Getting Married In Thailand.. I Have Lots Of Questions

[daveman]

If things go well I am planing to go to Thailand in Feb to marry. It will be only a quick visit maybe 2 weeks as I want to keep my job in Ireland, My wife will then join me here in Ireland once she has a visa.

I think I have figured out how to get a legal civil wedding in Bangkok, which means visit to consulate and MFA, translate some papers. (Correct me if I am wrong) I hope i can get this done in 2 or 3 days. maybe this was dealt with in and earlier post, if someone could please send me the link.

I have only just started discussing it with my girlfriend but I believe she wants some kind of religious ceremony in her village near Nongbualamphu Issan. thats fine by me. but I don't know anything about Thai Weddings.

(probably a stupid question) Am I expected to Pay for ceremony? How Much should I expect to pay?

We have not discussed a dowry yet (but i believe it is custom). I should add that my girlfriend is 32, divorced and has one son, so should I have to pay any dowry at all?

What do I ware at a Thai wedding, a western suit or is there something traditional.

How Long will she have to wait for a visa to Ireland once we are married (I should add that it is my Idea that we live in Ireland as I would not be able to make enough money in Thailand)

Can I do all of this in 2 weeks?

I am sure I will have more questions. and I will add once they come up. thanks in advance for any help

Edited December 16, 2009 by daveman

[goldfinger]

what?????

"" I should add that my girlfriend is 32, divorced and has one son, so should I have to pay any dowry at all?"""

i suggest, you look for a lady 45 years old, 5 children, then you will receive minimum 2 million baht from your father in law.

WHO, if not you as farang should pay for the wedding ceremony(dont be afraid, its not too expensive in Isaan.)

Think about what you save on money, when she stays with you, dont need a roommaid anymore, massage for free and anything else.

[richm7]

what?????

"" I should add that my girlfriend is 32, divorced and has one son, so should I have to pay any dowry at all?"""

i suggest, you look for a lady 45 years old, 5 children, then you will receive minimum 2 million baht from your father in law.

WHO, if not you as farang should pay for the wedding ceremony(dont be afraid, its not too expensive in Isaan.)

Think about what you save on money, when she stays with you, dont need a roommaid anymore, massage for free and anything else.

Come on, the poor sod is looking for some advice (which he clearly needs!). This is a massive subject which has been discussed at some considerable length all over this (and other) forums. I strongly recommend the OP uses the search engine and carries out some in depth research. Above all, I would advise him to be extremely careful. Some quick answers would be

1. You seem to have pretty much figured out what you need to do to get legally married. It can be done in 3 days if you have all your ducks in a row. Do more research to get the full procedure.

2. The subject of sin sot is complex and has no simple answer and as many opinions as members here have a*seholes. I'd say not much, if any, and if possible, get it back. But then, I have an a*sehole too.

3. You will probably have to pay for the village wedding. Lot's of people, lots of drink but not much money. A few hundred Euros at most.

4. No idea on the Eire visa, check with the embassy. You might get away with setting the wheels in motion while you're here, but it will be a very hectic two weeks if you do. Need expert opinion on Ireland - anyone with experience?

5. PLEASE be very careful. It would not be fair to pass opinion on someone I do not know but you will hear so many horror stories you should be confident that you really know and trust your lady or you could have some real heart ache, not to mention wallet ache.

6. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you both.

[Thongkorn]

Yes You can get all your paperwork, and Ex rays done in three days and get Married. If you book your appointment on line to surrender your visa application, You just put your relevant paperwork in and submit it at the time given to you, The process for surrendering your visa is about one hour , it could take up to 12 weeks to process. As for getting married at an Amphur you can literally walk in off the street with out an appointment. good luck all the best.

[Jonathanpattaya]

I would take breath and think about what you are doing.

Your post sounds a bit rushed to me.

However, good luck.

[maxman71]

I would take breath and think about what you are doing.

Your post sounds a bit rushed to me.

However, good luck.

If I ever decide to get married again, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. Much more efficient that way.

Seriously, I agree with some of the responders. What's the rush? And how long have you known this lady? If she is the right one now, she will be the right one a few months or a year from now too, which gives you plenty of time to get the info about the visas, wedding, customs, etc. And if she is pressuring you to get married quickly, don't walk away...RUN.

[kennkate]

All the best dave For you wedding Richm7 has more or less given you the info you were looking for

You say that your intended is 32 Divorced and has one child. My take on that as far as a Sin Sot is concerned

The Family should be HAPPY that you are going to take care of her and her Son, That should be enough.

Having said that you may feel if her family are poor to give them a couple of hundred Euro's

After all you will be taking the grandchild away from them so that would be fair and it would indicate to the family you will take care of her and her Son

Just don't get pushed into giving more than you can afford. You Will have to look after them back home and it's not cheap.

They will want winter clothing Ect Ect

Good luck I hope it all works out for you

[goldfinger]

Does the son really come with the mother??

If so, it will take more time and will be a"bit" more expensive, because the (Thai)father has to agree.....

If the boy stays with the grandparents, the OP has to calculate monthly about 200 euro+ to send to thailand.

Not sure if he thought about that, because he scares about the costs of a wedding party in Isaan.

[daveman]

Does the son really come with the mother??

If so, it will take more time and will be a"bit" more expensive, because the (Thai)father has to agree.....

If the boy stays with the grandparents, the OP has to calculate monthly about 200 euro+ to send to Thailand.

Not sure if he thought about that, because he scares about the costs of a wedding party in Issan.

Not scared just a little green. and I had thought of her sons upkeep. I have taken all replays, advice on-board most of it is good. I perhaps am a little rushed. I have known this lady for a year and a half, although we have only spent a few weeks together (and a lot of time on the phone) and I have been to her village only once.

I had tried to get a visa last year for her to come to Ireland and stay for a couple of months, but that was refused. so i guess the only way to be together is to get married. I wouldn't be the first to make that silly sod mistake, and I wont be the last. sometimes it works, but

I do need to slow down and think it through, but anymore advice is welcome, the more I know about this subject the better.

[thommo46]

If she has had a visa refused,there is no guarantee that because you marry you automatically get a visa.

I have just done all this process last year. My wife has a son , she had not seen the father of the child for 7 years he is now 8. She had to go to the village amphor and get letters from the district no.1 honcho stating that she is the sole carer of the child and the father has been off the seen for a long time. If father is dead a death cert. has to be produced. All this is in Thai so it has to be translated to english at approx 300 bt per paper. Same goes for all your marriage documents , birth certificates. We got married in Australia and have not had village ceremony. My wife had not been married before but has 1 son. We sat down and agreed on a sinot , she did not pressure me into it , but if you have been out to their home you know their financial situation is not great. We will have a party next visit to Thailand. At the ceremony people come and go all the time while your getting married. Cost for food is approx 1200 bt per table which hold 8 people , so you say you have 15 tables you cater for approx. 120 people.Best of luck for your marriage visa , all I can say is be up front and honest , because you will be found out.

Cheers Thommo

[daveman]

Yes You can get all your paperwork, and Ex rays done in three days and get Married. If you book your appointment on line to surrender your visa application, You just put your relevant paperwork in and submit it at the time given to you, The process for surrendering your visa is about one hour , it could take up to 12 weeks to process. As for getting married at an Amphur you can literally walk in off the street with out an appointment. good luck all the best.

EX RAYS?

[Xonax]

Good luck mate.

If I was you, I would not rush to get married, if you have actually only been together a few weeks. It is a complete different story to just be talking over the phone, as well as a few weeks holiday in Thailand, is very different, compared to a normal working life in Ireland. Especially if you happened to meet in a bar, you should be very carefull about what you do, as far from all bargirls are as honest as they look. I happen to know this by experience.

Do you know why her visa application was rejected? If she has a criminal record, she will not get a visa, even if you are married. If she do not have a criminal record, try to apply again, as there might just have been a small discrepancy in the application. If everything in the application is as required, a 90 days tourist visa will definitely be granted. Give her a fair chance to see, how her new life in Europe will be. If she should be disappointed about life in Ireland, it would be better for both of you, if she would realize this before you are getting married.

About the marriage, you should of course pay for the private ceremony and the wedding party in the village, which will not be too expensive (plenty of monks and a live band are not a must). The dowry (sin sot) is originally a compensation to the parents, for taking their daughter away from the family. As someone already did that before, you would not need to pay anything, but I recommend that you show your good will, and give the parents what you can afford (e.g. Bht 10-20,000.00). They will be very happy to show the other villagers the money, and knowing that they have a little money, you would not have to send more money, every time the house needs repair, or when the buffalo gets sick. In Thailand you dont only marry the girl, but her whole family

[hansnl]

Does the son really come with the mother??

If so, it will take more time and will be a"bit" more expensive, because the (Thai)father has to agree.....

If the boy stays with the grandparents, the OP has to calculate monthly about 200 euro+ to send to thailand.

Not sure if he thought about that, because he scares about the costs of a wedding party in Isaan.

€ 200????

Nearly 10,000 baht.

The whole family could live on that.

Including the natural father.

Think again!

However, that said, for the OP.

If the father of the boy is still in the vincinity of the village, forget the wedding till you know more!

Try to find out things when you come to Thailand next time, visit the village, look around, keep your eyes open, don't get married yet!!!!!

If there is any pressure to get married, and the father of the boy is still around, if the "house-question" is raised, just go back to Ireland and forget the whole thing.

And why marry in Bangkok?

Does your future wife works in Bangkok?

What does she do?

If you decide to get married anyway and get married in the Amphur, describe what is yours, and what will be from you and your wife.

Besides that, make a will in Ireland that states that all what is yours in Ireland goes to your Irish family.

Also, when registering the Thai marriage in Ireland, make certain that everything you owned in Ireland before the wedding remains yours!

Slowly, don't hurry, wait, keep cool, find out things, discover things.......

[Trickcyclist]

Ignore all the patronising flippancies in some of the replies and call a real professional:

Mrs Frances Ecaster at 02 286 1351

"Frances Ecaster" <[email protected]>

Irish lady married to Thai.

Fluent in Thai.

Long business experience in Thailand

knows the checks and balances between Thai and falang requirements

runs translation service and well known and recommended by consulate.

Should imagine she would be one stop shop for your requirements.

Highly recommended.

Chokdee makk makk, slainte go saol agus Nollaig samh

[brasseye]

There are matters thast concern how to do it and others concerns SHOULD you do it.

I will address the latter. One responder touched upon whether or not you met in a bar. He did not refer to 'bar girl'. I do. If she is or was [and how are you to know she still isn't?] then don't proceed. Knowing her briefly, talking on the phone and spending only a few weeks with her makes you a laughing stock ruled by his wishful heart rather than his calculating head.

Do you seriously think you can spend the rest of your life with somebody you've spent 'a few weeks with'? It can be done but usually is found amongst lifers banged up together.

Get real. If you are as desperate as you sound, quit your job, get over here and find out what it is all about.

I known the Irish follow the green but you seem it from head to toe.

[rgs2001uk]

I would put money on the visit visa being denied on the grounds of, no compelling reason to return to Thailand.

Usually denied because the girl has no money, job or assets.

Questions you should be asking the girl,

What do her parents do for a living?

How much land do they own?

Do they own their own house bought and paid for?

How much money do the parents have in the bank?, usually to take care of any buffalo that may get sick.

Is the girl the youngest or eldset daughter? we keep hearing its Thai tradition for the youngest or eldest daughter to take care of the parents.

How many brothers and sisters does she have? and what do they do for a living? what assets do they have.

If she has any sisters married to Thai men, how much does the sister give to the parents each month and why?

Is the girl working in Thailand? where is she working and how much does she earn?

Can the girl read and write English?

If the girl is unemployable in Thailand, what makes you think she will be employable in your country?

Where is the girls previous husband? and why did they seperate? (money demands from the girls parents?).

On your side, can you afford to have a wife that may well contribute nothing financially, and at the same time may well be a drain on your resources? eg money to her family every month, air fares and spending money for her to visit Thailand at least once a year.

No spare money to go out with your mates on a Friday night, no spare money for a new car or a new house, no money to go on holiday.

If you decide to get married,

a pair of trousers and shirt is fine, you may well be sitting down for long periods, so wear something comfortable.

While I personally wouldnt pay sin sot, I would make a show of it, and tell the parents thats for the cost of a wedding party.

At the wedding the guests will hand over envelopes containing money, who will be collecting the money, and more importantly who will be keeping the money?

You should explain to the girls parents, its costing you a lot of money in air fares, hotels and visa expenses for the girl, and you also need money to start a new life in your country.

The reaction to telling them the above may well be an indication of the type of family you are marrying into.

You mention sin sot, has the girl ever brought this up in conversation? if she hasnt I would ignore it and not even mention it.

If the girl mentions it, refer to the above, tell her you are willing to put 20k baht on show.

How many Thai girls have you be involved with? and what makes this girl different from any others you may have been involved with?

[daveman]

Thanks for all the replies, all have been welcome. I shell try and respond to all so far

Richm7 – Yes I clearly need help lol. I am using a search engine and researching Thai weddings. I still have a lot to discuss and with my girlfriend and I will be slowing down. I am aware of the horror stories that is why I ask these questions here about sin sot, and ask for advice from people who have been there, done that.

Tongkorn – I am not sure what you mean by ex rays and surrender your visa application. Could you please elaborate?

Jonathanpattya – Caution noted, thank you for your best wishes

Maxman 71 – I was the one who called her and asked her for a quick weeding. Although while I was in Thailand in November, she did ask me a lot, to get married, I always tried to talk sense to her and told her to wait. Now that I am back home and miss her like hel_l. I just want her here with me. The weeding seemed to be the easiest way, I clearly didn't think everything through thou, and I thought I would just fly over for a couple of weeks and get the paperwork, never even thought if girlfriend wanted a weeding ceremony.

Goldfinger – I asked about her son, she is fine with him staying with his grandma. Grandpa is dead. I am not sure what to think of this arrangement as my wife would miss him. Although I did tell her we would be able to visit for 1 month every year. Not scared of cost of the weeding, I just want to know what to budget for.

Thommo- Cheers for the heads up. It's good to know what to budget for; I don't want any surprises that's all. Best of luck with your new wife, I hope you will be very happy.

Xonax – Very good advice, I do want her to visit here before we marry, that's why I tried to get her visa last year.

I get the impression she thinks the streets are paved with gold here. It's hard to explain to her that it's hard work here too, and expensive to live.

I am reasonably sure she has no criminal record that was not why the last visa was rejected.

I might try again if she is willing to reapply. Poor girl spent 3 weeks last year waiting in Bangkok for a visa; I was trying to tell her it would take longer. We clearly have a bit of a language barrier as well. After a total of 8 months including the appeal and refusal she got very disheartened and did not want to go through all that again. She also said she would not be able to fly on plane for that long alone, so I would have to go and get her if she did get a visa. It might be hard to get her to try again. but maybe that is the way to go rather the get married stright away. I might be able

Hansni - €200 seems ok to me. I have been talking to a friend of mine who tells me his ladies family wanted €12000 and she is a bar girl with two kids. Needless to say they are not together now the weeding never happened. As for the sons father, he is still around somewhere close, as she was showing me some photos on her phone I spotted her son with another man. I asked who he was and she told be sons papa. "House question" I am not sure what you mean…. Something else I have to learn. I wanted to get civil marriage in Bangkok as it is easier, I would need to make visits to Irish consulate and other Thai government offices. I don't have any family except my Mum. Her house will be mine one day.

Trickcyclist - My Girlfriend did visit Frances at the holiday shop early in 2009 and I have spoken to her on the phone, unfortunately this was after we had submitted our last visa application. I am sure if she had been involved in the original submission it would have been successful. I will be contacting her again I am sure. Nollaig Shona Duit!

Brasseye – I appreachte your bluntness or is It rudeness, but some of the world's greatest romances are between lifers locked up together. Believe me I would love to quit my job and go to LOS, I had planned for it, I hoped my investment in the good times would have doubled by now, instead its worth less then I put in, I have a 2 year old car I can't sell for the right money, and my savings would only last 4-6 months at best without work or a business in LOS. No matter I am farang, so I am filthy rich. My mum is getting on a bit now, so it's hard to leave. This is as real as it gets. As for "Bar Girls" if anyone would here would care to admit it, is why at least 50-70% of expats are in Thailand. Right or wrong? Many have married and yes there are many horror stories, I am not that naive I know the odds are against us, but surely there are a lot of happy families as well.

Rgs2001uk- Bingo! That was why she was refused visa last time. But what about all those questions, why are they so important, I doubt she even knows all the answers herself. I will tell you what I know or what she has told me. She has one brother who works selling t-shirts in bkk and 2 sisters. Her mama is alive and well, papa died many years ago. I was at her house once and I didn't see any livestock only chickens. The biggy is her English is not great, not good enough to work in Ireland at least. So I would have to say she would not be able to get work here at the moment, I have tried explaining this too her, although I might be able to get her a job cleaning.

Edited December 17, 2009 by daveman

[F1fanatic]

Ignore the cynical replies - you are obviously both v much in love. The fact that you have only actually been together for a few weeks means nothing in these circumstances. That is why she was talking about marriage - she loves you too much.

Don't worry that the language (and cultural) difference means that you can't actually communicate.

Isaan women are famed for their loyalty to their husbands rather than their families, so you have no worries there. I've no doubt that she won't ask you to support her family in Thailand.

As a previous poster pointed out, getting married may not mean that she can get into Ireland easily - the cynical Western governments aren't convinced that these marriages are based on love rather than money.

You need to prove to her family that you truly love her by providing as large a dowry as you can afford - they will find it v hard that you are taking her far away, so you need to show your commitment.

[daveman]

Ignore the cynical replies - you are obviously both v much in love. The fact that you have only actually been together for a few weeks means nothing in these circumstances. That is why she was talking about marriage - she loves you too much.

Don't worry that the language (and cultural) difference means that you can't actually communicate.

Isaan women are famed for their loyalty to their husbands rather than their families, so you have no worries there. I've no doubt that she won't ask you to support her family in Thailand.

As a previous poster pointed out, getting married may not mean that she can get into Ireland easily - the cynical Western governments aren't convinced that these marriages are based on love rather than money.

You need to prove to her family that you truly love her by providing as large a dowry as you can afford - they will find it v hard that you are taking her far away, so you need to show your commitment.

Now I know i am moving to fast, that doesn't sound like any Issan woman I have ever met. Its all about family. Now I don't mean that in a derogatory manner it's Issan culture thats all

[Thongkorn]

If you are getting Married , I take it you will be coming to the UK on a settlement visa , if so your lady will need a chest Ex ray, and if you are putting in an application for a visa, You will need an appointment to put your visa in (Submit).If you get all your paperwork ready before you go to Bangkok , that is if you are getting married in Bangkok, you could book your appointment before you go to Thailand , usually about 2 Weeks before you go . that way you will save time .IE get married in 3 days then put your visa in(submit)then if you are lucky it will be processed in a few weeks.

[daveman]

If you are getting Married , I take it you will be coming to the UK on a settlement visa , if so your lady will need a chest Ex ray, and if you are putting in an application for a visa, You will need an appointment to put your visa in (Submit).If you get all your paperwork ready before you go to Bangkok , that is if you are getting married in Bangkok, you could book your appointment before you go to Thailand , usually about 2 Weeks before you go . that way you will save time .IE get married in 3 days then put your visa in(submit)then if you are lucky it will be processed in a few weeks.

Thank you. But I am not sure if it is the same procedure in Ireland.

[chuppachops]

"dont forget in Thailand you dont just marry the girl but her whole family." lol &lt;deleted&gt; and why would he pay money to her family if shes about 50 years old and been married before.. bloody crazy you falangs!

Edited December 19, 2009 by chuppachops

[pjclark1]

To get married in Thailand

You need to visit your Embassy or Consulate in Thailand and get an "Affirmation of Freedom to Marry" signed by the consulate. The form is usually available online or email your consulate for the form. This must me presented at the Consulate/Embassy in Thailand with your passport (and original divorce certificate if divorced)

3000bht at UK Embassy, completed form presented next day.

You must them get this translated into Thai and take the translation and the original along to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Bangkok. Both original and translation will be stamped on the front and have a sticker and stamp put on the back.

A translation service agent can do the whole thing for about 2500bht within 1 week.

(just got mine done this week by post, agent in CM took the affirmation on Monday and gave me the completed and stamped work back on the Friday after translating and posting to BK for me)

You may then get married at any Amphur office, you need this document, your passport, her ID, Her Tabien Baan blue book.

As for the religious wedding, I have told mine she can have a budget of 25kbht if she wants to have one (or a nice holiday for us in Krabbi instead). Her reply is the wedding should cost nothing as the money brought by the guests should cover the cost ..... I'm a bit doubtful about that)

Sinsot

Brought up by the family but I asked for 20kbht and they decided not to. They though it was amusing that I wanted cash to marry her (2 previous careful owners produced kids so I thought they should pay me).

Good luck!

Edited December 19, 2009 by pjclark1

[Somrak]

@ Daveman: I had tried to get a visa last year for her to come to Ireland and stay for a couple of months, but that was refused. so i guess the only way to be together is to get married.

Sorry, now my advice too.

- Do not married about the visa. Give you and your GF more time.

- May go to the village and married her by Budda. Then nobody loose face.

Spend the time with her family. This will tell you a lot about her too.

- Do look for a .... visa again, that she can visit you first for any weeks in your home.

... after this start the real "operation marriage".

I wish you and your GF all the best.

[daveman]

To get married in Thailand

You need to visit your Embassy or Consulate in Thailand and get an "Affirmation of Freedom to Marry" signed by the consulate. The form is usually available online or email your consulate for the form. This must me presented at the Consulate/Embassy in Thailand with your passport (and original divorce certificate if divorced)

3000bht at UK Embassy, completed form presented next day.

You must them get this translated into Thai and take the translation and the original along to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Bangkok. Both original and translation will be stamped on the front and have a sticker and stamp put on the back.

A translation service agent can do the whole thing for about 2500bht within 1 week.

(just got mine done this week by post, agent in CM took the affirmation on Monday and gave me the completed and stamped work back on the Friday after translating and posting to BK for me)

You may then get married at any Amphur office, you need this document, your passport, her ID, Her Tabien Baan blue book.

As for the religious wedding, I have told mine she can have a budget of 25kbht if she wants to have one (or a nice holiday for us in Krabbi instead). Her reply is the wedding should cost nothing as the money brought by the guests should cover the cost ..... I'm a bit doubtful about that)

Sinsot

Brought up by the family but I asked for 20kbht and they decided not to. They though it was amusing that I wanted cash to marry her (2 previous careful owners produced kids so I thought they should pay me).

Good luck!

Thanks For the info. And I wish you the very best with your new Mrs.

[daveman]

@ Daveman: I had tried to get a visa last year for her to come to Ireland and stay for a couple of months, but that was refused. so i guess the only way to be together is to get married.

Sorry, now my advice too.

- Do not married about the visa. Give you and your GF more time.

- May go to the village and married her by Budda. Then nobody loose face.

Spend the time with her family. This will tell you a lot about her too.

- Do look for a .... visa again, that she can visit you first for any weeks in your home.

... after this start the real "operation marriage".

I wish you and your GF all the best.

Thanks for the advice. It's just sooo hard to be apart. I will run this by her.

[Straight8]

Sorry to say this champ, but those cynical rude posts are the winners here.

If you can accept the risks involved both emotionally and (especially) financially, then go ahead, cause no matter what anyone says, once your mind is made up, you will taste the poison pill.

No doubt, no one here hopes it doesn't work out for you, so all the best to you, but I would seriously take note to some of those people you would rather have not heard from in the previous posts.

[daveman]

Sorry to say this champ, but those cynical rude posts are the winners here.

If you can accept the risks involved both emotionally and (especially) financially, then go ahead, cause no matter what anyone says, once your mind is made up, you will taste the poison pill.

No doubt, no one here hopes it doesn't work out for you, so all the best to you, but I would seriously take note to some of those people you would rather have not heard from in the previous posts.

Is it always a poison pill? as I Have not heard from anyone here yet that has a single positive thing to say about my situation or their past situation.

[pjclark1]

Is it always a poison pill? as I Have not heard from anyone here yet that has a single positive thing to say about my situation or their past situation.

I'm positive the sex is great, enjoy it!

(there you go something positive)