A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star."

Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into

Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I Will not disrespect

my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... You will NEVER go far in Hollywood

with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, that you will HAVE TO change your name or I

will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER...... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.

Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would

possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me

I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused.

You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left

your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name.

I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have

made it without changing my name. So, the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

Sorry Ian, but "today's funny" is actually yesteryear's funny from 30 years ago.

I know you can do better.

Sorry Ian, but "today's funny" is actually yesteryear's funny from 30 years ago.

I know you can do better.

I only heard it for the first time today. To me that makes it today's funny. I didn't realize it was that old a joke. Our funny topic here takes too long to read the old ones.

I only hear em and pass them on. I don't make them up.

Send neverdie a PM with a picture of you in the buff..............That'll cheer him up and his public response will work wonders for the rest of us

Send neverdie a PM with a picture of you in the buff..............That'll cheer him up and his public response will work wonders for the rest of us

I don't want to frighten the lad too much, but it could be done.

Send neverdie a PM with a picture of you in the buff..............That'll cheer him up and his public response will work wonders for the rest of us

I don't want to frighten the lad too much, but it could be done.

FARK NO Ian, don't do it.......I just got the all clear after last time you did it .

I must admit though, I certainly can see how you placed 3rd in the worlds smallest penis contest though.

YOUR JOKE REALL SUCKS IAN, first time I heard that I was in the process of avoiding a stampeed of dinosours, about 2000 bc, I think it twas.

Suiging - Please issue yourself one almight hard UPPERCUT and remember not to make such suggestions to Ian in the future, capiche? :jap:

Send neverdie a PM with a picture of you in the buff..............That'll cheer him up and his public response will work wonders for the rest of us

I don't want to frighten the lad too much, but it could be done.

FARK NO Ian, don't do it.......I just got the all clear after last time you did it .

I must admit though, I certainly can see how you placed 3rd in the worlds smallest penis contest though.

YOUR JOKE REALL SUCKS IAN, first time I heard that I was in the process of avoiding a stampeed of dinosours, about 2000 bc, I think it twas.

Suiging - Please issue yourself one almight hard UPPERCUT and remember not to make such suggestions to Ian in the future, capiche? :jap:

Sorry. You said in the other thread you were dead, so I didn't think you'd mind.....................

I thought Sui meant me to send the pic.....logically, that would cheer ND up as he enjoys naked men photos........but at the same time it would give him a downer with severe penis envy.

Send neverdie a PM with a picture of you in the buff..............That'll cheer him up and his public response will work wonders for the rest of us

I don't want to frighten the lad too much, but it could be done.

FARK NO Ian, don't do it.......I just got the all clear after last time you did it .

I must admit though, I certainly can see how you placed 3rd in the worlds smallest penis contest though.

YOUR JOKE REALL SUCKS IAN, first time I heard that I was in the process of avoiding a stampeed of dinosours, about 2000 bc, I think it twas.

Suiging - Please issue yourself one almight hard UPPERCUT and remember not to make such suggestions to Ian in the future, capiche? :jap:

Okay, how about a picture of me wearing Depends. That should freak you ALL out, and you all can have a laugh.

I thought Sui meant me to send the pic.....logically, that would cheer ND up as he enjoys naked men photos........but at the same time it would give him a downer with severe penis envy.

Ohhh yeah, just what I need . On second thoughts, can you send the pic Ian.

Suiging I did NOT say I was DEAD, I said I was leaving.

Okay, how about a picture of me wearing Depends. That should freak you ALL out, and you all can have a laugh.

Actually Ian, You are in excellent shape for a gentleman of your own age. Hats off to eean, all that after hours activity has paid off

ps: Note to Ian, please send wallet sized copy thru

Actually Ian, You are in excellent shape for a gentleman of your own age. Hats off to eean, all that after hours activity has paid off

ps: Note to Ian, please send wallet sized copy thru

But didn't you see the latest picture of me? All that after hours activity is beginning to show signs of wear.

Nice helmet

Nice helmet

ohhh u are so gay. not that theres anything wrong with that.

iPhone auto correct predictive text epic.zip

You aren't permitted to upload this kind of file.

Grrrrrrrrr, WHY NOT?

So blotty funny.

iPhone auto correct predictive text epic.zip

You aren't permitted to upload this kind of file.

Grrrrrrrrr, WHY NOT?

So blotty funny.

Because up-skirt photos are not allowed. Neither are the ones of you and I in the shower together.

happyrobert seems like a happy chappy.

happyrobert seems like a happy chappy.

He does, and he made an innocent troll post that has gone on for several pages. At least nobody is arguing and everyone is having fun.

Never mind Ian, I hadn't heard it. Amusing. Thanks.

Never mind Ian, I hadn't heard it. Amusing. Thanks.

(brown nose)

Not so much funny, as fun and addictive........

Just click on where you think the city is and the plane will land there, then it will show where the city actually is!!

Good luck !! ..................

Take the 'Pilot's' test below .........

Warning - it can become addictive!

click on to the following site it will certainly checkout your geography knowledge!!!!!!

http://www.lufthansa-vp.com/vp1/play.html

iPhone auto correct predictive text epic.zip

You aren't permitted to upload this kind of file.

Grrrrrrrrr, WHY NOT?

So blotty funny.

Because up-skirt photos are not allowed. Neither are the ones of you and I in the shower together.

There is a God after all.

Gawd, I'd forgotten this thread. I started to read the thread and was thinking the joke's an oldie. Juices flowing thinking of a witty barb for Ian, then I got to post #19.

My head hurts...

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Larry asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Larry, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the Milkman wants to buy Mom ......"

A new way to avoid any .05 alcohol issues while driving:

I went out with some friends last night and had too many drinks. Knowing that I was way over the limit, I did something that I have never done before.

I took a bus home.

I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as ... I have never driven a bus before.

A new way to avoid any .05 alcohol issues while driving:

I went out with some friends last night and had too many drinks. Knowing that I was way over the limit, I did something that I have never done before.

I took a bus home.

I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as ... I have never driven a bus before.

:lol:

That one caught me off guard. :jap:

Here is another observation...

INTERESTING OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And....

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The Higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!