Marriage put off as sinsod not available

[coldcrush]

Personally sounds like BS. I'd be very weary if I were you. They understood the circumstances prior now all of a sudden things change?

Sinsod in my view point is rubbish. Why should you pay for who u marry? Too bloody demeaning to sell your daughter off. That being said all dosh given to the parents is supposed to be given back, but from what you stated in your post worries me.

Faire enough you help the reles out with dosh now and then after you are married, but prior forget it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your right Brit, I havent been asked for a bean. Howver I will give a small bung their way as I am a good hearted fellow! lol

I buying land, house and a viehicle are sufficient proof of my intentions, however nice tobe nice!

[Rinrada]

Personally sounds like BS. I'd be very weary if I were you. They understood the circumstances prior now all of a sudden things change?

Sinsod in my view point is rubbish. Why should you pay for who u marry? Too bloody demeaning to sell your daughter off. That being said all dosh given to the parents is supposed to be given back, but from what you stated in your post worries me.

Faire enough you help the reles out with dosh now and then after you are married, but prior forget it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your right Brit, I havent been asked for a bean. Howver I will give a small bung their way as I am a good hearted fellow! lol

I buying land, house and a viehicle are sufficient proof of my intentions, however nice tobe nice!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

At least thats much more of a committment than a couple of quid bunged before a load of old Shylocks with blackmail undertones to buy a future wife.....

The old "tradition"-sic -hic is changing slowly but as long as you have 2 playing footsie.......MPRai.

[Simbo]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months. A couple of weeks ago, we found she was pregnant. We get on well, so I suggested we get married. It was what she wanted anyway, but she didn't tell her mother. I said she should, and after a time, she did. Her mother hot footed it from the village to my house.

I had met her before, she is ok. We arranged a date for the Buddha wedding, and the question arose as to how much money I would give. My answer was, nothing. I said I would pay for everything, Party food and drink, but that is all. Her mother blew. She wanted her daughter to go home with her the next day. Fortunately, her daugter said she loved me and was staying. I had always told my girl I was not into the dowery thing, it is totally against the grain with me. I told her mother, she was lucky her daughter has someone who can take care of her and her grandchild in comfort, never having to worry about money. I'm not a wealthy man, but have a comfortable company pension, and later a goverment pension. If married, she will be eligible for a percentage of it. I also have another house I rent out, providing another income.

The family are not poor. Not rich, but by Thai standards, they are ok. Her mother has now accepted it, knowing she has no power over her daughter anymore.

My gift is the security I am giving her daughter.

[britmaveric]

Simbo well said and completely correct!!!

[SiamOne]

Yes, the Sinsod is important. My husband gave my mum the money, 60,000B

the village headman counted it out in front of everyone, to make sure it was correct!!

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

[SiamOne]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months. A couple of weeks ago, we found she was pregnant. We get on well, so I suggested we get married. It was what she wanted anyway, but she didn't tell her mother. I said she should, and after a time, she did. Her mother hot footed it from the village to my house.

I had met her before, she is ok. We arranged a date for the Buddha wedding, and the question arose as to how much money I would give. My answer was, nothing. I said I would pay for everything, Party food and drink, but that is all. Her mother blew. She wanted her daughter to go home with her the next day. Fortunately, her daugter said she loved me and was staying. I had always told my girl I was not into the dowery thing, it is totally against the grain with me. I told her mother, she was lucky her daughter has someone who can take care of her and her grandchild in comfort, never having to worry about money. I'm not a wealthy man, but have a comfortable company pension, and later a goverment pension. If married, she will be eligible for a percentage of it. I also have another house I rent out, providing another income.

                                      The family are not poor. Not rich, but by Thai standards, they are ok. Her mother has now accepted it, knowing she has no power over her daughter anymore.

                                      My gift is the security I am giving her daughter.

Think again. You are marrying in Thailand, in Thai culture, so be sensitive to Thai values. In your country, the woman used to give dowry, and it was important. In Thailand now, it is an important part of the wedding ceremony. When in Rome etc, so don't be rude or ignorant, try to be nice. As some say, you can always get the money back after, it is the show that counts.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Dragonman]

Yes, the Sinsod is important. My husband gave my mum the money, 60,000B

the village headman counted it out in front of everyone, to make sure it was correct!!

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I gave the same amount and certainly wouldn't ask for it back

If that's the tradition in the area involved why rock the boat for 60,000baht?

I never hear any guys complaining about UK traditions, where father of the bride has to pay for everything, except when like me they have a daughter

Never mind perhaps she'll find someone who will say " No, no Dragonman I don't believe in traditions so I'll pay for everything". Yeah, and there goes another flying pig

[a2396]

Personally sounds like BS. I'd be very weary if I were you. They understood the circumstances prior now all of a sudden things change?

Sinsod in my view point is rubbish. Why should you pay for who u marry? Too bloody demeaning to sell your daughter off. That being said all dosh given to the parents is supposed to be given back, but from what you stated in your post worries me.

Faire enough you help the reles out with dosh now and then after you are married, but prior forget it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your right Brit, I havent been asked for a bean. Howver I will give a small bung their way as I am a good hearted fellow! lol

I buying land, house and a viehicle are sufficient proof of my intentions, however nice tobe nice!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good luck with the house and land. If you ever split up, you can kiss it good-by, because foreigners can not own land in Thailand.

[Heng]

Yes, the Sinsod is important. My husband gave my mum the money, 60,000B

the village headman counted it out in front of everyone, to make sure it was correct!!

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

I never hear any guys complaining about UK traditions

That's because here, it's a double standard of tradition. Thais rarely keep the sinsod when it's an all Thai wedding. However when it's a falang-Thai wedding, the fellow in question often gets the moo satay treatment.

[Dragonman]

Yes, the Sinsod is important. My husband gave my mum the money, 60,000B

the village headman counted it out in front of everyone, to make sure it was correct!!

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I never hear any guys complaining about UK traditions

That's because here, it's a double standard of tradition. Thais rarely keep the sinsod when it's an all Thai wedding. However when it's a falang-Thai wedding, the fellow in question often gets the moo satay treatment.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know a couple of quite wealthy thais who have paid and not had money returned. Nothing like the 500,000 baht mentioned in another thread however. Obviously wealth comes into it. Couldn't see a guy on the Social and living in a Council flat affording a 7,000 quid wedding for his daughter in UK either. On the other hand 1 guy I know in that situation has a new Merc outside the flat

Putting myself in my in-laws position I'd probably think "What, this guy comes to Thailand 5 times in 7 months to see my daughter, probably spent 700,000 baht and now makes a fuss about paying 60,000 baht sin sod?" But it's the principle of the thing!

[Ollie]

In answer to the question abut how much sinsod I paid, it was 25k baht. At the ceromony, the money and gold were in two seperate gold trays, the money was put into a cloth, I handed it over to my lady, who then handed it over to her mother, who had moved in close for this part of the ceremony.

The gold chains, kept by my fiance/betrothed, is significantly more valuable and kept by her, I know this, as I placed each chain around her neck and she wears one chain and carries the others with her all the time!!! Not even trusting the hotel safe.

Her family know I am buying a house in Thailand and quietly, when the time is right, I will make another payment. Thats my choice and that is what I will do.

[a2396]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months. A couple of weeks ago, we found she was pregnant. We get on well, so I suggested we get married. It was what she wanted anyway, but she didn't tell her mother. I said she should, and after a time, she did. Her mother hot footed it from the village to my house.

I had met her before, she is ok. We arranged a date for the Buddha wedding, and the question arose as to how much money I would give. My answer was, nothing. I said I would pay for everything, Party food and drink, but that is all. Her mother blew. She wanted her daughter to go home with her the next day. Fortunately, her daugter said she loved me and was staying. I had always told my girl I was not into the dowery thing, it is totally against the grain with me. I told her mother, she was lucky her daughter has someone who can take care of her and her grandchild in comfort, never having to worry about money. I'm not a wealthy man, but have a comfortable company pension, and later a goverment pension. If married, she will be eligible for a percentage of it. I also have another house I rent out, providing another income.

                                      The family are not poor. Not rich, but by Thai standards, they are ok. Her mother has now accepted it, knowing she has no power over her daughter anymore.

                                      My gift is the security I am giving her daughter.

Think again. You are marrying in Thailand, in Thai culture, so be sensitive to Thai values. In your country, the woman used to give dowry, and it was important. In Thailand now, it is an important part of the wedding ceremony. When in Rome etc, so don't be rude or ignorant, try to be nice. As some say, you can always get the money back after, it is the show that counts.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You are fortunate the girl chose to go with you and not her Mother. My lovely told me that if it were to come down to a choice between me and her Mother, she would chose her Mother. Nothing like having a secure relationship with my lady?? As for getting the dowery money back ( I assume you mean returned to the couple?). I/we never saw one BHT of the money I gave.

[Dragonman]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months. A couple of weeks ago, we found she was pregnant. We get on well, so I suggested we get married. It was what she wanted anyway, but she didn't tell her mother. I said she should, and after a time, she did. Her mother hot footed it from the village to my house.

I had met her before, she is ok. We arranged a date for the Buddha wedding, and the question arose as to how much money I would give. My answer was, nothing. I said I would pay for everything, Party food and drink, but that is all. Her mother blew. She wanted her daughter to go home with her the next day. Fortunately, her daugter said she loved me and was staying. I had always told my girl I was not into the dowery thing, it is totally against the grain with me. I told her mother, she was lucky her daughter has someone who can take care of her and her grandchild in comfort, never having to worry about money. I'm not a wealthy man, but have a comfortable company pension, and later a goverment pension. If married, she will be eligible for a percentage of it. I also have another house I rent out, providing another income.

                                      The family are not poor. Not rich, but by Thai standards, they are ok. Her mother has now accepted it, knowing she has no power over her daughter anymore.

                                      My gift is the security I am giving her daughter.

Think again. You are marrying in Thailand, in Thai culture, so be sensitive to Thai values. In your country, the woman used to give dowry, and it was important. In Thailand now, it is an important part of the wedding ceremony. When in Rome etc, so don't be rude or ignorant, try to be nice. As some say, you can always get the money back after, it is the show that counts.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You are fortunate the girl chose to go with you and not her Mother. My lovely told me that if it were to come down to a choice between me and her Mother, she would chose her Mother. Nothing like having a secure relationship with my lady?? As for getting the dowery money back ( I assume you mean returned to the couple?). I/we never saw one BHT of the money I gave.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow she must really care for her mother! When I tell my wife "sod off back to your mother", she breaks down into hysterical sobbing at the thought of it

[Morden]

Ollie,

Congratulations and good luck.

Things look clearer after you've met the inlaws, family and rest of the village, don't they? I thinks that it's important to remember that you are becoming part of a family, not just running off with their daughter. Your wife is probably part of the wage-earning generation in that family and so, now, are you. Your prime responsibility is towards your wife but you also share her responsibility for helping the family. This is true at least in the case of poorer families.

It's also important to respect their traditions, even if you don't fully understand them. If you watch closely, you will see similarities between many Thai customs and western ones. The issue of sin sod vexes many farang and you have dealt with it very well. The family has acted honourably in finding a way around the problem and you were right to hold back until you were comfortable with what was going on. I also think that you are right to say that you will help further when it's right for you to do so. Be prepared for surprises , though. For example, if an aging relative needs hospital treatment that costs money and the family is strapped for cash, as husband of daughter you will be expected to help. If they don'y ask, consider offering something anyway.

Buying or building a house is a whole new adventure. Many farang will point out that you can't own the land and so, in the event of a divorce, you can whistle goodbye to the money that you have put into it. But wouldn't the little lady be morally entitled to something if you split up? Hang on to your property back home and then it's not an issue. She would have hers and you would have yours. Rent out the old home and release equity to fund the Thai one if that works for you. Providing a good modern home for your wife will make you the most popular man in the family and your wife will feel that you've made made her a queen (although no Thai would utter such a phrase, of course!). If you don't think that she deserves it, stop now!

Again, good luck to both of you.

[johng]

my mum did not have to give it back either, so she was happy

SiamOne:

How about your husband, was he happy..not receiving any of it back ??

[dr_Pat_Pong]

He'd have been ecstatic

[Superfly]

We didn't get any of the sin sot back, in fact, it was already spent before I had handed it over!!

[mrbojangles]

Just out of interest. i haven't seen it in any other post. What are the rules for sin sod for someone who has been married before and divorced? Maybe i should rephrase that cos reading all the posts, there don't seem to be any rules really For instance, in the UK, the first wedding is usually the big white, cost a fortune, loads of stress, type of do. However, people who have been married before usually tend to just have a Registrar Office type of wedding. So, is the second marriage as important as the first, to meet the traditions for the sin sod?

I'm already married and doing my bit, but my friend is getting married next year and she has been married before (to a Farang)? I asked him if they have talked about sin sod and he said that she hasn't brought it up....................yet

[tuky]

This thread caused me to ask my wife about the sin sod I never gave to her folks. We have been married a couple of years now and it was never mentioned, hinted at but never mentioned.

She told me not to worry about it now, since we were married we have bought the old boy a motorcy, and the family all ive in our new house.

The wife tells me that her folks are only happy that she has met a good man (they do not know me too well ) and want nothing from me.

I am sure I will end up buying a cheap joint somewhere in the future if only to get em all outta my place

Until then I am not too concerned as it means I do not have to walk the 20 met to the shop to buy my own beer, someone is always willing to go for me

Regarding sin sod, if your circumstances are normal then I think it is a good idea (if it comes back) to show the village/community/family how much your wife means to you. In my case the in laws have fish shop and get a good daily income anyway so they were only ever hoping their daughter would find a good man. Infact we have not even had a marriage ceremony, only a tambon baan (which turned into lets see if the farang will sponsor our business proposal)

[Boon Mee]

With regard to the 'sin sod' and not too off-topic - my father-in-law's recent funeral cost my wife 350k baht.

The 'pick-the-bone' ceremony couldn't take place for over a week as the moon was not right. The mooban had a good time though!

[Totster]

With regard to the 'sin sod' and not too off-topic - my father-in-law's recent funeral cost my wife 350k baht.

The 'pick-the-bone' ceremony couldn't take place for over a week as the moon was not right.  The mooban had a good time though!  

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The last funeral I went to in the village was a three day pissup with 24hr Karaoke..

That cost 200K, but was covered by the insurance policies that the children had taken out for their father...

My wife and her sister have similar policies should their mum die... and it seems this is common for most people to do (in my wifes area at least)

totster

[Rinrada]

Can you imagine a Thai guy on hols to the UK and getting involved with some CHAV bird from the local housing estate and when setting out his marital intentions towards her having to bung say £100,000 as suggested by her dear old gin soaked mother....gotta help the family mate ..tradition ..innit

To make matters worse it would then be indicated that he has to hire the local "Dog and Duck"and do a freebe to every layabout on the estate...including slipping a few quid to uncle Charlie and aunt Peggy becuase again its the way we do it "dann ere"........Sin Sod ...me ***...Stupid Sod more like...

Still as they say.... one born every minute........do a runner...no charge

[Ollie]

Can you imagine a Thai guy on hols to the UK and getting involved with some CHAV bird from the local housing estate and when setting out his marital intentions towards her having to bung say £100,000 as suggested by her dear old gin soaked mother....gotta help the family mate ..tradition ..innit

To make matters worse it would then be indicated that he has to hire the local "Dog and Duck"and do a freebe to every layabout on the estate...including slipping a few quid to uncle Charlie and aunt Peggy becuase again its the way we do it "dann ere"........Sin Sod ...me ***...Stupid Sod more like...

Still as they say.... one born every minute........do a runner...no charge

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I just read this - are you sick?

[snoophound]

So how many marriages have not happened due to non payment?

Any experiences out there??

Can you imagine a Thai guy on hols to the UK and getting involved with some CHAV bird from the local housing estate and when setting out his marital intentions towards her having to bung say £100,000 as suggested by her dear old gin soaked mother....gotta help the family mate ..tradition ..innit

To make matters worse it would then be indicated that he has to hire the local "Dog and Duck"and do a freebe to every layabout on the estate...including slipping a few quid to uncle Charlie and aunt Peggy becuase again its the way we do it "dann ere"........Sin Sod ...me ***...Stupid Sod more like...

Still as they say.... one born every minute........do a runner...no charge

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I just read this - are you sick?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Can you imagine a Thai guy on hols to the UK and getting involved with some CHAV bird from the local housing estate and when setting out his marital intentions towards her having to bung say £100,000 as suggested by her dear old gin soaked mother....gotta help the family mate ..tradition ..innit

To make matters worse it would then be indicated that he has to hire the local "Dog and Duck"and do a freebe to every layabout on the estate...including slipping a few quid to uncle Charlie and aunt Peggy becuase again its the way we do it "dann ere"........Sin Sod ...me ***...Stupid Sod more like...

Still as they say.... one born every minute........do a runner...no charge

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Rush fast as ya can.

[Totster]

So how many marriages have not happened due to non payment?

Any experiences out there??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In the village where I am, I know of two weddings that have been "put on hold" whilst the groom and his family, or sometimes the happy couple save some more money. Not cancelled outright, just waiting until the money can be paid.

totster

[pnustedt]

My wife's nephew was going to marry a local girl (Sisaket) and a Bt50K dowry was agreed between the families. However, the money was not available so the marriage was postponed. The girl is now expecting his baby - perhaps the price should come down now?

[Stephen Cleary]

There are no specific rules to 'sin-sot' in Thailand, it all depends on the family.

There are occasions when a dowry is just for 'show' thus adhering to Thai tradition. All is given back.

Sometimes a huge dowry is shown but only part of that is actually passed over to 'mom'.

Sometimes a huge dowry is given, but mom and dad pass over to a plot of land, part of the family business etc...

Sometimes a huge dowry is given and none of it is seen again but when dad kicks the bucket a handsome sum is inherited. (marrying into a wealth off family)

Sometimes, the man, especially foreign ones get scammed of a huge dowry when in accordance to traditional Thai ways only a small dowry would have sufficed. (in the form of marrying a divorcee or woman with a kid from a previous relationship).

Somtimes a small dowry is given but 'mom' takes all the proceeds afforded by the guests on the wedding day.

Sometimes a handsome dowry is given but the newly weds take all the proceeds afforded by the guests on the wedding day.

Sometime a nice dowry is given but mom has to fork out the cash for the wedding ceremony.

blah blah..............

Should the girl in frame be a divorcee or already pregnant at the time of the wedding, then a 'pook kor meu' ceremony instead of an actual 'proper' wedding will suffice. A small dowry will be accepted and face will be saved for all those involved.

I would not turn around and advise any foreigner to say to his 'mom' "I dont believe in paying any dowry". When you marry a Thai, you marry into a family - you dont need to make yourself disliked even before you are married.

'The verb for marry in Thai is 'taeng-ngarn' which literally translates to 'make a party', so consultation involing the dowry etc,.... has to be carefully discussed beforehand. This is a one huge cultural difference which caucasians find very difficult to accept. But i see both sides of the coin

[gburns57au]

My gals Mum is married to farang and lives overseas, I approached him about whether a sinsod was required to marry their daughter, He said We only want her to be happy and I havent heard from him since....

[OlRedEyes]

Can you imagine a Thai guy on hols to the UK and getting involved with some CHAV bird from the local housing estate and when setting out his marital intentions towards her having to bung say £100,000 as suggested by her dear old gin soaked mother....gotta help the family mate ..tradition ..innit

To make matters worse it would then be indicated that he has to hire the local "Dog and Duck"and do a freebe to every layabout on the estate...including slipping a few quid to uncle Charlie and aunt Peggy becuase again its the way we do it "dann ere"........Sin Sod ...me ***...Stupid Sod more like...

Still as they say.... one born every minute........do a runner...no charge

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I just read this - are you sick?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is the best post I have ever seen on the issue. Brings home the point very, well, poignantly.