Land of Smiles - really?

[ChrisThailand1977]

3 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

Thais smile a lot, although not as much as many will think. I've been here over 6 years, out and about daily, was married to a Thai, mixed with her family, still do as they live close by and the house is part of their 2 farms. Have a Thai girlfriend that speaks good English. The locals around my house going on the daily routes past my house always smile at me, because they all know (small village, everyone knows everyone), that I treated my ex wife very well, including her mom, who's here almost daily. I help some out if I can, not with money but little things, as I still do my ex mother in law.

 

Besides this village, I see smiles by many, and frowns by some. No one can tell whats behind anyone's facial expressions unless you talk to them right then and there, and they trust you enough to fill you in. Some smiles here hide jealousy, some anger and some acceptance. They say there are many different Thai smiles but this is plain BS. No one can tell what another person is thinking and labeling different smiles, even though they all look the same, is ludicrous. A smile can hide hatred, indifference, curiosity, acceptance or want of getting to know you. The only way to know what they are thinking is to get to know them over time. Then you might understand why they smiled at you earlier.

 

I got smiles living in America all the time for the same reasons, besides the ones of jealousy. This is a poor country and many think we're all rich, and want what we have. Some might smile at you and be jealous of what you have, and think sinister thoughts, while others accept you for who you are, especially if you live here and have been fitting in amicably.

 

As far as trusting them, you basically cannot trust most anyone, at least until you get to know them. There are many fine people who would never do you harm, but the ones that will and do, look the same as the rest. That's how they make people their victims.

 

The country is still very backward, and will remain that way indefinitely until certain people are removed from power, and replaced by those that want to help. same as in America, as we have politicians that are narcissistic power hungry people who's only agenda is remaining in power and doing as little as they need to. Thais accept their fates and use Mai Pen Rai as their go to for most anything. It's a real reason things won't change. Complaining is how things that are wrong are changed. Allowing them to remain keeps you down.

 

Thanks, that made for interesting reading. I guess it's like anywhere, isn't it? People can smile for many different reasons.

 

I also think some people are hiding a certain envy towards foreigners, some don't really like them (for whatever reason). That is the same or worse in Europe where I come from. The difference there is that it is hard to tell from someone's appearance whether they are foreigners nowadays.

 

Yes, it is a developing country and I agree that those in power deperately need to be removed. The fatalistic attitude of Thais seems strange to me, but it is understandable given their history and the culture here. The way they are brought up plays a big role probably as well.

 

Thanks for your comments!

[save the frogs]

7 minutes ago, ChrisThailand1977 said:

Do you live here?

yes, he lives in thailand.

you guys should get together. you seem to be really hitting it off. 

[MalcolmB]

3 minutes ago, bob smith said:

Most act like overgrown babies and should be treated accordingly

Says the bloke who whines and complains endlessly about things that would be a minor issue for real men

[OneMoreFarang]

19 minutes ago, ChrisThailand1977 said:

That's why I'm on this forum, as I would like to stay in Thailand and make a happy life for myself. The problem could well be me and I accept that possibility.

 

Work to make yourself happier, not just in Thailand.

This is a wonderful book which might help you on that way.

 

 

[save the frogs]

2 minutes ago, ChrisThailand1977 said:

I agree that those in power deperately need to be removed.

maybe you can take over the joint?

 

[4MyEgo]

4 hours ago, ChrisThailand1977 said:

Is that really a fair description nowadays? My feeling is that people will smile as long as they can get money from you. As soon as they've got it, it's over with the friendliness.

 

The LOS in my opinion is because they really don't know how to respond to you, remember, most Thai's don't speak the lingo, e.g. rather than lose face, which is a big part of Thai culture that comes into play, they will smile, hence the calling, the land of smiles.

 

I have never ever met a rude or aggressive Thai, I get smiles from most Thai's, but one has to break the ice, usually by smiling first.

 

They don't know a lot about us, only what they hear or even see on TV, e.g. my wife thought all farangs were rich as she would see them go to an ATM machine and pull out 10k baht a night, that is a typical Thai's wages for the month, but when she came to my home country and saw the prices of things and how hard we had to work to make a buck, she asked, how can farangs take out 10k baht per night when holidaying in Thailand, I said, you've never owned a credit card have you, no was her reply, well me too, I said, but most people do, and they will draw down on it when on holidays, and then work to pay it off. 

 

Thai's will try you on for size to grab a buck, they do it to their own, I borrow you, which basically means, you won't ever see it again and if a Thai loans another Thai, they know they won't see it again, and will put it down to helping out a brother or sister in need, i.e. if they are better off, so what's the take on this, don't give money to anyone unless your prepared to lose it, regardless if they are Thai's or other, once bitten, twice shy, it's ok to say no.

 

5 hours ago, ChrisThailand1977 said:

I've been here for 3 years, but I'm not happy really. Maybe I've just had a bad experience, which is not representative of the country as a whole.

 

I don't really have much to do with Thai's, been here 10 years and am very happy, suffice to say, I don't need to mix, and yes, I have a language barrier as well as I don't speak Thai and don't wish to learn it at my age.

[ChrisThailand1977]

2 hours ago, NJHOUSE said:

If you keep your encounters very simple and very casual then you will usually be able maintain a positive opinion of Thais, at least the first few years of living here. But try to actually do stuff that you would do back home and your experience will turn negative in no time. The truth is that Thais cannot relate to you, your personality, the characteristics you value in a relationship, etc. Thais live in the moment, are selfish and it is unlikely you can build upon anything with them. Being generous is often misinterpreted and often doesn't establish any sort of reciprocity. They also are generally unable to tell the truth. Actually it is part of the culture to lie (I'm sure people will disagree) but yeah it's true. Many Thais also shun responsibility, even as parents. Basically, integrity is not a thing here - at least not the Western concept of it. There is so much more to say but let's just leave it at that. Again these are generalizations. Of course there are good Thais. 

 

Wow, that's interesting. So the Thai culture is basically the polar opposite of German culture? Germans can definitely be selfish, but they tend to plan more instead of being spontaneous. That's something I have noticed here - people will just say 'yes, I can do that' and start doing it without thinking. Like tradesmen (electricians, plumbers, builders etc.). The number of times we've had to repeat things to them to make sure they will do what we want.... oh my god. And they'll tell us they can do something, but then it's quickly obvious they can't. Germans are *generally* more honest about their abilities.

 

[ChrisThailand1977]

15 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Culture born out of Buddhism, which to this day looks at women as inferior. Boys are revered although so many are useless when it comes to responsibility, and the women do most of the work and aren't rewarded.

 

Right. But girls seem, generally speaking, more intelligent and capable. Boys are revered but don't bother learning much. Is that fair to say?

[jaywalker2]

3 hours ago, ChrisThailand1977 said:

 

Well, you may be right.

 

My partner and I are German, he is German/Thai. We're 47 and 38, respectively.

 

So far, I've refused to engage with the 'expat community' as I wanted to make friends among Thais. So I even did a course in Thai with a private teacher, who eventually asked me to lend them money. Which I refused to do. So that was that.

 

I find it very hard to make friends. I have tried, but I find Thai people extremely shy or almost afraid. I understand their English is perhaps poor or non-existent (like my Thai) and I don't hold that against anyone. This is certainly not unique to Thailand.

 

People seem to assume I must have a lot of money, which is not the case, and I don't want to buy everything. I'm very much aware of scams and scammers and avoid them successfully.

 

I have a lot of problems with my Thai "in laws". They assume I'm here to finance them - which I also refuse to do. So they ignore me. My partner accepts that, as he doesn't want to finance them either.

 

So it's just the two of us. We knew it would be hard, but I thought (wrongly) that getting in touch with genuine people would be easier. But it isn't.

 

It's fair to say that this can happen anywhere in the world and it's not just Thailand.

 

The words I used in my initial post were not very carefully considered. Obviously not all Thais are this way. But perhaps someone has some ideas to get in touch with other people.

 

What I miss most is intelligent conversation. I'm not a drinker or someone who parties, unfortunately. I like cooking and entertaining, travelling and culture. I also miss public transportation in Europe as I was able to get around more easily. As someone with epilepsy, I don't drive so my partner does that. That's obviously a big drawback, especially in a country like this.

 

My apologies again for the unfortunate choice of words above.

 

I miss many things about my home in Europe but I want to find out what I'm doing wrong here. I'm very unhappy currently.

 

Thanks

Chris

The Thai smile is by its nature fake. Even Thais laugh about it. And most Thais that I've encountered don't have close friends, because sooner or later they'll ask you to lend them noney. So keep people distant, smile whenever someone asks you to do something you don't want to do and refuse to answer, and develop some hobbies that will take up your free time. Painting is good. Or fishing. Or writing a blog about being a farang in Thailand.

[Bday Prang]

2 minutes ago, ChrisThailand1977 said:

 

Wow, that's interesting. So the Thai culture is basically the polar opposite of German culture? Germans can definitely be selfish, but they tend to plan more instead of being spontaneous. That's something I have noticed here - people will just say 'yes, I can do that' and start doing it without thinking. Like tradesmen (electricians, plumbers, builders etc.). The number of times we've had to repeat things to them to make sure they will do what we want.... oh my god. And they'll tell us they can do something, but then it's quickly obvious they can't. Germans are *generally* more honest about their abilities.

 

well historically their plans have not always come to fruition, their aspirations of world domination would be a good example, Maybe they forgot to think things through properly on that occasion

[Bday Prang]

18 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Culture born out of Buddhism, which to this day looks at women as inferior.

Are there any religions that don't ?   When did you ever hear about a female pope or female  muslim cleric ?

[Bday Prang]

4 minutes ago, jaywalker2 said:

The Thai smile is by its nature fake. Even Thais laugh about it. And most Thais that I've encountered don't have close friends, because sooner or later they'll ask you to lend them noney. So keep people distant, smile whenever someone asks you to do something you don't want to do and refuse to answer, and develop some hobbies that will take up your free time. Painting is good. Or fishing. Or writing a blog about being a farang in Thailand.

Of course over the years there's been occasions when I have been asked to lend money to Thais  However none of my Thai friends have ever asked me. Not even on behalf of somebody else

[Bday Prang]

18 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

Well it is a statistically proven fact, men earn more, are stronger, smarter, are better at sport, pay more tax and have the harder jobs. 
No flies on Buddha.

And conversely women are generally better at Ironing, Laundry, Washing up and most  other domestic duties that we can't be bothered with so I think you may be onto something 

[Bday Prang]

11 minutes ago, jaywalker2 said:

The Thai smile is by its nature fake

Its not "fake" as such.  Its just a facial expression that can mean something totally different to what non Thais expect it to mean. As a result Thais are often seen smiling in situations where non Thais might consider such a facial expression as inappropriate.   Its not a Thai "problem" and highlights the difficulties some people have fitting in.  The Thai language is not the only difference between them and "us" 

[puck2]

When i go down to the village or market,  sometimes people ask me:

"Sabai dee mai" (do you feel okay?)

My answer:  "Mai sabai dee" (i don't feel well)

Then they ask me "Tamlai?" (why?)

My answer:  "Mai mee satang!" (I don't have money)

 

Result: laughing  = because I stay in LoS (land of smiles)

[MalcolmB]

6 minutes ago, Bday Prang said:

And conversely women are generally better at Ironing, Laundry, Washing up and most  other domestic duties that we can't be bothered with so I think you may be onto something 

Just following the teachings of the Buddha mate.

[ChrisThailand1977]

Just another observation:

 

Seeing as this thread has got out of control already, I'm gonna throw caution to the wind. I've been called a grumpy old farang, which I have probably become in some ways 🤣 (actually, I'm a really nice guy!), but:

 

- why do so many people here chuck their plastic waste everywhere without any regard for the environment? It really makes me despair. Thailand has such a beautiful landscape, or used to have in some places. Don't people care about the natural environment? My partner says it's because most people aren't educated about it and simply don't understand. And the corporations encourage it (single-use plastic etc.)

 

When you peak behind hedgerows or trees it often looks like a garbage dump. It's so sad.

 

Thoughts?

[Robert Paulson]

1 hour ago, ravip said:

I guess that's the walking ATM types opinion.

The entire population of Thailand are NOT looking for handouts.

Most times, walking ATMs are sought after in a handful of similar places - and that's universal.

Try giving them a handout then and see if you’re correct lol

[bob smith]

38 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

I have never ever met a rude or aggressive Thai

...I see them on a daily basis!

 

bob.

[vangrop]

5 hours ago, NowNow said:

All these 'new' members seeking opinions 

I don't think you are so old with a 300 posts

[bob smith]

3 minutes ago, vangrop said:

I don't think you are so old with a 300 posts

..neither are you with 519.

 

bob.

[RSD1]

Another rinse and repeat topic. We see this one at least once a month. 

[Chris Daley]

If they are smiling, they are scamming.

[NJHOUSE]

Not much empathy here either. Dog eat dog environment. You gotta be tough or they will crap all over you.

 

Most don't have feelings of guilt either. For example, say a local carelessly runs you down with their pickup truck and ends your life. Within hours they are browsing Tiktok and Facebook. I'm telling you, it's like that. Police write their joke incident report with Somchai's reason for accident (not their fault) Next day back on the road without any feeling about what happened one way or the other. No remorse, nothing. If you think there is any accountability here you are delusional. Real talk.

[Yamu]

9 hours ago, ChrisThailand1977 said:

 

Thai men do seem pretty useless most of the time. It's the women who seem to do most of the work and control the money. They have the real power I think. Perhaps that's the Chinese influence ?

Yes they seem more assertive than the men. Probably the reason they continually cuck the men with foreigners

[fredwiggy]

9 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

Well it is a statistically proven fact, men earn more, are stronger, smarter, are better at sport, pay more tax and have the harder jobs. 
No flies on Buddha.

Actually women and men are statistically equal as far as IQ's. Some sports women are better at, although the physical ones are dominated by men. The hardest job is a parent, and either can do as well as the other. As far as physical jobs that require strength, men usually come out ahead. The average man is usually physically stronger than the average woman yes.

[fredwiggy]

9 hours ago, MalcolmB said:

Well it is a statistically proven fact, men earn more, are stronger, smarter, are better at sport, pay more tax and have the harder jobs. 
No flies on Buddha.

Actually women and men are statistically equal as far as IQ's. Some sports women are better at, although the physical ones are dominated by men. The hardest job is a parent, and either can do as well as the other. As far as physical jobs that require strength, men usually come out ahead. The average man is usually physically stronger than the average woman yes.

[Skeptic7]

I renamed it Land of Snarls about 15 years back. It's only gotten worse since. 

[fredwiggy]

9 hours ago, Bday Prang said:

Are there any religions that don't ?   When did you ever hear about a female pope or female  muslim cleric ?

That they usually have the top positions in other religions doesn't mean they are considered inferior. God made man the leader of the household for a reason. Women are not lesser because of this, as they have qualities that make a man better at what he's designed to do.Muslim culture also doesn't look at women as equals, but that's my point. Both areas have problems because of this

[fredwiggy]

26 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Crikey, just what this forum needs, another complaining foreigner. 

 

 

Well Mr Newbie, You'll fit right in here with all the other moaners, so many whingers and whingers here now. 😡

 

 

Along with the brown nosers who think they are somehow gaining favor, the ones who can't see the forest for the trees and those that are dead on with their complaints.