Ive been married to a good woman in Thailand for more than 10 yrs. We have a teenage child. 

 

Ive been fooling around for yrs here and there. I think this is finally taking its toll on my mind. I feel guilty of my actions but can't stop doing it once or twice a month. 

 

I have anger issues and lack patience. Suffered anxiety all my life and find home life and our small business quite stressful. I try to go away once or twice a month as this is the only time I feel normal. Now she is resenting this and trying to stop me from going. 

 

Our marriage is suffering a lot. If we finish the relationship I have nothing except my child. But they will stay together. She will buy me out of the business as already discussed. She has all the staff and her thai family.  I have no friends at all in Thailand basically. 

 

We are hanging in there for now. Im not depressed or anything but dont know what to do about myself. I wonder if I should learn a meditation or something. I will never take a SSRI no way. 

 

We are on holidays now out of Thailand. I feel better about things but soon going back it will all be the same I suppose. I still care for her a lot. She loves me and so does my child. If I end our relationship it will bring them both a lot of misery I think. 

 

Any suggestions? 

13 minutes ago, davidst01 said:

Ive been married to a good woman in Thailand for more than 10 yrs. We have a teenage child. 

 

Ive been fooling around for yrs here and there. I think this is finally taking its toll on my mind. I feel guilty of my actions but can't stop doing it once or twice a month. 

 

I have anger issues and lack patience. Suffered anxiety all my life and find home life and our small business quite stressful. I try to go away once or twice a month as this is the only time I feel normal. Now she is resenting this and trying to stop me from going. 

 

Our marriage is suffering a lot. If we finish the relationship I have nothing except my child. But they will stay together. She will buy me out of the business as already discussed. She has all the staff and her thai family.  I have no friends at all in Thailand basically. 

 

We are hanging in there for now. Im not depressed or anything but dont know what to do about myself. I wonder if I should learn a meditation or something. I will never take a SSRI no way. 

 

We are on holidays now out of Thailand. I feel better about things but soon going back it will all be the same I suppose. I still care for her a lot. She loves me and so does my child. If I end our relationship it will bring them both a lot of misery I think. 

 

Any suggestions? 

You are in a difficult unsatisfying situation.

Are you ready to fight for your relationship (incl your daughter)?

If so, I recommend to look for a specialized psychotherapist.

Maybe together with your wife.

It could be that you're sex addicted. Probably is is to treat in addition.

What are your more afraid of:

To be left without any assets or

Not able to see your daughter?

Not be able to stop your "days off"?

Not be able to have a stable relationship built on trust and fidelity?

How old are you, any other bad habits involved ? 

 

Why are you unsatisfied? Is the first question you have to ask yourself, and how is your economic situation ? What you do seems quite normal for many foreigners in Thailand, but it is also involved other unhealthy habits, than just an affair of two. Do you have friends in Thailand ? I mean real friends you can just drop by when you need to talk? 

28 minutes ago, Hummin said:

How old are you, any other bad habits involved ? 

 

Why are you unsatisfied? Is the first question you have to ask yourself, and how is your economic situation ? What you do seems quite normal for many foreigners in Thailand, but it is also involved other unhealthy habits, than just an affair of two. Do you have friends in Thailand ? I mean real friends you can just drop by when you need to talk? 

I'm sure, talking will not solve the situation. At least not to friends but professional trained specialized psychotherapists. 

Hopefully he will go that way before he lost everything. Wife, daughter, assets, confidence.

1 hour ago, davidst01 said:

Any suggestions?

Yeah, what goes around comes around, as you have set your own demise and you should have asked the question years ago.

1 hour ago, davidst01 said:

Ive been married to a good woman in Thailand for more than 10 yrs. We have a teenage child. 

 

Ive been fooling around for yrs here and there. I think this is finally taking its toll on my mind. I feel guilty of my actions but can't stop doing it once or twice a month. 

 

I have anger issues and lack patience. Suffered anxiety all my life and find home life and our small business quite stressful. I try to go away once or twice a month as this is the only time I feel normal. Now she is resenting this and trying to stop me from going. 

 

Our marriage is suffering a lot. If we finish the relationship I have nothing except my child. But they will stay together. She will buy me out of the business as already discussed. She has all the staff and her thai family.  I have no friends at all in Thailand basically. 

 

We are hanging in there for now. Im not depressed or anything but dont know what to do about myself. I wonder if I should learn a meditation or something. I will never take a SSRI no way. 

 

We are on holidays now out of Thailand. I feel better about things but soon going back it will all be the same I suppose. I still care for her a lot. She loves me and so does my child. If I end our relationship it will bring them both a lot of misery I think. 

 

Any suggestions? 

Read Tolle

1 hour ago, davidst01 said:

Any suggestions? 

 

Stop having sex with prostitutes and find a way to fall in love  with your wife again.

 

 

44 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

Read Tolle

Can you attach a link. 

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

How old are you, any other bad habits involved ? 

 

Why are you unsatisfied? Is the first question you have to ask yourself, and how is your economic situation ? What you do seems quite normal for many foreigners in Thailand, but it is also involved other unhealthy habits, than just an affair of two. Do you have friends in Thailand ? I mean real friends you can just drop by when you need to talk? 

No other habits or addictions. 

 

After my child was born my wife forgot about me. Co-sleeping with the little one since the beginning and now still. Ive tried talking to her but it falls on deaf ears. She still mostly prefers to bunk up with our child sometimes joining me in the marital bed.... Ive heard about thai mothers a lot doing this. 

 

I dont have any real friends to talk to about this. Thus, Im writing on this forum...

2 minutes ago, davidst01 said:

No other habits or addictions. 

 

After my child was born my wife forgot about me. Co-sleeping with the little one since the beginning and now still. Ive tried talking to her but it falls on deaf ears. She still mostly prefers to bunk up with our child sometimes joining me in the marital bed.... Ive heard about thai mothers a lot doing this. 

 

I dont have any real friends to talk to about this. Thus, Im writing on this forum...

Same as sister in law, and basically like many others I heard about. 

 

I understand you missing the intimacy not only sex. That can be depressing for sure. And when depressed, it is not easy to understand yourself you actually are depressed. Some professional could help both of you as earlier mentioned.

 

Good luck

 

 

 

I'm single no wife or girlfriend and life is great, it's not mandatory to have one, in fact life can be simpler and better without. if it came to it you would adapt, move area probably to Pattaya where you will meet other expats and have people to talk to.

 

I don't think farang isolating themselves is a good thing for mental health

20 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

I'm single no wife or girlfriend and life is great, it's not mandatory to have one, in fact life can be simpler and better without. if it came to it you would adapt, move area probably to Pattaya where you will meet other expats and have people to talk to.

 

I don't think farang isolating themselves is a good thing for mental health

I have pretty much the same life as you in Pattaya, and nothing will change me.

 

On the other hand, I avoid bar discussions among Westerners. Here on this forum, for example, you can skip the nonsense. It's harder in person.

 

I learned to live alone many years ago, and brief conversations with shopkeepers and girls are enough for me.

 

For the OP, there's no easy solution. But sharing your life with someone who refuses is worse than anything. You should still know that there are plenty of candidates for a casual or romantic relationship here, and the only problem is choosing.

https://www.youtube.com/@EckhartTolle

13 hours ago, davidst01 said:

She will buy me out of the business as already discussed.

 

If I end our relationship it will bring them both a lot of misery I think. 

 

Any suggestions? 

Leave ... more like end their misery. 

 

Let them get on with their lives, they will be happier.   Already gave you on out, by offering to buy you out.  

 

Take the hint.

It's not Thailand that's affecting your mental health. The problems you describe could happen to any family in any country.

That said, there are comfortable ways to deal with YOUR mental health (not so much with the problems themselves. If you want to get rid of them, you will have to leave and find a new home.

 

You mentioned it yourself: meditation. You don't have to go off and live in a cave for 40 years to find peace of mind. You can have it in your living room or garage. You don't even have to be religious or spiritual. You can use a scientific meditation style just as effectively. Youtube is your friend.

 

Experiment with different 'How to meditate' videos until you find one that feels good for you. You'll know it when you find it. Then meditate every day for 20 minutes. In one week, you will begin to feel more comfortable. It won't be like some switch being thrown; you will just notice that you haven't had a serious negative thoughts in a few days!

It works, but only if you make it work. There is no pill.

3 hours ago, FolkGuitar said:

It's not Thailand that's affecting your mental health. The problems you describe could happen to any family in any country.

That said, there are comfortable ways to deal with YOUR mental health (not so much with the problems themselves. If you want to get rid of them, you will have to leave and find a new home.

 

You mentioned it yourself: meditation. You don't have to go off and live in a cave for 40 years to find peace of mind. You can have it in your living room or garage. You don't even have to be religious or spiritual. You can use a scientific meditation style just as effectively. Youtube is your friend.

 

Experiment with different 'How to meditate' videos until you find one that feels good for you. You'll know it when you find it. Then meditate every day for 20 minutes. In one week, you will begin to feel more comfortable. It won't be like some switch being thrown; you will just notice that you haven't had a serious negative thoughts in a few days!

It works, but only if you make it work. There is no pill.

Thanks for your comment. Can you recommend a meditation style to me?

9 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

I'm single no wife or girlfriend and life is great, it's not mandatory to have one, in fact life can be simpler and better without. if it came to it you would adapt, move area probably to Pattaya where you will meet other expats and have people to talk to.

 

I don't think farang isolating themselves is a good thing for mental health

Being single is not for everyone same as being a couple do not fit others. There will always be something you are mission one way or the another, but I understand life can be easier out of many reasons just having yourself to think about and care for, and in Thailand a wife do comes with a package and for some even a child or two as well, and on top of that your own future kids in the mix if you find a younger girl who is still fertile. 

 

2 minutes ago, davidst01 said:

Thanks for your comment. Can you recommend a meditation style to me?

 

Tai Chi and start building som muscles by working out your physical body. 

 

Tai chi benefits mental health by reducing stress, anxiety, and depression through a combination of slow movements, deep breathing, and meditation. The practice helps regulate the nervous system, modulate brain activity in key regions, and can lead to a greater sense of calm and improved emotional well-being

23 minutes ago, davidst01 said:

Thanks for your comment. Can you recommend a meditation style to me?

Here is a very simple one that can be done anywhere: living room, sitting under a tree, or at the beach. I don't recommend lying down. You might fall asleep instead. 🙂
20 minutes twice a day is best. 10 minutes twice a day will help.

1. Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down.

2. Close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths.

3. Focus your attention on your breath, feeling it go in and out.

4. If your mind wanders, and it will...  gently bring your focus back to your breath. That's the hard part of meditation. Don't get angry at yourself or chide yourself. Just bring your attention back to your breathing. If you prefer, pay attention to the space BETWEEN your breaths. It's the 'paying attention to a single thing' that makes it all work.

It really IS that easy.

I think successful, long term relationships need regular intimacy .... not necessarily sex, but touching, hugging (and yes, sex sometimes).  It's also great if you still find each other attractive.

 

If you don't have these ingredients, the relationship becomes 'functional' and lacking any real passion or emotion.

 

While a functional, businesslike partnership suits some people, it sounds like it does not work for you.

 

It's a bit of cliché, but you either need to reignite the spark, or leave and start again in a relationship with a stronger emotional bond.

 

If your child will still be supported emotionally and financially without you, then do what feels right to you.

19 minutes ago, Kinnock said:

I think successful, long term relationships need regular intimacy .... not necessarily sex, but touching, hugging (and yes, sex sometimes).  It's also great if you still find each other attractive.

 

If you don't have these ingredients, the relationship becomes 'functional' and lacking any real passion or emotion.

 

While a functional, businesslike partnership suits some people, it sounds like it does not work for you.

 

It's a bit of cliché, but you either need to reignite the spark, or leave and start again in a relationship with a stronger emotional bond.

 

If your child will still be supported emotionally and financially without you, then do what feels right to you.

 

 

Oh wow......talk about nail on the head.

 

This has shocked me it is so accurate. 

20 hours ago, blaze master said:

 

Stop having sex with prostitutes and find a way to fall in love  with your wife again.

 

 

 

 

Steady on.

20 hours ago, FolkGuitar said:

Here is a very simple one that can be done anywhere: living room, sitting under a tree, or at the beach. I don't recommend lying down. You might fall asleep instead. 🙂
20 minutes twice a day is best. 10 minutes twice a day will help.

1. Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down.

2. Close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths.

3. Focus your attention on your breath, feeling it go in and out.

4. If your mind wanders, and it will...  gently bring your focus back to your breath. That's the hard part of meditation. Don't get angry at yourself or chide yourself. Just bring your attention back to your breathing. If you prefer, pay attention to the space BETWEEN your breaths. It's the 'paying attention to a single thing' that makes it all work.

It really IS that easy.

Some guidance is good In the beginning,  learning the basics with breathing techniques and movements. Same goes for lifting weights, it is not just lifting, its all about the basics and do it right from the beginning. 

 

 

On 10/19/2025 at 9:45 AM, Will B Good said:

 

 

Steady on.

They gotta eat

On 10/19/2025 at 2:38 PM, davidst01 said:

Thanks for your comment. Can you recommend a meditation style to me?

Free suggestion: on YouTube there are chanting videos, usually listed under “Om Namah Shivaya”. Find one you like and just listen to it. Maybe chant along if the mood hits you. In time, you will drift off with the music into a natural meditative experience. Easy.

 

The phrase means I see and honor the divine within me. Hindu. But really doesn’t matter. It’s the sound waves that calm your mind, allowing that peaceful part of you deep inside to resonate. Must keep with it. Make it a daily habit.

Davidst01, I was in your exact situation 40 years ago while living in the Philippines with my Filipina wife and 2 kids. I can tell you for certain that you have a huge hole in your heart, and you are trying to find peace for your soul in all the wrong places. The only thing that can fill that void and put you on a pathway to sound mental fitness is a relationship with your Creator through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. I was on the verge of losing it all and near suicidal when I finally admitted to myself that I had a "sin problem", and I needed to be rescued from "myself". In desperation I cried out to God and asked HIM to save me and show me how to change my life. I had an old Gideon Bible that I had stolen from a hotel in Hong Kong years before, but I had never opened it up. The Holy Spirit inspired me to begin reading in the Book of John, and for the first time in my life, I began to experience a peace that was beyond my understanding. The Books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes gave me instructions for right living, and when I began to apply those Godly principles, my life began to change. The Lord delivered me from all of the guilt that I had felt for years, and one by one I escaped from the hold of the sins that were destroying my life as well as all of my close relationships.

You are not alone in your quest to find peace, Davidst01. Here in Thailand, we are surrounded on all sides by those who have been taken captive by Satan to do his will and not that of our Father in Heaven. Your only hope is in a right relationship with God by exercising your God-given faith to believe in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That is your starting point for a new and righteous relationship with God and with your family. I pray that you will make the right choice going forward and surrender your life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and study his Word daily to get proper instruction on how to live your life the way God intended for you. God Bless You!

On 10/18/2025 at 5:36 PM, davidst01 said:

I have no friends at all in Thailand basically. 

 

Any suggestions? 

 

 

Why don't you have any friends?  

Where do you live?  Perhaps you should start by getting out and meeting people. There are so many different meetups - check this site out https://www.meetup.com/  

Facebook is also great for finding interesting events and meetups. 

What things are you interested in?  If you like cars there are a huge number of car clubs and groups that meet regularly for coffee and chats, plus of course race days and other events.

In Bangkok there are lots of meetings for alcoholics, addicts etc and you can meet some very interesting people at those.  

I can't imagine having no friends.  In fact I was complaining to some friends the other day that despite living in Bangkok for 17 years, my friend group is still only around 40-50 people.  
 

..  according to the Thai "expert...  just watch more porn  .. problem solved ....

 

A forensic expert has raised concerns about harmful effects of excessive porn consumption, which could lead to ED

 

or,   grow a spine and man up

If your happiness depends on someone else being happy, you will never find happiness.

 

However, if you do find happiness in the monthly escapes, would you be happy if you never returned?  

What do you do on your one or two escapes each month?   Does it bring you happiness?

 

It's also cheaper to keep her.