How To Get Approval From Family Of Thai Gf?

[zzdocxx]

Reminds me of the age-old question,

"How do you get down from an elephant?"

The answer is,

"You don't get down from an elephant, you get down from a goose."

[Master Chief]

Buy her mum a 10bht gold chain and her dad a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue. (that ought to end any poor chatter)

For what reason would this act be done? To buy respect, sounds very naive.

I would look down at them if they fall for that one.

I would not care for any reason about their image of me.

MC

[khaowong1]

easy, show them your bank passbook, and your gold rolex, and your gold amex card. no problems. you will be welcomed into the family so quick, you won't have time to pack a bag.

[Chewbacka]

The problem is that very few people posting have got the cultural understanding or insight to look at things from the Thai perspective and work out what they are thinking and feeling. They seems to be perceived as impossible to understand.

In western relationship you try to understand your partner, work out what he or she is feeling, where they are coming from. If you can do that with your Thai partner then most problems can be solved. If you can't then there will always be cultural barrier between you.

[F1fanatic]

The problem is that very few people posting have got the cultural understanding or insight to look at things from the Thai perspective and work out what they are thinking and feeling. They seems to be perceived as impossible to understand.

In western relationship you try to understand your partner, work out what he or she is feeling, where they are coming from. If you can do that with your Thai partner then most problems can be solved. If you can't then there will always be cultural barrier between you.

And the best of luck to you! It's very unfortunate that the 'cultural barrier' between Westerners and Thais is money!

There's always the odd exception, but other than that working out what 'she is feeling' boils down to - she wants more money!

[Chewbacka]

F1fanatic - perhaps in your experience but I can't think of one couple that I know that that is the case for.

I should probably say that all my mates are in their 20's and 30's and have relationships with Thai's of a very similar age.

Horses for courses.

[Lilyjade]

since the mother only care about what strangers think of her daughter.

Strangers that probably dont even like or care about the mother or daughter.

The most important thing for the mother is to look good in front of strangers

and neighbours.

The mother dont even care about her daughters feelings and hurt her by rejecting you.

I know it is Thai culture but why give a person like that any respect?

Hire some actor that can pretend to be the new boyfriend and she can make up

a story about some successful man and show fake pictures to the neighbours.

That should make her look good in front of the "people"

Give her a fake huge shiny gold plate that she can walk around with

parading in front of the neighbours with it.

I would stay away from a cold person like her mother.

She is only disturbing your

and her daughters inner peace in order to gain more face.

Some cultural aspects are really not good, like: "money and face above everything"

It should be a happy daughter above everything

[F1fanatic]

F1fanatic - perhaps in your experience but I can't think of one couple that I know that that is the case for.

I should probably say that all my mates are in their 20's and 30's and have relationships with Thai's of a very similar age.

Horses for courses.

I genuinely hope that your relationship is one of the exceptions and it works out.

Having said that, you're living in a parallel universe if you can't see that the VAST majority of farang/thai relationships have nothing but money to keep them going.

It would be nice to think that times are changing, but I've seen nothing to debunk the old stereotype of Thai women.

[farangnahrak]

I'm disturbed by the number of farang who think they can walk into thailand and expect thai people to understand and follow your western beliefs, logical or not. You aren't going to change the country, so rather than fight it just accept and join. You'll feel like you fit in better if you play by their rules . . .

As for this money thing . . . I don't know where you farang pick up your girls from [cough] but I've never had a thai girl ask me for money. I know many westerners married to thais, the girls never asked for money, and money was never an issue.

snap!

[Chewbacka]

F1fanatic - perhaps in your experience but I can't think of one couple that I know that that is the case for.

I should probably say that all my mates are in their 20's and 30's and have relationships with Thai's of a very similar age.

Horses for courses.

I genuinely hope that your relationship is one of the exceptions and it works out.

Having said that, you're living in a parallel universe if you can't see that the VAST majority of farang/thai relationships have nothing but money to keep them going.

It would be nice to think that times are changing, but I've seen nothing to debunk the old stereotype of Thai women.

If the vast majority of farang/thai relationships are old western man + bar girl then what you are saying is probably true.

[iBurger]

I'm looking for *specific* suggestions to woo/impress her family, and to get their blessing.

Most of my gf's family and friends are against me for the below reasons . . . her family is wealthy upper class conservative . . . they all act kind and cordial around me, but my girl tells me what they say on the side . . .

examples:

"he looks poor, he won't be able to take care of you"

"he isn't a doctor or lawyer, so you'd end up living a life of poverty"

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again. Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex. The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

On the bright side, they said nothing negative about me being a farang, nor does it seem to bother them

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

I've already played the 'speak thai' card, so other than wearing a suit and tie everyday around her family, what else can I do to ease their worries?

ps - I've already done the 'just be myself' thing for the last 4 months, but to no prevail

A tasty Cheeseburger normally does the trick

[freitag1]

You falling in the trap that so many do. You cant change people it dont work. Take her and her family as is or fougettabouttit as they say in the mob.

I doubt you can change your colors too, works both ways.

Exactly... and of course you have a relationship with her so forget about the family. I know it's not Thai style to do that but you are not Thai either.

[torrenova]

You falling in the trap that so many do. You cant change people it dont work. Take her and her family as is or fougettabouttit as they say in the mob.

I doubt you can change your colors too, works both ways.

Exactly... and of course you have a relationship with her so forget about the family. I know it's not Thai style to do that but you are not Thai either.

And that is the whole point, you are not Thai. Their <deleted> only works with Thai / Thai relationships and thus, not with yours. never forget that or better still never let them forget that.

[soi4girl]

With a successful business in the west why do you even need mommas approval. You surely wont be living anywhere near her.

[Mosha]

I'm curious Soi4girl, are you trying to get in the Guinness book of records for trolling the most threads in one day?

[WeeGB]

Personally, I'd find another girlfriend.

Why put yourself through all of this c-rap. It isn't going to get any better if you stay together.

If you do marry the lady and she is alienated by her family and friends, the relationship is unlikely to last, so why bother? Plenty more fish in the sea, in Thailand & elsewhere.

Take a step back, wouldn't you rather be with a woman who's family respect you for who you are, not pretending to be someone you're not?

You sound like a decent chap, you deserve much better than the discourtesy this family has shown you.

[soi4girl]

not a lot of hi so chicks who run their own insurance and investment business and who have phd in nursing to go around sir........ .

theres a lot of the other kind though

[farangnahrak]

An update to the drama . . .

I spent about 10 days with her family traveling recently. The four children in the family absolutely love me, although not quite sure why cause I suck with kids . . .

The rest of the family has definitely warmed up to me, and I'd say the only barrier still remaining is my lack of skill speaking Thai . . . they constantly refused to let me pay for anything, like hotels and food. I had to race to the waiter just pay for anything at all!

The plan of talking about my business and making money definitely impressed them and definitely worked. I got a tour around their family business site . . . turns out the family in Isaan got rich off of agriculture . . . but if you're a PAD supporter you wouldn't believe me =P

The family 'arranged' for me to meet her mom without her permission . . . and they 'forgot' to tell me . . . oh well . . . the entire time I was afraid of starting a conversation with her, and she just small chatted with me. She acted very very nice with me, but still referred to me as 'farang' and not by my name. The rest of the family uses only my name.

There was an incident where she slipped (we were at a waterfall). Despite several thais next to her and much closer, I was the only one who managed to rush in and catch her before she fell. Thai people seem to be slow at stuff like that . . . I think secretly in her mind that meant a lot to her, but she didn't say anything . . .

Oh and also, one of the family members insisted I acted 10 years older than my age, so I guess my age doesn't matter now to them. Not drinking or smoking made a big impression on them . . .

Anyway, I think my problem is resolved enough that I'm not worried anymore.

[Maigo6]

Anyway, I think my problem is resolved enough that I'm not worried anymore.

Well done,

Yet another Thai Visa member gets a girl from a rich family.

It appears to be coming a trend.

[Gary A]

When my wife and I were talking about getting married I asked her what her parents would think about me. She gave me a strange look and said "Up to me, not my mother and father". It wasn't mentioned after that. That's another advantage of marrying an independent older woman.

[tb86]

An update to the drama . . .

I spent about 10 days with her family traveling recently. The four children in the family absolutely love me, although not quite sure why cause I suck with kids . . .

The rest of the family has definitely warmed up to me, and I'd say the only barrier still remaining is my lack of skill speaking Thai . . . they constantly refused to let me pay for anything, like hotels and food. I had to race to the waiter just pay for anything at all!

The plan of talking about my business and making money definitely impressed them and definitely worked. I got a tour around their family business site . . . turns out the family in Isaan got rich off of agriculture . . . but if you're a PAD supporter you wouldn't believe me =P

The family 'arranged' for me to meet her mom without her permission . . . and they 'forgot' to tell me . . . oh well . . . the entire time I was afraid of starting a conversation with her, and she just small chatted with me. She acted very very nice with me, but still referred to me as 'farang' and not by my name. The rest of the family uses only my name.

There was an incident where she slipped (we were at a waterfall). Despite several thais next to her and much closer, I was the only one who managed to rush in and catch her before she fell. Thai people seem to be slow at stuff like that . . . I think secretly in her mind that meant a lot to her, but she didn't say anything . . .

Oh and also, one of the family members insisted I acted 10 years older than my age, so I guess my age doesn't matter now to them. Not drinking or smoking made a big impression on them . . .

Anyway, I think my problem is resolved enough that I'm not worried anymore.

just takes time bro, you cant force it spend as much time as possible with the family and friends the will warm to you eventualy its just the way it works with them,

Edited January 11, 2009 by tb86