What Do I Do

[binnsy]

so what does the future hold for you macb...?

Well Mac will be fine and he is a really decent bloke,not a piss head and as for the future his number one priority will be his daughter followed by himself and best wishes go to him whreever he lays his hat.

[macb]

BINNSY :

Cheers mate to you and the missus and thanks for the offer of the hotel room at the time keep in touch mate

[Naam]

The day my wife wants a maid and quits cooking, cleaning and washing my clothes is the day I start looking for a new wife.

that's a matter of perspective Gary. the day my wife fires the maid, starts cooking, cleaning the house and washing my clothes is the day when i have no other choice than to admit her into a mental asylum and (unfortunately) start looking for a new wife

[the gent]

Whilst the phenomenon of ' being in love ' as a basis for marriage is a cultural marker of the Occident I don't think the same could possibly be said of the poor rural Thai/Khmer society as observed in what passes for Isaan. Yet many of us cling to the hope that ' our ' relationships will somehow succeed where many fail despite the cultural differences and a disparity in age that would doom most others elsewhere in the world.

Don't be too hard on yourself or your estranged wife. Young ill educated folk can't be criticised for behaving differently to those rather more advantaged in arriving at decisions they think are in their best interests. Whether or not you conclude that economic betterment was her primary motive in contracting the relationship is frankly irrelevant and not worth beating yourself up over. The fact is it has ended and you must now continue onto the next stage of your life.

Quite why you think that at 58 you are too old to assume responsibility for your baby daughter is somewhat mystifying given that you are committed to living in Thailand where the cost of doing so is such that your police pension is more than sufficient to provide for you both and the services of a sound nanny/maid wherever you choose to live. Assuming you are in good health and the thread by which we all hang does not unravel prematurely there is every expectation you have another 20 good years left during which time the child's development and education is assured until maturity. Access by the wife will doubtless vary according to whim but my experience of young Isaan folk leads me to suspect their own self interests will be paramount. Practicality is the watchword here and so it is important you resist any temptation to wallow in useless sentiment.

Presumably, you are where you are simply because that is where the wife's family live. Unless you are terminally attracted to the bucolic charms of rural life ( heaven forbid !) it may well be a good idea to return to civilisation and re-establish yourself as soon as you can. Look on the bright side, you may have lost a wife but you have gained your freedom from the demands of her wretched family..........if only, if only.

[Tinkelbell]

Hi macb,

I'm one of those friends you found on this forum.

Having reading many-many of your threads, I come to see that you're a decent guy with fair mind. It's sad that your wife is treating you this way.

She does not realise what a terrific husband you are, until she lost it. For a lousy and mean spirited wife like her , she deserves it anyway.

Be strong and hold your head high. Give yourself and your baby more love each day...... Spouse comes and goes, but the baby is part of your own flesh. I want you to remember that.

Good luck to your future !

your forum friend: Tinkelbell

[macb]

Whilst the phenomenon of ' being in love ' as a basis for marriage is a cultural marker of the Occident I don't think the same could possibly be said of the poor rural Thai/Khmer society as observed in what passes for Isaan. Yet many of us cling to the hope that ' our ' relationships will somehow succeed where many fail despite the cultural differences and a disparity in age that would doom most others elsewhere in the world.

Don't be too hard on yourself or your estranged wife. Young ill educated folk can't be criticised for behaving differently to those rather more advantaged in arriving at decisions they think are in their best interests. Whether or not you conclude that economic betterment was her primary motive in contracting the relationship is frankly irrelevant and not worth beating yourself up over. The fact is it has ended and you must now continue onto the next stage of your life.

Quite why you think that at 58 you are too old to assume responsibility for your baby daughter is somewhat mystifying given that you are committed to living in Thailand where the cost of doing so is such that your police pension is more than sufficient to provide for you both and the services of a sound nanny/maid wherever you choose to live. Assuming you are in good health and the thread by which we all hang does not unravel prematurely there is every expectation you have another 20 good years left during which time the child's development and education is assured until maturity. Access by the wife will doubtless vary according to whim but my experience of young Isaan folk leads me to suspect their own self interests will be paramount. Practicality is the watchword here and so it is important you resist any temptation to wallow in useless sentiment.

Presumably, you are where you are simply because that is where the wife's family live. Unless you are terminally attracted to the bucolic charms of rural life ( heaven forbid !) it may well be a good idea to return to civilisation and re-establish yourself as soon as you can. Look on the bright side, you may have lost a wife but you have gained your freedom from the demands of her wretched family..........if only, if only.

Great input thanks :

Well now that the initial scenario came to its peak I am on positive thinking ground, yes my daughter is priority and this will all be dealt with in good time:

A mistake was made by me but I can add to the other mistakes I made in my life, there has now been no contact from my estranged wife for 3 days now, in due course I will make contact to start the discussion on an agreement which is very simple and should be grasped by any person with a sense reasoning :

There is no downgrading of the culture or the women meant in any context, just multi racial mis understandings :

I feel very relaxed but again miss my little daughter ;

[macb]

Hi macb,

I'm one of those friends you found on this forum.

Having reading many-many of your threads, I come to see that you're a decent guy with fair mind. It's sad that your wife is treating you this way.

She does not realise what a terrific husband you are, until she lost it. For a lousy and mean spirited wife like her , she deserves it anyway.

Be strong and hold your head high. Give yourself and your baby more love each day...... Spouse comes and goes, but the baby is part of your own flesh. I want you to remember that.

Good luck to your future !

your forum friend: Tinkelbell

Thanks for your support 'Tinkerbell' now why that name maybe it would be a PM answer mmmmmmm

[macb]

It appears from the many supporters here , well not so much supporters but Forum friends that the novel that I promised will soon be another war and piece epic

Well it will be written when my life is settled and I can actually sit at the keyboard without being disturbed but more supported by a good partner :

If that comes comes across as a selfish comment is was not meant, it seems that my life may now be pursuing a literary path as well, something inside is telling me that I have many writings about my life that need to be published

[mailman]

Mac, been reading this thread since it started and it sounds like you are making progress

and getting support from friends!

I think it would be good, if you could get custody of your daughter, if possible,

your not too old and with someone helping you, it would work fine.

One thing to really think about is, if your Ex-wife keeps custody, you will be forever going back

to Buriram, still linked with her, her family and all the drama and excitement that goes with it (phone calls...)!

Think about it, if you had a choice, is that what you want? In this situation, If it was me,

I would try very hard to get custody and get disconnected from the ex-wife. Good luck...

Easier said then done maybe..

[Gary A]

Presumably, you are where you are simply because that is where the wife's family live. Unless you are terminally attracted to the bucolic charms of rural life ( heaven forbid !) it may well be a good idea to return to civilisation and re-establish yourself as soon as you can. Look on the bright side, you may have lost a wife but you have gained your freedom from the demands of her wretched family..........if only, if only.

I would rate you a 9 on the scale of 1 to 10 for the snob and better than thou factor. I have been accused of living in the boonies because I can't afford to live near civilization. If ONLY I had made the decision to live up country sooner. Being content has always been my goal and for the first time in my life I am content. It's certainly NOT for everyone but it suits me just fine.

[99BigLad99]

Just a quick post Mac is staying with me at the moment and the gradual change in him is nice to see he has now gone from being very depressed to looking to the future and sorting things out, having known Mac through a fair bit of his life like 23 years i will confirm that you could not have a better guy at looking after his wife it is just that he falls in love too quick and next time round i think an arranged marriage will suit him better rather than choosing for himself some how. Joking apart some of the opportunities open to him now I think will suit him down to the ground and improve his lot, I would like to say thanks for all the support and comments given by members here as it has shown him that he is not alone in his plight he is not the first and will not be the last to go through all this heart ache, plus it has been a very good outlet for his feelings and opinions that he finds difficult to express in speech.

Cheers to all you guys for helping Mac

[Bicko]

Just a quick post Mac is staying with me at the moment and the gradual change in him is nice to see he has now gone from being very depressed to looking to the future and sorting things out, having known Mac through a fair bit of his life like 23 years i will confirm that you could not have a better guy at looking after his wife it is just that he falls in love too quick and next time round i think an arranged marriage will suit him better rather than choosing for himself some how. Joking apart some of the opportunities open to him now I think will suit him down to the ground and improve his lot, I would like to say thanks for all the support and comments given by members here as it has shown him that he is not alone in his plight he is not the first and will not be the last to go through all this heart ache, plus it has been a very good outlet for his feelings and opinions that he finds difficult to express in speech.

Cheers to all you guys for helping Mac

Yes Mac is a good bloke and he deserves every bit of support that he gets

From a Buri Ram bloke who has enjoyed a few cold beers with the man.

We will miss you in our part of the world Mac.

[Prakanong]

Just a quick post Mac is staying with me at the moment and the gradual change in him is nice to see he has now gone from being very depressed to looking to the future and sorting things out, having known Mac through a fair bit of his life like 23 years i will confirm that you could not have a better guy at looking after his wife it is just that he falls in love too quick and next time round i think an arranged marriage will suit him better rather than choosing for himself some how. Joking apart some of the opportunities open to him now I think will suit him down to the ground and improve his lot, I would like to say thanks for all the support and comments given by members here as it has shown him that he is not alone in his plight he is not the first and will not be the last to go through all this heart ache, plus it has been a very good outlet for his feelings and opinions that he finds difficult to express in speech.

Cheers to all you guys for helping Mac

Do you really think he should be even looking or considering , "the opportunities open to him now I think will suit him down to the ground and improve his lot" so soon?

He is still on the rebound to use the colloquial term but I am sure there is more technical terms for it. Jumping right back on the horse so to speak is probably not a good idea and he needs time to work through these things and then enter a new relationship with a clear head and rational thought that is distanced from the emotional trauma he has elucidated on this thread.

It is vey early door's and time is needed but with the good friends and support he has he will be fine but to lurch right into another relationship just because there are offers there from women he does not know seems a tad silly.

[macb]

Dont panic guys I will not be jumping into the fire ,bits good for my ego to know that I am still salable comodity for want of a better phrase:

I need to have some fun and just experience some loving care and attention etc etc etc

[macb]

Well this morning rang Ron Thompson he confirms that my daughter looks well as the ex went to see his wife and had a beer, Ron said she looked very happy:

Well the two pieces of information please me, there has been no communication from that end for 3 days now:

well if the wife is happy and I am happy thats good lets hope the final agreements will be as easy :

Thanks again to everyone and MGC . Thanks Ron for keeping me inforfmed

Yes I did miss the fish and chips Char (Ron's wife bless her)

[Vegemite]

Thank you SBK for taking the sensible option. I guess at the moment my luck is really down. I met a wonderful girl at the weekend. Seemed perfect. Everything you could want. Unfortunately she made off this morning with last nights takings. And she was not a bar girl, just a normal working girl. She would not even spend the night with me until we were married. Bad luck I left the takings in my clothes which she conveniently cleared up for me.My ex did take the funny side of it though and helped me track her down. of which we got 1,000 back. But still as the expat put it, people are not really interested in stuff like that ( although apparantly he makes his living writing things like that)

Are you joking????????????????

Not???????????????

How many bad cards can you draw from a pack????????????

[Prakanong]

Dont panic guys I will not be jumping into the fire ,bits good for my ego to know that I am still salable comodity for want of a better phrase:

I need to have some fun and just experience some loving care and attention etc etc etc

And good for you - have fun for a while and enjoy the limelight - everyones ego needs care and attention sometimes.

[pumpuiman]

Mac,

Please be very careful when proposing your "final agreement"

She has by your admission been taking advantage of you for years....she will not have a change of heart at the bargaining table.

You, I'm sure have come up with a fair and equitable arrangement......she will not see the logic in it......guaranteed.

Don't for a minute believe that she will agree with your plan.....no matter how attractive....She will want more

Don't lay all your cards on the table......She will astonish you with her greed and lack of common sense and decency.....I've witnessed it many times, watching friends...and my brother go through divorce.

Mac, I cannot stress enough how important it is to play this foolish negotiating game. It seems Idiotic and unnecessary...But is vital.

Mac...Please

Do not...I repeat..Do not.....tell her what you want.

You have to tell her you want double that.

Then settle for half.

Mac...Please

Do not...I repeat..Do not.....tell her what you want.

You have to tell her you want double that.

Then settle for half.

Mac...Please

Do not...I repeat..Do not.....tell her what you want.

You have to tell her you want double that.

Then settle for half.

[ray23]

Couldn't agree more with negoations. Personally I would pay the attorney to do that, a third party that represents your interests and has no emotion involved. But thats me just know myself to well I know I wold fold wanting to jut move on. But if you can hold your own in that sisituation then by all means do it yourself.

By the way I would double the request with the lawyer as well. Your not going to get a fair settlement at first no matter who you have persent it. It will take time, in the end you will have to live a very long time with what you agree to at the moment. In the meantime yuo can go about living your life and enjoying it. She is the one that will be sweating nails.

If she gets past her village advisors and actually seek legal advice she will find that Thai Law says 50% of the assets gained in the marriage which does not include your retirement. In reality with your generous nature she has much more to lose then you do.

One lat word thi i not a time to be generous with monthy moines, give he waht it take to take care of the child. If she can not ot will not abide by that. Then arrrange temprary housing for the child until such time this is complete. That is her major chip in this take that away for her a soon a possible if she abuses it. You have had many offers to help, talk to them and find out what it would cost for them to give the child it's needs and a good basis, pay not one more baht then that.

Never forget it will be just as easy if not easier to visit you daughter there. At her age she is not going to a have a clue as to what is going on. Would you really be that far away from being raised in a normal childhood for a Issan child. Remember here the norm is for the grandparents to raise the child. So her life really won't be that different in a loving, clean and safe enviornment.

[macb]

Mac,

Please be very careful when proposing your "final agreement"

She has by your admission been taking advantage of you for years....she will not have a change of heart at the bargaining table.

You, I'm sure have come up with a fair and equitable arrangement......she will not see the logic in it......guaranteed.

Don't for a minute believe that she will agree with your plan.....no matter how attractive....She will want more

Don't lay all your cards on the table......She will astonish you with her greed and lack of common sense and decency.....I've witnessed it many times, watching friends...and my brother go through divorce.

Mac, I cannot stress enough how important it is to play this foolish negotiating game. It seems Idiotic and unnecessary...But is vital.

Mac...Please

Do not...I repeat..Do not.....tell her what you want.

You have to tell her you want double that.

Then settle for half.

Mac...Please

Do not...I repeat..Do not.....tell her what you want.

You have to tell her you want double that.

Then settle for half.

Mac...Please

Do not...I repeat..Do not.....tell her what you want.

You have to tell her you want double that.

Then settle for half.

I GOT IT MATE I GOT IT I HAVE READ AND CONCURRED THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO

[macb]

Couldn't agree more with negoations. Personally I would pay the attorney to do that, a third party that represents your interests and has no emotion involved. But thats me just know myself to well I know I wold fold wanting to jut move on. But if you can hold your own in that sisituation then by all means do it yourself.

By the way I would double the request with the lawyer as well. Your not going to get a fair settlement at first no matter who you have persent it. It will take time, in the end you will have to live a very long time with what you agree to at the moment. In the meantime yuo can go about living your life and enjoying it. She is the one that will be sweating nails.

If she gets past her village advisors and actually seek legal advice she will find that Thai Law says 50% of the assets gained in the marriage which does not include your retirement. In reality with your generous nature she has much more to lose then you do.

One lat word thi i not a time to be generous with monthy moines, give he waht it take to take care of the child. If she can not ot will not abide by that. Then arrrange temprary housing for the child until such time this is complete. That is her major chip in this take that away for her a soon a possible if she abuses it. You have had many offers to help, talk to them and find out what it would cost for them to give the child it's needs and a good basis, pay not one more baht then that.

Never forget it will be just as easy if not easier to visit you daughter there. At her age she is not going to a have a clue as to what is going on. Would you really be that far away from being raised in a normal childhood for a Issan child. Remember here the norm is for the grandparents to raise the child. So her life really won't be that different in a loving, clean and safe enviornment.

Thanks again Ray23: It will all be done in my time when I am ready : I know my daughter is looking healthy so that makes me feel better, I doubt she knows I am aware of this she may be thinking I have just forgotten the daughter but I have not:

[pumpuiman]

I GOT IT MATE I GOT IT I HAVE READ AND CONCURRED THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO

Good man, sorry to beat it into your head.....it's just so very important.

One more thing...Don't settle too quickly. Give it a few days between bouts.

She will be walking away from negotiations to tell all her friends and family your offer. Even if she has agreed previously....she will change her mind after they tell her to go for more.(You are the walking ATM)

So take your time, don't give in too early.

When an agreement has been reached, go immediately to the Amphur to ratify it.

My wife and I are both pulling for you Mac,

Choke dee,

Eric

[paulsmithson]

Has the other guy surfaced yet Mac?

I do not mean to hurt you with these words--but there is always some scumbag lurking in the shadows in these circumstances.

You tried your best pal! No one could do more.

Make sure that the last laugh is yours.

Take you time choosing a replacement. Believee me there are many good women who make excellent wives here in Thailand.

Do not debase your self with bar girls! The odds are against you ever finding genuine love and regard there

[macb]

I GOT IT MATE I GOT IT I HAVE READ AND CONCURRED THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO

Good man, sorry to beat it into your head.....it's just so very important.

One more thing...Don't settle too quickly. Give it a few days between bouts.

She will be walking away from negotiations to tell all her friends and family your offer. Even if she has agreed previously....she will change her mind after they tell her to go for more.(You are the walking ATM)

So take your time, don't give in too early.

When an agreement has been reached, go immediately to the Amphur to ratify it.

My wife and I are both pulling for you Mac,

Choke dee,

Eric

Your a star mate and so is your wife and the others on here. I will PM you mate

[macb]

Has the other guy surfaced yet Mac?

I do not mean to hurt you with these words--but there is always some scumbag lurking in the shadows in these circumstances.

You tried your best pal! No one could do more.

Make sure that the last laugh is yours.

Take you time choosing a replacement. Believe me there are many good women who make excellent wives here in Thailand.

Do not debase your self with bar girls! The odds are against you ever finding genuine love and regard there

Well if she has got another guy I don't know when she fitted him in and if she has he aint going to be father to my daughter

[aussiecollin]

Thank you SBK for taking the sensible option. I guess at the moment my luck is really down. I met a wonderful girl at the weekend. Seemed perfect. Everything you could want. Unfortunately she made off this morning with last nights takings. And she was not a bar girl, just a normal working girl. She would not even spend the night with me until we were married. Bad luck I left the takings in my clothes which she conveniently cleared up for me.My ex did take the funny side of it though and helped me track her down. of which we got 1,000 back. But still as the expat put it, people are not really interested in stuff like that ( although apparantly he makes his living writing things like that)

Release Tiger from the leash, sharpen his claws and drop him on her lap.

[PeaceBlondie]

Pardon me for commenting here as a stranger, but somebody finally said that Macb could raise the daughter. Yes, for the next many years, he could, he can, and he should, in my inexpert opinion. I found myself raising 3 children all by myself around age 54, while still employed full time. My wife was raised by loving parents who had her at ages 43 and 48. If he can only do it for 5 or 10 years, that will give his daughter precious memories of a loving father. The mother is obviously unfit as a parent, and so are her family.

Macb, ask for custody if you want to raise your little girl. That's my advice.

[LaoPo]

What happened, as I'm sure this thread was closed an hour or 2/3 ago...per request of the OP....?

LaoPo

[LoieLouie]

Well if he hasn't closed it he should have a long time ago. The first advice any GOOD lawyer will give you is to STOP TALKING! especially if the client is contemplating legal action such as divorce settlement or child custody. I sometimes imagine Mrs. Macb sitting in a Buriram internet shop with her English reading girlfriends -- or her lawyer -- reviewing and giggling all the actions, strategies or opinions suggested here or what the OP intends to do next... Good luck Macb. Now: clam up!

[blizzard]

whats multi racial mis understandings?

dude ,to carry on further its better if u just say you picked one of "those" sterreotypical thai gurl so many fall for .

can someone explain simply this phenomenon. does any one have stats, like for every one of these , how many have hapy endngs?

1 sad, 5 hapy.

or

5 sad one happy?

Edited December 6, 2007 by blizzard