Nothing In My Name!

[udon]

a2396

What do you mean OUR house? You know the property ownership laws restrict ownership to your wife ONLY. If she tells you to take a hike, she keeps the house and you get zero.

Hmm, do you really think Edd is not aware of property law in LoS after 17 years! Duh...

[SiamOne]

You know, all this business about the house being in only the wifes name, it is true

but you can avoid all the hassle, and the worry about whether your Thai wife will take it and dump you quite easily.

I did this for my husband when we bought a house, in my name, his money. I leased the house to him for 20 years, for a nominal amount. Now I cannot throw him out after an argument (feel sorry about that sometimes!!) so he feels secure with me, and we are happier.

Do it if you have any worries, or even if you dont

[aletta]

If you feel very,very insecure and are young you can lease from the wife for 30 years with two renewal options.

Edited August 25, 2005 by aletta

[Khun Larry]

If you feel very,very insecure and are young you can lease from the wife for 30 years with two renewal options.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Insecure is probably the wrong word, as it has to do with being realistic than insecure. Maybe "If you have any brains you can lease from the wife for 30 years with two renewal options." would work better.

Would be best to put it in some other persons name rather than a wife. Best yet just rent everything, house, car, wife .. everything. Then just a cab ride to freedom. Best way to play the Thai game.

[Boatabike]

She is saying that the people of the village are gossiping about her being stupid, well the flip side to that is that they are proberly saying you are not lol! You won't find a Thai man who would think you were stupid for not signing everything over to her, unless of course it was her father or brother.

[jackr]

She is saying that the people of the village are gossiping about her being stupid, well the flip side to that is that they are proberly saying you are not lol! You won't find a Thai man who would think you were stupid for not signing everything over to her, unless of course it was her father or brother.

Bang on!

[edd]

I think what you have to realise that when you are dealing with a Thai woman is

You can take the girl out of the village but you can not take the village out of the girl.

I have been happily married now for 17 years but in that time I have been floored several times with THAI VILLAGE THINK.

One was when we had been married for 5 or 6 years and we were on one of our visits to the village

In the night I awoke to find my wife crying, after the usual protracted convoluted questioning to find what the problem was I was told that the people in the village were making fun of her because she had been married a long time to a falang and still did not have a house there.

At this time my wife had not got the confidence that she now has.

So to make her happy and restore face I arranged to build a house and to be honest I liked the idea of not living in a hotel each time we went to the village.

I won’t go into all the prose and cons of house building   but I had great fun all the way through the process.

Now many years later my wife is much more confident and would no longer be influenced by the low life’s   in the village.

She does not realise how far she has come from that timid village girl that I first met 17 years ago to the way she is now.

The strange part is that I love OUR house [in her name] in the village, I think that it was a good decision to build it but my wife thinks it was a bit of a waste and she says that she would not want to do it again.

T.I.T.

Edd

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What do you mean OUR house? You know the property ownership laws restrict ownership to your wife ONLY. If she tells you to take a hike, she keeps the house and you get zero.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There are always some bitter and twisted people.

I wonder what life did to you?

Our house

Our car

Our money

Our life

Our every thing

Edited August 26, 2005 by edd

[Khun Larry]

I think what you have to realise that when you are dealing with a Thai woman is

You can take the girl out of the village but you can not take the village out of the girl.

I have been happily married now for 17 years but in that time I have been floored several times with THAI VILLAGE THINK.

One was when we had been married for 5 or 6 years and we were on one of our visits to the village

In the night I awoke to find my wife crying, after the usual protracted convoluted questioning to find what the problem was I was told that the people in the village were making fun of her because she had been married a long time to a falang and still did not have a house there.

At this time my wife had not got the confidence that she now has.

So to make her happy and restore face I arranged to build a house and to be honest I liked the idea of not living in a hotel each time we went to the village.

I won’t go into all the prose and cons of house building   but I had great fun all the way through the process.

Now many years later my wife is much more confident and would no longer be influenced by the low life’s   in the village.

She does not realise how far she has come from that timid village girl that I first met 17 years ago to the way she is now.

The strange part is that I love OUR house [in her name] in the village, I think that it was a good decision to build it but my wife thinks it was a bit of a waste and she says that she would not want to do it again.

T.I.T.

Edd

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What do you mean OUR house? You know the property ownership laws restrict ownership to your wife ONLY. If she tells you to take a hike, she keeps the house and you get zero.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There are always some bitter and twisted people.

I wonder what life did to you?

Our house

Our car

Our money

Our life

Our every thing

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The basic point "Our House" it is shared until SHE says otherwise. At that point even Khun Fool Farang will see the light.

The Farang has no say and Thais know it. You want to live like that, suit yourself. It's your money (or was your money)

[think_too_mut]

The basic point "Our House" it is shared until SHE says otherwise.  At that point even Khun Fool Farang will see the light.

The Farang has no say and Thais know it. You want to live like that, suit yourself. It's your money (or was your money)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

10K US$ for the house, the folks there are happy. Some did more than that.

Is it an an unrecoverable loss? 10-20K US$? Would that push you out of the balance?

Most of us can just walk away from the money shredders, at such a meagre scale.

[loong]

The basic point "Our House" it is shared until SHE says otherwise.  At that point even Khun Fool Farang will see the light.

The Farang has no say and Thais know it. You want to live like that, suit yourself. It's your money (or was your money)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

10K US$ for the house, the folks there are happy. Some did more than that.

Is it an an unrecoverable loss? 10-20K US$? Would that push you out of the balance?

Most of us can just walk away from the money shredders, at such a meagre scale.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm unlucky - I don't fall into the "Most of Us" category

$10,000 is my total budget for one year. It's also 5 or 6 years wages for a fairly average Thai.

I'm just glad that I don't have the dilemma. House is in my lady's name, but I did not pay for it . I am paying for improvements tho, and that comes out of my budget.

Edited August 27, 2005 by loong

[think_too_mut]

$10,000 is my total budget for one year. It's also 5 or 6 years wages for a fairly average Thai.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do they know that? Their expectations lowered?

[loong]

$10,000 is my total budget for one year. It's also 5 or 6 years wages for a fairly average Thai.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do they know that? Their expectations lowered?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sorry, I don't understand

[edd]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There are always some bitter and twisted people.

I wonder what life did to you?

Our house

Our car

Our money

Our life

Our every thing

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The basic point "Our House" it is shared until SHE says otherwise. At that point even Khun Fool Farang will see the light.

The Farang has no say and Thais know it. You want to live like that, suit yourself. It's your money (or was your money)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If for any reason my wife wanted to divorce, this ''kung fool'' would give her more than she would get legally.

when i was out making the money she was at home supporting me, with a good clean home and a welcome back you could not pay for.

Perhaps that is old Fashioned, perhaps that makes me a ''kung fool'' all i know is my life with her is worth more than the price of a house and if you dont have the same feeling for your wife SHE is with the wrong one

[Nam Kao]

>>>>Best yet just rent everything, house, car, wife .. everything

Smart man this Khun Larry

[edd]

>>>>Best yet just rent everything, house, car, wife .. everything

Smart man this Khun Larry

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh yes !

Dont get married, dont come to Thailand, just sit alone in your room and count your money.

and if you listen you might hear

'' Bar Humbug'' and ''Oh my Jewels, Oh my Duckets''

This is life, you Aint going to get another shot at it.

[jackr]

>>>>Best yet just rent everything, house, car, wife .. everything

Smart man this Khun Larry

Oh yes !

Dont get married, dont come to Thailand, just sit alone in your room and count your money.

and if you listen you might hear

'' Bar Humbug'' and ''Oh my Jewels, Oh my Duckets''

This is life, you Aint going to get another shot at it.

How do you know?

[edd]

>>>>Best yet just rent everything, house, car, wife .. everything

Smart man this Khun Larry

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh yes !

Dont get married, dont come to Thailand, just sit alone in your room and count your money.

and if you listen you might hear

'' Bar Humbug'' and ''Oh my Jewels, Oh my Duckets''

This is life, you Aint going to get another shot at it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

How do you know?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

OH MY G*D You mean there is another life after this one.

OK this time i will NOT behave well and next time i will behave better.

[malcolminthemiddle]

Edd,

Ignore the soothsayers, they are just jealous.

[Boo]

Edd, I agree with malcolm, most (normal) people don't go into a marriage thinking what they can get out of it or what they can protect themselves against. When you fall in love you hope that that person is going to be decent & on the level. In the case of the OP, I still think that his girl has shown her hand (fortunatley for him, early) & that she isn't a girl in love with him but a girl in love with the lifestyle & status he can give her. Nothing wrong with that if the OP is happy with that arraingment but most people are idealistic & want the real deal. I say ditch her. There are plenty of decent girls out there who will fall in love with the man & not his possesions but don't expect one to fall out of the sky, like anywhere else, a genuine relationship takes time & effort (usually on the mans part, it's called courting, just cause your in LOS, doesn't mean that the same dating manners don't apply ) Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[gerrryuk]

Yep I was in love with the girl ..................................

.............. me think I should continue trying to polish my rough diamond. I realise that i have to compromise in the future, this will be a challenge for me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

which also makes me think ................... for any relationship, any relationship at all, to cope and grow, it has to be of total and complete love for each other; or one of purely business (as in work !!!).

To stand any chance at all you NEED to love each other, to trust each, and to make each other happy. BUT you have no chance without love. I love my Thai wife and she loves me, of that there is no doubt, we would be together if I had (or she) had nothing. You need to discover if you have love for each other. If she loves you she will paper over the cracks and not see your faults (you indeed will not see hers!!).

Face is an enormous thing in LOS & very very difficult for us westerners to understand & overcome, but true love will beat it. My opinion which I believe is absolute.

[Khun Larry]

>>>>Best yet just rent everything, house, car, wife .. everything

Smart man this Khun Larry

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Krup

[a2396]

Yep I was in love with the girl ..................................

.............. me think I should continue trying to polish my rough diamond. I realise that i have to compromise in the future, this will be a challenge for me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

which also makes me think ................... for any relationship, any relationship at all, to cope and grow, it has to be of total and complete love for each other; or one of purely business (as in work !!!).

To stand any chance at all you NEED to love each other, to trust each, and to make each other happy. BUT you have no chance without love. I love my Thai wife and she loves me, of that there is no doubt, we would be together if I had (or she) had nothing. You need to discover if you have love for each other. If she loves you she will paper over the cracks and not see your faults (you indeed will not see hers!!).

Face is an enormous thing in LOS & very very difficult for us westerners to understand & overcome, but true love will beat it. My opinion which I believe is absolute.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wish I could say the same for my situation. If my money stopped, so would our relationship. My guess it is 70% money and 30% love, if that good. I keep asking myself why I put up with it and sooner or later I will not. My lovely seems to have incredable brass balls and cares little about my feelings or happiness, only her own.

[loong]

I love my Thai wife and she loves me, of that there is no doubt, we would be together if I had (or she) had nothing.

How nice it that is true.

Money has a lot to do with most relationships, and that fact is not restricted to Asia.

Poor Ugly Man - single

Rich Ugly Man - fighting them off with a stick.

[frenchFARANGbkk]

During previously mentioned argument she asks me "why do i stay you?"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would have replied her to come and talk to me again when she will be able to make a correct sentence!

Until then, shut up!

;-)

[Bangkok Barry]

The villagers are daft, they only see the world from a very narrow angle.

I've read the entire thread here, and in my opinion you don't have the slightest chance of establishing a lasting relationship with a Thai. You appear to have almost no appreciation or understanding of Thai culture, or their education and living standards. No surprise - you simply haven't been in Thailand long enough.

Compromise is needed over and over again, more than in relationships within your own culture. Even in Europe, different nationalities think in entirely different ways. Try going from Germany to France or Italy, and you go from order to chaos. Go from the first world into an emerging nation and that is multiplied a hundred-fold.

Many Thais are poor, or are one generation from real hardship (living in a shack and wondering where the next meal is coming from. That is a serious problem which I would guess you've never experienced. Or not being able to afford medicines if you are sick.) Of course they are looking for security.

Many also have poor education or social values (by western standards) and have what we would consider childish and immature fascination with material things. Having good face is just what we would call showing off.

BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS. If you can't adapt to it, go home. Don't try and instill your western values on Thai people. Anyone on this forum will tell you that you'll never succeed, and it is not your place to do it anyway. You're a guest here, and living in Thailand for what you can get out of it. Who is exploiting who?

If your relationship is failing with your present girl then I'd guess from reading through this that there are faults on both sides. But the biggest fault lays with you in not showing enough understanding and compromise to the way things are done here.

If you don't like it, then leave. And do read Private Dancer and My Name Lon, You Like Me, as a previous poster suggested.

[Thaipwriter]

The villagers are daft, they only see the world from a very narrow angle.

I've read the entire thread here, and in my opinion you don't have the slightest chance of establishing a lasting relationship with a Thai. You appear to have almost no appreciation or understanding of Thai culture, or their education and living standards. No surprise - you simply haven't been in Thailand long enough.

Compromise is needed over and over again, more than in relationships within your own culture. Even in Europe, different nationalities think in entirely different ways. Try going from Germany to France or Italy, and you go from order to chaos. Go from the first world into an emerging nation and that is multiplied a hundred-fold.

Many Thais are poor, or are one generation from real hardship (living in a shack and wondering where the next meal is coming from. That is a serious problem which I would guess you've never experienced. Or not being able to afford medicines if you are sick.) Of course they are looking for security.

Many also have poor education or social values (by western standards) and have what we would consider childish and immature fascination with material things. Having good face is just what we would call showing off.

BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS. If you can't adapt to it, go home. Don't try and instill your western values on Thai people. Anyone on this forum will tell you that you'll never succeed, and it is not your place to do it anyway. You're a guest here, and living in Thailand for what you can get out of it. Who is exploiting who?

If your relationship is failing with your present girl then I'd guess from reading through this that there are faults on both sides. But the biggest fault lays with you in not showing enough understanding and compromise to the way things are done here.

If you don't like it, then leave. And do read Private Dancer and My Name Lon, You Like Me, as a previous poster suggested.

Your post is flawed on multiple levels, i will highlight just a few.

1. I have spent 3.5 million baht in Khon Kaen. I am not exploiting i am contributing. In the eyes of the government I am ideal, No sir not cheap charlie am I.

2. "if you dont like it - go home" I can remember talking this kind of phrase when i was 8 years old. why are you still doing it at your age?

3.I never said i wanted to establish a lasting relationship with a Thai, they are too superficial for me, just like human puddles. why not read this?:

http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader/reader1803.htm

girlfriends are as far as it goes for me.

4. Your right, after reading this thread it would appear that i have no undertanding of Thai culture, but you dont know for sure what i do know or dont know, so dont jump to schoolboy conclusions, the thread was never entitled "what i know about thai culture"

I've done my fair share of reading on the subject and i have a pretty good handle on the way it is. Enough to survive....and thats all that counts.

This week the GF has a new Nokia camera phone, 3000 bahts worth of clothes and shoes.

She "needed" none of this stuff

She "wanted" this stuff

for big face in the stores and in the village.

So this is Thai culture, to spend a whole months salary on stuff you dont need, not thinking about food or electricity, nope thats for me to pay for.....i am the rich farang.

the day after she asked me if i would buy her an orthodontic brace??? jep? i enquired.......no! for fashion!

So the "biggest fault" lies with me does it??????

[udon]

2. "if you dont like it - go home" I can remember talking this kind of phrase when i was 8 years old. why are you still doing it at your age?

Thanks, I'll quote you every time I see that written. Well said!

So this is Thai culture, to spend a whole months salary on stuff you dont need, not thinking about food or electricity, nope thats for me to pay for.....i am the rich farang.

Well, it is with your G/F and a lot of Thai girls.

Why haven't you dumped her yet?

[englishoak]

Having read through the threads it is quite obvious you are going through the novice " I think I understand Thai's enough" to the more advanced " but I am doing the support thing, beginning to think either she's ungrateful or I'm not really getting it at all" stage of living in Thailand.

Welcome to the jungle

1. The logic of your arguments with other posters is not relevant, all the money you give, job, house, help etc is all very well but it will not change her education or the village attitude that Falang = rich = handout = face

I noticed that after living there for a few months and being pretty smart & informed about Thai stlye etc, or so I thought ....... It all goes a bit wierd for a while and you have to re-adjust again. You have only scratched the surface of Thai culture, and I don't doubt you can live there a lifetime and still not understand it all.

I've lived in Thailand for about 4 years atm back in uk, I love the place but it can surprise you and freak you out sometimes. For me it's part of the appeal though. Back in 2006 for good I hope

As for your girl? well it's obvious you are going to move on so just get on with it. I suspect you'll find a few more surprises when dealing with the women as time passes.

[SiamOne]

3.I never said i wanted to establish a lasting relationship with a Thai, they are too superficial for me, just like human puddles. why not read this?:

thank you for your deeply fascinating insights into Thai mentality.

So, in your experience, all Thais are superficial? well, I can only wonder why that sort of Thai is attracted to you ..maybe it is your patronising ways? ... or your superiority? ...or your rich man act?...

I dont know, but you are very insulting in your assessment.

Maybe if you behaved in a more compassionate way, met some real Thais and enjoyed life, you would change your ideas....maybe

[Thaipwriter]

thank you for your deeply fascinating insights into Thai mentality.

please read the link i posted, then please come back here and discuss