Year to date statistics on airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:

Terrorist Plots Discovered 0

Transvestites 133

Hernias 1,485

Haemorrhoid Cases 3,172

Enlarged Prostates 8,249

Breast Implants 59,350

Natural Blondes 3

Those figures sound a little dodgy......how do they detect natural blondes?

Previously undiagnosed cases of ulcerative colitis 3

If there's female attendants on duty I keep getting asked for my phone number.

If there's female attendants on duty I keep getting asked for my phone number.

Nursing jobs are hard to come by these days...

If there's female attendants on duty I keep getting asked for my phone number.

It's a poorly paid job.

Many of these security personnel have second jobs tele-marketing medical aids and prosthetics.

Ooohhh.... feel the jealousy.

I'm being picked on by Tiny Tim and Mighty mouse..

Those figures sound a little dodgy......how do they detect natural blondes?

there must of been 3 of them who mentioned to the airport manager over the winter period , - You have closed the airport due to snow on the runway, why dont you just put a roof over the runway to stop the snow???

Those figures sound a little dodgy......how do they detect natural blondes?

there must of been 3 of them who mentioned to the airport manager over the winter period , - You have closed the airport due to snow on the runway, why dont you just put a roof over the runway to stop the snow???

Y'know, that's a good idea.

Navy lauches planes without a runway.

Why not one dedicated covered runway, one with a ramp to help lift off, as the Ark Royal has.

The ramp could be heated to prevent icing up, letting sum planes leave..

Lotsa hot gas could be collected from idling aircraft to help.

Wunda how much it'd cost, a patent for my idea?????

Those figures sound a little dodgy......how do they detect natural blondes?

there must of been 3 of them who mentioned to the airport manager over the winter period , - You have closed the airport due to snow on the runway, why dont you just put a roof over the runway to stop the snow???

Y'know, that's a good idea.

Navy lauches planes without a runway.

Why not one dedicated covered runway, one with a ramp to help lift off, as the Ark Royal has.

The ramp could be heated to prevent icing up, letting sum planes leave..

Lotsa hot gas could be collected from idling aircraft to help.

Wunda how much it'd cost, a patent for my idea?????

I like the exhaust heat harvesting idea....there is potential there.

If there's female attendants on duty I keep getting asked for my phone number.

Now whos beating the tiny chipalata now?

What was that Twinky?

Good idea, Pete - heat a runway or two. I suggest that Thailand leads the way with trials at Swampy for twelve months. The Thais being efficient engineers and all, I'd wager that at the end of the trial, they could honestly declare that the runways at Swampy had not caused any flight cancellations due to snow cover...

Good idea, Pete - heat a runway or two. I suggest that Thailand leads the way with trials at Swampy for twelve months. The Thais being efficient engineers and all, I'd wager that at the end of the trial, they could honestly declare that the runways at Swampy had not caused any flight cancellations due to snow cover...

Haw haw haw.........."A Thai engineer could honestly say"...........Haw haw haw...............( wrong thread Pingus, Mods please move this to "short ones")

What was that Twinky?

Yeah, twinky the chipalata. We all know the reason the flighties try to get ur number, its the big $$$$ & you poor state of health and their desire for cheap and easy bucks .

Of course generally the gurls like the business & first class pax, not the riff raff on economy stand-by tickets such as urself

Don't worry, I know my way around the Qantas Club lounge. (I have a mate who gets me in regularly).

Don't worry, I know my way around the Qantas Club lounge. (I have a mate who gets me in regularly).

How will your mate keep hold of that cleaning job mate?..............Difficult to get at the airport these days, bound to get the boot if he keeps letting you in when it's closed

Don't worry, I know my way around the Qantas Club lounge. (I have a mate who gets me in regularly).

Okay, okay, I was believing of ur story until I got to the bit I've highlighted in bold above & then I was like, YEAH RIGHT!

Come on, I was born at night, but not last night

Good idea, Pete - heat a runway or two. I suggest that Thailand leads the way with trials at Swampy for twelve months. The Thais being efficient engineers and all, I'd wager that at the end of the trial, they could honestly declare that the runways at Swampy had not caused any flight cancellations due to snow cover...

Just imagine, snow at swampy.

Let alone a covered and heated runway.

OMG....... lol..... flight cancellations due to snow cover...