Violant Thai Woman

[lor]

Just read a long post in this sectiopn by a man who wants to divorce his wife because she beat him and pulled a knife on him

I was wandering how commen this is as I have the same problem.

I have been married to a Thai lady for 9 years now. I should have realised something was wrong because just after we were married we were staying in Chaing Mai. My friend and I fancied going to the local bar for a drink but my wife said she did not want us to go because it was too dangerous! So trying to please her we asked the neighbour, who is a police man, to go with us. He agreed and him and two of her cousins came along with us. We spent a couiple of hours at the bar then decided to go home. My friend and the others decided to go to the toilet before we went home so I was left sitting at the table alone. I glanced up and was surprised to see my wife walking towards me. Before I could say anything a fist hit my face and splattered my nose, blood was everywhere. She was drunk and accused me of being with women, which I wasn't.

Since then she has always been very violant. She would always start by saying something calmly like "I want to talk" but I knew what was coming. She would create an argument and start thumping me in the face and hitting me with things. I never hit her back and just let her pound me till she calmed down. But it got worse.

One time in England she pulled a knife on me and tried to stab me. Her young 5 year old son screamed "No" and jumped in front of her. HJer lunge caught his hand and cut him. This was enough for me and I called the police. They took her to the cells overnight and released her the next day with the advic e that if she was not happy with me she should leave me and they gave her the address of a hostel. I felt like I wasd the one who had done wrong.

Another time she started beating me. For self preservation I left the house and set off driving to my parents house in Manchester but she called me on my mobile and said if I did not go back she would kill herself and the children! So I went back and she immediately started on me again. After some time I managed to hold her off long enough to call a friend for help. He came and took one look at me and took me to Hospital. They kept me in for 2 days for treatment.

She always said she did not like England and wanted to be near her family and criewd about being away from her Mother. In fact all she talked about was missing her mother. So thinking it may make things better we sold up and moved to Thailand. I bought a bar to get some money income, here in Pattaya. We have now been here over 12 months and she has only gone to see her mother twice and then it was only for two days each time!

The beatings continued here. Once again she pulled a knife on me. I ran away and stayed at a friends condo for a couple of days. I came back because of the children. Beatings occured again but this time no knife.

In the end I could take no more and left her. I moved to a room above the bar and she stayed in a house with the kids. She still came to the bar and attacked me here. The time before last I was very hurt and aftwerwards she cried and knelt at my feet saying how sorry she was. I told her we were fininsed and never wanted to see her again. She said she would never come to the bar again. I told her I did not believe her but she insisted that she would not see me again.

The next night I was in my room checking my e-mail when the door flew open and she dashed in, grabbed my hair, pulled my head back and put a knife to my throat saying she was going to kill me and she was ready to die too! We fought while I tried to get the knife out of her hands and then managed to get away from her. I ran to one of the other rooms to wake our staff and ask them to call the police. Then there was a huge smash from my room, when I looked she had smashed the only thing I had left from our seperation (she had taken everything else I owned ) my 50" 2,000 pound Plasma TV was in pieces.

She then started throwing bottles at me and trying to attack me again. The staff managed to pull her away and got her to calm down enough to get her out of the building. No one called the police because they did not want to get involved but I had had enou7gh and phoned them myself. They came and took me to the Police station to make a statement. They said they could sort out a divorce for us but once they found out we had children they seemed to loose interest and said I had to see a lawyer. They then sent me to the Hospital to get my wounds treated.

Now I do not know what to do. Everyone who sees her in the last 2 days confirms what I see, she has lost the plot! She is insane, paranoid and totaly unstable. In England I would call a doctor to her and they would section her and help her but she will not admit she is ill and here no one wants to help. She keeps calling my staff and they say she says the same thing over and over, going around in circles but not listening to what they say.

I started this post becasue I have heard from many men that their Thai mate has beaten them and pulled knives on them, and I just wanted to know how comman this is, and is it normal Thai behavoir. Is it because they see us Farang as stupid and weak by letting them do it? A Thai man would have stopped it before it began with his fist! But this post has changed. I wrote more than I intended and maybe that's becasue I need to talk about it. I am scared! and not sure what to do. All she asks for is money,money,money. When I try to explain there is none, she has had it all and I have nothing left she just gets angry and violant again.

Some people may say what about her side. She does have a side, but it is a mixture of fantasy and paranoia. She says people are trying to drive her insane and I am helpiong them. But even if she had valid reasons to hate me, which she doesn't, nothing justifies her actions. I have offered to give her money every month and pay for school for the children but this is not enough for her. She want a large cash sum now, she says so she can go back to England with the kids. I don't know if that can be believed as everything else she has said is lies. and I am sure once the cash is gone she will be back on me again.

What can I do. I know Lawyers are expensive here, I have no moree savings. She is dangerous and I worry for our children. I forgot to say how I have had to pull her off our son many times as she has hit him with a stick. What can I do here in Thailand to help her, help me and protect our children?

Chris

[Dissolution]

Get a juristic witness. Bring it to the courts, have her certified as an incompetent (i.e. incapable of rational behavior), then divorce based off those grounds, grab your kids and try to move in with your parents while trying to sell off your current residence.

Later, from the proceeds of above mentioned sale, get a new pad and move in with your kids.

As for domestic violence from a Thai/Asian perspective, it's a very very touchy subject, and probably not one to touch on here. Highly inflammable, as it were. It happens, and there are multiple reasons for it, but some prefer to blind themselves to reality. I'm not saying it's justifiable; but to some here, nothing at all, in their experience or to their knowledge or based off their own set of morals and reasoning, will ever justify it.

Good luck mate, you're gonna need it. Close friend of mine got stabbed two months ago, so I can believe what you're saying.

As for:

A Thai man would have stopped it before it began with his fist!

That's stereotyping, and I know many Thai men who, unfortunately, take the beatings in stride. Since, as I'm told, they wouldn't be beating on you if they didn't care two hoots about you, eh? Knifings and attempted homicide is an entirely different issue, as I'm sure anyone would agree.

[popshirt]

Seems that liquor has something to do with it.

[lor]

Thanks for the reply, sorry about the Stereotyping, you are right, not all Thai men beat their wives.

Can you please explain what a juristic witness is.

Thanks in advance

Chris

[sonnyJ]

Sorry to hear of your troubles Chris. Your example seems very extreme to me and I would suggest a quick retreat.

Violent behaviour, let's say usually a bit more moderate, is very common in Thai society by my experience. More common that people are ready to admit here anyway. Probably the main cause being it is accepted generally by the society when nobody sees, in families etc. And this is where the new generation is brought up. I think there are more professional members here to draw a basic psychoanalytical generalization as they will.

I have been pulled knife on many times by my girlfriend, as well as popular throwing of objects. Luckily for me with not enough will to go through with the task at the time. At one instance we were staying at her family's house, I had wrestled they knife off her and by then her mother got in the room and I deposited the knife to her just to be safe. Next day everything was almost forgotten, except it was turned around to be my fault. Somehow I'm still in the same relationship, she has been getting better with her emotions in recent years. But not staying with her family.

Good luck.

[chicowoodduck]

Just an FYI, my former (US) was thrown in the slammer for putting me through a glass door.......it can happen in any county!

[DamianMavis]

Sorry for the tough love response but she is not to blame, you are. She is crazy, but you are sane right? I dont think so..... there is something definately wrong with someone that gets hit EVEN ONE TIME by their lover and stays with them... but time after time after time? You have some issues right? Your parents beat you or something so you think this is normal? Not trying to be insulting but you had no boundaries and that is not normal. Now your childrens lives are at risk becuase of your weakness, well dam_n. I really hope one of them isn murdered by the time you find your testicles. You need to do whatever you have to to get your kids out of this country and away from her. She can get supervised visits once shes gone through serious therapy and on medication. DANG!

Damian

[mark henry]

I was very interested in your story, affraid i'v nothing to say to help with your dire situation other than you need to be strong and get out before she kills you.

I can relate a little to what your going through, my Thai wife although rarely attacking me has an amazingly volitile temper. Often for no reason or a small unintentional stupid comment from me can cause her to scream at me and/or our 2 year old Son. Some times it's totally irrational and impossible to understand why she behaves like a demented child!? However she also has a totally opposite side when she is really "up" like she's on drugs or a small child! I did think i had just been unlucky in my choice of wife but i'v picked up that many of her Thai girl friends are of similar disposition, an angel on the surface with a devil lurking not far behind. I'm sure there are some odd cultural/educational reasons for this but as you know yourself it's hard to understand and you feel so helpless/powerless.

Best of luck to you.

[lor]

DamianMavis - You are probably right. What can I say. The total insanity has only started since I left her and moved into the bar. Before that she was irrational and violant etc but most of the time she was a loving wife, faithful, and a good mother. I told you about a few instances from our 9 year marriage. The rest of the time was mostly good. The bottom line is I loved her, I wanted to believe her excuses and her apologies. I fooled myself into believing the outbursts would never happen again. I was wrong and if anyone else in in the situation where they think it will get better learn from my mistakes. People do not change. A wife beater will always be a wife beater and a husband beater .....

Chris

[seonai]

I am so very sorry to hear about your situation Chris. To answer your question, this is more common than people think. I have several Western and Thai males friends who get beaten by their Thai wives. You do need to get away from her though, with the children. She sounds very very angry.

I know it's really hard cos you want stuff to be okay and you don't want to leave Thailand but it'll eventually drive you insane so go while you can and think of the details later. Do you have support from your parents?

PS:

Oh Chicowoodduck don't dare to says 'it can happen in any country' or else everyone will jump on your head !

[kat]

Get a juristic witness. Bring it to the courts, have her certified as an incompetent (i.e. incapable of rational behavior), then divorce based off those grounds, grab your kids and try to move in with your parents while trying to sell off your current residence.

Later, from the proceeds of above mentioned sale, get a new pad and move in with your kids.

As for domestic violence from a Thai/Asian perspective, it's a very very touchy subject, and probably not one to touch on here. Highly inflammable, as it were. It happens, and there are multiple reasons for it, but some prefer to blind themselves to reality. I'm not saying it's justifiable; but to some here, nothing at all, in their experience or to their knowledge or based off their own set of morals and reasoning, will ever justify it.

Good luck mate, you're gonna need it. Close friend of mine got stabbed two months ago, so I can believe what you're saying.

As for:

A Thai man would have stopped it before it began with his fist!

That's stereotyping, and I know many Thai men who, unfortunately, take the beatings in stride. Since, as I'm told, they wouldn't be beating on you if they didn't care two hoots about you, eh? Knifings and attempted homicide is an entirely different issue, as I'm sure anyone would agree.

I think this is an excellent post, and as a feminist, I also hear Dissolutions's perspective on the domestic violence. But as he said, it's NOT justifiable, regardless of who is doing it. But, we don't live in a perfect world with perfect people, and love is not perfect, so the next question is: can she change and is she remorseful? That is the starting point, but it would have to be seriously backed up by behavior such as seeking professional help and a long reversal and healing process, which your story does not offer.

I can only concur with others that you are the one who needs to take drastic and strategic action now for yourself and your kids.

I hope you can find the help you need.

[chrisspursbkk1]

Sorry for the tough love response but she is not to blame, you are. She is crazy, but you are sane right? I dont think so..... there is something definately wrong with someone that gets hit EVEN ONE TIME by their lover and stays with them... but time after time after time? You have some issues right? Your parents beat you or something so you think this is normal? Not trying to be insulting but you had no boundaries and that is not normal. Now your childrens lives are at risk becuase of your weakness, well dam_n. I really hope one of them isn murdered by the time you find your testicles. You need to do whatever you have to to get your kids out of this country and away from her. She can get supervised visits once shes gone through serious therapy and on medication. DANG!

Damian

Agreed with everything but the comment on the children is a little too harsh, I think that would hurt.

[kat]

I am so very sorry to hear about your situation Chris. To answer your question, this is more common than people think. I have several Western and Thai males friends who get beaten by their Thai wives. You do need to get away from her though, with the children. She sounds very very angry.

I know it's really hard cos you want stuff to be okay and you don't want to leave Thailand but it'll eventually drive you insane so go while you can and think of the details later. Do you have support from your parents?

PS:

Oh Chicowoodduck don't dare to says 'it can happen in any country' or else everyone will jump on your head !

Actually, I agree with your comments above. I have also known a few Western male friends who have been attacked with knives by their partners, or who have been threatened. There have also been articles and studies in the Thai press about the prevalence of this situation.

P.S.

In response to "it can happen in any country" I have a new refrain: We are all people and therefore we are all the same, therefore everybody should just like everybody.

Basically, the same formless, asinine comment package another way

[wasabi]

My wife was much like yours to a lesser degree. "You make me mad I boxing you!" Ever hear that? She told me in her family when they had problem it was solved with fists, blood and tears. I fortunately never hit my wife but when she would break bottles over my head believe me it was very difficult. And a few of the times restraining her she would kick, bite and scream. I am not a big man at all but fortunately I could hold her down. I always knew when I let her go she'd get one last hit in, but I hate to say it but she seemed to only respect me if I overpowered her, which IS NOT my idea of a healthy relationship. She would constantly leave bruises and attack me totally unprovoked, well I'm sure in her mind she had reasons but it was BS, maybe I did the dishes wrong or didn't fold my clothes. Docile little wifey MY A$$! There is never an excuse for violence. I've never instigated a fight in my life and don't plan to. I am so happy we divorced and she is gone. That was three years ago and I still thank buddha everyday I never have to see her again. Everyday!!! The day of our divorce was 100 times happier than our marriage. I know for sure things would have escalated probably to the level they are at with you had we not stopped, she wanted a pay off to go and I was glad to give it, a small price to pay.

I don't want to stereotype all Thais but yes many handle things with violence and for lack of a better understanding I would say are insane. I did see red flags early on like her pinching and getting huffy but had no idea it would just keep escalating. Now the first thing I ask any Thai woman is are you jai yen? If they don't immediately say yes I move on.

[TheDon]

So people are no experts on all asia''s domestic violence.

Yeap i have to say there is only domestic violence is Asia and never in farang land.

[sonnyJ]

DamianMavis - You are probably right. What can I say. The total insanity has only started since I left her and moved into the bar. Before that she was irrational and violant etc but most of the time she was a loving wife, faithful, and a good mother. I told you about a few instances from our 9 year marriage. The rest of the time was mostly good. The bottom line is I loved her, I wanted to believe her excuses and her apologies. I fooled myself into believing the outbursts would never happen again. I was wrong and if anyone else in in the situation where they think it will get better learn from my mistakes. People do not change. A wife beater will always be a wife beater and a husband beater .....

Chris

You could always confront the ones close to her about this "total insanity". She obviously needs some help. You might be able to help her.

[kat]

So people are no experts on all asia''s domestic violence.

Yeap i have to say there is only domestic violence is Asia and never in farang land.

Well, I worked in a domestic violence shelter in the United States, so you would never here me say that.

However, I am not blind to scale, scope, and the distinctive cultural and socio-economic patterns that come into play.

[seonai]

Mine and Chocduck's points exactly Don. Anyway peeps, let's think of ways to help Chris - this is where TV comes into it's own and people rally together to help the OP. What practical advice can we come up with first? Damien is totally correct but it IS hard to leave a person you love so I think physical distance and time to heal and think is what you need Chris. Will your folks help with the children if you turn up in UK? Have they got UK passports and have you got them? I'd prepare as much as you can (without telling her) for doing a runner

[kat]

Yes, I have to say as a child of domestic violence, as a female from a community of prevalent domestic violence, and as a former emergency response intake coordinator in a domestic violence shelter, you should take your cue from the survivors who have gone before you.

And what they all have in common, is that they left, usually in the night or when this person was away, a well-executed plan that pre-meditated well in advance. And then, once you are safe, you should seek therapy for both yourself and your kids.

[stateman]

Just read a long post in this sectiopn by a man who wants to divorce his wife because she beat him and pulled a knife on him

I was wandering how commen this is as I have the same problem.

I have been married to a Thai lady for 9 years now. I should have realised something was wrong because just after we were married we were staying in Chaing Mai. My friend and I fancied going to the local bar for a drink but my wife said she did not want us to go because it was too dangerous! So trying to please her we asked the neighbour, who is a police man, to go with us. He agreed and him and two of her cousins came along with us. We spent a couiple of hours at the bar then decided to go home. My friend and the others decided to go to the toilet before we went home so I was left sitting at the table alone. I glanced up and was surprised to see my wife walking towards me. Before I could say anything a fist hit my face and splattered my nose, blood was everywhere. She was drunk and accused me of being with women, which I wasn't.

Since then she has always been very violant. She would always start by saying something calmly like "I want to talk" but I knew what was coming. She would create an argument and start thumping me in the face and hitting me with things. I never hit her back and just let her pound me till she calmed down. But it got worse.

One time in England she pulled a knife on me and tried to stab me. Her young 5 year old son screamed "No" and jumped in front of her. HJer lunge caught his hand and cut him. This was enough for me and I called the police. They took her to the cells overnight and released her the next day with the advic e that if she was not happy with me she should leave me and they gave her the address of a hostel. I felt like I wasd the one who had done wrong.

Another time she started beating me. For self preservation I left the house and set off driving to my parents house in Manchester but she called me on my mobile and said if I did not go back she would kill herself and the children! So I went back and she immediately started on me again. After some time I managed to hold her off long enough to call a friend for help. He came and took one look at me and took me to Hospital. They kept me in for 2 days for treatment.

She always said she did not like England and wanted to be near her family and criewd about being away from her Mother. In fact all she talked about was missing her mother. So thinking it may make things better we sold up and moved to Thailand. I bought a bar to get some money income, here in Pattaya. We have now been here over 12 months and she has only gone to see her mother twice and then it was only for two days each time!

The beatings continued here. Once again she pulled a knife on me. I ran away and stayed at a friends condo for a couple of days. I came back because of the children. Beatings occured again but this time no knife.

In the end I could take no more and left her. I moved to a room above the bar and she stayed in a house with the kids. She still came to the bar and attacked me here. The time before last I was very hurt and aftwerwards she cried and knelt at my feet saying how sorry she was. I told her we were fininsed and never wanted to see her again. She said she would never come to the bar again. I told her I did not believe her but she insisted that she would not see me again.

The next night I was in my room checking my e-mail when the door flew open and she dashed in, grabbed my hair, pulled my head back and put a knife to my throat saying she was going to kill me and she was ready to die too! We fought while I tried to get the knife out of her hands and then managed to get away from her. I ran to one of the other rooms to wake our staff and ask them to call the police. Then there was a huge smash from my room, when I looked she had smashed the only thing I had left from our seperation (she had taken everything else I owned ) my 50" 2,000 pound Plasma TV was in pieces.

She then started throwing bottles at me and trying to attack me again. The staff managed to pull her away and got her to calm down enough to get her out of the building. No one called the police because they did not want to get involved but I had had enou7gh and phoned them myself. They came and took me to the Police station to make a statement. They said they could sort out a divorce for us but once they found out we had children they seemed to loose interest and said I had to see a lawyer. They then sent me to the Hospital to get my wounds treated.

Now I do not know what to do. Everyone who sees her in the last 2 days confirms what I see, she has lost the plot! She is insane, paranoid and totaly unstable. In England I would call a doctor to her and they would section her and help her but she will not admit she is ill and here no one wants to help. She keeps calling my staff and they say she says the same thing over and over, going around in circles but not listening to what they say.

I started this post becasue I have heard from many men that their Thai mate has beaten them and pulled knives on them, and I just wanted to know how comman this is, and is it normal Thai behavoir. Is it because they see us Farang as stupid and weak by letting them do it? A Thai man would have stopped it before it began with his fist! But this post has changed. I wrote more than I intended and maybe that's becasue I need to talk about it. I am scared! and not sure what to do. All she asks for is money,money,money. When I try to explain there is none, she has had it all and I have nothing left she just gets angry and violant again.

Some people may say what about her side. She does have a side, but it is a mixture of fantasy and paranoia. She says people are trying to drive her insane and I am helpiong them. But even if she had valid reasons to hate me, which she doesn't, nothing justifies her actions. I have offered to give her money every month and pay for school for the children but this is not enough for her. She want a large cash sum now, she says so she can go back to England with the kids. I don't know if that can be believed as everything else she has said is lies. and I am sure once the cash is gone she will be back on me again.

What can I do. I know Lawyers are expensive here, I have no moree savings. She is dangerous and I worry for our children. I forgot to say how I have had to pull her off our son many times as she has hit him with a stick. What can I do here in Thailand to help her, help me and protect our children?

Chris

The Thai Lawyer Council (similar to the bar association in the west) has units to help the people. They can make recommendation on several things.

First off, their main office in Bkk is as follows:

สภาทนายความ เลขที่ 7/89 อาคาร 10 ถนนราชดำเนินกลาง แขวงบวรนิเวศ

เขตพระนคร กรุงเทพมหานคร 10200 โทรศัพท์ 0-2629-1430 (อัตโนมัติ)

The Lawyers Council of Thailand

7/89 Mansion 10, Rajdamnoen Avenue,

Pranakorn District, Bangkok 10200 THAILAND.

Tel. (662) 629-1430 Fax. (662) 282-9907-8

E-mail: [email protected]

-

They have a committee to assist the public with a name like 'Committee to provide legal help (to) the people' (translation is mine)

They even provide volunteer lawyers to advice and partake in the accused's interrogation in criminal cases 24 hours a day! Phone numbers are provided.

ติดต่อทนายความอาสาให้คำปรึกษาและเข้าฟังการสอบปากคำผู้ต้องหาในคดีอาญาได้ 24 ชั่วโมง โทร. 0-2282-9906 และปรึกษาปัญหากฎหมายทางโทรศัพท์ฟรี! ในวันเวลาราชการ โทร. 0-2281-6463, 0-2281-5170, 0-2281-8308 หรือเมล์มาที่อีเมล์ของสภาทนายความด้านขวามือ

Name of the committee members are below:

รายชื่อคณะกรรมการช่วยเหลือประชาชนทางกฎหมาย

นายเดชอุดม ไกรฤทธิ์

นายสุรชัย เลี้ยงบุญเลิศชัย

นายสมัคร เชาวภานันท์

นายสงคราม สกุลพราหมณ์

นายจักร์กริช เจษฎางกูร ณ อยุธยา

นายนิวัติ แก้วล้วน

นายมะโน ทองปาน

นายประกิจ เพชรรัตน์

นายเสงี่ยม บุญจันทร์

นายชวน คงเพชร

ว่าที่พันตรีสมบัติ วงศ์กำแหง

นายสัก กอแสงเรือง

นายดนัย อนันติโย

นายชวลิต อัตถศาสตร์

นายบำรุง ตันจิตติวัฒน์

นางอนงค์พร ธนชัยอารีย์

นายอุดม ศุภกิจ

นายศิริ อาบทิพย์

นายสัมผัส พึ่งประดิษฐ์

นายดามพ์ กิติภัทย์พิบูลย์

นายจักรวาล กาญธีรานนท์

พล.ต.ต.เสวก วัฒนกิจ

แพทย์หญิงคุณหญิงพรทิพย์ โรจนสุนันท์

นายบรรลือ คงจันทร์

There are volunteer lawyers in all parts of the country. Below is the latest list obtained from their website for info of B.E. 2546 or A.D. 2003. You can find out the status for the current year. These are volunteer lawyers on government budget and are located at various courts in many provinces. Below you'll see their locations at the courts in: Cholburi, Pattaya, Rayong, etc.

โครงการทนายความอาสาประจำส่วนราชการ

ประจำปีงบประมาณพ.ศ. 2546

สถานที่ปฏิบัติงานทนายความอาสา ฯ ส่วนภูมิภาค

เดือนกุมภาพันธ์ 2546

ภาค 2

9. ศาลจังหวัดชลบุรี

10.ศาลจังหวัดพัทยา

11.ศาลจังหวัดระยอง

12.ศาลจังหวัดฉะเชิงเทรา

13.ศาลจังหวัดจันทบุรี

14. ศาลจังหวัดสระแก้ว (จ,พ.ศ)

My intent is for this info to be printed out. You may take it to a Thai who could use it to make contacts.

You either try the local court in Pattaya, using a Thai translator. Best is to find someone with a college degree, just to be more knowledgeable. I assume you don't want to use someone working in your bar for certain reasons.

From my experience, Thai lawyer don't have good English. So a translator should be helpful.

There are however many lawyesr with good English. Some pursued their advanced degrees in the West, including England. Those are more likely located in Bkk or at some universities with law colleges (คณะนิติศาสตร์).

You can start with the The Lawyers Council of Thailand in Bkk and ask to talk to someone who can converse in English. Again, a translator can make the initial contact for you.

I used to meet a thai lawyer who do such volunteer work, same as the pro bono service performed by some lawyers in the West. He did it for free.

My point is lawyer can be free to resonably priced to expensive. But affordable ones are availalbe. I am sure thai lawyer is far cheaper than their counterparts in the US (and UK too, I imagine). I'd say if you have to lose your bar and you can shake yourself loนse from this hellish situation, it is worth it!

Back to your case. Your lawyer can pursue the filing of charges at the police station. With the new constitution, the police can be sued and serve jail term for not perform his duty as an officer. Assault is a criminal case for which the police is bound to pursue. It is not his choice. It is not OK for the police to not take your case. It is a lot easier on your side to pursue by someone who is knowledgeable in law than yourself. You need to press charge every single time assault on you and your child happens.

Also important, having established all the filings with the police, sometimes it may help you. If it should get to a point in the future that your defense ended up causing harm to her, for which she may charge you with criminal case to land you in jail for a long time. The established trail of her actions can make a big difference in such outcome for you. That said, I hope you will part way with her long before it gets to the final fight that lands someone in jail.

I believe you should pursue both the criminal side and civil side. For criminal, you as the head of the household need to be aware of your duty to take care of your own and your son's safety. Life is precious. By taking no action you may be respoืsible for the death of yourself and/or your son's. Not cool! This can also force the issue that she getห proper medical treatment by court decree. It sound like this may be the best outcome. Child custody decision may also happen here.

The civil case it about visiting right for your wife, and whether it is safe for her visit. Also child custody decision. How to dissolve the marriage in an orderly manner.

Be brave, be responsible and good luck!

[seonai]

Nice advice Stateman but I agree with Kat and what I said earlier. The OP (Chris) is in danger. I think best for him to do as Kat suggested and very quietly make an escape plan, not telling anyone unless totallt sure of their faithfullness to him. If the wife is unstable and finds out he plans to run she's bound to hurt him - that's what abusers do.

It's a terrible juggling act for Chris cos he will have to try to act 'normally' while scheming up a plan to grab the children - not easy.

Do you think you can do it Chris. Oh and one other important question - do you have friends around you physically right now that can take care of you/put you up?

Awful situation but one day you will see why you have to get away at least until your wife gets help

[sutnyod]

But, we don't live in a perfect world with perfect people, and love is not perfect, so the next question is: can she change and is she remorseful? That is the starting point, but it would have to be seriously backed up by behavior such as ...

Kat, I usually agree with your posts, but this advice (I read it as: stay and try to mend things) is very dangerous at this point. Domestic violence is, as a rule, always escalating. It goes from verbal abuse to smacking to beating and kicking and to ....killing (this includes suicide). Usually people have sufficient self control to stop after the verbal abuse stage or after smacking (I admire the OP for his self-restraint). However, my experience shows that once a person crossed that threshold and has violently beaten or kicked his/her partner, the escalation goes VERY fast. I think for the OP the only safe response is to disappear for now.Including children. Aren't there no safe houses for male victims of violence?

The other part of your advice: the remorse part. Usually the violent partner displays a HUGE amount of remorse and I think they even feel it at that moment. The OP said his wife knelt at his feet. I guess what she did was 'wai' his feet. For a Thai this is the ultimate gesture of submission and apology, the utmost expression of remorse. Still this behavior has had no effect on the further cycle of events. This cycle must be broken and, from what I read, it appears she is not able to.

[gburns57au]

How to put this without sounding harsh....

You failed to set clear boundries early in the relationship along with some bad decisions later and are now paying the price for it. Of course she will be violent because you have allowed her to be and as it has escalated, you have taken weak options to try and resolve it. I dont condone hitting women but if a woman came at me with a knife she'd be on her arse so quick she wouldnt have time to blink. The day she hit you on the nose is the day you should have taken affirmative action, it is too late to do it now. Think of your other reactions....going home to Mum....calling the police etc...always running away or getting others to assist you.

You pandered to her wish to return to Thailand and bought a bar ???....whatever were you thinking?? You have a girl who, according to you is highly emotional and jealous, so you buy a bar, the first attack was because you went to a bar and was accused of being with another woman...if you cant see the problem here, then you are in trouble. And to top it off you leave her and go and live at the bar....!!!!

Your wife may be all you have said....but from what you have said the fault is not all hers....what you havent told us is how she reacts around others when you are not there, does she exhibit this "irrationality" around others or just where you are concerned.

Should you get out of it....yes, you should....leave her and go back to the UK alone....I suspect that her problem is with you alone, the kids will be fine. It is not unusual for Thai women to beat their kids with a stick, I have seen it many times, no different to what happened to a lot of us as kids before the do gooders decided that it was bad for us.

[duchovny]

These violent Thai girls are certainly not representative of most Thai girls.

It is classical behavior of a small percentage of the Thai population with various personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder that is mainly bought about from being abused (usually sexually) as children.

These girls usually end up working in the "entertainment industry" and since a large % of Farang get their wives/gf's from such places they will experience this type of Thai girl more often than is usual. It is difficult to detect at first, it's only after you've been with them for a while that their true personality comes to the fore.

My Thai gf is not from the "industry" and is a normal, well balanced, wonderful person. As are her friends.

Just another thing to consider if you are contemplating taking a companion from the "industry".

[TheDon]

Thai girls generally are viewed very diffently by westerners because most guys who have Thai girls are from the redlight districts (remember im generalising here) and there experiences with them leads them to think all Thai girls are simular. Thai girls in general are reall conservative which many farangs wont agree with due to there own experiences in Thailand around the redlight districts.

Also Thai girls that live around the redlight discrict or grew up there will tend to be alittle more aggressive then other Thai girls. Just like in all countries I guess.

And just might add, if anyone pulled a knife on me i would put them in hospital no matter what sex they are. Threaten my life and i will hurt you

[jayjayjayjay]

Chris,

Let me mirror my own experience.

Married then divorced 8.5 years.

Wife pulled a knife, threw plates, gave my daughter a black eye, put a rope around my neck and pulled my off the bed while asleep. The list goes on. After about yr 5 I new I had to get out of this relationship. I recorded everything with cameras, I made police reports including taking my daughter there after she was hit. All in all, there were few people who wanted to go in front of a judge to testify what a case she was, as with your situation, at other times she was an energetic likeable person with lots of friends. I set a strategy, I knew I would need to show clearly in a legal sense the continuious behaviour, this was achieved with photos, dated and recorded in a scape book format, police reports were all filed carefully. I waited until my two daughters were old enough to understand the reason mum and dad could not stay together again. They agreed that to stop mummy from screeming and throwing things in the house that it was a good idea for daddy to live in a different house. This worked very very well.

It took 12 months for divorce proceedings to go through. I gained full custody, and allow my girls to spend a few days every week with their mother. Life for me is excellent.

You made 2 strange decissions:

1. You sold up in UK and moved to Pattaya.

2. You have run yourself short of money and as we know your not going to get a decent salary doing anything here.

Get a good lawyer, someone you can speak good English with if your Thai is not 100%. Be very specific, give the lawyer an incentive to win the case,ie 50% now, 50% paid the day entering the court room and an additional 100% bonus paid direct to the lawyer if he meets your objectives, paid on signing by the judge of the court judgement. Hop on a plane to UK and re-establish your life immediately staying as others have recommended with your parents. Work and pay the lawyer to manage the divorce here. DO NOT accept her bargaining when she is loving and caring towards you....... Gain custody of your child/children and relocate them..... This will all take 2 to 3 years. Do not do it for her or yourself(you've been pretty much an idiot so far, sorry!!), but do it for your children...

[sonnyJ]

These violent Thai girls are certainly not representative of most Thai girls.

It is classical behavior of a small percentage of the Thai population with various personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder that is mainly bought about from being abused (usually sexually) as children.

These girls usually end up working in the "entertainment industry" and since a large % of Farang get their wives/gf's from such places they will experience this type of Thai girl more often than is usual. It is difficult to detect at first, it's only after you've been with them for a while that their true personality comes to the fore.

My Thai gf is not from the "industry" and is a normal, well balanced, wonderful person. As are her friends.

Just another thing to consider if you are contemplating taking a companion from the "industry".

I agree with the first part of your 2nd sentence, except so called "BPD" seems to be far more common in Asia than on the Occidental reality.

Otherwise your post is full of crap.

[Mobi]

Women and men are involved in domestic violence all over the world, and certainly Asian men and women are not unique in this respect.

Having said that, I can equivocally state that there is a high incidence towards violence amongst many Thai women - often but not always - alcohol related.

Through the years, I have personally experienced varying degrees of violence with a number of Thai women , ranging from mental cruelty and violence to property ( quite common), to personal violence to myself (fairly rare).

Your case seems to be very extreme, and one which you cannot and should not tolerate for any longer than it takes to safely plan your exit.

I do not know what it is that drives some of these women to violence against their farang husbands. Maybe it is a cultural thing, maybe it is due to a deprived childhood, or maybe it is the fear of losing what they have attained, and that the only way they can think of to hold onto their 'security' is to scare their husbands into submission. Those with better knowledge than me can hypothesise - all that I know is that it is not at all uncommon. Indeed my ex wife, of which I write below, came from a good middle class Bangkok family, and had a decent eduction in Singapore as well as attending good schools in Thailand.

Maybe men such as ourselves attract such women, or bring out the worst in such women. I really don't know.

At the end of the day,the only way I could safely leave my ex wife of many years, and the mother of my two children, was to fool her into thinking I was in Thailand, when in fact I was back in England, moving out, gearing up the lawyers, and securing the safety of my daughters. If I had tried to do this in an honest and 'civilised' manner, I know full well that 'World War 3' would have broken out, and I would be unlikely to have survived with my body in tact, to say nothing of the destruction of my property. As it is, I did manage a 'civilised' divorce, and she received a fair settlement and is living happily in England and the daughters still have a relationship with her. The point I am making here, is that with violent , unstable and unreasonable women, you have to be very careful, and plan your exit strategy carefully. It's difficult, but it can be done.

Good luck, and take care.

[duchovny]

<br />

These violent Thai girls are certainly not representative of most Thai girls.<br />It is classical behavior of a small percentage of the Thai population with various personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder that is mainly bought about from being abused (usually sexually) as children.<br />These girls usually end up working in the "entertainment industry" and since a large % of Farang get their wives/gf's from such places they will experience this type of Thai girl more often than is usual. It is difficult to detect at first, it's only after you've been with them for a while that their true personality comes to the fore.<br />My Thai gf is not from the "industry" and is a normal, well balanced, wonderful person. As are her friends.<br />Just another thing to consider if you are contemplating taking a companion from the "industry".

<br /><br /><br />I agree with the first part of your 2nd sentence, except so called "BPD" seems to be far more common in Asia than on the Occidental reality.<br />Otherwise your post is full of crap.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

Please, tell us more O' wise one.

[wolfmanjack]

Nice advice Stateman but I agree with Kat and what I said earlier. The OP (Chris) is in danger. I think best for him to do as Kat suggested and very quietly make an escape plan, not telling anyone unless totallt sure of their faithfullness to him. If the wife is unstable and finds out he plans to run she's bound to hurt him - that's what abusers do.

It's a terrible juggling act for Chris cos he will have to try to act 'normally' while scheming up a plan to grab the children - not easy.

Do you think you can do it Chris. Oh and one other important question - do you have friends around you physically right now that can take care of you/put you up?

Awful situation but one day you will see why you have to get away at least until your wife gets help

How in the hel_l big is this girl ????

Get yourself a length of rope, tie her ass up and drag her to the mental hospital. Buy some handcuffs if you can't tie a knot.

Seriously. It sounds like she is a bipolar schizophrenic. After the birth of my second child my wife went into post partum stress syndrome. She started all this crazy shit. I went to the hospital to see if they could come and get her. They told me that they could not come and get her but i could get her to the hospital by any means necessary then they would treat her and the only way she could get out is if i signed. The next time she freaked out and started throwing shit i hog tied her and drug to the hospital. She got treatment and is now better. Do it for the kids.

If you do a runner then you will be the bad guy in the eyes of the law. Also your wife will not get the help she needs.