Making friends with Thai men.

[Simple Jack]

3 minutes ago, Andre0720 said:

I have lived in Thailand for some 15 years. And I have seen nothing of what you are describing.

And as you say, yes, there are Thai bashers, but there might very well be a reason for that.

Motherhood statements they are.

But perhaps start with Thai women, and see if you can get them interested in these irresponsible men. All I see around me are Thai women living alone, or with their children. The irresponsible men are long gone. Children, too expensive for the selfish culture.

I keep telling Thai women, that if they were in my country, there would be a network of friends working at match making. Here they are not interested in that.

Might just be a reason for that...

 

[Gecko123]

57 minutes ago, Doctor Tom said:

I never said that it wasn't true of Thai female relationships, but as we all know, the dynamics of a sexual relationship are not the same as in a male, none sexual or 'love'  ( whatever that term means)  'friendship' relationship.  I stand by my comments in my earlier post.  

Come on. If those sweeping generalizations you made were true, how could they not be equally true for Thai women? You said there was "too big a cultural and educational gap," they are "too different, think too differently" and "relationships will always be skin deep and superficial." The fact that there may be a sexual relationship with a woman that isn't there in a relationship with a Thai man, doesn't make the obstacles you cited go away. You may now claim you never said it wasn't true of Thai female relationships, but there are tons of posters on this forum happily bashing Thai males for the same reasons you cited above who claim to be in perfectly copacetic relationships with Thai women. Something's not adding up.

 

 

[shortstop2]

3 hours ago, 2baht said:

we don't need foreigners! 

Perhaps the sentiment in most countries.   ????

[PeasAndGravy]

1 hour ago, Simple Jack said:

I think he means the old lymiric. " The lads were here, you should of seen us comin' We only came to drink yer beer and <deleted> yer <deleted> wuman"

Bob, you're obviously having spelling problems. You should enable your browser's spell checker.

[PeasAndGravy]

4 hours ago, bob smith said:

4 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

Nice guys, friendly.

were they sincere though>? thats what i struggle with. not the fact that they seem friendly on the surface, but the sincerity of their words and actions.

You should go and re-read some of your own posts Bob, some of which show that you have the sincerity of a rattlesnake. Have a nice day

[Simple Jack]

8 minutes ago, PeasAndGravy said:

Bob, you're obviously having spelling problems. You should enable your browser's spell checker.

Yea that was me. Scottish + Dyslexia. It is what it is.  And yes i did use google to make sure i spelled dyslexia correctly 555. Maybe you need to read the posts correctly? No harm mate. just jesting. ????

 

Edited October 28, 2022 by Simple Jack

[bluebluewater]

Thai men?  I just find them to be the most uninteresting creatures . . . 

[Simple Jack]

4 minutes ago, bluebluewater said:

Thai men?  I just find them to be the most uninteresting creatures . . . 

Indeed... But they still wish they had a BWC. They watch way too much porn & are prolific whoremisters. They think they are the <deleted>. But make very little effort to better themselfs. Not all but most.  I find most of lifes problems are due to jealousy. Kane and abel kinda <deleted>.

[BangkokReady]

55 minutes ago, Hummin said:

So the word friend have different meaning by culture or individuals? 

A good point.

 

I think that Bob and Spark should have really defined what they mean by friendship when they began disagreeing.  (Although I think Bob pretty much did when explaining what he wanted.)

 

One person might consider a friend to be someone they know well and trust, meet up with regularly and do something, such as dining, alone together; while another might consider a friend to be someone they know by name, say hello to whenever they see them, and occasionally pass the time of day.

[bob smith]

42 minutes ago, Simple Jack said:

 

andrew tate spitting some home truths that im sure i few members here will not like!

[Simple Jack]

Just now, bob smith said:

andrew tate spitting some home truths that im sure i few members here will not like!

Someone has to play the devils advocate. Spice things up around here ????

[VinnieK]

2 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

What city do you live?

Hat Yai

[Hummin]

10 minutes ago, bob smith said:

andrew tate spitting some home truths that im sure i few members here will not like!

How liberating I find Thailand to be some times, and this guy Im sure is fun to e around, especially with the attitude he manage to show in 25 sec! 
 

Im sure he have lots of good friends

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

You keep agreeing with all the Thai bashers, so I'm a little uncertain whether you genuinely want insights is or if you're dreaming up thread topics to help while away the hours, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for the moment.

 

Thai men are neither coddled prima donnas nor suffer from a collective inferiority complex. What they do feel is resentment about the unfair competitive financial advantage that many foreign men enjoy, and the arrogance and dismissive attitude which many foreign men exude towards Thai men. Rightfully so, as you'd be resentful as well. In fact, compared to white men's possessive attitude towards non-white men becoming sexually involved with white women, Thai men are downright welcoming towards foreign men's cathousing in Thailand. They are also probably somewhat confused on some level about why Thai women are so sought after by foreign men while Thai men seem to enjoy far less romantic interest from foreign women. They are also probably shy and hesitant about making social overtures towards foreign men because of a lack of self-confidence with their English language skills. But with that said, many, many Thai men are affable, approachable, have great senses of humor, and have much to offer in terms of knowledge, life experience and insights into Thai culture.

 

They are often keenly observant and highly intuitive. They can tell a lot about what you're thinking just by looking in your eyes. They are not stupid and are good judge's of character. Foreign men who act like they're god's gift to Thai women or who give off vibes that Thai men are scum are obviously not going to quickly be befriended. They can see through a phony smile in a heartbeat, and if you think you can spend all day bashing Thai men on social media and that won't bleed into your demeanor when you encounter a Thai male in real life, you're kidding yourself. That condescending attitude is easily sensed just by looking in your eyes, and at the curve of your mouth.

 

In general, the Western model for male-male friendship doesn't work here. For the most part, the exalted Western model for male-male friendship is a fantasy anyway, filled with fake  commitments typically followed by disappointment, betrayal, and backstabbing. The Thai male-male model is a far more pragmatic, sensible, honest, and truer to human nature than the nonsensical friendship ideals we were all fed back home.

 

Thai men essentially bond over shared common experiences and interests. The "blood brother" "I'd take a bullet for you/donate a kidney for you" BS that very few people truly ever experience back home isn't even aspired to here. That goes for Thai male friendships with other Thai males as well. It's all about shared common experiences and interests built up over time. Period. Nobody is looking to share dreams and darkest secrets, or intimate details about your medical history or sex life. The Thai friendship model is absolutely more honest, and generally speaking you have a better idea of where you stand. The Western model for male friendship - which in many ways is a facade - needs to be thrown out the window.

 

It's all about finding common interests. That's it. And because you are in their country, you have to make more of an effort to find those common interests, if only because they may not really have a very good conceptualization of what interests you may have. I can't speak for an urban setting, but in a rural setting that means having some kind of interest in the land because that's ultimately what everyone's life centers around. Farming, gardening, food, sports, repairing, construction, health issues, diet, etc are they types of common interests I have managed to develop with the people in my moo ban.

 

Thai language skills are critically important not just to communicate, but to gain insights into the culture and to show cultural interest and respect. If your Thai is rudimentary it's probably going to be tough. 

 

Humbleness can't faked.

 

Smiling and having an affable nature - something I'll be the first to admit I need to work on myself - are very important. Convey a measure of concern and interest in those around you. That includes helping those in need from time to time and showing a willingness to pitch in. That doesn't mean you have to be constantly giving people handouts or be trying to buy people's friendship. That's not going to work.

 

It's very important to get on the same circadian cycle as those around you. Again, having a connection to the land not only builds common interest, but shows respect and a shared work ethic.  You do not want to be perceived as lolling around in a hammock all day while everyone around you is slaving in the midday sun.

 

You don't have to feign an interest in going to the temple on holy days, or pretend you're interested in cock fighting, or to be buying round after round at the local drinking circle if these things do not interest you. It's simply a matter of being yourself, finding common interests, and building up mutual respect and camaraderie over time.

 

And the final advice I would offer is to make your friendship with the Thai male your focus, as opposed to quickly shifting your friendship focus to his girlfriend or wife. It is my observation that Thais don't do "couples" that much, certainly not out in the countryside. Men have men friends, and women have women friends. Maybe urban more westernized couples do couples activities, but my sense is that even though you might see this on TV shows and commercials, I'm skeptical how much of this really goes on. I'm not saying Thai couples never interact as couples, but you as a foreign man, will encounter considerable leariness from the Thai male if you start getting overly friendly with his girlfriend or wife, especially if you shift focus right off the bat.

Would you say that this description applies generally to most Thai men, or only the ones you socialise with?

 

Does this apply to say, teachers, taxi drivers, manual labourers, government officers, and so on?

 

It's a typical mindset that you are more likely than not to find in any Thai man you meet?  Whether in Bangkok or in the provinces?  Is that it?

[bob smith]

3 minutes ago, Hummin said:

How liberating I find Thailand to be some times, and this guy Im sure is fun to e around, especially with the attitude he manage to show in 25 sec! 
 

Im sure he have lots of good friends

i certainly dont agree with tates view that all thai women are ugly, that just isnt true. however, its true that sex is easy here. too easy for tate obviously, the guys got game. 

[Simple Jack]

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

How liberating I find Thailand to be some times, and this guy Im sure is fun to e around, especially with the attitude he manage to show in 25 sec! 
 

Im sure he have lots of good friends

On the other hand. He's an absolute fighting unit. And a multi millionare.....

[simon43]

3 hours ago, bob smith said:

is it any different in malaysia and burma tho? i mean do the local men get on with foreigners up there or is it the same old shtick? having never lived in either i am also curious

I found Burmese men far more approachable and friendly, even with a language barrier.  They genuinely wanted to have a meaningful conversation with me about subjects other than football.  I found Burmese people to be more knowledgeble about literature, and able to discuss these topics.  I think this stems from the previous lack of internet access - in 2012 when I first lived in Yangon, there were many street shops selling used books and one saw many people from all walks of life stopping to read and buy books.

 

Update:  I found a story that I told on another forum some years ago.  This event happened to me when I was sitting in a 'show girl' bar in downtown Yangon.  I'll quote what I wrote at the time:

 

"... 

 a sad, middle-aged man sidled up to me for some small talk. It turned out that he was the keyboard player for the backing band.

'Beautiful girls' he said, waving his hand at the ladies on stage.

'Yes very nice' I replied. (Actually - very nice was a severe understatement, and I could have happily banged any one (or two or three) of them right there and then on my table.

The man leaned forward and whispered 'I like Longmans'.

I wasn't too sure whether this was some covert Burmese phrase for uphill gardening, so I replied 'Ah, which girl is that then?'

'No, Longmans English, very nice dik'.

Now I was convinced that he was offering something pink and fleshy to me, so I stared at him, expressionless.

He leaned forward even more and whispered 'Of course, Oxford English Dictionary is also very good'

<deleted>!? - this guy wants to discuss the merits of English dictionarys whilst there is a parade of beautiful ladies within metres of us? I guess that working as the keyboard player in a bar full of crumpet could get rather boring after a while. ...

"

Edited October 28, 2022 by simon43

[Simple Jack]

1 minute ago, bob smith said:

i certainly dont agree with tates view that all thai women are ugly, that just isnt true. however, its true that sex is easy here. too easy for tate obviously, the guys got game. 

I'd like to think he meant ugly on the inside.

[Simple Jack]

7 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Would you say that this description applies generally to most Thai men, or only the ones you socialise with?

 

Does this apply to say, teachers, taxi drivers, manual labourers, government officers, and so on?

 

It's a typical mindset that you are more likely than not to find in any Thai man you meet?  Whether in Bangkok or in the provinces?  Is that it?

My first experience with a thai guy was at jomtien immigration back in the day. Pretty much taught me all i need to know. Second was when 3 Thai ems dogs tried to assult my then 65 frail father. As he had the balls to call out there line skipping in 7/11. Joke was on them. Just finished my second tour in Afg at that point.

 

Act like a dog,Walk like a dog. Get <deleted>-up like a dog. Bet they wernt bragging to the pack that day 555.

[Hummin]

7 minutes ago, Simple Jack said:

On the other hand. He's an absolute fighting unit. And a multi millionare.....

He i exactly opposite of what I want to be, multi millionare or not. I do not know how he became rich, but surtainly not because of his charm. After all we are all bitching whores
 

. 
 

 

[bob smith]

3 minutes ago, Hummin said:

I do not know how he became rich, but surtainly not because of his charm.

he isnt as rich as he lets on, but he can buy me, you and pretty much every single girl in thailand.

[Simple Jack]

8 minutes ago, Hummin said:

He i exactly opposite of what I want to be, multi millionare or not. I do not know how he became rich, but surtainly not because of his charm. After all we are all bitching whores
 

. 
 

 

Some more than others.

 

 

Edited October 28, 2022 by Simple Jack

[BangkokReady]

3 minutes ago, Hummin said:

He i exactly opposite of what I want to be, multi millionare or not. I do not know how he became rich, but surtainly not because of his charm. After all we are all bitching whores

Take has a reputation for being a bit creepy. He's a kind of "dating guru", but he doesn't have mainstream appeal.

 

I wouldn't listen to anything he says. You can be rich or tough and still be stupid and mean.

[Simple Jack]

6 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Take has a reputation for being a bit creepy. He's a kind of "dating guru", but he doesn't have mainstream appeal.

 

I wouldn't listen to anything he says. You can be rich or tough and still be stupid and mean.

Sorry mate i have to disagree. "nothing personal" He's never come across or claimed to be a dating guru. Quite the opposite. Just a guy doing his own thing & spitting truths. Sadly the ncp's from Soiboycuckcuckastan don't like it.

[BangkokReady]

19 minutes ago, Simple Jack said:

Sorry mate i have to disagree. "nothing personal" He's never come across or claimed to be a dating guru. Quite the opposite. Just a guy doing his own thing & spitting truths. Sadly the ncp's from Soiboycuckcuckastan don't like it.

Whatever floats your boat. I don't like him and have no desire to listen to him.

[Kenny202]

I dont know about Isaan men, I just dont think we have enough in common with them for anything other than a superficial nod of the head relationship...but have quite a few really good Thai mates in Bangkok...all University educated middle income type people. Met them through buying and selling musical gear...super honest to a fault I might say. Been camping and other outings with them and their families. Great down to earth guys, pretty much like us. Love a beer and a bbq and great sense of humour. All very intelligent and consciencious about everything they do. International travel does the world of good for a Thai, as it does for anyone for that matter

Edited October 28, 2022 by Kenny202

[Sparktrader]

5 hours ago, VinnieK said:

Hat Yai

Try north more friendly

[JimTripper]

I hate to say it and sound dumb, but it could be penis envy.

Edited October 28, 2022 by JimTripper

[Gweiloman]

Bob, I’m sure you know by now why Thai men aren’t interested in being friends with farangs. If the Thais had the same attitudes, you wouldn’t want to be friends with them either lol.

[FarAway]

11 hours ago, 2baht said:

Our mothers don't put us on a pedistal and tell us how great we are from birth and we are not brought up being told that we were never colonised and we don't need foreigners! 

 

Well, while I certainly agree with the topic and content of this post, I think it is something that they can genuinely be proud of.

We as Europeans and Americans are used to be the colonizers and just cannot understand what is the issue nowadays, after all is sorted and a thing of the past.

While I am certainly not one of these left-wing-guys that hate themselves for things that their great-great-grandparents did, I can understand the Thai point of view and why they are proud of it.

I can even understand why they often try to part us from our money, I need to admit I would probably do the same in their position. I see it as some kind of street smartness, as I experienced in many poorer countries and even in my wealthy home country. You just see the relative richness of other people and want some of it as well, cannot blame.

 

I am in my mid-20s and got several times approached by Thai guys who genuinely wanted to hang out with me. They invited me to play soccer, go to the gym together and so on.

I just always refused because I am in their country without speaking their language good enough and their English was not good enough.

 

I think this is a big part of the whole story as well. I know dozens of foreigners in Thailand who live here for many years and still do not speak the language a tiny bit. 

Just put yourself into their point of view. There are tons of people who come to your country while not integrating into your culture, not even speaking the language and so on. They just wanna benefit from the good things (sabai sabai, lax law enforcement, territorial taxation system etc).

I would not really like their presence as well, just like the benefit of the money they bring and try to profit from it.

 

I can as well understand and even support the Thai law of no foreign land ownership, which so many people complain about. EVERY country should have that.

If you really like a country and a culture, you can integrate within the years and become a naturalized citizen and then you will get more accepted as well, while tbh in Thailand I imagine you will still experience the feeling of not being one of them as a naturalized Citizen.

But again, who can blame them for their xenophobia? If it would have been the other way around and Asians almost invaded whole Europe but not our home country, I bet we would be xenophobic against them nowadays and proud of us being resistant enough.

 

 

All that being said, I even struggled to find good and honest relationships in my wealthy European home country. Most people I met were superficial, suddenly treat you different when you have a lot of money, talk behind your back while smiling in your face, preferred stupid parties and drinking instead of real deep talks and relationships.

While on the other hand my Thai wife is the best wife I ever met. Honest, direct, lovely, caring, I can trust her with all of my money and she defends me in front of anyone and never ever talked behind my back.

I had way worse experiences with woman in Europe, even as a fairly good looking, intelligent and eloquent young man.

 

 

So overall I think it is just logical by all the factors mentioned above that you will have more problems finding Thai male friends. But nonetheless, I think if you speak Thai and integrate into the culture and look at the right places, you will find some decent friends. Just do not expect them to be like your friends back in Europe, because they simple aren't.