The Udder Fred

[Kan Win]

Please add to the list for people in Thailand.

Thou shall

Always wear full steel body armor whilst riding a motorbike.

Hide you money in your socks even if wearing sandals.

Put a 1 baht coin in your ear, then the locals will think you are one of them.

Kan Win

[wileycoyote]

Wear an amulet

[lazeeboy]

drag your feet dont lift them

[pumpuiman]

Pick your nose openly at dinner, but shield your mouth with your hand when picking your teeth.

[Capantha]

Look at the genitals of the person stood next to you in public toilets.

[Thaddeus]

Suddenly stop walking for no apparent reason.

[wileycoyote]

In fact reverse

[Jim's_a_Thai_Fox]

Breath through your mouth, never your nose.

[wileycoyote]

Always be hungry for a snack

[Heng]

Keep telling yourself that she's really just the cashier.

[Zpete]

The smell was so bad, nose breathing impossible, had to chew to breathe

[wileycoyote]

Start eating seeds

[pampal]

block all entrances by standing in the doorway alternatively block access to elevators and escalators if at all possible

[wileycoyote]

Suddenly start picking your teeth with sticks in restaurants !

[justcruisin]

block all entrances by standing in the doorway alternatively block access to elevators and escalators if at all possible

Ditto for shopping in a supermarket etc,ensure the trolley is parked squarely in the centre of the aisle,when you stop for a chat with friends.

[pampal]

push ice cream carts blaring ear splitting advertisements

[gampaan]

Stare at farangs as if a monkey looking at a Rubiks cube.

[PhilHarries]

Describe all other people with fair skin and round eyes as farangs.

Apologies for that. You should pronounce all r's as l's therefore those above should be referred to as falangs.

Ensure you leave your footprints on toilet seats.

[GaiYaang]

Thou shall

Blend in with the crowd, dye your hair black , bend you knees when you walk.

[wileycoyote]

Wear the correct colour of shirt for that day

[poolie]

Walk into the 7 11, pick up goods and march up to the cashier, avoiding the line of people who are patiently waiting in the queue.

[Flatouthruthefog]

In fact reverse

and ride a motorcycle the same way as if you were walking, and drive a car as if it was a motorcycle. And no matter WHAT others are doing on the road or sidewalk, remember YOU ALWAYS have the right of way - because you are Thai!

[wileycoyote]

Shout dramatically at someone ,then as you get closer whisper inaudibly !

[pampal]

thank someone for patronizing your store, and as they walk away call them Kee Nok Farang

[machlad]

Shout "welcum" whenever anyone walks into a bar.

[mmushr00m]

Get into the elevator before the ppl inside gets a chance to exit.

Ditto for the MRT and BTS.

[Payboy]

always press the door open / close buttons in an elevator or risk staying on the same floor for eternity...!

[crowbait]

shield your head from the sun with a small book or folded newspaper

[GaiYaang]

speak Thai at all time

[mmushr00m]

Press both the up and down button for the elevator. It makes it arrive faster, really it does!!!!