No, not mine

Our cook brings her 5 year old to work regularly and she is a cute, smart kid. She is learning English at after school lessons. not very good english, mind you but she is a quick learner.

So, she's going through the list of body parts, ankle, wrist, face, chin, cheeks, lips, knee, hip (oddly didn't learn elbow tho...) and on. Then she says what sounds like asshol_e. I look calmly at her and say "what?" she says it again, "asshol_e" So I say, "I don't know that one, what is it in Thai?" and so she tells me doot (word for bum). I said, "hmmm, no I don't know that one"

It took all my self control to not burst out laughing but I told our cook that if she learned that word from her teacher then someone needs to have a serious talk with that woman!

Other one she said that was cute was "Ba Na, I have brown eyes. Why do you have eyes the color of a ghost?" I laughed and told her my eyes were not the color of a ghost.

A couple of weeks ago my 4 year old was playing quietly on the floor with her colouring book.

From out of the blue we heard from her "Oh, for fukcs sake". My wife and I looked at each other When asked what she said, she repeated in a pissed off manner "For fukcs sake daddy"

Of course we asked her not to say it again, to which she replied "OK, OK, whatever"

I think that she is 4 going on 16.

LOL, Moonrakers, the other day my sister asked me a question & as is our usual way I replied, "no, dont' know that one bitch" about 10 seconds later my 22 month old son looked at sis & said "bitch" clear as day. After we picked ourself up & stopped laughing have vowed to put paid a stop to swearing or rude words in our house as we often use such favorites as "for fuc_k sake" (for any kind of accident, spillage, or general annoyances) & the last thing I need is for Sonny to start repeating that at play group

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers.

It's allegedly true and might help to confirm your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope containing five dollars 75 cents.

The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

"You must have worked very hard to earn all this", said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, "Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house."

"My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "And will you be working on the house again next week?"

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

"I think so..... Provided those wank3rs at ProBuild deliver the <deleted> bricks."

--------------------------------

Clearly a joke but I thought this the best place for it.

lmao. Brilliant

Good one Cuban

As for the OP from SBK it seems between all the talk of <deleted>, doots and brown eyes everyone was talking about the same thing

Not what was said but what was writ.

My first son had to do a painting depicting a weekend and write underneath why he liked weekends, all for the school open day (He'd be about 6).

So I'm dutifully wandering around at the open day looking at all the cute and charming pictures. Then I came across Robert's submission:-

A lovely picture of green trees, blue sky, bright yellow sun and a bunch of people standing outside what looked like a house.

Beautiful.

Written underneath : "I like weekends because daddy takes us all to the pub".

Doh!

I did something similar when I was about the same age. We had to write a school holiday diary & in mine I wrote how I spent the summer at my nans house & that it was so much fun cause she let us eat spam fritters, baby pudding (suet & bacon boiled pudding) fought over who would clean out the grate & how nan let us play with her mangle

My mum was mortified, this was in the early 80's & my mum was very proud of our healthy diets & mod cons at home but we all loved going to nans with her open fires, mangles & stodgy food but of course we never wrote about having sensible dinners & a brand new washer/drier at home

I had to write a report on what I had done during the school holidays. I was still in primary school so must have been around 10-12 years old.

I spent the holidays at my Uncle Bob's place in the country, he took me shearing with him and we stayed on the farm for a week or so.

My report was called "Brad did a log".

I went on to explain how I went shearing, my uncle gave me a bottle of beer every night and we had farting contests, Brad went a little too far and followed through, hence Brad did a log.

Well, my poor Uncle copped a whole load of <deleted> from my Mum when the school showed her my report, he had me drinking beer, swearing, farting and sh1tting, I wrote how my Aunty came along to cook the food for everyone and she gave me cigarettes, I also mentioned how my Auntry asked me if I had ever eaten a Fur Burger, but I didn't know what a fur burger was and it didn't sound too nice.

I didn't know I wasn't supposed to write any of us. Funny when thinking back on it now.

These days my Aunt and Uncle would be locked up for child abuse or similar, but back then it wasn't a huge deal.

The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:

"I think so..... Provided those wank3rs at ProBuild deliver the <deleted> bricks."

Tuky, a fur burger???

A bird flew into the window and unfortunately died with a broken neck.

My nephew, who was four at the time, piped up "has he broken his little willy?"

Omg..this thread is SO funny!! I think im about to wet myseIf.....brb!

My 13 year old nephew came up with a gem the other day.

My sister was talking about how she wasn't about to have another kid and he looks at her and says "Aren't you barren by now?"

OK, gotta love my nephew. He's a great kid, very smart but well, he's a teenager.

So, tonight we are sitting downstairs and he's upstairs in his room with the door closed. My sister shouts up at him, but, being a teenager, he doesn't hear. She was going to go up but I said, "no, no, facebook him". So, she sends him a facebook message and one minute later he's downstairs "what do you want?"

My how times have changed