> 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The

> stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion

> allowed per passenger."

>

> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and

> says, "Dam!"

>

> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire

> in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you

> can't have your kayak and heat it too.

>

> 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my

> electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes,

> I'm positive."

>

> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a

> root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

>

> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were

> standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament

> victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office

> and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved

> off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an

> open foyer."

>

> 7. A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give

> them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is

> named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him

> "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth

> mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she

> wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,

> "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

>

> 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they

> opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked

> to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town

> thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to

> close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars

> to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh

> MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade'

> the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their

> store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,

> they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

>

> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,

> which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also

> ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet,

> he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, dude, this is so

> bad, it's good ...) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

>

> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to

> friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them

> laugh. No pun in ten did.

I don't subscribe to the popular notion that pun is the lowest form of humour...but with number 8, I can see where that notion springs from.

Can I submit my own?????

When I am asked a question that requires an answer of a large indefinite number ( "indefinite" = a few, several, etc, in this context), or need to express a large indefinite number, I say "um" as the indefinite number.

How many is "um"? Um is exactly equal to umpteen minus ten.

1 I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...

2 I used to be conceited, now I know I am not.

3 The violinist spent the night in a vile inn.

4 There was a shootout at the golf course. There were many casual-tees.

5 What's the funniest bunch of fruit? A pun-net of strawberries!