Are Farangs Who Marriages Failed Lucky?

[the gent]

And how can you archive any real intimacy if you can't speak each other's language?

My dear chap, the language of love......braille.

[JimmyCA]

When I read some of the posts here, I feel lucky that I don't have to date/marry/f* their authors to survive, unlike the women of Thailand.

you can try your luck with a thai guy

[sbk]

Cheers, Jimmy, I did. We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary last week.

Success of a relationship has many factors. Some of which are mutual respect , honesty, and love. If two people love each other and are willing to put in the effort of honest communication then that relationship can weather most storms regardless of cultural backgrounds.

[canadiangirl]

So you are a social pioneer now.

Haha...well said, Ratchabuild.

[bangkoksingapore]

Perhaps this can settle things.

[Jeff1]

i am 30 year olds. i think this is one of those uncomfortable things about life, the fact that a guy is a drunk and leaves his home land on a one way ticket with kids who on welfare and then he ends up happily married with a 22 year old and finds his soul mate is just an uncomfortable fact of life for all of us with partners our own age in happy marriages.

here is to all those 55 year olds in beach attire on the sky train locking lips with their soul mate. cheers!

for example, i saw a farang the other day try to walk into the skytrain holding a leo beer wrapped in a napkin. the bts security guy made him throw it away. this guy is perhaps a used car salesman and now he is probably dating a 21 year old model.

What do you care? And why?

Get over it.

[bendix]

So you are a social pioneer now. I thought you were just someone who likes to screw younger women and justifies that with specious claptrap. Thanks for clearing up the confusion. If it's minds and personality why are they always wrapped in an attractive packege? Dont disabled or older people have attractive personalities or minds? Why not come out of the closet and declare its all about looks and that you, like the rest of us are shallow and narcissistic enough to pay for sex and call it love. Even if its wrapped in a relationship the money talks.

Not a social pioneer. A traditionalist.

By the way, you know nothing about my personal status or that of any wife or girlfriend I may or may not have to draw those conclusions.

[Heng]

Some are lucky. Some also end up homeless in Thailand or living in captivity (as mentioned in a few of the worst case failure stories) with the inlaws living off their pension.

[bangkoksingapore]

i cant believe some of you have the nerve to suggest that the women married to old farang are seeking carnal pleasures behind his back. How dare you have the audacity to imply such rubbish. i promise you would not come down to patters with that type of attitude. like i said, a lot of holes are dug in patters if you know what i mean.

[Heng]

And how can you archive any real intimacy if you can't speak each other's language?

My dear chap, the language of love......braille.

Any of you guys at the Big C Fuji last weekend? Generic older Farang fella and local lass couple... going through the several pages of the menu with the falang asking "Do you like?" local lass answering "No."

here's the transcription:

"Do you like?" (likely pointing at a picture)

"No."

"Do you like?"

"No."

"Do you like?"

"No."

"Do you like?"

"No."

"Do you like?"

"No."

Tuned it out, so not sure how that turned out, but hopefully they were able to eventually order. I bet it was stimulating dinner conversation to follow.

[canadiangirl]

i cant believe some of you have the nerve to suggest that the women married to old farang are seeking carnal pleasures behind his back.

Surely, some of those young women must not be immune to the charms of youth and beauty. An old man for money, a young man for sex?

[quiksilva]

Why does everyone assume that most mixed marriages in Thailand have huge age gaps? I suppose its a convenient stereotype.

The vast majority of the people I know who have married locally are approximately the same age.

[bangkoksingapore]

i cant believe some of you have the nerve to suggest that the women married to old farang are seeking carnal pleasures behind his back.

Surely, some of those young women must not be immune to the charms of youth and beauty. An old man for money, a young man for sex?

you dont find this at all insulting to both the young women and the old man? You disgust me.

Heng, you seem quite knowledgeable about Thailand so I am sure you can appreciate the level of calmness and respectability when you witness a farang at Nana station trying to carry a Leo Beer wrapped in a napkin onto the skytrain. This guy is ZEN if there ever was such a thing as ZEN. He was probably at least fifty years old. The BTS guy told him to throw it away and he didnt even care, he just smiled and said that he was meeting his friend at the Sea-Am Station. You should of seen the what the friend waiting for him looked like. Total knockout.

Edited August 21, 2007 by bangkoksingapore

[bendix]

i cant believe some of you have the nerve to suggest that the women married to old farang are seeking carnal pleasures behind his back.

Surely, some of those young women must not be immune to the charms of youth and beauty. An old man for money, a young man for sex?

For someone who doesnt live here yet, canadiangirl sure does have a lot of judgemental issues to deal with.

Perhaps it's because she is fearful that when she gets here she's going to be totally overlooked romantically, EXCEPT perhaps by Thai guys who will . . . . ummmmm . . . . target her for money, and younger Thai women for sex.

I wish her well.

[Heng]

Heng, you seem quite knowledgeable about Thailand so I am sure you can appreciate the level of calmness and respectability when you witness a farang at Nana station trying to carry a Leo Beer wrapped in a napkin onto the skytrain.

Huh?

[in2it1]

I am not sure what people mean when they say a 'failed' marriage.

A marriage may have only lasted a year but during that time be a complete success.

Other marriages can last a lifetime but be a complete failure.

Should the success of marriage be defined by its duration?

[siamamerican]

as one who isn't yet 50 and also never married and not being saddled with alimony and child support i do feel lucky that i didn't have to wait.

never believed in marriage anyway after my parents' messy divorce and seeing my sister and all my friends go through theirs.

Nothing wrong with simply having fun. Like the avatar - don't know why, but who cares. Mariage isn't all that bad. Sure we get on each other nerves on occasion, but the good times sure out way the bad. If your family and friends have failed at marriage then you probably will too. A little pessimistic, but people are much like the people they hang with.

My guess is that you are young and full of hope - good luck! I was in your shoes not too long ago( seems like yesterday). Now I'm semi old and tomorrow I'll be old.

Another guess - you will fall for someone and your better judgment won't prevail.

[canadiangirl]

Surely, some of those young women must not be immune to the charms of youth and beauty. An old man for money, a young man for sex?

For someone who doesnt live here yet, canadiangirl sure does have a lot of judgemental issues to deal with.

Perhaps it's because she is fearful that when she gets here she's going to be totally overlooked romantically, EXCEPT perhaps by Thai guys who will . . . . ummmmm . . . . target her for money, and younger Thai women for sex?

Judgmental? Sure.

I've never claimed to be an expert on Thailand, but I reflect on what I see around me, just like everyone else.

Am I worried at times about what awaits me in Thailand? Yep. Thailand can be a difficult place for farang women. But I'd rather be honest with myself about my own situation, than live in a happy dream land, as some seem to do, about the nature of my relationships, ignorant of the social and economic context in which many Thai-farang relationships happen.

What bugs me is being unfavorably compared to a hooker. It's like being accused of being less understanding than a therapist -- it's not my job to be that nice. I'd be really nice to you too, if you stood between me and a life of hard labor in the rice fields of Issan.

[kat]

But when apart from a huge age gap there is also only minimal communication possible - don't tell me that this is a relationship based on mutual respect and deep understanding of each other's personality.

Hahahahahahaah . . . no, really. . . . hahahahahahahaha. You mean like marriages in the west?

If we want to talk honestly and put aside the PC element here for a moment, let's face up to a fundamental truth. Marriages - as we in the west have been accustomed to accept them - have failed. The model stinks, LARGELY because of the changes in western society over the past 50-60 years. In today's western society, both parties work and it is (ostensibly) at least, a marriage of equals. Equal economically, equal in decision-making, equal in sharing household chores.

Except, here's the rub. They don't work anymore. They are failing in their millions, screwing people up in the process. People are voting with their feet and they are rejecting the model at huge personal, financial and social cost.

So who's to say the model being pioneered here isn't likely to be more successful? Because, let's face it, the marriage the PC people here are looking down upon (difference in ages, cultural gaps, economic mismatch where one party relies on the other etc) look pretty similar from those that were undertaken by our grandparents in Darlington England and Des Moine <deleted> Iowa to me.

Well, similar in that Western women back then felt trapped and completely desperate, had to marry or stay because they were knocked up or economically dependent, and were killing and/or medicating themselves at alarming rates, or just went <deleted>' mad. You're right - I see a lot of similarities in LOS

At the risk of making the most outrageous generalisation ever posted on Thaivisa, anyone who hasnt been married by the time they are 40 is either:

1) gay

2) mother-fixated, or

3) Italian (which nicely combines 1 and 2)

4)women who are educated or have a high IQ (substantiated by several university studies in England) 5) successful 6)economically dependent, and obviously confident enough to not be controlled by that list, as are more than 51% of Western women who decide not to marry. If you are walking around with a list like that in your head, then you are acting out of fear, paranoia and possibly an inferiority complex, but not freedom.

i cant believe some of you have the nerve to suggest that the women married to old farang are seeking carnal pleasures behind his back.

Surely, some of those young women must not be immune to the charms of youth and beauty. An old man for money, a young man for sex?

For someone who doesnt live here yet, canadiangirl sure does have a lot of judgemental issues to deal with.

Isn't that a bit of pot and kettle?

[canadiangirl]

i cant believe some of you have the nerve to suggest that the women married to old farang are seeking carnal pleasures behind his back.

Surely, some of those young women must not be immune to the charms of youth and beauty. An old man for money, a young man for sex?

you dont find this at all insulting to both the young women and the old man? You disgust me.

Why do you find it so hard to imagine?

Take any group of people; chances are some of them are cheating.

Some of those young women are madly in love with their older partners, no doubt, and much happiness to them both. But put yourself in the place of a young woman dating a guy 3 times your own age for money and security -- you might like him, he might be a good guy and all , but if you inherited the Hilton fortune tomorrow, you might prefer someone else. Would you have a gik? Wouldn't you try to have your cake and eat it too?

Sometimes I think the reason farangs find Thai women so mystifying is that they can't conceive of them as human beings, with the same motivations and desires as themselves.

[kat]

Sometimes I think the reason farangs find Thai women so mystifying is that they can't conceive of them as human beings, with the same motivations and desires as themselves.

No, CG, it's because they don't conceive of women as human beings, period. We are all just objects to possess, and exist solely for their benefit.

[ColPyat]

i cant believe some of you have the nerve to suggest that the women married to old farang are seeking carnal pleasures behind his back. How dare you have the audacity to imply such rubbish. i promise you would not come down to patters with that type of attitude. like i said, a lot of holes are dug in patters if you know what i mean.

A little inconsistency i found while browsing the OP's posts (yeah, i am a sad existence, not much to do right now ):

Here, about young wifes of older farang:

I dont think that these guys are losers. If anything, I feel bad for them. I have some older gentlemen as my friends, and there have been several instances where their younger wifes or girl friends have tried to come on to me or offered themselves to me. Some of you seem to look at the older men as being predators and taking advantage of the younger women, but I think it is actually more likely to be the other way around.

Posted on: 2007-08-04 20:00:19

[canadiangirl]

Sometimes I think the reason farangs find Thai women so mystifying is that they can't conceive of them as human beings, with the same motivations and desires as themselves.

No, CG, it's because they don't conceive of women as human beings, period. We are all just objects to possess, and exist solely for their benefit.

Sadly, I think you're right.

I don't really understand why they hate us so much.

Edited August 21, 2007 by canadiangirl

[JRinger]

Personally - when i see some 50 something year old bloke in the department store with his juvenile wife (as i did yesterday when i returned my videos), and both can't even communicate the barest minimum without using their hands and feet, i feel very embarrassed.

You remind me of a man in Foodland a while back.

I went to do some shopping with a friend and his wife's 16-year old daughter.

While I was walking back towards them, a man passed by them (you perhaps) and more loudly than a whisper, muttered, "Pervert".

My friend heard it as did several other people.

It seems he gets this quite regularly from idiots like you and it doesn't seem to bother him, anymore. He's been taking her shopping for the past 12 years.

[kmart]

Sometimes I think the reason farangs find Thai women so mystifying is that they can't conceive of them as human beings, with the same motivations and desires as themselves.

No, CG, it's because they don't conceive of women as human beings, period. We are all just objects to possess, and exist solely for their benefit.

Sadly, I think you're right.

I don't really understand why they hate us so much.

Are you two real?

[canadiangirl]

If we want to talk honestly and put aside the PC element here for a moment, let's face up to a fundamental truth. Marriages - as we in the west have been accustomed to accept them - have failed. The model stinks, LARGELY because of the changes in western society over the past 50-60 years. In today's western society, both parties work and it is (ostensibly) at least, a marriage of equals. Equal economically, equal in decision-making, equal in sharing household chores.

So who's to say the model being pioneered here isn't likely to be more successful? Because, let's face it, the marriage the PC people here are looking down upon (difference in ages, cultural gaps, economic mismatch where one party relies on the other etc) look pretty similar from those that were undertaken by our grandparents in Darlington England and Des Moine <deleted> Iowa to me.

Well, similar in that Western women back then felt trapped and completely desperate, had to marry or stay because they were knocked up or economically dependent, and were killing and/or medicating themselves at alarming rates, or just went <deleted>' mad. You're right - I see a lot of similarities in LOS

The "model being pioneered in Thailand" will "fail" as surely as marriage in the West the second Thai women have access to the kind of economic and social freedom Western women have. Marriage has become a choice instead of an economic necessity for most women in the West, and that's one of the many reasons it's not holding up the way it used to.

[canadiangirl]

Sometimes I think the reason farangs find Thai women so mystifying is that they can't conceive of them as human beings, with the same motivations and desires as themselves.

No, CG, it's because they don't conceive of women as human beings, period. We are all just objects to possess, and exist solely for their benefit.

Sadly, I think you're right.

I don't really understand why they hate us so much.

Are you two real?

As real as the love of a third-world hooker!

[kmart]

Taking yourself toooo seriously is the start of it all....

[paulm]

surely its not the nationality of ones partner which should matter. it should be how much you love her/him and how much fun you have together.

the fact that one may be sexy to you in the beginning should grow stronger once you really know the person, no matter how their body shape may change as you move along in life together.

i, for one, think a mans brain is far more sexy than his six pack.

Well said Donna, I have to say I have totally the same feeling. Not married yet but will be soon. my motto is: only the eyes that see beauty in everything will truly be happy. Yes I am truly happy with my girlfriend who has two grown up boys like I do. Of course she is beautiful and at 40yrs old slightly younger than me at 50. http://spaces.msn.com/studio47

[bendix]

As real as the love of a third-world hooker!

You're starting to make some ludicrous generalisations now, as well as getting offensive.

I sincerely hope you pull your head in when you get here, because otherwise you're going to be very lonely and very bitter.