From today's Telegraph.

We present 20 of the most ridiculous complaints made by holidaymakers to their travel agent, taken from research by Thomas Cook and ABTA.

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy."

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

Sometimes you just have to wonder how some people manage to get their pants on in the morning.

Obviously one classy Roo slurping the gravy.

Jesus H Christ. What the hel_l is wrong with people these days?

It's hard not to be cynical about today's Western society and the sort of spoon-fed, namby-pamby no-hopers that populate it. But some of these cases just display crass stupidity, doziness of mind-boggling proportions. No 2 is an absolute classic. I suppose the stupid have always been with us. As have the naive (No 6).

Hey ho. Makes you feel a bit better about yourself though, doesn't it? Quite reassuring in a way.

As Ian Rush once (sort of) said of Italy, "It's like a foreign country."

I suppose the stupid have always been with us. As have the naive (No 6).

Yes they have always been with us, they just get out more now

Cringe-worthy all the way. Passports should be revoked...

Seriously, are these for real???

I would die for a beach that is too sandy right now.....

Even if many of these are attempts at holiday insurance scams I'd be too embarrassed to send them in.

The guy who's honeymoon was ruined by the randy elephant is probably covering up for the fact that he dropped his drawers and his wife burst out laughing.

Or maybe later in the evening she lay there on the bed and said "Darling, when you stand there like that you remind me of that elephant. It's the ears that does it 'cos you've <deleted> all else in common".

Even if many of these are attempts at holiday insurance scams I'd be too embarrassed to send them in.

I thought the same, mixed with a few people taking the piss, but some people simply are not worldly enough to even consider that other places are different from 'home'.

I tend to think that people like these, i.e. people with no common sense that love complaining, are exactly the sort of meddling cretins who end up in local government. This could be the reason for everything these days having to be dumbed-down to the point of absurdity, where even the bleedin' obvious has to be spelled out in dayglo letters five feet high.

Or am I just being a grumpy old man?

Alright, I have a problem, I admit it, sob.

I'm a grumpy old man too micky. Bloody youth of today!!!

Aye the young 'uns of today don't know they're born. When I were a lad overseas meant a day trip t' Ailse of Waight.

Aye, buut we fuukin' well knew how t' enjoy usselves.

Aye the young 'uns of today don't know they're born. When I were a lad overseas meant a day trip t' Ailse of Waight.

Aye, buut we fuukin' well knew how t' enjoy usselves.

Aye, and ye tell that ta bairns na and they dinna believe ye...