Seeking Helpful Opinions About Moving to Thailand / S.E.A.

[KarenBravo]

5 minutes ago, Pottinger said:

Invest in a man cave at the bottom of your garden, equip it and save yourself a world of grief. 

.....and what do you propose he does in his "man cave"? Equip it with boxes of tissues?

[Andy from Kent]

 

Did anyone mention his children will hate him for what he does/did to their mother?

 

[Pilotman]

Just now, KannikaP said:

Eight years a member, and only two posts.

Don't overdo it!    LOL

he's talking to himself now. First sign of madness. 

[Orton Rd]

3 hours ago, bojo said:

I find it hard to believe that someone would actually post this fantasy (whether true or not) on TV..............................................

why not it's a regular thing, especially with 'first time' posters ????

[Sheryl]

A troll post and replies to it have been removed

[Airalee]

6 hours ago, Artless said:

  I developed numerous deep and emotional long term relationships during these trips

“Deep and emotional long term relationships” aren’t even common amongst Thais.  Most often, they are very superficial....that’s the culture here and in in just 5 months,  you definitely will not have noticed the nuances.

The numerous women that you met have learned all the “buzzwords” that foreigners love to hear (and are easily roped in by) but in reality, to the women, they are nothing more than words.  They can be like a walking talking “hallmark greeting card” or some other sort of motivational meme.

[DerbyDan]

2 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

At age 47 - - and I don't care how young or physically attractive you think you look - - the window of opportunity for finding true love with a chicky-poo half your age here, for all intents and purposes, has already slammed shut. The primary motivation for the woman will almost certainly be financial, and that is not often a solid footing for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

You can still date 20's ladies in your 40's in Thailand looking for relationships.

But you can't in Canada. If you try to do that in Canada people will keep asking you about your daughter.

One your in your mid 50's in Canada or the USA you would be lucky to get anything at all. The dating there is a joke for men over 50, unless you happen to be a basketball star or a celebrity.

Ever been to a single's holiday party in a western country as an older male. It's something you may not want to try once.

If he's looking for a gf in her 20's it's got to be asia. No chance in Canada unless he's lucky enough to find someone with daddy issues somewhere.

Edited March 21, 2021 by DerbyDan

[Peterw42]

OP, you dont have hookers in Canada ?

[starky]

Whoa. I thought the op was overly long then looked at the first page of posts. 

[BritManToo]

Would need to know how often wife offers OP sex, and see a photo of wife before offering any advice.

If she denies you sex, nags constantly and looks like an old boot, jump ship.

If she cooks you a nice dinner every night, brings you beers and offers adventurous sex 2 nights a week, stick with her.

 

The marriage vows are a two way deal, although many women seem to forget their obligations, when they do, you no longer owe them anything.

Edited March 21, 2021 by BritManToo

[DerbyDan]

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Would need to know how often wife offers OP sex, and see a photo of wife before offering any advice.

If she denies you sex, nags constantly and looks like an old boot, jump ship.

If she cooks you a nice dinner every night, brings you beers and offers adventurous sex 2 nights a week, stick with her.

 

The marriage vows are a two way deal, although many women seem to forget their obligations, when they do, you no longer owe them anything.

 

say hi to benny hill for me 

[Patong2021]

12 hours ago, Pilotman said:

Obvious troll,  as regular as clockwork, every Sunday.  Just ignore him. 

Always same theme, but still is able to get a response. This is a good illustration of how people are so easily taken by the get rich quick schemes we read about in forum, yes?  The description is  of  stereotype of Thailand  expat and still people bite. 

 

11 hours ago, Andy from Kent said:

Did anyone mention his children will hate him for what he does/did to their mother?

Indeed they will. If my father had done this to my mother, it would have resulted in story good enough for Inspector Morse.

 

9 hours ago, Peterw42 said:

OP, you dont have hookers in Canada ?

You see through the farce quickly. I think a lot cheaper to go to Vancouver or Toronto where they have such activity with people   Or he can go to Nevada where legal and can play with different type of slot machine too.

 

Overall, depressing thread but also very reassuring  too. Many responses show that some people are very good fathers and husband/partner or just good and decent people who one is fortunate enough to have as friend.

 

 

[cdemundo]

14 hours ago, Freeduhdum said:

Your children will get over it.

Also consider that your wife will probably be whispering in your kids ears for the rest of their lives.  It will be about you and it won't be nice.   You will be far away and unable to defend yourself.

[Gecko123]

 

 

10 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Would need to know how often wife offers OP sex, and see a photo of wife before offering any advice.

If she denies you sex, nags constantly and looks like an old boot, jump ship.

If she cooks you a nice dinner every night, brings you beers and offers adventurous sex 2 nights a week, stick with her.

 

The marriage vows are a two way deal, although many women seem to forget their obligations, when they do, you no longer owe them anything.

 

 

You'd need to do a performance review on the kids, too, wouldn't you? Something like:

 

If the kids are a couple of pimple-faced couch potatoes who never help out around the house, or threaten your life when you ask them to turn down their music or cut the lawn, then it's hasta la vista, baby, Nana Plaza here I come!, right?

 

But on the other hand, if one's a coding whiz and the other's about to get a baseball scholarship to a top school, and they helped you paint the house last summer and bring you breakfast in bed on Father's Day, well, then, maybe, just maybe, Nana Plaza can wait?

 

You can't just look at the wife in isolation. You'd have to evaluate the whole family as a nuclear unit, wouldn't you? ????

 

Edited March 21, 2021 by Gecko123

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

 

 

 

 

You'd need to do a performance review on the kids, too, wouldn't you? Something like:

 

If the kids are a couple of pimple-faced couch potatoes who never help out around the house, or threaten your life when you ask them to turn down their music or cut the lawn, then it'll be hasta la vista, baby, Nana Plaza here I come!, right?

 

But on the other hand, if one's a coding whiz and the other about to get a baseball scholarship to Harvard, and they helped you paint the house last summer and bring you breakfast in bed on Father's Day, well, then, maybe Nana Plaza can wait.

 

You can't just look at the wife in isolation. You'd have to evaluate the whole family as a nuclear unit, wouldn't you? ????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If the kids don't help out around the house, it's traced back to the parents letting them do whatever they want without any consequences, and not teaching them life's lessons, which are the lessons they need more than any schooling they'll receive. Pimple faced? Sounds a tad prejudiced as that's almost all teenagers at some time in their lives. Most intelligence is genetic, with reading and learning bolstering that genetic base. Some of the most successful workers come from a hard working father and mother who did their jobs at home, along with teaching their kids those lessons along the way. Some of the most useless users come from rich families where the kids never learned to grow up independent and grew up takers because their parents weren't around for them as they grew up, and instead gave them things to replace time spent. Ignore your wife and kids, and you'll pay later. Leaving out the narcissist wife, who's in the game to use, you have the other wives who are real mothers and wives who are neglected and you wonder why you're bored with them later.

[fredwiggy]

11 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Would need to know how often wife offers OP sex, and see a photo of wife before offering any advice.

If she denies you sex, nags constantly and looks like an old boot, jump ship.

If she cooks you a nice dinner every night, brings you beers and offers adventurous sex 2 nights a week, stick with her.

 

The marriage vows are a two way deal, although many women seem to forget their obligations, when they do, you no longer owe them anything.

Would also like to know how much you offered romance to the wife, and neglected her in favor of being drunk, chasing other women to feed your ego, helped around the house,  or took her out places to keep the love alive. And how about  a photo of yourself, as men in general look at themselves as better than they really are, and women the opposite. Have you made any meals, brought her a beer while she watched tv, or nagged her about her being tired doing all the housework and not having time for you? If you did, she might offer "adventurous" sex more often, instead of going through the motions for a boring man that forgot what he married and why.

[Gecko123]

@fredwiggy

My post was totally tongue in cheek and facetious, and wasn't intended to be taken seriously. Please forgive this misunderstanding.

[fredwiggy]

3 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

@fredwiggy

My post was totally tongue in cheek and facetious, and wasn't intended to be taken seriously. Please forgive this misunderstanding.

No problem whatsoever. Understood.

[DerbyDan]

9 hours ago, cdemundo said:

Also consider that your wife will probably be whispering in your kids ears for the rest of their lives.  It will be about you and it won't be nice.   You will be far away and unable to defend yourself.

 

yep, and when the time comes and he needs money due to old age and increasing care costs, coupled with depletion of savings due to spending on a string of 20 something females, the family support, real estate and fall back won't be there 10 years down the road in Canada when he needs to bail for some reason medical, legal financial or otherwise. The family may pull away.

 

I had a relative you bailed on his wife for another woman. The kids basically disowned him. Never collected his stuff after he passed. Did not even goto the funeral. It's not pretty and hard to repair if they take it the wrong way and view it as unfair or misinterpret things as to why you did it.

 

I ended up liquidating all his possessions as a favor to the family and just because nobody else was around, most of it at a garage sale, as I was renting his vacation residence where he had all his stuff stored when he passed.

Edited March 22, 2021 by DerbyDan

[BritManToo]

26 minutes ago, DerbyDan said:

I had a relative you bailed on his wife for another woman. The kids basically disowned him. Never collected his stuff after he passed. Did not even goto the funeral. It's not pretty and hard to repair if they take it the wrong way and view it as unfair or misinterpret things as to why you did it.

This problem is easily fixed by having a couple of Thai kids.

I jumped ship at age 52, haven't seen my four English kids since, age 65 now and don't really miss them, my 2 Thai children are lovely.

 

Why would anyone care what happens to their stuff after they're dead?

Edited March 22, 2021 by BritManToo

[ChrisKC]

What will you tell your new girlfriends in Thailand when they ask you if you are married and have children? From the point of view of some potential long-lasting relationship, a nice loving Thai woman will not be comfortable if you tell her the truth.

 

There is one very large problem in Thai/ foreigner relationships as opposed to one-night stands and that is the language. Most women in Thailand, educated or not will not speak English well enough for every-day conversation, which places a strain on understanding, making joint  decisions about anything and for a healthy exchange of feelings.

 

The comments on this thread have a theme running through them. It is that you are almost certainly in for a bad time, in the long term.

You love your wife - but not enough it seems. Love has many ingredients and if some of these are missing, the love is not complete. I won't bore you with a list - I think you know them.

 

I just wouldn't do what you plan to the ones I really love.

 

You have a weakness - self!

 

The strong man in you should override your feelings and resist the temptation for desires that usually last less than an hour in every day. What will you do the rest of the day?

 

Nobody here wishes you failure but they want to hear is that you thought something but your reflections and wisdom came to your rescue. You went to your wife and made a resolution to stay with her. She would respect that so much and it would demonstrate the kind of real Love that is worth a lot more than you alone having a good time!

 

 

 

 

[DJ54]

OP is your job sustainable if outside of Canada? You don’t want to get to SEA and get in financial problems.... Your life

decisions are yours to make .... but be prepared if the road gets bumpy or the depression you feel now will multiply..

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

41 minutes ago, DJ54 said:

OP is your job sustainable if outside of Canada? You don’t want to get to SEA and get in financial problems

These are Covid times we’re living in. Overall business is down, companies are furloughing or downsizing. Now’s not the time to be making these kinds of drastic shifts, given the situation. And a ridiculous shift at that.

 

I’ll offer this. When I was a kid, my lonely single mom met a guy who ended up becoming my stepdad. The next 20 years with him ended up mostly being as follows, him heading straight to the back room after work, watching sports and pounding beers, until passing out around bedtime. Then on the weekends, he’d take off on trips with his buddies. Yeah, I get the thing with many guys and stepkids, but he did make one other kid with my mom, to whom he was the same.

 

I have no idea what could’ve been on his mind, all those years in the back, as a family went on with their lives in the front. The complete lack of guilt. Probably something like, “She’s getting my damn check, what more could she want?” I guess we should be glad he never laid a hand on any of us. But the neglect really did take a toll on my mom. She finally got the divorce after those 20 years. His reaction was absurd. I don’t know how he couldn’t have seen it coming.

 

Many absentee fathers in this world. Many men who have no business being family men. If you feel yourself going that way, a distain for responsibility and meaningful relationships, just get a vasectomy. Never get married. Stay away from single moms, or at least getting too involved with them. Then if you’ve wound up being a family man, stick with it, at least until the kids are grown. That’s what my mom had to do, something a lot more commendable than what many men provide.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, ChrisKC said:

There is one very large problem in Thai/ foreigner relationships as opposed to one-night stands and that is the language. Most women in Thailand, educated or not will not speak English well enough for every-day conversation, which places a strain on understanding, making joint  decisions about anything and for a healthy exchange of feelings.

 

The comments on this thread have a theme running through them. It is that you are almost certainly in for a bad time, in the long term.

You love your wife - but not enough it seems. Love has many ingredients and if some of these are missing, the love is not complete. I won't bore you with a list - I think you know them.

I've never had any of the problems you describe, and would class the 13 years I've been in Thailand as the happiest in my life. All the Thai ladies that passed through my bed had no problems with communication, they all spoke English and after the first year I spoke Thai. Never encountered a Thai lady where discussing feelings didn't end in a big fight, it's an absolute no-no.

[Sig]

Difficult to imagine this could be real, but being on TV... well... I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
You've "developed numerous deep and emotional long term relationships during these trips"??? You must have a different definition of "deep" and "long term". You haven't been around for anything to be long term! And "deep"? I couldn't help but laugh as I read that. I can't even fathom how self-centered one needs to be to come remotely close to considering what you wrote. What a beautiful love you profess for your wife and kids to be so willing to just dump them to get your rocks off with some young girls. I'll guarantee that none of those girls were from a family of any kind of decent education and wealth. And by the way, a decent education is nearly impossible to be found in this country, so I couldn't care less what prestigious university she went to here. Even at the best, there are few programs that are worth their salt. And beyond academic education, if a Thai girl hasn't spent a relatively significant time in foreign countries, it would be a very rare one that would have that kind of education that would make her a decent chance of being what you seem to think. You sound like the typical guy who has ZERO clue about the culture here and has a wild imagination about what it is. It is definitely NOT what you think it is. (Don't get me wrong, there are definitely very decent women here, but they sure aren't going to be interested in a guy like you!) If you do come, I'd bet that after 10 years or so, you may wise up, but by then it'll be too late and your life will be so incredibly far from what you had imagined it would be that it isn't even funny. But you got a few years of great fun! Now the rest of your years are utter <deleted>. Do you have any idea how many older western guys are living in a miserable daily grind of life here after chasing the dream??? In the meanwhile, leaving good people behind and destroying what could otherwise be a good legacy helping future generations to be stronger rather than disabling them. I've met Thai people who were connected with an older farang who died and whose family back home couldn't care less and didn't want anything to do with helping with any arrangements after his death. The Thais were astonished and appalled at their behavior, but they didn't seem to realize that it was the making of the selfish imbecile who left a path of emotional/psychological destruction behind him. Of course the children and other relatives wanted nothing to do with the fool and anything he left behind! Other than any cash, they could not care one iota. To leave behind what can be repaired and maintained to be a real life for a fantasy that will inevitably lead to emptiness with a veneer of fun, is so unbelievably foolish. Some can fool themselves to continue on like that, but do you know how many farang end up committing suicide here? And how many languish in loneliness and on and on....
Of course there are exceptions to the norm. But by far and away, in my few decades, that is what I've seen. Get a better counselor and/or doctor and get your life together. Learn what love is. It has nothing to do with your wife in bed, by the way. Consider your children. Some say, they'll get over it. Maybe. If they do, they'll do it with zero respect to you, even if they are nice enough to keep a happy face. And they will have nothing good to say to their children about their grandfather. I'd say that even if you only care about your own "happiness" and don't give a flying F*@# about anybody else, then it is still an unbelievably bad idea to consider what you are. The odds of it turning out well and with happiness are so amazingly slim, it's like throwing your entire investment profile into a penny stock that nobody has ever heard of, and that company spent nearly everything they have in advertising to attract your investment. Good luck with that.

[BritManToo]

8 minutes ago, Sig said:

Learn what love is. It has nothing to do with your wife in bed, by the way.

Yeah, you're right, he should probably spend another 20 years living with a woman that won't have sex with him.

Edited March 22, 2021 by BritManToo

[khunPer]

On 3/21/2021 at 1:21 AM, Artless said:

Please help me out by sharing your opinion if you can.

When I came to Thailand first time as single, aged 52, I realized that I should have come earlier. I visited Land-of-Smiles first time 14 years before together with my home country-girlfriend, and when coming to Chiang Mai I had a feeling that I could live there, and I also realized that I might always have been attracted to Asian women; my girlfriend even said: »I think you wouldn't mind to bring one of them with you home,« and laughed.

 

When I came back 14 years later I had already been separated from my ex-girlfriend for eight years, friendly separation – we grew apart after living together for 17 years – but we kept our friendship, so I had already been through a major change in life, where I for ages believed that my ex-girlfriend and I should stay together for ever; we had no children, so separation was easy, hers was hers, and mine was mine.

 

That's the point I wished to reach; ask yourself, if you are prepared to give up all you have now, in exchange of beginning a new life?

 

In best cases you could keep a close friendship with your ex-wife, but how would your teenage children react, would they accept that you move out from their mom to have some great fun with South East Asia women; or would they in worst case scenario write you off; and are you prepared to handle that?

 

Secondly, are you in fact looking for a younger replacement to share your life with? Or are you just in the game for some years of fun with attractive young South East Asian women (I admit that it can be great fun????)?

 

The point I wish to reach is: planning ahead! How do you wish to see your life when getting old, do you expect someone to take care of you, or..?

 

A gentleman in his 40ies, even in his 50ies, is attractive to many Thai women – and presumably many other South East Asian women also, but I have my experience with Thais – as they are often taught that it's best a man is older, and that a mature man would be a good provider for the future. Even that you are not providing anything now to the young ladies you're mentioning, most Thai ladies look at a man as a provider. Often I've heard Thai women say that "if a man cannot provide, why should I keep him?" And if the man can provide, I've heard ladies saying that "I don't love him, but I can stay with him!"

 

Money can't buy love, but money might be able to buy something that appears exactly like love...????

 

If your family, wife and teenage children, accepts and allows you to have some years of fun with the gorgeous young women here, how would it be when you one day leave that fun life behind, and return to your family; and would returning just be like a status quo, where a period of years are just wiped clean from the blackboard?

 

And if you give up your past life, and begin on a fresh, what would your financial status be after a divorce?

 

Even you might be an attractive gentleman now, after some years your financial statements might be the most attractive part of you. Living together with a Thai lady, many men (I didn't say all) face the challenge that the spouse meet someone younger, and better looking, and more hansum guy; the latter would often depend of the pocket upholstery, or bank account(s). I'm not saying that true love doesn't exists, but being realistic, true love between a beautiful young lady and a middle aged, or elder, gentleman is often combined with the lifestyle that the man can offer.

 

The future is important to take into consideration. It's important to have a plan-B, like can you return to your home-country, and on what conditions; and how would you overcome a break-up with a young girl that you fell in love with and considered being your future partner; and would you be able to live alone – yes, it can be warmly recommended, amazingly great fun when one is "handsum" enough – also by the time where for example your best friend and room mate is a dog?

 

You have already tried the more exiting fun part of South East Asia, but before you in worst case scenario begin to burn your bridges behind you, seriously consider your future; eventually write down pros and cons for different potential aspects.

 

My own experience so far, after 15+ year resident in Land-of-Smiles, I'm still happy and don't regret my move, but I've been able to keep contact to my exes (more than one) at home. And I also realized that even it might have been fun to move out a decade or so earlier, it wouldn't probably have been the same, as I would have had far from the same financial force a decade earlier, and I would probably not have been able to work up to that level, if I had left my home country by that time.

 

A difficult choice that is mainly a question of balance; however, including a crystal ball peek into how one wish the future should be...????

[gunderhill]

On 3/21/2021 at 9:05 AM, NCC1701A said:

what is her name? maybe I know her. 

Agnes Grimsthwaite

[Sig]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Yeah, you're right, he should spend another 20 years living with a woman that won't have sex with him.

I must have missed that part... I don't recall him saying that was a problem. If I recall correctly, he said he loves his wife, but apparently wants a wild sex life with other people. I don't recall him saying anything about lousy sex with his wife at all. But even if it were, his love for her is what he makes it. And he sure doesn't appear to be trying very hard to make it anything. By the way, it is very common for people to love each other without sex. I guess that's difficult to fathom for some people. Of course it wouldn't be normal in a marriage, but then again, that wasn't even alluded to as being any problem here. He said it was just a shift in his own mentality. Pretty much everything focused on himself.

[BritManToo]

10 minutes ago, Sig said:

By the way, it is very common for people to love each other without sex. I guess that's difficult to fathom for some people. Of course it wouldn't be normal in a marriage, but then again,

I would say no sex is entirely normal in western marriages after the woman has popped a couple of kids (or over age 40). Which is why we're all in Thailand.