my last rant for 2010.

I hate the fekking supermarket, millions of buggers everywhere pushing and shoving, raming their trolleys into me and moving about in ever so adhoc ways with absolutely no coordination what so ever. Whats the bloody attraction to these places, I loathe it. half the fekkers down there arnt even buying much just soaking up space and sucking oxygen because its free. Today as I was leaving I told one little nasty fekker if he shoved me one more time he was going to wake up sometime in 2534 with a completely new outlook on life.

ps: I know i shouldnt go if I don't like it but a certain othe person in this house insists that I must accompany her to these places and my new years fekking resolution is to avoid them at ALL COST GAME ON!

end of rant.

I'm with the immortal one.

Can't stand the places. Mrs. Rakers will often refuse to go with me because I'm not adverse to shouting "Get the fuc_k out of the way" to any muppet who thinks an aisle is a good place to stop and chat.

Spoilt brats ramming trolleys into my ankles??? Nope, can't do it. I have to leave before I do something I shouldn't. And don't even get me started on the tools who stop at the top of escalators.

maybe they are angry with your trolley and jealous what is it in?

Are those pot noodles ?

I def spy pot noodles in there.

I recon you should build a spiky device that you attach around the trolley like a belt. Better yet, hooked up to a battery to provide an electric shock. Watch them move sharpish out of your way after that.

Actually, ive often wished i had the courage to do something i thought of years ago (with regards to things like January Sales). Ive always wanted to act like a total freak. Make grunting noises or something, act all wobbly and do weird staring eyes, shake my head etc. Im sure people would just automatically keep their distance..giving me some good access to the items i want to look at...

I def spy pot noodles in there.

I recon you should build a spiky device that you attach around the trolley like a belt. Better yet, hooked up to a battery to provide an electric shock. Watch them move sharpish out of your way after that.

Actually, ive often wished i had the courage to do something i thought of years ago (with regards to things like January Sales). Ive always wanted to act like a total freak. Make grunting noises or something, act all wobbly and do weird staring eyes, shake my head etc. Im sure people would just automatically keep their distance..giving me some good access to the items i want to look at...

I think you'd just fit in even better if you did that eek.

You and I should go shopping oneday rakers :ph34r: it will be a scream

Funny thing about it all is the chef gets the shits about it. I asked her after we got home,

"Whats wrong"

She said, "I just wish you were like everyone else"

I said, " Everyone else"

She said, "Yeah, you know like everyone else that likes to walk around the shopping centre".

I said, "I don't like it, I don't want to be like them".

She said, "I don't understand." ( ;) neverdie might of been born at night time, but it wasnt last fekking night).

SO I TAKE MYSELF TO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE A CHEESE SANDWICH.

I leaves the kitchen and as I pass Mrs neverdie i drop the cheese sandwich in her lap.

She says, "Whats this?

Ï said, "Its a cheese sandwich."

She said, " I hate cheese sandwiches" (as she places the sandwich on the table near her)

Ï said, "Good, now you know how I feel about the supermarket"

BLANK STARE.

I said, "I'll do you a deal, no cheese sandwich's for you & I'm not going to the supermarket."

FURTHER BLANK STARE, so I went and sat by the pool and ate the <deleted> cheese sandwich.

My supermarket domestics are much shorter:

Mrs. 'Rakers: Are you coming shopping?

Me: Nope.

sceadugenga shops, he goes midweek when there's hardly anyone else there.

Mrs sceadugenga got the sack in this department years ago, all she wanted to do was buy stuff and go home.

Good shoppers check prices, check out specials, make sure that one kg pack isn't more expensive than two 500gm packs.

Women understand nothing of this.

I won't even begin to discuss the eye candy that gets in the mall around lunch time.

Edit: only a plonker would shop on new year's eve anyway.

buncha sissies...you oughta go to the supermarket in a provincial town in Vietnam... as a westerner you soon attract a crowd who look thru the goods in yer trolley, remarking and giggling...then some idiot or a fat woman becomes emboldend and approaches and starts shouting and pointing at items either on the shelves or in your trolley and heaves huge guffaws of derision...and lets not speak of the scrum at the check out counter...

as tutsi just wants to mind his own business he pulls a concealed automatic weapon and opens fire...

oh, it's terrible...honest

You da man Tutsi!!!!

sceadugenga shops, he goes midweek when there's hardly anyone else there.

Mrs sceadugenga got the sack in this department years ago, all she wanted to do was buy stuff and go home.

Good shoppers check prices, check out specials, make sure that one kg pack isn't more expensive than two 500gm packs.

Women understand nothing of this.

I won't even begin to discuss the eye candy that gets in the mall around lunch time.

Edit: only a plonker would shop on new year's eve anyway.

yeah, i agree totally, but it doesnt matter what day of the week, theres millions of the little <snip> everywhere, all the time.

Back home, I use to go later in the evening, one place i lived they had a 24 hr supermarket, so i might shop real late there, cruise around, check out the prices, get my things calmly, no pushing, shoving, not old biatches with purple hair blocking the lanes.

But around here, no matter what time I go, the joints packed with fekkers.....its definately time to move

in Indonesia muslims are not permitted to drink alcohol but at the large supermarket chain Hero alcoholic beverages are on display, many times with a group of young men admiring the items on offer...

then, I approach and grab the entire stock of the locally produced Mansion House vodka for my weekly consumption...I deflect my gaze as I know that the young men are boring holes thru my skull with stares of envy, rage and violence...

just trying to mind my own business...

buncha sissies...you oughta go to the supermarket in a provincial town in Vietnam... as a westerner you soon attract a crowd who look thru the goods in yer trolley, remarking and giggling...then some idiot or a fat woman becomes emboldend and approaches and starts shouting and pointing at items either on the shelves or in your trolley and heaves huge guffaws of derision...and lets not speak of the scrum at the check out counter...

as tutsi just wants to mind his own business he pulls a concealed automatic weapon and opens fire...

oh, it's terrible...honest

yeah, im hearin ya.

ohh i get the stares here too.......so farking rude staring, another one of my pet hates. I have that one down pat, really puts them on the back foot & Im yet to have a decent reply when I challenge one of those starers that just got that look because he saw a farang in the supermarket.

Eek, I have developed the bad habit of mumbling to myself and pointing at things. My friends have noticed it and even my mum mentioned it over Christmas. I have had some odd stares in the shops, but as yet no one has given me a wide bearth or let me skip the queue at the check out. I shall have to fine tune it next year!!

And, yes, this plonker has to go shopping today along with everyone else, to get her wine and voddie supplies in. Also a bit of food. Shops not open again until Monday. I'm lucky I have two supermarkets to choose from so I am not embarrassed by the amounts of bottles that are being purchased...

then there are the sexual/political aspects to consider when trying to mind yer own business at the supermarket....

tutsi is at his local super in the early 70s when he encounters a classmate who he had been admiring as she had contributed to the class discussion in a significant way and was also very attractive physically...we were both embarrased but I couldn't muster up one thing to say, thinking: 'she wants to mind her own business and get her shopping done and to not be harrassed by someone with less than honorable intentions...'

thing is, she could have been thinking the opposite but I will never know...I just passed her once in the isles and didn't see her again...

then there was this arab siren who deliberately left her abaya open to expose her magnificent shape at Carrefor in Abu Dhabi one Friday afternoon...I couldn't believe what I was seeing and went back to investigate and she had disappeared...

Neverdie: Thanks for the rant. I am on the same page. BUT, I found a nice 24 hour grocery store and I get up at 5:30 on Sunday morning and go shopping. Even then there are a few idiots who think they own the isles.

Regular shopping wouldn't be so bad, but the shopping carts are operated the same way as the traffic to and from the store!

Are those pot noodles ?

of course ... what else in that trolly would make someone jealous !,

mama noodles

And, yes, this plonker has to go shopping today along with everyone else, to get her wine and voddie supplies in. Also a bit of food. Shops not open again until Monday. I'm lucky I have two supermarkets to choose from so I am not embarrassed by the amounts of bottles that are being purchased...

and what about the inscrutable woman in the babushka standing next to you in the check out line that is pretending to mind her own business? ('it's just as cousin Helena said, these scots persons drink way too much...her supervisor at work should be advised...')

I was out working today and had a couple of calls in supermarkets. It appears that nobody told the punters that they're all open tomorrow cos they were all piling in stripping the shelves like a plague of locusts. Just how much shopping do you need for one night on the piss?

Neverdie: Thanks for the rant. I am on the same page. BUT, I found a nice 24 hour grocery store and I get up at 5:30 on Sunday morning and go shopping. Even then there are a few idiots who think they own the isles.

Regular shopping wouldn't be so bad, but the shopping carts are operated the same way as the traffic to and from the store!

Yeah, Im hearin ya Credo, but don't start me on the fekkin trolleys. I mean how retarded can some people be when it comes to moving a little shopping car around. I'm standing to the side of an aisle, wedged up against the wall and the way thru the place leads away from 'my little patch of corner' and this moron comes down the aisle and runs dead centre straight into me. It the grinds down the entire length of my shopping cart befores stopping, caught apparently not able to turn the thing. Standing there & taking a deep breath and trying not to go with my impulse thought, which is to turn the c*nt upside down ......I just have to shake my head and tell myself, "Life must be hard for some".

By the way, I later saw that same waste of space, pushing the door of her 180 mercedebenze into the car part next to hers, mainly because she had parked on some obscure angle in the 90 deg space & then I watched her make 4 attempts to drive out of the spot. I mean, comeon - fark off!

I was out working today and had a couple of calls in supermarkets. It appears that nobody told the punters that they're all open tomorrow cos they were all piling in stripping the shelves like a plague of locusts. Just how much shopping do you need for one night on the piss?

I shop for bandages and orthopaedic aids when I go on the piss, I always brake something. My mate Mike goes for the adult nappies, he has a problem bless him.........

I was out working today and had a couple of calls in supermarkets. It appears that nobody told the punters that they're all open tomorrow cos they were all piling in stripping the shelves like a plague of locusts. Just how much shopping do you need for one night on the piss?

I'd rather not eat than 'endure' this sort of crap again.

ps: Im not refering to your post either.

Happy new year People!

Neverdie: Thanks for the rant. I am on the same page. BUT, I found a nice 24 hour grocery store and I get up at 5:30 on Sunday morning and go shopping. Even then there are a few idiots who think they own the isles.

Regular shopping wouldn't be so bad, but the shopping carts are operated the same way as the traffic to and from the store!

Yeah, Im hearin ya Credo, but don't start me on the fekkin trolleys. I mean how retarded can some people be when it comes to moving a little shopping car around. I'm standing to the side of an aisle, wedged up against the wall and the way thru the place leads away from 'my little patch of corner' and this moron comes down the aisle and runs dead centre straight into me. It the grinds down the entire length of my shopping cart befores stopping, caught apparently not able to turn the thing. Standing there & taking a deep breath and trying not to go with my impulse thought, which is to turn the c*nt upside down ......I just have to shake my head and tell myself, "Life must be hard for some".

By the way, I later saw that same waste of space, pushing the door of her 180 mercedebenze into the car part next to hers, mainly because she had parked on some obscure angle in the 90 deg space & then I watched her make 4 attempts to drive out of the spot. I mean, comeon - fark off!

About those trolleys. Why the hell do they need 4 wheels spinning on two axes now? They worked just fine when only 2 did. Now they don't track right and probably accounts for the poor handling you've observed.

Neverdie: Thanks for the rant. I am on the same page. BUT, I found a nice 24 hour grocery store and I get up at 5:30 on Sunday morning and go shopping. Even then there are a few idiots who think they own the isles.

Regular shopping wouldn't be so bad, but the shopping carts are operated the same way as the traffic to and from the store!

Yeah, Im hearin ya Credo, but don't start me on the fekkin trolleys. I mean how retarded can some people be when it comes to moving a little shopping car around. I'm standing to the side of an aisle, wedged up against the wall and the way thru the place leads away from 'my little patch of corner' and this moron comes down the aisle and runs dead centre straight into me. It the grinds down the entire length of my shopping cart befores stopping, caught apparently not able to turn the thing. Standing there & taking a deep breath and trying not to go with my impulse thought, which is to turn the c*nt upside down ......I just have to shake my head and tell myself, "Life must be hard for some".

By the way, I later saw that same waste of space, pushing the door of her 180 mercedebenze into the car part next to hers, mainly because she had parked on some obscure angle in the 90 deg space & then I watched her make 4 attempts to drive out of the spot. I mean, comeon - fark off!

About those trolleys. Why the hell do they need 4 wheels spinning on two axes now? They worked just fine when only 2 did. Now they don't track right and probably accounts for the poor handling you've observed.

No working Air-Cons either..............

Neverdie: Thanks for the rant. I am on the same page. BUT, I found a nice 24 hour grocery store and I get up at 5:30 on Sunday morning and go shopping. Even then there are a few idiots who think they own the isles.

Regular shopping wouldn't be so bad, but the shopping carts are operated the same way as the traffic to and from the store!

Yeah, Im hearin ya Credo, but don't start me on the fekkin trolleys. I mean how retarded can some people be when it comes to moving a little shopping car around. I'm standing to the side of an aisle, wedged up against the wall and the way thru the place leads away from 'my little patch of corner' and this moron comes down the aisle and runs dead centre straight into me. It the grinds down the entire length of my shopping cart befores stopping, caught apparently not able to turn the thing. Standing there & taking a deep breath and trying not to go with my impulse thought, which is to turn the c*nt upside down ......I just have to shake my head and tell myself, "Life must be hard for some".

By the way, I later saw that same waste of space, pushing the door of her 180 mercedebenze into the car part next to hers, mainly because she had parked on some obscure angle in the 90 deg space & then I watched her make 4 attempts to drive out of the spot. I mean, comeon - fark off!

About those trolleys. Why the hell do they need 4 wheels spinning on two axes now? They worked just fine when only 2 did. Now they don't track right and probably accounts for the poor handling you've observed.

Nope, not these trolleys these ones have the back wheels locked and only the front ones can turn. Nothing accounts for half the stupidity, except the stupidity itself. Spacial problems & depth percerption seem to be a real problem here.

as if the screaming little brats weren't enough, the heard of buffalo's stopping in the isles to have a family conference, the trolley drivers who still think they are out on the roads of thailand and the silly little &lt;deleted&gt; that has to stop suddenly in their tracks to answer the mobile.

the thing that really gets me is when Mrs tigerfish pulls the " jai yen yen " frigging card .

it happens nearly every time we enter one of these establishments !

i start off all calm and collected looking forward to what kind of deals i can find, goodies from home that i can treat myself to and then it happens. usually first time off will be a good test of how well i can restrain myself on the said day. normally ends up with me making some kind of remark under my breath in my native tongue and the wife enquiring if there is anything wrong. with me replying " no of course not dear " whilst smiling through grated teeth. so why are you talking to yourself then dear ? with that ever so, i know you better than you know yourself kind of look dear.

then it all goes pear shape when the 2nd or 3rd time of something happening and she starts saying things like calm down, never mind, don't get so wound up.

&lt;deleted&gt; ! as if it isn't bad enough that i have to contend with this kind of thing, ive now got the wife giving me grief and siding against me for something that im not even in the wrong about in the first place.

is it my fault that the idiot in front of me cant fathom out the difference between their left foot and right.. the fact that by stopping at the foot of an escalator to answer ones phone, may cause a pile up resembling something close to what you might find on a cold winters morning in January on the M4. that pushing into a line of about ten queuing customers waiting to pay for their goods, just aint cricket to me. of course it is ! because im the one with issues, i cant walk around a supermarket in an orderly fashion like an elephant impersonating a blind man, because i don't live and die for my mobile phone every time it rings. i have decent left to right hand to eye co-ordination, so mastering a supermarket trolley compared to chucking a 7.5 truck around the streets of London is a piece of piss to me. and that i actually take the time out to try and teach my little girl how to behave when out and about instead of running about all over the place causing all sorts of mayhem while mum and dad roam around aimlessly oblivious to the havoke their little darlings are up to.

jai yen yen, MY ARSE !

^its good to see that there are some other 'normal' people amoungst us

For me its the peopIe that decide to stop dead in their tracks..particuIarIy when its reaIIy inconvenient to aII around them. ie: in front of doorways, waIking out of eIevators (and stopping dead to check phone or stare into space), waIking streets (which i generaIIy avoid for just this reason). Sometimes i envision sIapping them across the head...then feeI bad for thinking it...but it is so damn frustrating..