Quality Of Life For Impending Expat Wife In Phuket

[khall64au]

So come & rent a house, stay for a year, look around, get a feel for the place, see if the Mrs likes it & if it works & you both settle then alls good but if not then you haven't lost anything except time ( & sounds like you have some to spare, lucky souls) and can move to another place & try it there.

But as another poster mentioned, our ladies section is also there for more specific lady questions from your wife (and you of course!)

Thank you. I'm beginning to think that might be the best option. But, Phuket or Bangkok? That's the question.

I'll have my wife come here and check out the site. I've already spent the better part of a day here.

I've been in chat rooms that have less activity.

Hello Henrytuttle!

I'm a long-term female resident of Phuket and have friends all over the island. From my observations over the years, making good friends is as simple as your interests and hobbies just like anywhere else. There are so many sub-niches on Phuket - from diving to sailing, wine and food lovers to volunteer charity workers, not to mention the arts crowd. If you and your wife have dedicated interests, you will quickly make friends and have a good social life - with fun, intelligent people from all over the globe, including happy western couples and mixed marriages. Don't forget to check out the local newspapers online for social events to see what is happening here. After you attend a series of gatherings - including the upcoming ThaiVisa Phuket Party - you will perhaps meet many like-minded people who also were once newcomers to the island.

Hope that helps!

[Kimera]

One of the biggest potential problems for the female of a western couple retiring in Phuket, is getting dumped by her partner for a local lass twenty years younger.

It happens.

I've heard of the Farang husband being dumped by wife for a young Thai man. What's good for the goose is good for the gander ..... What is universal is that the Farang partner will be sucked financially dry by the Thai partner.... and then dumped when money runs out. Buyer beware .... Sorry, bit off topic.

Not always, you have issues, sucked dry, you hurt I think.

[JetsetBkk]

...If you are in a position to do so, I would recomend a trial period of at least 1 year to see if you can cope with a full low-season in Phuket...

That's funny, I was going to say: "I would recommend a trial period of at least 1 year to see if you can cope with a full high season in Phuket..."

I guess that's just me - I prefer it quiet.

[sbk]

...If you are in a position to do so, I would recomend a trial period of at least 1 year to see if you can cope with a full low-season in Phuket...

That's funny, I was going to say: "I would recommend a trial period of at least 1 year to see if you can cope with a full high season in Phuket..."

I guess that's just me - I prefer it quiet.

Me too!

I am surprised we haven't had more of the inevitable "kid in a candy store" comparisons here. Thank goodness. I can't remember who posted it before, it was in the Ladies forum but the poster basically stated that if you are coming here to fix problems in your relationship then it will not work and your marriage will fall apart but if your relationship is strong then there is no reason it shouldn't stay strong. It is difficult for many men on this forum to believe that not every western guy is disillusioned with his partner and on the prowl for something new since that has been their own experience.

Needless to say, it isn't always true, but a relationship overseas requires much more work than one at home since you are both facing new and more difficult challenges. I see it all the time with couples who go on long trips around the world. Either it breaks their relationship or it makes it that much stronger for having faced the difficulties together.

As for quality of life, well, I guess it depends on what you both want. If you want a big city lifestyle then Bangkok is the place to go. Frankly, it is just too much for me but then I am like Jetset, I like it quiet

[LivinLOS]

It's almost impossible for anyone to say whether your wife will be happy here in Thailand. If she's lucky she might make some nice friends, i've been here almost 14 years and have made very few what i call "good friends". In my experience i've found the Thai ladies that i've met to be very imature and to be honest not too good when it's come to deep meaningful converstations. I personally don't care if someone has or does work in a bar or in a bank, i've mixed with many and have found Thailand to be a nation of children, but i can only speak for myself.

The weather, and my quality of life is what keeps me here although i really do miss my good friends back home.

There's plenty to do here in Phuket, don't know about Bangkok. I agree that it would be a good idea to try it for a year,rent somewhere, whatever you do , don't burn your bridges!

While some of this post sounds patronizing I tend to agree.. Similarly in my relationships with Thais (1 marriage where we lived in the west, one very LT GF here since) it does also feel like having to lead the decisions and control like a child often, a lack of independence, etc.

The quality of life is what keeps me but I often wonder if I wouldnt do better from a villa somewhere with a touch more sophistication..

[LivinLOS]

...If you are in a position to do so, I would recomend a trial period of at least 1 year to see if you can cope with a full low-season in Phuket...

That's funny, I was going to say: "I would recommend a trial period of at least 1 year to see if you can cope with a full high season in Phuket..."

I guess that's just me - I prefer it quiet.

I like it quiet.. But I like the services and amenities that are only here thanks to the tourist boom.. Without them Phuket would just be another rural backwater and I couldnt handle that.

[donna]

i tend to agree with khall here. if you are 'out there' and involve yourself, then you can have an active social life in phuket. there are a few members here who are expat couples who are very happy and lovely people. i always loved running in to them when out and about and they are proof that a man doesnt necessarily stray when in thailand. at stuandchris said - when you grow up you can keep it in your pants.

personally, i wasnt rapt in phuket, but that was probably more due to the fact that i worked long hours and had very little time for relaxation. but, different strokes for different folks. others absolutely love the place, and i can see why too. the island is beautiful. it has most conveniences that you could need. its relaxing. most locals are really lovely.

[huggybear]

Unless you've got an open relationship & you're free to seek gratification elsewhere, this comment in itself might suggest that your marriage will be in trouble should you move to Thailand.

Well, that was like 10-20 years ago.

And how many farang men who have ended up settling in Thailand do you think have never tasted the forbidden fruit here? I've had it and found it less than completely fulfilling. I think those who haven't tasted the fruit might be more likely to do so.

At the age of forty, I've retired. And rather than buy a yacht and sail around with an ever changing bevy of beauties, I got married.

Now I spend my time and energy hunting for a place for me and my lovely wife to settle. I battle with the forces of darkness (i.e. nasty reply posts) to find my beloved a warm and nurturing place to live.

I want to live in Thailand because of the foot massages, not the other kind. The warm weather and warmer smiles. Not the beer and pu**y.

Hi Mr. Tuttle,

many times the written word can look nasty, because you miss what is the face to face emotion that usually neutralizes such, frankly I do not see any "nasty replies" in this thread, the one I did make I edited because it was in poor taste, but nobody here is chastising you, you posted for advice, advice is being given.

Bangkok will be a better situation for the social stuff for your wife, flat out. Bigger place, more options.

Send her off to play bridge with the girls and we'll see you at the Bier Garden

[steelepulse]

>>But, Phuket or Bangkok?

It comes down to what you and the Mrs. prefer, big city or beaches?

[henrytuttle]

>>But, Phuket or Bangkok?

It comes down to what you and the Mrs. prefer, big city or beaches?

I considered San Diego. Then I'd get the big city AND the beaches. But then I'd miss out on the cheap labor, good food, and "Thainess."

But, either Bangkok or Phuket are not bad for either. Bangkok require either a bit of a drive or short flight to get to the beach. Phuket has a small city feel, and a quick flight to get to the big city - and a slightly longer one for KL or Singapore.

Mainly, Phuket doesn't quite have the social life that's available in Bangkok. And Bangkok isn't nearly as nice and relaxed.

[henrytuttle]

Hi Mr. Tuttle,

many times the written word can look nasty, because you miss what is the face to face emotion that usually neutralizes such, frankly I do not see any "nasty replies" in this thread, the one I did make I edited because it was in poor taste, but nobody here is chastising you, you posted for advice, advice is being given.

Bangkok will be a better situation for the social stuff for your wife, flat out. Bigger place, more options.

Send her off to play bridge with the girls and we'll see you at the Bier Garden

Yes, I know. That's why I try to use the emoticons even when they seem juvenile sometimes.

As far as the nasty replies go, I guess they were mostly a few kinda negative ones in my post about Bangkok. Here, there was only one that could be considered slightly negative. And, I know better than to get into a flame war with someone.

Also, I understood that my original post could be considered "insulting." I still think that I haven't said anything blatantly untrue or in an impolite manner, but I could see how a guy with a decent, cultured Thai wife could take offense to my statement.

The thing is, when you're considering moving to a new country, you have to look at the general environment and the overall range of situations. If you move to a country just because you like one house and you met one couple you like, you could be in for a big surprise if the house and the couple were completely atypical of the country.

I love Thailand SO MUCH. I lived in Thailand for about 6 months when I was about 8 yo. Since then, I've visited about 2 or 3 times a year since the age of 17. I think if it were just me, I would have moved there already.

But realistically, my wife's going to encounter a different situation than I am. Also, she's a different type of person. Me, I could live with just having people visit me once a year and spend the rest of the time on the internet and hanging by the pool reading. Her, I think she needs a little social interaction.

So, I'll do the good husband thing and consider her feelings.

Then, I'll do what I want anyway.

[sadman]

I'm not yet fortunate enough to be living in Phuket full-time, but my (farang) wife and I had the same concerns about meeting people of our own age (mid-forties) and with similar interests etc. Gradually we've met some really smashing people, both farang and Thai, and are getting there (be easier when our Thai is better, though. Lessons continue!)

As for Phuket or Bangkok - I've always lived and worked in London and I'm all citied out; Mrs Sadman grew up in Singapore (army family) and loves the Far East, so it's Phuket for us. I too considered San Diego at one time but the job offer was time-bound and my then (now ex-) wife didn't fancy it so it didn't happen.

The only thing that would be a problem for me is if I didn't work or have something sufficiently interesting to get me out of the house. I'd go crazy otherwise.

And as for keeping it in your trousers - there's temptation anywhere. It's down to your own mindset, IMHO.

[henrytuttle]

I'm not yet fortunate enough to be living in Phuket full-time, but my (farang) wife and I had the same concerns about meeting people of our own age (mid-forties) and with similar interests etc. Gradually we've met some really smashing people, both farang and Thai, and are getting there (be easier when our Thai is better, though. Lessons continue!)

As for Phuket or Bangkok - I've always lived and worked in London and I'm all citied out; Mrs Sadman grew up in Singapore (army family) and loves the Far East, so it's Phuket for us. I too considered San Diego at one time but the job offer was time-bound and my then (now ex-) wife didn't fancy it so it didn't happen.

The only thing that would be a problem for me is if I didn't work or have something sufficiently interesting to get me out of the house. I'd go crazy otherwise.

And as for keeping it in your trousers - there's temptation anywhere. It's down to your own mindset, IMHO.

I'm forty and just now retiring (yes, I thank my lucky stars every day!!!) and my wife is 24.

I'm expecting another set of problems finding people to relate to. Mostly, I'll probably be talking shop, etc. with guys in their 50s and 60s and my wife will probably find much more common ground with people in their early 20s. Those will be some interesting parties.

When I was seriously looking at San Diego (still considering), I was looking at a nice area called Rancho Santa Fe. The average age there is around 60. I imagined that our parties would be made up of 60yo ex-captains of industry and college students that my wife met in course. These would be kids the age of the grand children my friends would invite.

Anyway, that's a whole other problem that we're likely to encounter everywhere and not specific to moving to Thailand.

BTW, if you don't live in Phuket, what are you doing in this forum? Frequent visitor? Looking for the future?

As far as keeping in the pants, I'm not too concerned. Thai bar girls don't really appeal to me much anymore. I lived in the former Soviet Union for a while. There, the working girls were statuesque leggy blondes. And, typically girls you could take to a nice restaurant and discuss life and politics with. THAT was temptation.

[sadman]

I know Rancho Santa Fe, but that was a bit out of my price range. I was looking a few miles down the road in either La Jolla or Coronado. I was due to teach at UCSD so the journey wasn't too bad. My father's family are from a seriously hick town in NH, but I don't fancy the weather too much.

I am a frequent visitor and have property in Phuket, and am aiming to live there full time after my youngest child (nearly 16) leaves school/home and goes to university. I've managed to get rid of my 4 other children but this one flatly refuses to join the Navy to see the world.

[henrytuttle]

I know Rancho Santa Fe, but that was a bit out of my price range. I was looking a few miles down the road in either La Jolla or Coronado. I was due to teach at UCSD so the journey wasn't too bad. My father's family are from a seriously hick town in NH, but I don't fancy the weather too much.

I am a frequent visitor and have property in Phuket, and am aiming to live there full time after my youngest child (nearly 16) leaves school/home and goes to university. I've managed to get rid of my 4 other children but this one flatly refuses to join the Navy to see the world.

I'm lucky that I purchased in Dubai instead of the U.S. In the last 2 years, my property in Dubai went up 100% while the property dropped 30%. So, basically the money I had 2 years ago will buy me the equivalent of what would have cost 3 times as much.

Good luck when you eventually settle down. I have the opposite problem. My wife wants to start having children after a few years. So I'll be in the same boat soon. But hopefully not in a boat with 5! children. That boat is already a small navy.

[mijan24]

I'm lucky that I purchased in Dubai instead of the U.S. In the last 2 years, my property in Dubai went up 100% while the property dropped 30%. So, basically the money I had 2 years ago will buy me the equivalent of what would have cost 3 times as much.

Tut Tut Mr Tuttle =I bought an apartment in Phuket for 2.9 in early 2004. If I sold now, it'd probably worth about 4.5? Not so thrilled with the return.

I bought in Dubai 1 1/2 years back. Sold a few months back. 40% profit.

I'm sure if Thailand dropped restrictions of foreigners buying

[peemoore]

I'm an American living overseas considering retiring in Phuket. My wife and I love Phuket but we have serious concerns about our social life once we move. I'm okay. I've met plenty of interesting guys in Thailand and I'm not all that social anyway. We're concerned about the quality of social life that my wife is likely to have.

How difficult will it be for my wife to find western women to socialize with? Are there many living in Phuket? What percentage of men living in Thailand do you think have western wives or girlfriends? How common are western women either living alone or with Thai men in Phuket?

And what about everyday activities? Aerobics and yoga classes? Tennis? Card games and BBQs with friends?

As far as socializing with Thai wives/girlfriends, that has its own set of problems. It's not just the language - that's hard enough. The problem is that, as far as I know, most(?) of the expat men who live in Thailand are married to or have girlfriends who are Thai. And, how to put this delicately, that most of these girls have worked in the "entertainment" industry? I'm sure these girls are fine, decent human beings. But, how to become friends with them? It's not just their previous lifestyles. I'm sure my wife would even find it difficult to relate to a party animal with a wild past who came from the same background and country as she did. But a girl from a village who had an 8th grade education and grew up in a completely different culture and who speaks English as a second language, that sounds almost impossible. I mean, honestly, how many expat men have more than a one or two GOOD Thai friends?

I hope this doesn't sound "racist" or "prejudiced." I've lived overseas most of my life (14 countries at last count). I'm just trying to be realistic. Different cultures, socio-economic backgrounds, education, and language aren't impossible problems to overcome. Just possible more difficult than it's worth taking on when you're trying to live a quiet, comfortable life.

There is a farang ladies club which meets every Tuesday at friendship beach. 12.30 till 3. All farang ladies are welcome. She would certainly find out about all sorts of activities on the Island.

[thaibutty]

*`I'm forty and just now retiring (yes, I thank my lucky stars every day!!!) and my wife is 24.`*

Have you been thinking about your own relationship when you stated most of the gf or expat wives would be former workers. Your nearly twenty years older than your wife and when retiring at age fourty quiet wealthy too. Good catch for her i wouldn think.

*One of the biggest potential problems for the female of a western couple retiring in Phuket, is getting dumped by her partner for a local lass twenty years younger.

It happens. *

Or the male getting dumped for a younger guy. Because this happens too

Sorry if I was offending you

Edited July 6, 2008 by thaibutty

[nomadicmark]

I was under the impression that most educated middle class Thai women would not go near a farang, for fear of being branded a bar girl.

So I am surprised when people get on the offensive when the OP suggested that many Thai women with older Western expats were from a poorly educated background and that perhaps they might have dabbled as working girls.

I think that is a fair comment and perhaps those with ex-bar girl wives etc are in some sort of denial!

But I think to have a go at someone for expressing an opinion is not fair, especially on a public forum, just because you might not agree with them!

[henrytuttle]

I'm lucky that I purchased in Dubai instead of the U.S. In the last 2 years, my property in Dubai went up 100% while the property dropped 30%. So, basically the money I had 2 years ago will buy me the equivalent of what would have cost 3 times as much.

Tut Tut Mr Tuttle =I bought an apartment in Phuket for 2.9 in early 2004. If I sold now, it'd probably worth about 4.5? Not so thrilled with the return.

I bought in Dubai 1 1/2 years back. Sold a few months back. 40% profit.

I'm sure if Thailand dropped restrictions of foreigners buying

This is complicated. Notice I said 2 years ago for 100% and 1 1/2 less a few months for 40%. That's because I purchased shares of a property in Dubai about 2 1/2 years ago, then sold, then bought again, then sold again. The combined properties in that time frame went up around that much. I was generalizing when I said 100% profit in 2 years - it's probably closer to 90% in 2 1/4 years. As to the one that went up 40%, I bought in early March 2007 and Sold in early May of this year. Any more information, and you're going to need a court order.

Not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes. Just didn't think that I would have a CPA reviewing my posts.

[henrytuttle]

*`I'm forty and just now retiring (yes, I thank my lucky stars every day!!!) and my wife is 24.`*

Have you been thinking about your own relationship when you stated most of the gf or expat wives would be former workers. Your nearly twenty years older than your wife and when retiring at age fourty quiet wealthy too. Good catch for her i wouldn think.

*One of the biggest potential problems for the female of a western couple retiring in Phuket, is getting dumped by her partner for a local lass twenty years younger.

It happens. *

Or the male getting dumped for a younger guy. Because this happens too

Sorry if I was offending you

Nope, no offense. I'm just incredibly gorgeous.

Just kidding. My wife is Russian and far younger and far more attractive than I. I expect to have a lot of questions for the rest of my life.

But I met her when I worked in that part of the world. I speak Russian, but she speaks English perfectly and has a degree in English translation. She worked for me as a waitress and then as a dealer for more than a year. I had a strict no dating policy for my staff and followed the rule myself. But immediately after I left, I asked her out. I was in my early thirties at the time so I think I was in my "prime." Because of my Asian blood (half Korean), I look 5-10 years younger than my age. I probably looked 25-28 at the time and in reasonably good shape.

We dated for four years before I asked her to marry me. Was my superior economic status part of the attraction? I'd be stupid to think that it couldn't have been a factor. Was her youth and beauty part of her attraction? hel_l yeah! But if it had been the only attraction either way, it would have taken far less than 4 years discover it. Anyway, anyone who met her would understand what kind of person she is.

As far as her dumping me goes, that's possible. I've made arrangements that makes sure she's taken care of should she leave me. Now, she's got no reason to stay with me if she doesn't want to.

[mijan24]

I'm lucky that I purchased in Dubai instead of the U.S. In the last 2 years, my property in Dubai went up 100% while the property dropped 30%. So, basically the money I had 2 years ago will buy me the equivalent of what would have cost 3 times as much.

Tut Tut Mr Tuttle =I bought an apartment in Phuket for 2.9 in early 2004. If I sold now, it'd probably worth about 4.5? Not so thrilled with the return.

I bought in Dubai 1 1/2 years back. Sold a few months back. 40% profit.

I'm sure if Thailand dropped restrictions of foreigners buying

This is complicated. Notice I said 2 years ago for 100% and 1 1/2 less a few months for 40%. That's because I purchased shares of a property in Dubai about 2 1/2 years ago, then sold, then bought again, then sold again. The combined properties in that time frame went up around that much. I was generalizing when I said 100% profit in 2 years - it's probably closer to 90% in 2 1/4 years. As to the one that went up 40%, I bought in early March 2007 and Sold in early May of this year. Any more information, and you're going to need a court order.

Not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes. Just didn't think that I would have a CPA reviewing my posts.

No probs Mr Tuttle, wasn't being nosey just didn't ring correct - Although you did not have to explain, thank you for the run down it was a well put & a well received response welcome to the forum.

Mijan24 Have been a number of things but never a CPA.

[henrytuttle]

No probs Mr Tuttle, wasn't being nosey just didn't ring correct - Although you did not have to explain, thank you for the run down it was a well put & a well received response welcome to the forum.

Mijan24 Have been a number of things but never a CPA.

Thanks for the polite response. I've just gotten a bunch of posts questioning my integrity and I'm just explaining myself.

I'm really very surprised to see such activity on these forums. And have been both very pleased and very disappointed with some of the posts I've been reading.

It's so easy for things to get misinterpreted online. There's always the possibility of either the poster or responder not making themselves clear, or just general hostility on the part of one or the other, or perhaps someone's ignorance.

I've tried to be as polite and open as possible (note that I use my real name online rather than a pseudonym). But I ask questions that I might not be able to ask in public. Both because sometimes the questions need to be responded to by a number of people to get an overall picture, and sometimes because they're questions you can't ask directly.

[steelepulse]

So when is decision day for you on either BKK or HKT?  I've also looked at Rancho Santa Fe but I think it's a bit too cold.

[henrytuttle]

So when is decision day for you on either BKK or HKT? I've also looked at Rancho Santa Fe but I think it's a bit too cold.

I'm still trying to convince my wife towards Phuket. But she still thinks Bangkok might be better for her socially. We've gotten in touch with a few women through Thaivisa and she's in touch with them now. As far as WHEN? There's no concrete date. My house in Dubai is going to start getting renovated next month, so that might be a good time. Otherwise, don't know. I'd kind of prefer that the decision were made yesterday.

If everyone who reads this thread gets their expat friends to email my wife and get them to tell her that the expat women in Phuket have big parties every week and hang out and play tennis and have tea together, etc. I sure she'd agree.

Or, conversely, all you guys who've let it be known that you think I should stay away could get your friends to email and say what a cold and uninviting environment it is.

BTW, the reason I was looking at Rancho Santa Fe is that my family lives near San Diego and that was the only place near SD that had big plots of land without being out in the sticks. It's actually a little too pretentious for my tastes. I REALLY liked La Jolla. If I could buy a house with a decent plot of land there, I might not be asking these questions.

Eh, who am I kidding, I think I'd still rather be in Thailand. I picture my life getting woken up to a morning foot massage, afternoon fruit shake while sitting by the pool, followed by a massage by the pool which turns into a nap, then a nice barbeque of prawns and fish, then off to sleep in my lovely Thai style bedroom... rinse and repeat... forever...

Probably, it'll just end up: wake up, scratch my *ss, watch tv, drink diet cokes, have pizza, fall asleep on the couch... repeat... forever...But at least i'd have the option!

BTW, either of these scenarios still add up to a great retirement for me, so I'm happy either way.

[Quero]

I've been reading this verbal volleyball rally with amused interest. I'm an expat female living on Phuket. I chose to live here rather than in Bangkok. Island lifestyle suits me better, and after three years of residence here, I know that I have definitely made a wise decision. (I do, however, have a share in an apartment in Bangkok where I can stay when I need an injection of city life).

However, Henry, at 24 your wife is so very young. This, I think, is going to be the crux of the issue in terms of achieving an interesting social life here on our island as opposed to doing the same in Bangkok. Most of the expat women her age on the island are here working in the tourist industry. They aren't planning/attending parties and playing tennis every day... or even going to the beach and getting beauty treatments. Most of the expat women 'of leisure' are far older than she is. There are a certain number of young expat families here, and as she is anxious to fill your new home (wherever that may be) with little Henrys or Henriettas, she may meet young mothers at the door of the Montessori School, but other than that future hope, Phuket may be quite a challenge for her. Having said that, there are opportunities here on Phuket for those who look. For example, she may be interested in joining the local community theater group; there are young expat women in the company, as I recall. Or she may like to develop a new craft such as Batik painting, or even expand a current interest such as taking Thai cooking lessons. In other words, as Bangkok is so huge, she is more likely to meet young professional Thai women at the gym whom she might befriend than she is here. Here she will have to actively seek friends out.

As for the young Thai wives of local expat men, they are by and large quite sweet and charming, and they are perfect mates for their husbands. This does not mean that they will be interesting as social friends to a young Western woman. The cultural expectations that make a young woman a good bride for a Western man as opposed to a good friend for a Western woman are emphatically not the same.

My advice would be to settle in Bangkok and rent a place here to come for breaks away from city life. (Sort of the reverse of what I do, in fact!)

Edited July 8, 2008 by mfiskong