6 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

Oh it hit a nerve darl did it

 

You been used abused and they took more ,that's because your a trusting kind guy who gets walked over 

 

Obviously your not Israeli, oh don't be racist !

 

While You sre whining day out day in,  I'm happy 😊 

 

What nerve to hit? You have no idea how happy I am. .

 

Not once on this forum have I complained about my wife or her family 

 

Go and play with someone else

On 10/1/2025 at 5:12 PM, Harrisfan said:

Who gave the emojis? 

The extended family.

It's only fair to support extended family

It's the British way 🤑

On 9/30/2025 at 4:37 PM, Harrisfan said:

Do you get asked to support the extended family or know of people who do? 

My first rule to my present Thai girlfriend was that I would not support an extended family; if that was what she was looking for: Find someone else...
She still stays with me after 20+ years...

On 9/30/2025 at 9:37 PM, Harrisfan said:

Do you get asked to support the extended family or know of people who do? 

Don't worry about that, 'you've' got to find a bird first...................................

15 hours ago, khunPer said:

My first rule to my present Thai girlfriend was that I would not support an extended family; if that was what she was looking for: Find someone else...
She still stays with me after 20+ years...

 

We'll have to take your word for it I guess that such women exist and that they are not 1% of the population.

Claims on AN are sometimes a bit hard to believe --- "I never paid anything for my gf."

 

This guy did an entire video and explains how it is and will be for most foreigners. You will be expected to open your wallet for extended family at some point. Or in any case, dating/marriage is not cheap. 

 

It's not "politically correct", but he even goes so far as to suggest getting a girlfriend in the Philippines and taking her to Thailand where she will be "away from greedy family members". 

 

 

This is a very difficult and challenging topic that has no universal resolution.  So let me share from my personal experience, starting with a bit of background. 

 

At the time I met, courted, and married my Isaan Bride, I was 19 and my Bride was not quite 16.  Before anyone judges that, we have been married for 56 years so far, this was by far the best decision I ever made, and the marrying age for women at that time in Isaan was far younger than that.  If memory serves, women could legally marry at age 13, and a lot married far younger than that, believe it or not!

 

At that time I was a young sergeant in the U.S. Air Force making about $300 USD a month plus room and board on base.  My Bride worked at a local orphanage caring for young, mostly Amer-Asian orphans, for room and board plus about 300 baht a month, which she sent to her family.  Yes we were both very young, but we just knew we were of one heart and we were meant for each other, so we would face any challenge or obstacle together and make a joint decision. 

 

During the 8 years I was stationed in Thailand, I was bound and determined to conquer learning how to speak Thai - a goal made that much more urgent as I hoped to, and eventually succeeded in, winning my Bride's heart.  She spoke not a word of English, so my conquering the Thai language was our only avenue.  Needless to say, I was successful in that vital endeavor!  One other important fact is that my Bride is the eldest of six children plus one step-brother.

 

Now to the topic at hand...  With so little income then, there was not much we could do to help support ourselves in the U.S., let alone send anything to help her family. 

 

But I was "required" to pay a dowry, mostly of my choosing.  Back then, the machine that stripped the hull from rice grains was huge.  It was housed in a building about the size of a 2-car, 2-story garage and was driven by an electric motor and a very long and very wide rubber drive-belt.  It cost me about 3 month's of my meager salary for both the huge machine and the building to house it.  To that, I added a Thai gold "1-baht" necklace, a Thai gold "1-baht" bracelet, and 30,000 baht in cash.  The cost of "1-baht" Thai gold jewelry back then was about $20 USD, or about 400 baht at 20 baht to the dollar.

 

We still tried to help my Bride's family from time to time, but we were never "asked".  After 8 years living in Thailand, we moved to Utah in the USA, where we spent the next 6 years.  My Bride was home with our 2 daughters during the day, but she took them along to on-base English classes for about 6 hours a day, 6 days a week.  Once I got home from work, she went to work at Max Factor processing cosmetics in their plant not too far from where we lived.  My Bride, shortly after being hired by Max Factor, sent some of her earnings to her family in Isaan, at my encouragement.  

 

Once my Bride's 6 nieces and nephews completed the equivalent of high school, we paid for their university educations in Thailand.  Once again, that gave them an advantage getting good jobs for their future, and the cost was only about $250 a month at the time.  We also helped one niece obtain a U.S. visa, and once she became an American citizen, she sponsored her Mom, my Bride's sister, to come to the U.S. to live.

 

So the bottom line is that we voluntarily helped my Bride's family quite a bit over the years, and right after I retired and moved here about 7 years ago, we hired 2 of my Bride's sisters-in-law to cook all of our food, and we also hired 4 other family members to come thoroughly clean our house twice a month.  We pay for all of that, of course.  We also periodically help 2 of my Bride's brothers and their families.  They live on our "compound" in Isaan-style homes of their own that we rebuilt for them when we built our retirement home.  That's about it.

 

Once again, everyone is certainly free to handle their own extended Thai family as they wish.  But culturally, particularly for the eldest of the siblings, they are "obligated" to support their family in some way, even if only their parents or grandparents.  The amount of that support should be based on what you and your Thai life-partner/wife can afford combined with what your heart tells you.  I sincerely hope this very long post helps you with making your own decisions regarding family support.  Good luck to all of you, and may you always be blessed with the Triple Gems of Buddha, Pra Put, Pra Tham, Pra Song, (the Lord Buddha, the Teachings of Buddha, and the monks who represent Buddha). 

9 hours ago, save the frogs said:

 

We'll have to take your word for it I guess that such women exist and that they are not 1% of the population.

Claims on AN are sometimes a bit hard to believe --- "I never paid anything for my gf."

 

This guy did an entire video and explains how it is and will be for most foreigners. You will be expected to open your wallet for extended family at some point. Or in any case, dating/marriage is not cheap. 

 

It's not "politically correct", but he even goes so far as to suggest getting a girlfriend in the Philippines and taking her to Thailand where she will be "away from greedy family members". 

 

 

 

Brits are the biggest losers that's why they have to pay for everything.

20 hours ago, save the frogs said:

On 10/6/2025 at 8:30 AM, khunPer said:

My first rule to my present Thai girlfriend was that I would not support an extended family; if that was what she was looking for: Find someone else...
She still stays with me after 20+ years...

 

We'll have to take your word for it I guess that such women exist and that they are not 1% of the population.

Claims on AN are sometimes a bit hard to believe --- "I never paid anything for my gf."

Thanks for your comment. However, I didn't say "I never paid anything for my gf." I said that I would not support an extended family...

 

My lovely girlfriend of course get an allowance based on our household. That's the deal between us – she is not working, we are having a happy joyful life together, which is the purpose – in return, she will, take care of me when I get old (I hope). Having a younger girlfriend – we have almost 32 years age difference between us – is not free, when you are not a famous rockstar or like. She even do her own savings – actually investing – so she later won't need to be dependant of other's support. She is actually doing well and have that way now an income by her own on top of the allowance. We have a daughter together, whom she shall not expect to support her senior life.

 

But – because there is a "but" – we have helped her hard working farmer-family with interest free loans to move up – always all has been paid duly fully back – by which they have managed to do well. So, indirectly we periodically "supported", but never living costs, on the contrary make investment in their farming business possible by for example buying tractor from an interest free loan. That was first step; today the family by their own efforts has managed to expand with truck, three tractors, rice harvest machine and buying (much) more land – and I still have all my money...

On 10/1/2025 at 7:25 PM, save the frogs said:

 

I just watched this recently.

 

This guy is avoiding marriage in Thailand. 

 

The main reason is too many financial demands from the extended family.

 

 

What an awful video. Expecting a husband to financially support his wife’s family is not a genuine part of Thai culture. The traditional sin sod is a one-time dowry meant to honor the bride’s parents, not an ongoing obligation. Any family that pressures a foreign husband for continuous financial support is misusing the custom, turning it into a form of exploitation rather than tradition.