Banishment

[intumult]

We hear many stories from fellow Farang about how they are affected by the break up of relationships with a Thai lady, but what about the Thai ladies themselves?

As a result of the breakdown of a relationship with a Farang I see yet another Thai lady banished to another town far away. This lady having to leave her two daughters behind, two daughters she loves. Yes, she was given every chance by her Farang man and her own family for reconciliations (3 in total). 3 family meetings in attempts to make the relationship work, but they failed.

Does that justify her being banished from the family home? From her home town?

I gather the family are very unhappy at their neighbours, friends and family asking why their daughter is not staying at her husbands house. Why she is not caring for her husband. Is she not a good Thai woman? From past experience I can believe there are other jibes too.

In this case the lady will have to work 250 kilometres away from home and maybe get to see her daughters once a month if she is lucky.

The other case I know of was where a relationship with a Farang broke down after 9 months or so. That lady and her family suffered many cruel words from neighbours and others as well as continuously being asked why her Farang has been seen with a new woman everywhere. The family and the lady in question suffered a big loss of face and she went to work in Bangkok on the instructions from her mother. She is now back home occasionally after being away from home for almost a year.

It seems a sad indictment on a society to send daughters away like this because 2 people in a relationship cannot live together for whatever reason.

I wonder how often this happens?

[LinkPopularity]

so, the family banishes their own daughter ... and we're suposed to wonder why the relationship didn't work ?

you can take the girl out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the girl ... (or family)

[bratpack]

so, the family banishes their own daughter ... and we're suposed to wonder why the relationship didn't work ?

you can take the girl out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the girl ... (or family)

WHERE DOES IT SAY SHE IS FROM THE JUNGLE,AS YOU PUT IT.

[PhilHarries]

Yes, she was given every chance by her Farang man and her own family for reconciliations (3 in total).

That certainly gives the impression she was the problem and you don't give any details regarding what the problems were. As for the aftermath, well only the family can comment on that.

[barky]

I think he meant rice paddy.

It's the Thai way of doing things. Therefore it must be the correct way.

[Maigo6]

The Farang was probably shagging around as most do, she wouldn't put up with it no more hence the break up. The reason she has left town is to go to work to support her daughters whilst the Farang has taken up with his new woman who I hope will rip him off something chronic.

I thought i'd put that one in before all the Thai bashers have crucified this unknown Thai women and her entire family.

Edited June 23, 2008 by Maigo6

[Maigo6]

I think he meant rice paddy.

It's the Thai way of doing things. Therefore it must be the correct way.

Yeah, if only the Thais would be more like us........

[bkkjames]

The Farang was probably shagging around as most do, she wouldn't put up with it no more hence the break up. The reason she has left town is to go to work to support her daughters whilst the Farang has taken up with his new woman who I hope will rip him off something chronic.

I thought i'd put that one in before all the Thai bashers have crucified this unknown Thai women and her entire family.

Or it could be that she was caught shagging her Thai BF by the husband and was kicked out as so many have had done. I thought I would put this one in just to balance the view a bit to something resembling reality.

[Maigo6]

The Farang was probably shagging around as most do, she wouldn't put up with it no more hence the break up. The reason she has left town is to go to work to support her daughters whilst the Farang has taken up with his new woman who I hope will rip him off something chronic.

I thought i'd put that one in before all the Thai bashers have crucified this unknown Thai women and her entire family.

Or it could be that she was caught shagging her Thai BF by the husband and was kicked out as so many have had done. I thought I would put this one in just to balance the view a bit to something resembling reality.

Or it could be that she was having a wild passionate affair with the 17 year old maid and wouldn't let the husband join in, he got the hump and finished with her, took on the maid himself and now has threeesomes every night.

[bkkjames]

The Farang was probably shagging around as most do, she wouldn't put up with it no more hence the break up. The reason she has left town is to go to work to support her daughters whilst the Farang has taken up with his new woman who I hope will rip him off something chronic.

I thought i'd put that one in before all the Thai bashers have crucified this unknown Thai women and her entire family.

Or it could be that she was caught shagging her Thai BF by the husband and was kicked out as so many have had done. I thought I would put this one in just to balance the view a bit to something resembling reality.

Or it could be that she was having a wild passionate affair with the 17 year old maid and wouldn't let the husband join in, he got the hump and finished with her, took on the maid himself and now has threeesomes every night.

That sounds much more logical to me and appealing for that matter. Need to ask my Mrs.

[Heng]

As a result of the breakdown of a relationship with a Farang I see yet another Thai lady banished to another town far away.

Although not PC on TV to say so, often the banishment is self inflicted. For some folks, there is indeed still a stigma attached to marrying or becoming involved with a foreigner: farang, negro, or even non-Thai Asian. To have the relationship not "succeed" on top of the original stigma is sometimes too much for gals (and some guys) to bear... hence the self banishment.

[Tod Daniels]

I see Maigo6 "defender of the realm and all things thai" has weighed in not once, but THREE times with his oh-so predictable "foreign bashing". Hold the presses; isn't he a foreigner as well? WoW, go figure. ..

Be that as it may; no one really knows why the relationship went south, or what the reasoning was by her family to 'banish' the woman. I will refrain from speculating the family is mad at her because the foreign 'cash cow' is no longer in 'their barn' so to speak.

Relationships are fraught with peril, even ones with closely matched education levels, life experiences and wage earning potential. The minute you factor in the often wide disparity in educations, the sometimes almost insurmountable language difficulties experienced, and of course the possible perceived cultural differences (although there is no culture here to speak of); it becomes very hard work making a successful go of it here in the glorious "Land 'O Thais".

That yet another relationship between a foreigner and a thai didn't work out is no surprise. The real surprise is the treatment the woman received from her family after the break-up. I have never heard nor seen this first hand. If I were to guess, I would bet the family is from a rural area, has little in the way of education or tangible assets, and the foreigner was, in all reality, a substantial contributor to the financial wellbeing of the extended family unit. But there's no sense guessing without the facts.

Of course the family is very unhappy; due to generations of mindless brainwashing (not their fault entirely) they feel they have 'lost face' to the neighbors and their friends. The only solution, no matter how wrong morally is to send away the cause of the alleged loss of face, the woman, so they're not reminded of it on a daily basis by their neighbors, and friends.

Unfortunately everyone hears about the train-wrecks, but the ones that run smoothly aren't news, although I am sure there are successes out there.

(edited for spelling and clarity)

Edited June 23, 2008 by tod-daniels

[Maigo6]

I will refrain from speculating the family is mad at her because the foreign 'cash cow' is no longer in 'their barn' so to speak.

I would bet the family is from a rural area, has little in the way of education or tangible assets, and the foreigner was, in all reality, a substantial contributor to the financial wellbeing of the extended family unit.

Of course the family is very unhappy; due to generations of mindless brainwashing (not their fault entirely) they feel they have 'lost face' to the neighbors and their friends. The only solution, no matter how wrong morally is to send away the cause of the alleged loss of face, the woman, so they're not reminded of it on a daily basis by their neighbors, and friends.

Yep you certainly refrained from speculation.

[Dustoff]

I get dizzy - I fall down..

Tod-D hits it pretty close here but, WHO KNOW'S the real story?

Lots of kids (much like myself) are 'black sheep' and rejected by family WAY before any specific event.

So this lame story by the OP actually means anything whatsoever?

I mean, other than an excuse for yet another ugly thread in which folks like MaiGodNotAgain are given yet another opportunity to bash and wail?

Gee, are we having fun yet...?

Am I learning anything about Thailand (on ThaiVisa) from this?

[wolf5370]

Yes, she was given every chance by her Farang man and her own family for reconciliations (3 in total).

That certainly gives the impression she was the problem and you don't give any details regarding what the problems were. As for the aftermath, well only the family can comment on that.

It could give the impression that 'he' is really trying to fix things and she isn't and thus it must be her that is the issue. however, it could be just as plausible that she has forgiven him indiscretions once too many times and the camel's back is well and truly broken.

I don't think we can really speculate on what the cause is, or who was/is to blame (even though this may well give some bearing on the Ops question). The Op, I think, was more interested in the 'banishment' angle following the failure (for whatever reason). I personally think it is (as someone said) self banishment. They just want to get away from all the comments and rumours; I can see this would be especially so if she was with him for love (and not th ATM-ability some may expect).

In the UK (and probably most of the West) having a Thai wife brings out all sorts of comments, rumours and BS theories. In Thailand the same sort of people look at the same relationship in a very similar way. These sorts of people MAY WELL see her as loosing her cash-cow (as someone put it) and give her/her family a hard time. If she is principled, then what can she do but get out a while until the wind blows over the whole affair. Leaving the kids makes sense too as she wold likely have no job to go to ans cares enough about them to put their needs before hers.

[Maigo6]

Tod-D hits it pretty close here but, WHO KNOW'S the real story?

So how do you know he hits it close ?

[Maigo6]

yet another ugly thread in which folks like MaiGodNotAgain are given yet another opportunity to bash and wail?

Heaven forbid we should have a poster here that don't bash Thais.....

[Sakeopete]

I know of a case where the family of a Thai lady started bragging all over the village how her new Farang son-in-law to be was going to buy them a pickup and farmland etc etc etc. The farang dumped her after finding her with her special brother and the family lost big face. The daughter was basically told to leave and not come back until she has a new Farang with the above mentioned accessories on tow.

[intumult]

Yes, she was given every chance by her Farang man and her own family for reconciliations (3 in total).

That certainly gives the impression she was the problem and you don't give any details regarding what the problems were. As for the aftermath, well only the family can comment on that.

It could give the impression that 'he' is really trying to fix things and she isn't and thus it must be her that is the issue. however, it could be just as plausible that she has forgiven him indiscretions once too many times and the camel's back is well and truly broken.

I don't think we can really speculate on what the cause is, or who was/is to blame (even though this may well give some bearing on the Ops question). The Op, I think, was more interested in the 'banishment' angle following the failure (for whatever reason). I personally think it is (as someone said) self banishment. They just want to get away from all the comments and rumours; I can see this would be especially so if she was with him for love (and not th ATM-ability some may expect).

In the UK (and probably most of the West) having a Thai wife brings out all sorts of comments, rumours and BS theories. In Thailand the same sort of people look at the same relationship in a very similar way. These sorts of people MAY WELL see her as loosing her cash-cow (as someone put it) and give her/her family a hard time. If she is principled, then what can she do but get out a while until the wind blows over the whole affair. Leaving the kids makes sense too as she wold likely have no job to go to ans cares enough about them to put their needs before hers.

It is the banishment side I was referring to.

As far as I am aware there was no infidelity and I did not refer to any. I was simply stating I do not agree with the banishent. I do not see why people have to see something that is not there.

[a2396]

As a result of the breakdown of a relationship with a Farang I see yet another Thai lady banished to another town far away.

Although not PC on TV to say so, often the banishment is self inflicted. For some folks, there is indeed still a stigma attached to marrying or becoming involved with a foreigner: farang, negro, or even non-Thai Asian. To have the relationship not "succeed" on top of the original stigma is sometimes too much for gals (and some guys) to bear... hence the self banishment.

I think you are correct about this. I have seen this sort of scenario several times here and I definately get the impression that many Thai girls/women are not anxious to risk their reputation by getting involved with a foreigner & later labeled a "scarlet woman". Thai to Thai: no problem GIK after GIK viewed with a wink and a snicker.

[RakJungTorlae]

Quick question.

Where have they been banished too?

[burman]

Siberia...?

Or more likely a bar in Bangkok where they are feeding the Intumult's of the world their sob stories.

[ade100]

I think with this sort of situation where a complex human relationship is involved, there is an inter-personal dynamic going on and its never clear who should be blamed for its dysfunctionment. The only sensible approach is that both the Farangatto and the Thai should be banished from the village and the whole family should live in shame for many generations. Some aged relative should prepare potions and chant strange incantations to banish the evil spirits that destroyed their relationship.

Failing that, someone should be killed (anyone will do) so as to restore the family’s honour.

Hope this helps

[sbk]

Here's hoping this is intumult's story of someone he knows rather than one he found on the net....

[intumult]

Here's hoping this is intumult's story of someone he knows rather than one he found on the net....

You keeping tabs on me SBK?

[intumult]

I deliberately omitted a lot of detail because the subject is banishment and not about infidelity in relationships and I stress there was no infidelity in either of the relationships I mentioned, or at least that had nothing to do with the breakdowns if there was any or perceived to be any infidelity.

In the first case the family of the Thai lady did their utmost to ensure the relationship worked yet the lady did not keep to her side of the agreements made between family and herself and the Farang in question. The neighbours were scathing in some of their comments on the lady being unable to 'keep' her husband or to be able to sustain a relationship with him for more than a few days at a time without some incident happening and her returning home from the Farang's house to her parents house to sleep. Something noticed by friends and foe alike and comments made. This has made life difficult for her parents in the close community.

Now she is sent to work in Bangkok and loses a lot of contact with her children that she dearly loves, so I would say self-banishment in this case does not apply. Her face told a story in itself.

In the 2nd case the Farang lived at her house in the community. Parents, relatives and friends in close proximity. After so long together and the Farang moving out, there was also a lot of face lost. I still believe, from what i was told, she was sent away rather than a self imposed exile as she had a good job where she lived.

In both cases the malicious talk was the main problem after the parties had split, bringing loss of 'face' for the families and the ladies in question. Talk that continued while the ladies were seen in the community but lessened when the subjects were 'out of sight'.

I still think it is a sad indictment on a society to send daughters away like this. Or for them to have to leave the community they grew up in.

The Farang can carry on as before within limits until deemed a butterfly or somewhat of an outcast and thereby rejected by the community and having to leave.

That leaves the original question on whether or not this is a regular occurence or not.

[Fun2Fun]

In a lot of the cases its just "disappointment" that she can not hide her true feelings and personality in favor of the extended families interests...

On a more personal level, its not such a "big" surprise that inter-racial relation ships do not work out in all cases...(especially when age differences and preconceived expectations clash)

But how can you explain this to to a "traditional" Thai familly where they preach that personal convictions have to defer to filial "duty".

[sbk]

Here's hoping this is intumult's story of someone he knows rather than one he found on the net....

You keeping tabs on me SBK?

Memory like an elephant, intumult

[thaihome]

Why is it assumed that this is specific to a Thai-Farang marriage? I would think that even if the husband was Thai and wife refused to live with husband she probably would have been treated the same by her family.

TH

[gburns57au]

My ex was "banished" from her home after our break up. She also had to sell the things that I had put on HP for her.

It is merely a face thing for both her and the family....She moved to a neighbouring village and took up with a Thai guy.

I went back to her village after 8 years and never mentioned her nor asked about her with her family...The day before I left her sister asked me when I was leaving....the ex turned up in the last hour of my stay there...She had to do it but left it till the very last moment.

Face is an important part of Thai Culture and unfortunately most Westerners dont understand it. Those who understand the face concept will know why she had to come and see me.