How Do The Tomboys Pull The Beautiful Girls?

[MaiChai]

What amazes me is that I have seen umpteen beautiful girls with tomboys. I can only assume they are in relationships (I mean not just friends). So I wonder what is their technique to get the pretty girls and do the beautiful girls, who are obviously the female part of the relationship, also have relationships with men? Do the tomboys live off the pretty girls; assuming the pretty girls make their money via their good looks, whether it be with men, or modelling, or using their looks to do selling and promotion? What are peoples observations and experiences regarding this? Would be interested to hear peoples stories and experiences.

For me its just another fascinating part of Amazing Thailand and sexuality here.

[endure]

Why would you assume that lesbians have relationships with men just because they're pretty? Lesbians are lesbians because they're sexually attracted to other women regardless of how many straight men fantasise otherwise.

[Jingthing]

Yes, this is a manifestation of lesbianism that can be found in many societies; I don't get the this is so Thai implication in the OP at all.

[Boo]

masculine looks with a womans mindset. i can see the appeal.

[cardholder]

Yes, this is a manifestation of lesbianism that can be found in many societies; I don't get the this is so Thai implication in the OP at all.

Like the OP, I have not seen it so prevalent as in Thailand.

[Jingthing]

The role playing thing is a sign of a more sexually repressed, traditional society. In the US for example, the extreme butch femme thing was really big in the 1950's; it still exists, but there is less pressure to play the roles of a faux hetero couple now. Yes I have seen the Thai version and it looks totally familiar to me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butch_and_femme

[MaiChai]

Why would you assume that lesbians have relationships with men just because they're pretty? Lesbians are lesbians because they're sexually attracted to other women regardless of how many straight men fantasise otherwise.

I didn't assume. Some people are bi-sexual. As in many other societies, a lady without wealth or career would like to have a man to sponsor or support her. Some people here will do anything to better themselves in life, or just to make ends meet/pay the rent/support the family upcountry. You would call it dishonest; she would see it as surviving. There is no government security scheme for the unemployed here, so people are very creative about making a living.

I had a girlfriend once who was in a similar situation. I went off to Australia to work for 6 weeks and when I returned I had been dumped for another woman! She tried to get back with me when she could not make ends meet; in the end it was pretty clear why she wanted to come back. I did not take her back. Turned out she had been seeing other girls behind my back; I was oblivious to it.

You see alot of pretty girls with tomboys around Bangkok. Open your eyes. To me its just interesting; I have no opinion on it really; people are free to live their lives as they wish.

[manarak]

masculine looks with a womans mindset. i can see the appeal.

I can see the appeal of the opposite :-)

[Ulysses G.]

From what the girls have mentioned, it is mostly about money in the beginning, but certain mad skills can kick in after a while.

[jfchandler]

Actually, I recall reading a study relating to this subject, that basically found that in Thailand, a lot of the "dees" in these relationships do also have relationships with men... The dees often are not exclusively lesbian...

I don't mean necessarily having male and female partners at the same time, but rather, having their phases with one and then the other or back and forth...depending on the life circumstances.

I've seen the same phenomena as the OP... Makes me think the real guys need to up their game....

[richard_smith237]

masculine looks with a womans mindset. i can see the appeal.

I can see the appeal of the opposite :-)

You mean feminine looks in a man with a mans mindset ?........ Well, you are in the right country !

Edited May 9, 2011 by richard_smith237

[zzaa09]

Yes, this is a manifestation of lesbianism that can be found in many societies; I don't get the this is so Thai implication in the OP at all.

Like the OP, I have not seen it so prevalent as in Thailand.

Japan.

[Geekfreaklover]

There is always one butch and one beautiful in a lesbian relationship. Perhaps it has something to do with the dominant versus passive sex play.

[newbie001]

Actually a lot of them do marry. Some aspects of homosexuality are a fad here. I know of at least 5 different attractive women that are now married to men but had a butch female partner when they were younger.

Since many here play into extreme stereotypes it is not as much about homosexuality as it is in a way to define oneself and go beyond the norm.

Yes, there are many homosexuals but there is an abundance of temporary dabblers. Look at it this way you see a lot more "lesbians" here being overtly sexual and intimate in public which isn't the same as their heterosexual counterparts. Women don't grope men in public but the tom/les couple are quite expressive in public.

I think that it may just be an expression of individualism rather than sexuality.

Most of the woman that I know that had lesbian partners in their formative years started out as friends. The tom was supportive and during a difficult time she made her move. Not unlike what teen boys do.

[Jingthing]

There is always one butch and one beautiful in a lesbian relationship. Perhaps it has something to do with the dominant versus passive sex play.

Totally false.

[Gaccha]

Find me a Thai girl who did not have a lesbian relationship at University.

[Jingthing]

Check out this book; it will open your eyes to the scientific basis behind the relative fluidity of female sexuality as opposed to male sexuality, which is arguably more set in concrete.

http://www.sexatdawn.com/

Yes, I am agreeing that young women in lesbian relationships in ANY country are indeed quite likely to change that preference later. Again, I reject the idea that this is a Thai specific topic, not that there's anything wrong with discussing lesbian behavior.

Edited May 9, 2011 by Jingthing

[WyattEarp]

I had a girlfriend once who was in a similar situation. I went off to Australia to work for 6 weeks and when I returned I had been dumped for another woman! She tried to get back with me when she could not make ends meet; in the end it was pretty clear why she wanted to come back. I did not take her back. Turned out she had been seeing other girls behind my back; I was oblivious to it.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade

[Tonto21]

Find me a Thai girl who did not have a lesbian relationship at University.

Fantastic……..Thanks for that! Ha ha

[Warhammer820]

i know a tomboy who has at least 3 female gik's and interestingly enough...one guy on the side that is making her confused about her sexual preference

[nocturn]

two words: prehensile toungue

[lomatopo]

I think every Tom-Dee relationship is probably slightly different.

It has been explained to me that in many cases the Tom watches over and takes care of the Dee, in a male role, until such time as she (the Dee) might get married. The sex is not mutual, the Tom satisfies the Dee, but not vice-versa. I am not sure about any financial arrangements? The Tom would consider herself to be a lesbian but the Dee might not be so comfortable with that label. For the Dee it is win-win, she can remain in a safe relationship, unspoiled by a male relationship, and when the right man comes along, she's good to go. There have been quite a few threads on this subject here on TV over the years.

Edited May 16, 2011 by lomatopo

[zzaa09]

There is always one butch and one beautiful in a lesbian relationship. Perhaps it has something to do with the dominant versus passive sex play.

Always? As in an absolute?

To render the surface stereotypes that are engrained is always easier to digest than when they aren't.

[zzaa09]

i know a tomboy who has at least 3 female gik's and interestingly enough...one guy on the side that is making her confused about her sexual preference

Perhaps she is less confused and perfectly comfortable and settled going both ways.

[Warhammer820]

her actions say yes, but her appearance says girls only

i know a tomboy who has at least 3 female gik's and interestingly enough...one guy on the side that is making her confused about her sexual preference

Perhaps she is less confused and perfectly comfortable and settled going both ways.

[IanForbes]

i know a tomboy who has at least 3 female gik's and interestingly enough...one guy on the side that is making her confused about her sexual preference

I have a female friend who is exactly like that. But, when she's with me she's happy and that is all I care about. I'm not going to try and figure out what goes on in the head of a female. If they keep me happy and I keep them happy then that is all that matters. What goes on in the other parts of their life is entirely up to them.

[4evermaat]

I have a female friend who is exactly like that. But, when she's with me she's happy and that is all I care about. I'm not going to try and figure out what goes on in the head of a female. If they keep me happy and I keep them happy then that is all that matters. What goes on in the other parts of their life is entirely up to them.

When we stop making assumptions to try to explain everything, its amazing how much more free time we have taking action

[StreetCowboy]

I have a female friend who is exactly like that. But, when she's with me she's happy and that is all I care about. I'm not going to try and figure out what goes on in the head of a female. If they keep me happy and I keep them happy then that is all that matters. What goes on in the other parts of their life is entirely up to them.

When we stop making assumptions to try to explain everything, its amazing how much more free time we have taking action

We make assumptions instead of trying to explain everything. A simple stereotype serves for most purposes. Anyway, who cares about other people? Its our feelings for them that matter, not them.

GHAWB

[Berkshire]

There was a Thai movie about this very topic about a year ago. Two girls were roommates, one an obvious Tom, the other, an attractive, normal uni girl who didn't believe herself to be a lesbian. Well they ended up having a relationship, more so because of attraction and commonality to one another than anything else mentioned here (i.e., money). The mother of the "dee" was portrayed as the villain as she refused to accept the relationship. That movie seemed to have encouraged many said couples to be more open about it in public. And Thailand was already a much more tolerant society to begin with (more so than, say, the USA). I honestly believe that the percentage of homosexuals in Thailand is identical to anywhere else in the world. It's just more accepted/tolerated here, which is why you'd see more lesbian couples, gay couples, ladyboys, and all manner of sexuality. Nothing wrong with that. Live and let live I say.

[udonguy]

There is always one butch and one beautiful in a lesbian relationship. Perhaps it has something to do with the dominant versus passive sex play.

Lesbian is nothing to do with Toms - different thing ask the girls