Sweetie,

I know that I can't imagine the stress and pain that you are going through, but you are in, it seems, a good place full of flowers and love and family and friends. Keep up your good humour.

Like everyone else, again, you are in our thoughts.

Patsy xxx

Thanks ALL for your thoughts and wishes. Patsy - there is a 'house cat' here called Misty, she's very fond of anyone with a tuna fish sandwich... otherwise quite aloof and doesn't knock when she comes from the garden, through your room and out into the corridor !!!

Cats are supposed to knock? I thought they had automatic right of way just because of being a cat

Yes SBK you are absolutely right Was just being a little sarcastic there!!! Misty has right of way... she rules the roost here

Yes SBK you are absolutely right Was just being a little sarcastic there!!! Misty has right of way... she rules the roost here

Hi

Just like to say I admire your spirit and the inspirational attitude you show us!

On a lighthearted note, the above reminded me of this picture.

Dave

Been saving this post to give the top girl high 5555's

Dear Seonai, I wish you all the best possible in your circumstances.

A personal question for you Seonai which you have no obligation to answer and welcome to tell me to mind my own business, but here goes....

Are you donating any of your (I assume) undamaged organs and if you are, would you regard it as being still with us in a way ?

Great idea Rixalex let's do it ... I was wondering what the other side involves...

More of the same nonsense i suspect .

Seriously though, for me being completely non-spiritual / religious my feeling is that dying is much the same as sleeping. Would it be more comforting to think that there was another "place" - in some ways yes, in other ways no.

Every night when we drop off to sleep we do so without too much thought for the fact that effectively we are stopping living. Obviously our hearts don't stop but we do - we are completely out of the loop for those 8 hours and anything could be happening. Do we worry about this though? Of course not. Is this because we know we'll be waking up again - well i guess that is a factor, but having said that if i was to drop off to sleep and not wake up, and through some kind of outer body experience i was able to witness this all happening, would i find it such a big deal - no i don't think so. Sad of course to say goodbye to loved ones - isn't it always even if only for a short period - but in terms of fearing death itself, i see no need.

Easy for me to say all this as i'm not quite so face to face with it as you are Seonai. but as i mentioned before, none of us know what's round the next corner and the way we all walk around in complete confidence that it won't happen to us is pretty daft, albeit human nature.

Anyway, i have no idea if any of what i've said makes you feel better or a hundred times worse. People often just stay silent or avoid certain topics when meeting those in your situation for fear of saying the wrong thing. That's a bit sad though as even if one might not find exactly the "right" words, surely this time more than any other is the time to be open with your thoughts and to communicate freely.

Seonai, hope you have a lovely day with your loved ones and know that you are in our thoughts and hearts all the time.

P.S. If i'm wrong about the "nothing on the other side" thing, will i be excluded from that piss-up we penciled in? I do hope not.

It's the first time for ages that I have a look into bedlam again and I am shocked and speechless by the news.

I've been following your ordeal since the beginning and..well...dunno what to say other than that I admire your excellent spirit and humour you sport in your posts!

@rixalex: I am pretty much on the same page as you are...and indeed afraid of saying something wrong

Sibymai, Rixalex and Raro I don't know what to say really!!! A Theravadan Buddist Nun came to see me yesterday and confirmed what you guys are saying really about the body and impermanence and us not knowing and not being able to prepare... so I am just floating along. Managing with my son by being partly strict Mum and partly big cuddley loving Mum. Inside the hospice I am allowed to drink wine in the evening and am also on morphine every 4 hours so pain and anxiety are semi controlled. I say semi as I still can't control the panic attacks over not being able to breath when the slightest movement happens - like moving your butt from the bed to the comode, or walking 3 feet to my wheelchair. Now even brushing my hair almost floors me, talking is hard work and ... well everything is hard work. I've never experienced anything like this in my life. Thanks for all of you being out there. Really thanks XXX

Reading your post Nampeung, it wrenches at the heart to hear some of the discomfort/pain that you are in - it really does. Never met you, but i'm sure like the other people who have contributed to this thread, we feel a connection to you. Your suffering is ours - although obviously we still can't begin to imagine what you are going through right now.

I really do hope the nurses are doing everything in their power to make things as easy as possible for you - i'm sure they are.

As far as worrying about being the right sort of mum for your son is concerned, try not to worry too much. I think your son is old enough to understand how you are feeling and you shouldn't overthink things. Just follow your heart. If your heart is saying "wrap my arms around my son and hold him close for the next 30 minutes until he is bored stiff!" - well then do so. It's a time in your life when you can be just a little selfish for once!

Praying that you have a "good" day today. We are thinking of you.

Once again guys and gals... learning every day!! Showered and hair washed with nurse Barbara on 22nd May - the day before my son's 14th birthday. For his b day we had a lovely picnic type affair in the garden just outside my bedroom - my oxygen tubing reaches out to the table and chairs there. Hugs to you all XXX

Rixalex you are a dear!!! Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts. It means the world to me to read such wisdom... let's talk again tmrw. I am absolutely whacked now. Tmrw nite uk time XXX

I hope you have many things every day, big and small, that give you joy. Im glad to read that you have loved ones and friends around you.

I hope everyday you will see, hear, and think about things that make you smile and laugh.

Cherish every moment.

You will always live on Nampeung, through your son (and his future children), and those whos lives you touched.

Wishing you a lovely day. x

Hi Seonai. Just arrived back in Melbourne (and 'net access) last night after a lengthy period up country. I am so sorry that your health woes are unable to be resolved, but am heartened that you have had the fortune to find pleasant facilities. Great to see you back here with your TV/Bedlamite family.

Little update - thanks all for your good wishes. Today, used hot wipes to wash most of the body and put on clean clothes over an hour or so as I had a great 'old' friend coming, Betty, who I haven't seen in a few years. We had chats in the garden, then rain came so moved into the bedroom for sandwiches and chocolate cake which Betty brought from Cafe Mozart in London. Keep well everyone and keep me updated with your news... it keeps me going XXX

Oh man, I just stumbled here by total freakin' chance after months away, listening to Joni Mitchell tunes after years and years, and I see your thread in the open forum. I have tears in my eyes and a knot in my stomach ... I am so sorry it came to this for you. But, I am buoyed by your spirit. Please keep going until the end - who cares about spelling; I can hardly spell on a good day.

Seonai, thank you so much for sharing these moments with us, and all that you have on this forum. All the arguments and point-pressing seem so trivial in a way, but they are also part of the little things that connect to the substance of life, much in the same way that although I may not get a chance to meet you in the flesh, I have tears in my eyes and knots in my own flesh hearing this news ...

It sounds like you are doing everything right now. Spend time with all your loved ones, reminisce, talk to your boy now and to who he will be in the future, listen to all of your music, and try to take even a moment every day to still wonder at the simple things on this earth, especially during spring/summer: the birds, the garden, the sun, the leaves, everything.

Drink wine, eat chocolate, love your friends and family, and love and remember yourself, and all that you've been. I'll be back here tomorrow.

I'll leave you with what is playing here with me now:

The Circle Game, Joni Mitchell

Yesterday a child came out to wonder

Caught a dragonfly inside a jar

Fearful when the sky was full of thunder

And tearful at the falling of a star

Then the child moved ten times round the seasons

Skated over ten clear frozen streams

Words like, when youre older, must appease him

And promises of someday make his dreams

And the seasons they go round and round

And the painted ponies go up and down

Were captive on the carousel of time

We cant return we can only look behind

From where we came

And go round and round and round

In the circle game

Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now

Cartwheels turn to car wheels thru the town

And they tell him,

Take your time, it wont be long now

Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down

And the seasons they go round and round

And the painted ponies go up and down

Were captive on the carousel of time

We cant return we can only look behind

From where we came

And go round and round and round

In the circle game

So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty

Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true

Therell be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty

Before the last revolving year is through

And the seasons they go round and round

And the painted ponies go up and down

Were captive on the carousel of time

We cant return, we can only look behind

From where we came

And go round and round and round

In the circle game

* I can't link it, but you can find it at www.youtube.com - Joni Mitchell - The Circle Game 1966 Live

I found you a song.

Be great.

* I can't link it, but you can find it at www.youtube.com - Joni Mitchell - The Circle Game 1966 Live

Joni Mitchell The Circle Game

Got it you guys... brilliant, thanks Kat and Moss. Wish you could both come on down here with Boo and Bina and some of the other TV bods and we could have such a lovely day enjoying the garden, food, wine and good company... Love to you all - I mean it sincerely

Me too, S. I have some time coming up in mid-July, and I can easily arrange to be in Brighton at that time to enjoy a lovely day with you. Let's see how you are feeling closer to that time and play it by ear.

In the meantime, we have this forum. Let's spend some time together here as much as you wish.

Big hug to you sweet pea, and I will drink a good bottle of wine this evening thinking of you.

*edit added:

I just looked at my calendar and I will be flying into Eastern Europe sometime right after July 18th (that is the plan, anyway, but you know what they say about plans - ha!). I can easily arrange to England at some point during that time, and fly to New York from London; no big deal.

Let's see how you feel about it, and of course there is no obligation either way. It would be nice to see Boo as well, if possible.

Anyway, think about it and let me know, in as much as we can plan for anything.

Hey Seonai/Nampeung, how are you today?

You know..only if you want to, but, I was wondering, can you tell me (us?) more about yourself. I never really got to know you. What things do you like? No need to get too personal of course..even simple things like.. cats or dogs? whats your favorite food/flowers/style of music. I would like to have more of an impression of you, more rounded.

Well..hope you slept well.

Kat if you do make it over you are more than welcome to stay at our place & we can go down to see Seonai together

Hey Seonai/Nampeung, how are you today?

You know..only if you want to, but, I was wondering, can you tell me (us?) more about yourself. I never really got to know you. What things do you like? No need to get too personal of course..even simple things like.. cats or dogs? whats your favorite food/flowers/style of music. I would like to have more of an impression of you, more rounded.

Well..hope you slept well.

Yeh on both.

Seonai, you helped me when I first joined TV (don't we all join when we need help - OK, I did) by putting me in touch with the guy you worked with (re snakes) and I am following this thread everyday, but I really don't know anything about you. Tell us about you, what you have accomplished in this world and what you want to accomplish in your next life.

All the best,

OMR

Unless anybody objects, I thought it could be nice if I popped down, come on a day-return around the

same sort of time as Kat. I'll be leaving the 24th July - so I guess between 18th - 23rd??

.

Here's another wee song for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLbAwTLSg2M

Hey Seonai,

Me again.

Just wanted to join the chorus of people talking up the value of music.

Don't know bout you, but for me it has the ability to uplift me from even the darkest moments.

What do you like listening to? What's your favourite song? I agree with eek - we want to know more about this amazing woman who has stolen our hearts! Spill the beans honey!

Hey Seonai/Nampeung, how are you today?

You know..only if you want to, but, I was wondering, can you tell me (us?) more about yourself. I never really got to know you. What things do you like? No need to get too personal of course..even simple things like.. cats or dogs? whats your favorite food/flowers/style of music. I would like to have more of an impression of you, more rounded.

Well..hope you slept well.

She has a great collection of posts as both Seonai and Nampeung.

Kat if you do make it over you are more than welcome to stay at our place & we can go down to see Seonai together

It would be great to see you as well, and I am so appreciative of the offer. It makes it even more possible now. If Seonai does not object, I will route my travel plans through England. I think England/Korea is one of the cheapest fligts out of Seoul. And of course from there London /New York is no sweat.

Okay Guys and Gals - you are on for a visit and something of a great get together for all of us in July it looks like - you guys just say the day... my time schedule is 3pm onwards when I'm presentable and cleaned up !!! Just give me a couple of days notice and we will be on for a lovely meet up - Bec and Kat can you arrange stuff please darlings. We need to all bring picnic food, white wine and paper plates and cups. So let's just delegate who's bringing what. OOOOHHHH how exciting ... FAB...

As to the rest of you who wanted to know about me... I shall attempt at a synopsis and ask you to ask me to elaborate on any area that you feel needs elaborating on.

Born 1961 Edinburgh, Scotland. Aged 12 parents split up and I moved to Zimbabwe with mother, brother stayed in Edin with father. Came back to UK aged 17 and trained as a nurse. Worked a few years and decided to move to London with a boyfriend to work in Homeopathic Hospital, great ormond street. Then applied to Uni and went off in London to study for a degree in Information and Communications. got a Bsc 2;1 HONS And started work at the Independent newspaper as a research librarian.One thing led to the next and I ended up studying at the Thai Temple in Wimbledon, London and became besotted with Thai proper Buddhism (TBC). Moved to Thailand around 1992, taught Thai monks in BKK for two years -- on how to teach Buddhism in English in India and Europe.

Married a Buddhist monk who disrobed to marry me. Had a wonderful child. Divorced father of child for bad behaviour. Spent many years as a single parent and working as journalist/editor for various publications. Married a Thai Muslim man. Got very sick. Boo stepped in......... and I'm very tired now guys.... Please feel free to ask questions... it's just late at night now and I feel whacked

EEK - likes etc - Love Bohemian decor and clothing, dusty pink roses, 1930's music on gramaphone, Thai Buddhism, travel writing, South East Asian culture/food/literature/music/food, Central and eastern European food/culture/music/literature. Silk shawls, funky nail varnish, red hair and lipstick, Pavarotti, warm milky drinks when it's cold, rugs over your legs when it's cold,.

Working for humanitarian organisations but also remembering to have a life, driving in my wheelchair to see the garden and the wonderful flowers and edible plants.

Okay Seonai's mega tired now guys. Please ask more questions, it keeps me alive. Really!!!

Tell me some of your likes please guys...