri Nations series should be really entertaining/interesting.

The eventual winners can rightfully claim to be the number one side in the world at the moment.

And I think that it is fair to say that England are now "also rans" and must start to rebuild because they surely need to.

Finally it should now be clear that you cannot build a successful team around one or two players (Johhny and Martin Johnson) and as the last results show, that might have been what they were doing.

[Tornado]

Does anyone want a "make believe" bet, (as gambling in LOS is illegal ) on the Aussie/Brit game?

I will bet 1 million "web dollars" on the Aussies to win and another mil that the Aussies will win by at least 5 points

Jeez, it is hard to be humble when your always bloody right!

I am patiently waiting by for my Aussie copper mate, to put fingers to keys and give you all a good trousering!

I think Thailand would have given us a better game

[fatter than harry]

[cough]

PICTORAL EVIDENCE

[possom]

QUOTE,"there are a number of teams who have never recorded a win against the all blacks " very true ,also many teams the all whites have never recorded a win over. QUOTE"the new zealand all blacks are the most succesful entity in the history of world sport " thats why everyone knows who they are most people dont even know where nz is !! QUOTE "admittedley they had lost their way over the past few years " past few years ,try about 17 years QUOTE " the eventual winners can rightfully claim to be the number one side in the world at the moment" BUT NOT THE WORLD CHAMPIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TizMe]

QUOTE " the eventual winners can rightfully claim to be the number one side in the world at the moment" BUT NOT THE WORLD CHAMPIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the Poms will spend the next 3 years being flogged by SA, NZ, Aus and France. Beaten by smaller margins by Scotland, Wales, Ireland, and maybe even Italy.

But you'll still be saying "But we ARE the world champions"

55555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555

[Chaz]

Trouble with Australian whingers and NZ sheep shaggers is that not only are they the world's worst losers, they're also the worst winners!

Australians haven't stopped whinging since England beat the wallabies in RWC. And then, when the wallabies finally win a game after being beaten by England five times in a row, suddenly the whinging Aussies get all triumphalist and "we are the best in the world".

Although I have to say the NZ sheep shaggers tend not to say that much. They just stay sour-faced, win or lose.

You Aussie whingers and NZ sheep shaggers should not be so smug, self-satisfied and arrogant, after your recent wins. After all, you constantly accuse the English of being just so.

[Tornado]

Trouble with Australian whingers and NZ sheep shaggers is that not only are they the world's worst losers, they're also the worst winners!

Australians haven't stopped whinging since England beat the wallabies in RWC. And then, when the wallabies finally win a game after being beaten by England five times in a row, suddenly the whinging Aussies get all triumphalist and "we are the best in the world".

Although I have to say the NZ sheep shaggers tend not to say that much. They just stay sour-faced, win or lose.

You Aussie whingers and NZ sheep shaggers should not be so smug, self-satisfied and arrogant, after your recent wins. After all, you constantly accuse the English of being just so.

NA na na na na

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Trouble with Australian whingers and NZ sheep shaggers is that not only are they the world's worst losers, they're also the worst winners!

Australians haven't stopped whinging since England beat the wallabies in RWC. And then, when the wallabies finally win a game after being beaten by England five times in a row, suddenly the whinging Aussies get all triumphalist and "we are the best in the world".

Although I have to say the NZ sheep shaggers tend not to say that much. They just stay sour-faced, win or lose.

You Aussie whingers and NZ sheep shaggers should not be so smug, self-satisfied and arrogant, after your recent wins. After all, you constantly accuse the English of being just so.

Chaz isn't too bad at whining and whinging himself is he. It is a trait commonly found in those of the soapdodger species. If one reads older history books, one can learn that Chaz's lot used to have an Empire. They've suffered a run of outs in many things.

[Tornado]

Oh and by the way, we have won the World Cup twice did your boys arrive safely back at Heathrow?

Well said Doc, what a whinger!

[john b good]

Trouble with Australian whingers and NZ sheep shaggers is that not only are they the world's worst losers, they're also the worst winners!

Australians haven't stopped whinging since England beat the wallabies in RWC. And then, when the wallabies finally win a game after being beaten by England five times in a row, suddenly the whinging Aussies get all triumphalist and "we are the best in the world".

Although I have to say the NZ sheep shaggers tend not to say that much. They just stay sour-faced, win or lose.

You Aussie whingers and NZ sheep shaggers should not be so smug, self-satisfied and arrogant, after your recent wins. After all, you constantly accuse the English of being just so.

also many teams the all whites have never recorded a win over

No one (least of all me) is gonna argue with the above.

One thing to keep in mind though is that in the antipodes most people are of the opinion that the guys who play soccer are girls "plain and simple"

In fact we do have some quite good female players which goes someway in supporting the opinion of most antipodeans.

[Pink Mist]

We beat the sheep shaggers last night at Telstra Stadium, what a win

[NedKelly]

I am sure that Bronco and Tizme will share my humour here......I must ask has anyone seenthe medal tally so far at the Olympics ?? Thailand is doing very well at present with a couple of gold medals........England dont seem to have registered yet.....must be a computer glitch. Oh by the way Austrlia have 8 so far.

[Family Values]

"Whinging Pom" of course is a popular phrase of Australians towards their superior northern hemisphere cousins but then again Aussies tend to whine rather than whinge which is a lot worse imo.

Granted The Aussies are very good when it comes to sport but that's about it, their telly is <deleted>, their films are <deleted>, their women are pug ugly (no wonder most of their men are poofs) JMHO of course

[Pink Mist]

how do you tell which Jumbo Jet is full of soapdodgers?

It's the one that's still whining 10 minutes after the engines have stopped

[NedKelly]

I once went to London......never again mind you.......some idiot found that I was Aussie so he starts on about how some english rock beach had better surf and was a better beach than anything in Oz........gees u have to laugh on the inside at the mis-guided soul !!