Why did you marry? And maybe why did you do it again?

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

He probably doesn't get much so has convinced himself it was never part of the deal.

Like the guys who marry sex workers then insist on telling everyone she never worked in a bar.

 

Or has a low sex drive ...... I had a pal who was always happy with once a month.

A lot of American movies have husbands that get it so rarely that when she indicates he can tonight he lights up like a lighthouse bulb.

While movies are not real life, they often have some basis in reality.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

I needed something to get out out of bed for

Breakfast?

[thaibeachlovers]

12 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Breakfast?

There's something that all those guys with "nothing to do" can do. Learn to cook- make the breakfast, lunch and dinner.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

16 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Disagree.

Much of my working life was unpleasant, and it was always under coercive control. So what if the wife doesn't get much if anything from sex?

As long as it's not injurious to the woman, if she is going to get married she owes it to her husband to at the very least lie there while he does his thing.

Anyway, if he isn't doing it right for her she owes it to herself to explain what she wants to her husband.

Seems to me too many women use sex in marriage to get what they want, rather than recognising it is part and parcel of marriage. Don't want to do it, don't lie to your husband to be when making those vows.

However, seems many don't believe their marriage vows when they promise "till death do us part". Liars all that get divorced when they had a religious marriage ceremony..

I doubt many men got married not expecting sex.

It's funny I thought this type of argument was at a minimum a bit tongue in cheek but clearly not. When I got married I don't remember her or I saying 'You must let me sha g you for all eternity where and when I want it'. Do you want to sha g someone, week after week, if they are not into it. Separate. 

She should too take care of her man and accommodate his needs in a reasonable way for as long as is possible. Some wife's no doubt are manipulative and play games in an unfair way. To say though  'You got married with me 30 years ago and therefore you have to continue to cop this 3 times a week' is strange and disheartening in my opinion. 

I think it is natural for both parties, high sex drive or not,  to lose attraction to each other over time. Hopefully you can do nice things and have a happy life to extend that as long as possible.

That is my opinion not having had a marriage longer than 5 years, and a 10 year relationship with a lot of time apart,  so maybe others can shed light on a different way of looking at things. 

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

It's funny I thought this type of argument was at a minimum a bit tongue in cheek but clearly not. When I got married I don't remember her or I saying 'You must let me sha g you for all eternity where and when I want it'. Do you want to sha g someone, week after week, if they are not into it. Separate. 

She should too take care of her man and accommodate his needs in a reasonable way for as long as is possible. Some wife's no doubt are manipulative and play games in an unfair way. To say though  'You got married with me 30 years ago and therefore you have to continue to cop this 3 times a week' is strange and disheartening in my opinion. 

I think it is natural for both parties, high sex drive or not,  to lose attraction to each other over time. Hopefully you can do nice things and have a happy life to extend that as long as possible.

That is my opinion not having had a marriage longer than 5 years, and a 10 year relationship with a lot of time apart,  so maybe others can shed light on a different way of looking at things. 

I doubt most women stop after 30 years, but a lot sooner, like 25 years or less.

In my case the first partner stopped after 1 year and my wife after 2 years.

I left both.

After the first attrocity it was better not having a GF at all and using P4P. For the second attrocity, I should have known better and not got married at all. I admit it I was stupid and let the little head give me illusions of sex on tap the rest of my life.

I learned that lesson well, for sure.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

On 8/5/2022 at 9:50 AM, KIngsofisaan said:

What is so unusual about not being together 24/7?

 

If it has allowed you to stay together more than you ever thought you would, that isn't saying much is it?

 

What kind of person doesn't think they will be with their wife forever?

 

There is nothing non-traditional about your lifestyle.

 

If you think being together all the time is stressful, something is wrong with your relationship.

 

If you need solo time, sounds like you still haven't figured it out yet? Or maybe just being selfish.

 

 

 

I think being a bit tired of being with someone, anyone, and having doubts from time to time is absolutely normal. Having doubts doesn't mean they are all pervasive or a sign of failure - doubts are just human nature. Even those who have a perfect life of 100 per cent pure love can benefit from some time apart. 

[Damrongsak]

On 8/3/2022 at 4:10 AM, KhunLA said:

USA, and every state has different rules.

Like Thailand and every immigration office has different rules.  555.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

11 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

It's funny I thought this type of argument was at a minimum a bit tongue in cheek but clearly not. When I got married I don't remember her or I saying 'You must let me sha g you for all eternity where and when I want it'. Do you want to sha g someone, week after week, if they are not into it. Separate. 

It's funny but I thought sex was part of a long term relationship and not something one had to negotiate before marriage. It's so important that one isn't married unless the marriage is consummated. No nookie can get marriage annulled.

Fact of life that most men want sex. Women that get married and deny sex are not fulfilling their side of the relationship. End of.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

13 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

It's funny but I thought sex was part of a long term relationship and not something one had to negotiate before marriage. It's so important that one isn't married unless the marriage is consummated. No nookie can get marriage annulled.

Fact of life that most men want sex. Women that get married and deny sex are not fulfilling their side of the relationship. End of.

I agree that if after say two years into a marriage, a woman says she wants no more sex, you should be able to split and in many cases not give here a cracker. I just think that many woman don't have an intention to go that way and it is a combination of time, children, and other things that make her not want sex, and it is no point the man trying to force a contract, or decide she is malicious or a bad person. Just move on to greener pastures like Thailand and it's all good. 

[Damrongsak]

14 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

I think being a bit tired of being with someone, anyone, and having doubts from time to time is absolutely normal. Having doubts doesn't mean they are all pervasive or a sign of failure - doubts are just human nature. Even those who have a perfect life of 100 per cent pure love can benefit from some time apart. 

My wife and I had a great time when she went back to Thailand from the U.S. for a couple years.  On-line video calls, no problem.  She'd show me our garden with fruit trees and orchids, little pet chickens and whatnot.

[thaibeachlovers]

3 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

I agree that if after say two years into a marriage, a woman says she wants no more sex, you should be able to split and in many cases not give here a cracker. I just think that many woman don't have an intention to go that way and it is a combination of time, children, and other things that make her not want sex, and it is no point the man trying to force a contract, or decide she is malicious or a bad person. Just move on to greener pastures like Thailand and it's all good. 

I agree for the most part except that women regardless of whether satisfying her partner or not EXPECT him to keep his side of the marital contract. Courts seem to agree with that viewpoint.

IMO the greatest atrocity is women that deny husband sex and even companionship, but sue for divorce when he looks elsewhere for those.

[jerrymahoney]

24 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

IMO the greatest atrocity is women that deny husband sex and even companionship, but sue for divorce when he looks elsewhere for those.

Thai civil code:

 

Section 1516. Grounds of action for divorce are as follows:

 

(6)    
one spouse has failed to give proper maintenance and support to the other, or committed acts seriously adverse to the relationship of husband and wife to such an extent that the other has been in excessive trouble where the condition, position and cohabitation as husband and wife are taking into consideration, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;

[GinBoy2]

9 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Do you not believe that sex ( at least for men ) is something that should be part of a long term relationship?

Why else would most men get married?

Never said that.

 

Of course sex is part of any relationship.

 

What I was trying to say is that for the 'rental' crowd sex alone IS a relationship of some sorts.

 

I'm in my 60's, she's in her 50's, we still have an active sex life, but it most certainly doesn't define what we are as a couple

[LaosLover]

You can google a very readable study of long term inter-mixed relationships in Thailand. Many cultural pressures on Thai women to turn off the sex as they get older. It's unseemly, and it's time for them to be chaste, build merit, and hope to re-incarnate as men.

[Kwasaki]

9 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I agree for the most part except that women regardless of whether satisfying her partner or not EXPECT him to keep his side of the marital contract. Courts seem to agree with that viewpoint.

IMO the greatest atrocity is women that deny husband sex and even companionship, but sue for divorce when he looks elsewhere for those.

That's why you should make sure you don't get caught or come to an arrangement as do Thai couples if you can. 

[GinBoy2]

10 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Don't understand how any guy with a modicum of energy can "do nothing". I was retired in LOS and never had "nothing to do".

Up to the guy I guess, but don't bitch about "nothing to do" when there is a world of things to do in LOS and many of them cost little to nothing to do.

I'd seen all temples I could see, hiked most of the trails that are worthwhile. I don't play golf, and I'm not a bar stool jockey, unlike many.

 

So I wanted to work. My wife has a pretty good job with DoD and maybe somewhere in the recesses of my brain I also didn't want to feel like the scrounger in the relationship.

 

Everyone figures these things out for themselves, and in a couple of years maybe I'll try full time retirement again

[LaosLover]

Only moved here 6 days ago, but I'm def downshifting to Thai-time. Laundry (drop off, obv), yoga, lunch -where'd the day go? 

 

All I can say is that diem better be ready to carpe itself.

[GinBoy2]

14 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

There's something that all those guys with "nothing to do" can do. Learn to cook- make the breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Oh I cook, but cooking is a hobby, which I love, but it doesn't fill a day

 

Maybe some of you slow down to the point where you don't need so much to fill your day. 

 

Some of us not so much

 

And for cooking two great resources which I love

 

https://www.facebook.com/ChefJacquesPepin

 

https://www.marionskitchen.com/recipes/

 

Two of my favorites

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

I'd seen all temples I could see, hiked most of the trails that are worthwhile. I don't play golf, and I'm not a bar stool jockey, unlike many.

 

So I wanted to work. My wife has a pretty good job with DoD and maybe somewhere in the recesses of my brain I also didn't want to feel like the scrounger in the relationship.

 

Everyone figures these things out for themselves, and in a couple of years maybe I'll try full time retirement again

I did lots of work for the family houses. Laid concrete patio tiles, erected security fences and shade cloth covers, did loads of electrical stuff, plumbing, etc.

I definitely wasn't a scrounger in the relationship.

 

I was planning to start big vege gardens, but the relationship ended before I could.