You have perfect marriage, don't worry about it, enjoy 

10 hours ago, NorthernRyland said:

There are cultural norms aren't there? Thai and American aren't the same on average by any means.

 

Yes, and no.

As far as I see you want to understand one woman better, your wife. 

It's like asking how intelligent Thai people are in average. In average they are average, but there are some very smart and very stupid, and any shade in between.

I am sure in some ways my gf is like many other Thais, like she likes to eat spicy Thai food. But in some ways, she behaves different from many other Thais. That's the way she is. And I don't ask her why all those others run around with a screen in front of their face, and she sometimes forgets her phone at home and doesn't even miss it.

We are all individuals and for some things it doesn't really matter what many others want or do.

Sounds like you are depressed.

Also sounds like your wife has a bit on the side so the arrangement suits her.

Very common in Thailand to have a bit on the side.

The stories that I've heard and the things that men have subjected themselves to here, remind me of life back in the West. It is as if they moved here and they didn't realize the geography, the culture, the behavior, and everything else here is completely different and they adapted their way exact same way of life that they had back home, and they never set any boundaries. 

 

If you are with a woman who is possessive and jealous that is entirely on you, and you have to own it, it's 100% your fault. 

 

Whether it's a Philippina or Thailand woman, they tend to be quite jealous, and it requires a man to push back and to establish boundaries very early on, to make her aware of the fact that I don't do jealousy, and if you're going to do jealousy around me this is not going to work. Time is your ally, not hers. So she will push the timetable, and you need to push back. Take your time. If it is good, it will only get better, if there are issues, it takes time to see them and for them to play out. If you are unwilling to communicate about issues we have, then we have no chance. Zero, so do you understand that? Is it worth it to you, to deal with this? Because your avoidance and silence is intolerable. Do you get that?

 

So she needs to adapt or move on. Tell her, look, I don't really need you, I like being around you, if things work great, but if you make this difficult for me I'm going to move on. They need to see, hear and feel that kind of pushback early on. I did it, and it worked. Very early on I established a level of idependence that she had never heard of and that she didn't know existed, and was very strange and foreign for her at first. But the relationship has evolved into something incredible where we're both very independent, we both have our own friends, we both travel on our own from time to time, and there's no stupid questions there's no silly behavior, there's just trust and support. 

 

You are able to determine whether or not this is a woman who is worthy of your time, and whether or not this is a woman who is capable of being the kind of person that you want to be with. If not, move on. It's really that simple.

East is East.

On 9/15/2024 at 9:56 PM, save the frogs said:

one reason I broke up with at least 2-3 gfs was due to arguments on where to live. 

either different country or different city or different area of the city I didnt want to live in. 

it's probably the 3rd biggest cause of divorce after money and infidelity. 

Breaking up has always something to do with yourself. There are reasons for the girls to leave you behind, even you wouldn't like to admit. It's not the place to live but egoism, lack of love and inability for compromises.

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

The stories that I've heard and the things that men have subjected themselves to here, remind me of life back in the West. It is as if they moved here and they didn't realize the geography, the culture, the behavior, and everything else here is completely different and they adapted their way exact same way of life that they had back home, and they never set any boundaries. 

 

If you are with a woman who is possessive and jealous that is entirely on you, and you have to own it, it's 100% your fault. 

 

Whether it's a Philippina or Thailand woman, they tend to be quite jealous, and it requires a man to push back and to establish boundaries very early on, to make her aware of the fact that I don't do jealousy, and if you're going to do jealousy around me this is not going to work. Time is your ally, not hers. So she will push the timetable, and you need to push back. Take your time. If it is good, it will only get better, if there are issues, it takes time to see them and for them to play out. If you are unwilling to communicate about issues we have, then we have no chance. Zero, so do you understand that? Is it worth it to you, to deal with this? Because your avoidance and silence is intolerable. Do you get that?

 

So she needs to adapt or move on. Tell her, look, I don't really need you, I like being around you, if things work great, but if you make this difficult for me I'm going to move on. They need to see, hear and feel that kind of pushback early on. I did it, and it worked. Very early on I established a level of idependence that she had never heard of and that she didn't know existed, and was very strange and foreign for her at first. But the relationship has evolved into something incredible where we're both very independent, we both have our own friends, we both travel on our own from time to time, and there's no stupid questions there's no silly behavior, there's just trust and support. 

 

You are able to determine whether or not this is a woman who is worthy of your time, and whether or not this is a woman who is capable of being the kind of person that you want to be with. If not, move on. It's really that simple.

 

Good comment.

 

Two things come to my mind. Many of us lived for a long time "back home". Most people somehow behaved similar. Maybe a short holiday here and there. But we never learned that many people, all over the world, are different. Our perception how "everybody" thinks suddenly doesn't work anymore. Because in a country far away everybody thinks different.

 

And about staying with one woman and accepting whatever happens: I also started to make that mistake. And then I was out and about and rediscovered that there are lots of attractive girls and women in this country who are interested in many of us. We don't have to accept the condition from one woman because we will never find a better one (like maybe back home). Here we have options. And if our beloved wife knows that we have other options, then that will help her to understand that she better be nice, or else. 

 

5 minutes ago, newbee2022 said:

Breaking up has always something to do with yourself. There are reasons for the girls to leave you behind, even you wouldn't like to admit. It's not the place to live but egoism, lack of love and inability for compromises.

Why would I compromise on what I want?

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Why would I compromise on what I want?

That's called egoism. 

4 minutes ago, newbee2022 said:

That's called egoism. 

So you spend your life doing what other people want ......

 

OK, your life, your choice, but that's not for me, especially if I'm the one financing it all. My life is all about me ..... me, me, me, me, me!

 

Same as the girl featured in the OP.

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

So you spend your life doing what other people want ......

 

OK, your life, your choice, but that's not for me, especially if I'm the one financing it all. My life is all about me ..... me, me, me, me, me!

 

Same as the girl featured in the OP.

Sounds like Donald....another loser😂

11 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Why would I compromise on what I want?

 

I think if we have to compromise then we have to compromise - if there is no other option.

But if we can get what we want, why should we compromise?

2 minutes ago, newbee2022 said:

Sounds like Donald....another loser😂

Being president of the USA for 4 years and a billionaire doesn't exactly fit with my idea of a loser.

Thankfully you don't have to live with your aunt... or care what she thinks is appropriate. 

 

My wife and I have had different styles of relationship togetherness when needed/wanted. I think it is not unusual for Thai men to work overseas and so Thai people are accustomed to the breaks in a relationship. Most males in my village spend at least some time working overseas. It benefits the family. Amongst our large family, I do not see that it hurts relationships. For others, sometimes.

 

We currently have a house outside of CM and a home in the village 3 hours away. We are both independent of spirit so it doesn't matter much who is where. There are no rules as to who stays where, just as we please. The family comes to visit often in CM area and we have a family compound away where they mostly live - - 

 

It sounds like you are doing everything just right - - and much better than most. You understand each other. And my wife and I have never really had a discussion of this - I won't go into all the reasons, but sometimes we are together, sometimes not - but we are welcome to come and go as we please... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The leash is so short I can feel her knuckles on my neck......to be fair she has reason.

 

 

 

 

27 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Being president of the USA for 4 years and a billionaire doesn't exactly fit with my idea of a loser.

What if you are horribly unhappy? He mostly likes to play golf, does not like to be criticized, and by most all accounts is a very angry fellow who cannot control his emotions and requires a diaper. He has never had love come his way, he does not love others, including his children and his wife hates him. He has failed/bankrupt many businesses and has a long history of being involved in disputes averaging 3 per week when in business. Many accounts don't consider him a billionaire, though likely he is, he would certainly like to be richer and he does not seem to be satisfied with too much in his life. 

 

Even with all the advantages he had in life, financially, he does not seem like a happy man. 

4 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

Even with all the advantages he had in life, financially, he does not seem like a happy man. 

If you have enough food to eat and a place to live then happiness becomes a choice for you to make for yourself.

 

It's not really a loser/winner situation.

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

It's not really a loser/winner situation

It's perception and perspective... I like my life, better and worse and I think you do too... 

 

If a person is so wildly concerned with giving off the perception of being a winner that he fights tooth and nail to be considered as such and spends much of his time that way, he is not much of a winner to me... I guess it depends on your values. 

My wife is totally cool. She's the epitome of that chill, ever smiling Thai.. and what's more it's genuine.

 

I can do pretty much what I want. Well, I can and she won't say anything although I know what she might be thinking.

 

Only thing she has ever forbidden me to do was to go to Pattaya when she was away on corporate team building a few days or onsite production late into evening.

 

I can go to Cowboy, go to lower Sukhumvit drinking in bars but cannot go to Pattaya

 

 

9 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

It's perception and perspective... I like my life, better and worse and I think you do too... 

 

If a person is so wildly concerned with giving off the perception of being a winner that he fights tooth and nail to be considered as such and spends much of his time that way, he is not much of a winner to me... I guess it depends on your values. 

 

The valid point. Still, if you don't swim or at least tread water you will drown. I think life is much like that analogy. You'll get the most out of Life by constantly pushing yourself even in your older age. Strive to grow, redefine yourself, reevaluate your life and lifestyle as you gain wisdom and experience and make it better

15 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

If you have enough food to eat and a place to live then happiness becomes a choice for you to make for yourself.

 

It's not really a loser/winner situation.

Life isn't that simple. They're a lot of exterior, extraneous issues that we have little or no control over that can make our lives quite irritating and even miserable. The question is will you take action and change it?

Only in the bedroom when playing. 

13 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

It's perception and perspective... I like my life, better and worse and I think you do too... 

 

If a person is so wildly concerned with giving off the perception of being a winner that he fights tooth and nail to be considered as such and spends much of his time that way, he is not much of a winner to me... I guess it depends on your values. 

Could be that your getting your opinions from the media. Have you tried unplugging?

On 9/15/2024 at 10:16 PM, NorthernRyland said:

Good to hear. I think this is right. Thai men to their credit have not let themselves get browbeaten in to the ground like American men have and the women seem to have a little fear for them. My last GF was ok in this regard too. When I had enough  I told her she needs to go back to her parents house and give me a few days off to be alone and she complied. No hard feelings we just need our space.

 

My mom however is horrible here. She gets all bent out of shape when my step dad doesn't come for dinner at the right time and he's given in to her for years. It's pathetic to watch. If my wife did that crap I would have never married her.

 

Thailand is a matriarchal society, something that the Thai menfolk don't openly admit too, but that's the way it is. I know in our house with the (slightly) extended Thai family, Yai may well be the boss, but my wife is the actual enforcer. It was like that before my father-in-law passed away too. I do the shopping and school runs (gets me out of the house).

 

Regarding the earlier mention of forgiveness, I know my wife has that in spades. The things I used to think I was getting away with around the mid-marriage point should have seen me kicked to the curb. How does that saying go again? A man marries a woman for what she is, but a woman marries a man because of what he can be. She won.

 

Talking of browbeaten American dads, I am not American but my friend and Godfather to my oldest boy is, and your mom sounds just like his mom. An outwardly pleasant lady who tends to go way off the rails, especially at Thanksgiving reunions (to which I was invited once), likes to 'tell it like it is' and berates her doting husband something awful. When she harangued my buddy as to why he was still single at 55, he told her because of what he saw her doing to his dad. No more Thanksgiving invites for us, for which we are eternally grateful!

 

As for my symbiotic relationship, married 17 years with two kids here, I have found frequent separation keeps it all real and fresh. Although semi-retired, I still do what I used to do and work overseas two or three times a year. In fact, the longest time we continuously cohabited was during Covid and boy, was THAT an eye-opener. But the overseas interludes also work for my overall attitude to Thailand, and it's... unique issues (being polite here). In my fairly unremarkable and limited social circle up here in Isaan, I find the foreigners that moan longest and loudest about their lot and quick to denigrate the locals and blame everyone else for everything, are the ones that haven't left the country in years. Some probably haven't even left the province.

 

Good luck with your mountain Sabbatical, and I hope that it works in ultimately keeping you together for longer.

2 minutes ago, mdr224 said:

Could be that your getting your opinions from the media. Have you tried unplugging?

 

 

Good idea.....he should shift over to the real professionals, Carlson, Rogan, Jones, YouTube......get the real low down on what is happening....

35 minutes ago, Chadnik said:

Life isn't that simple. They're a lot of exterior, extraneous issues that we have little or no control over that can make our lives quite irritating and even miserable. The question is will you take action and change it?

Or you could just disregard it as irrelevant.

38 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

A man marries a woman for what she is, but a woman marries a man because of what he can be. She won.

Incorrect,

........ a woman marries a man for what (she thinks) he can give her.

As for the locals, never had any urge to mix with any outside my bedroom.

I only mix with fellow Brits from the South of England 

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Or you could just disregard it as irrelevant.

 

So, noisy neighbors, soi dogs, karaoke 2am nightly, drug houses, bad bosses, slow internet, cheating spouse, crop burning ... Okay, got it

8 minutes ago, Chadnik said:

 

So, noisy neighbors, soi dogs, karaoke 2am nightly, drug houses, bad bosses, slow internet, cheating spouse, crop burning ... Okay, got it

Sorry we're dragging off topic,

I'm retired no bosses, my internet is blazingly fast, and the rest doesn't bother me. If she cheats, you can cheat too.

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Being president of the USA for 4 years and a billionaire doesn't exactly fit with my idea of a loser.

If you break down a life just for counting money might be ok for you, not for me.