Thai Partners' Who Don't Take The Families Side

[mixed]

With all the bashing of rural Thais that goes on here, I'd like to know how many ppl have actually found their Thai partners get sick of the family always asking and never giving in return.

Everyone is always having a go at the bar girls, but I'm sure there are those who realize the only one who's ever really helped them out is their partner. Not just by taking them out of the bar, but also by encouraging them to study/work and have more confidence in themselves.

In contrast they may have realized their families had no problem with them working in a bar and just wanted the cash.

I'm not just talking about bar girls, but rural Thai men/women in general. Usually one sibling will be a good worker and the rest a bit lazy, often there's a brother who is worse than useless.

It would be good to hear some postive experiences for a change.

[geriatrickid]

You just described a lot of family mentalities in the west.

[thaimate]

With all the bashing of rural Thais that goes on here, I'd like to know how many ppl have actually found their Thai partners get sick of the family always asking and never giving in return.

Everyone is always having a go at the bar girls, but I'm sure there are those who realize the only one who's ever really helped them out is their partner. Not just by taking them out of the bar, but also by encouraging them to study/work and have more confidence in themselves.

In contrast they may have realized their families had no problem with them working in a bar and just wanted the cash.

I'm not just talking about bar girls, but rural Thai men/women in general. Usually one sibling will be a good worker and the rest a bit lazy, often there's a brother who is worse than useless.

It would be good to hear some postive experiences for a change.

my wife invariably takes my side ,maybe its because she has lived in the west with me for quite a few years ,as well as now living here in thailand, she was not a bar girl but came from what you could describe as a respectable familly with money.

but after saying that many years ago i had a long relationship with a girl i met in a bar ,although she loved her mum very much ,again she took my side .

so you pays your money and takes your choice.

[idrankwhat]

I have to say honestly my Thai family has helped me out a lot more than my American family ever did.

[Smithson]

my wife invariably takes my side ,maybe its because she has lived in the west with me for quite a few years ,as well as now living here in thailand, she was not a bar girl but came from what you could describe as a respectable familly with money.

but after saying that many years ago i had a long relationship with a girl i met in a bar ,although she loved her mum very much ,again she took my side .

so you pays your money and takes your choice.

I've had similar experiences with girls, I think a lot of farang make the mistake of giving them money for doing nothing and sending money home because they think they have to. Just tell them you're basically broke and see if they hang around.

[Thai at Heart]

With all the bashing of rural Thais that goes on here, I'd like to know how many ppl have actually found their Thai partners get sick of the family always asking and never giving in return.

Everyone is always having a go at the bar girls, but I'm sure there are those who realize the only one who's ever really helped them out is their partner. Not just by taking them out of the bar, but also by encouraging them to study/work and have more confidence in themselves.

In contrast they may have realized their families had no problem with them working in a bar and just wanted the cash.

I'm not just talking about bar girls, but rural Thai men/women in general. Usually one sibling will be a good worker and the rest a bit lazy, often there's a brother who is worse than useless.

It would be good to hear some postive experiences for a change.

Probably the most important thing for a good marriage in Thailand, is that when all the chips are down, your missus takes your side. That doesn't necessarily mean always saying no, but running a house needs husband and wife on the same page over most issues.

[lazeeboy]

my wifes family work for me except one brother ,he asks for money but the wife says no ,come and work for us and we'll pay you,he's lazy and wont work,always thinking the westerner (ME) is rich and can afford to give him,unlike him i worked hard for what i have ,everything i have i made in thailand and tell him this ,if you work you will get money if you dont then thats your problem , my wife thinks he's an idiot...

[villagefarang]

Reading people in a cross cultural environment is difficult enough, even when you are not being led around by your pekker. If guys would spend a little more time figuring out the rules of the game before they started to play, there might be fewer sob stories and vitriolic rants adorning these pages.

Yes my lovely wife always has my back, just as I always have hers.

[pampal]

family units are tighter here, and some ppl appreciate that, and others don't like it

[Smithson]

family units are tighter here, and some ppl appreciate that, and others don't like it

I've heard that said a lot over here, how important the family is. But it's amazing how happy they seem to be to rip each other off. I see the Chinese working together as a family, pooling savings etc. But the Thais seem to drag each other down, borrow money, not help out when needed, always need to be bailed out of a crisis, especially the brothers/sons.

[matte]

family units are tighter here, and some ppl appreciate that, and others don't like it

Mhmm, and a family consists basicly of wife, husband and kids. Then comes the parents. Even the husbands parents. And so on down to cousins and further.

If a farang is equipped with a sick, elderly mother living in a prospect, having Whiskas for dinner, maybe his wife would see it fit to contribute to that mother too?

[naka]

With all the bashing of rural Thais that goes on here, I'd like to know how many ppl have actually found their Thai partners get sick of the family always asking and never giving in return.

Everyone is always having a go at the bar girls, but I'm sure there are those who realize the only one who's ever really helped them out is their partner. Not just by taking them out of the bar, but also by encouraging them to study/work and have more confidence in themselves.

In contrast they may have realized their families had no problem with them working in a bar and just wanted the cash.

I'm not just talking about bar girls, but rural Thai men/women in general. Usually one sibling will be a good worker and the rest a bit lazy, often there's a brother who is worse than useless.

It would be good to hear some postive experiences for a change.

Come on Mixed ... Give us your side.

Naka.

[Padkapow Guy]

The wife and I have been married over 18 years and the only money she has given her family is to help out during her mothers funeral. When we visit Thailand we always pay for everything but never give away money for nothing. When the family knows we are in Thailand they come from all over makeing overnight bus trips just to get the chance to ask for money. We have never given them any. The most we will do is give them the bus fare back to where they came from.

It never fails they are full of excuse why they need money. But my wife always ask them what would they do if she was not in Thailand and tells them thats what they should do now. Other than my wife there is only one sister who is not lazy and works her butt off, and the funny thing is she never asks for money. I think the problem is to many falangs give to much money there thai families and word gets around that the dumb falangs give away money. Now they all expect it. Some lose face with their friends when they don't get anything after bragging about having a falang relative. After all these years of visiting thailand and explaining to them that we have to save our money all year so we can visit thailand they still don't get it and probably never will.

bottom line is my thai wife is on my side.

PKG

[jaiyenyen]

My Thai wife has eight brothers and sisters.

About 10 years ago my wife lost her Thai husband in a road accident, they had three children together. She lost everything, business, home, husband and major breadwinner.

Only one sister helped her to get back on her feet. Once she had sorted herself out financially ( by getting a job and a one room apartment) the other brothers and sisters started asking for loans, NON were ever repaid.

Then we met, and after three years we got married. Apart from the one sister who helped her all those years ago, they have all approached me for money. I have to admit that I have sometimes given in to their demands, but only after they have signed their land over to my wife.

Things have got to the stage now where they complain, not about me, but that my wife has forgotten herself, and should do more to help the family ( yeah, right, like they helped her 10 years ago)

It's a shame, because I really did want to enjoy being part of a big family, but right now, I don't want to be anywhere near them.

My wife agrees with me 100%

Regards

Jaiyenyen

Edited May 3, 2008 by jaiyenyen

[Scott]

My other half is generally at odds with the family. If they want to visit, they call me. I always say 'yes', and I always get in trouble!

[tim armstrong]

With all the bashing of rural Thais that goes on here, I'd like to know how many ppl have actually found their Thai partners get sick of the family always asking and never giving in return.

Everyone is always having a go at the bar girls, but I'm sure there are those who realize the only one who's ever really helped them out is their partner. Not just by taking them out of the bar, but also by encouraging them to study/work and have more confidence in themselves.

In contrast they may have realized their families had no problem with them working in a bar and just wanted the cash.

I'm not just talking about bar girls, but rural Thai men/women in general. Usually one sibling will be a good worker and the rest a bit lazy, often there's a brother who is worse than useless.

It would be good to hear some postive experiences for a change.

The obligation of a thai wife - (especially if married to a farlang )- to support her parents, is very deeply entrenched. Its at odds with my culture, but here there's no social security or pension for many Thais either. I think family obligations in Thailand cause a lot of problems, but do we have a better system in the west ? I accept ( with difficulty) my wife's sense of duty to her not always appreciative family, and I think she is learning to say no a bit more often.

[realmadrid25]

well OP why dont you tell us your story? did she go back to school?

[realmadrid25]

i just want to say that none of you guys ever look happy pushing that tesco cart while they pile stuff in.

[realmadrid25]

she was not a bar girl but came from what you could describe as a respectable familly with money.

so many of you guys love to say "good family" "family with money" but you never ever qualify it in real terms. want to give a bank account balance or estimate of net wealth?

Edited May 3, 2008 by realmadrid25

[realmadrid25]

My Thai wife has eight brothers and sisters.

About 10 years ago my wife lost her Thai husband in a road accident, they had three children together. She lost everything, business, home, husband and major breadwinner.

Only one sister helped her to get back on her feet. Once she had sorted herself out financially ( by getting a job and a one room apartment) the other brothers and sisters started asking for loans, NON were ever repaid.

Then we met, and after three years we got married. Apart from the one sister who helped her all those years ago, they have all approached me for money. I have to admit that I have sometimes given in to their demands, but only after they have signed their land over to my wife.

Things have got to the stage now where they complain, not about me, but that my wife has forgotten herself, and should do more to help the family ( yeah, right, like they helped her 10 years ago)

It's a shame, because I really did want to enjoy being part of a big family, but right now, I don't want to be anywhere near them.

My wife agrees with me 100%

Regards

Jaiyenyen

well done. when they want money, con them out of their land. then give them odd jobs to make money like dig a hole. fill a hole. paint the fence, repaint the fence, run around the property 20 times. throw pies at them. whatever amuses you.

[realmadrid25]

family units are tighter here, and some ppl appreciate that, and others don't like it

I've heard that said a lot over here, how important the family is. But it's amazing how happy they seem to be to rip each other off. I see the Chinese working together as a family, pooling savings etc. But the Thais seem to drag each other down, borrow money, not help out when needed, always need to be bailed out of a crisis, especially the brothers/sons.

communism does not work. the chinese dont let all their brothers join in, only those who can ante up the stakes.

[jaiyenyen]

They were not conned out of their money, they were paid above the market rate, (More than the lazy, money grabbing bastards deserved IMHO). At least my way, the land ownership stays within the family.

As for giving them odd job's to do, it's not worth the hassle, I'd have to stand over them all the time, watching them to make sure they did the job correctly. I'm sure you know how it is with some of these people.

[mixed]

well OP why dont you tell us your story? did she go back to school?

Which one? I've been in a couple of relationships, but never sent anyone back to school. When I came here I had no money, so there was no option but to say no to any requests. Lot's of girls didn't hang around! But some did, along with a lot of other Thais. What I've found with Thais is those that are shy, sometimes to the point of seeming rude, are usually honest and hard working. While those that come across as you're best friend when you first meet them will usually ask for 'help' before too long. I've never given a girl an 'allowance', this is asking for trouble.

I avoid ppl who expect me to pay for everymeal etc. What I found with a lot of girls was that at some point they want to take you out and pay, they want to make a point that it's not going to be one way. I have a lot of time for Isaan ppl and feel they get a bad rap. If you think they're all lazy and greedy take a look at some of the women working on construction sites, hard work in this heat for B250 a day.

[rewket]

this is the same issue as the tip issue.

Fat touristy farangs coming here and tipping so much because they finaly got laid after 50years. then they start sending money for this gift that saved them from dying as a virgin.

Put 20years behind that and u got the lazy thai family with good looking daughters expecting to never work again.

Although i get them.. if i was in a poor country and had hot daughters i would probably think the same way.

Same thing happened in america.. Prostitutes used to be 20-30$.. then they got way more popular in the 80's and all the comp geeks/real estate dropouts made a shitload of money and started paying them a lot more and now the prices have increased by 3x in most areas (not that i have ever tried hah)

Giving money should nto be allowed. back in the 30's when women did not work. the husband wouldnt give em shit. they'd just buy them what they wanted. worked well.. the situation is pretty much the same here except the moron sends her money which just goes into booze/mom and having sex with good looking youngies...

Ive seen many of these girls offer $ to my friends and actualy give it for sex, ive never accepted but i have gotten clothes/dinners/bar tabs by these girls a lot... imo it creates a disgusting mentality

[Dakhar]

I give my wife money, but it does not go to her family, it goes to our bank act. If she ever gave it to her mom, I would leave her in a heart beat.

[ChangMaiSausage]

Had no problems none of the wife's family has asked for money (from me that is) though the wife has fallen out with her brother since I've known her maybe something to read into that? The last trip we stayed with her unle and aunt they could not have been more welcoming they would not let us pay for anything including the gasoline they used to pick us up from the airport.

As in most cultures there is greed and any others words you like to use.