Reading Thai Women

[wormdrive]

Ok, so I have been here in Thailand for more than a few years... but one thing that gets me is "reading" Thai women. I am asking for opinions on this one.

Here's the scenario:

Boy sees girl at gym almost daily for a couple of months.

They make eye almost everytime. Both seem interestingly disinterested. Never really a smile or hellos. (She looks about 21-22 years old) and works a car maker in the city.

Boy has enough and chooses to see "what time it is."

Boy waits for girl outside gym discreetly.

Girl waits for a bus outside a major shopping center.

Boy approaches girl and says:

b: hi

g: hello

b: can you speak english?

g: yes a little bit

b: you remember me? you know me?

g: maaaaybbe

(I should say that her English is spot on)

(and boy is talking in his caveman/thai farang english)

b: ah we go to the same club. I see you many times.

b: my name is xxxxxxx

b: what's your name?

g: xxxxxxxxx

b: well I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself because I see you almost everyday - but didn't want to bother you in the club. So hello.

g: ah OK - hello (she seems to want to end the conversation then and there)

b: you know I just trying to make friend in this new city. It is difficult to meet a nice girl.

g: oh really?

b: friends yes.. girls no

g: oh, if you want girl you can goto a gogo.

b: I know. I know. It's very easy for me to get a girl. If I wanted that, but I am trying to make a friend.

g: OK, Ok sooooo... ok good.

b: so, you go to the gym everyday?

g: if I can finish work early I go.

b: you work around here?

g: yes.

b: what do you do?

g: I work for xxxxxxx

b: cool. you sell the cars or work in the office?

g: Oh no. I don't sell the cars. I work in office.

b: hmmmmmmmm

g: what do you do?

b: I xxxxxxxxx

g: what is the companies name?

b: xxxxxxxxx

g: where is that?

b: It's xxxxxxxxxxxxx

g: Oh OK.

b: ya it's ok. I just blah blah blah all day

g: Ok, well...

b: well just wanted to say hello.

g: ok

b: listen, would you like to get a cup of coffee for a bit?

g: no I cannot it's late already. (8pm)

b: really?

b: hmmm... maybe you have a boyfriend already? That's why you can't?

g: No. No. I don't have a boyfriend.

g: I am ok to be alone.

b: I know. I know. Me too but a friend is always good?

g: hmm

b: so. no coffee?

g: no because I will get home late. It takes me about 2 hours.

b: oh wow. where do you live?

g: I live in xxxxxxx, it's very far - I don't think that you hear before.

b: WOW! I live there too (not a lie.)

g: (girl is in shock)

b: very funny. very funny.

g: yes

g: where are you from?

b: I am from xxxxxxx

g: Oh, I have been there before! It is very interesting place.

b: ya.

b:ok, well maybe we can get coffee another day?

g: maybe

b: mmmmmmm

g: maybe I see you again inside

b: what?

g: inside gym. maybe I see you there again sometime..

b: oh ya.. ok bye

g: bye

Ok, so what is the take on the deal. What is a Thai maybe? Is that like a Japanese no? Like they don't like to say no. But this hasn't been my experience. I hear the famous MAI about 10,000 times a day?!!?

2 things stick-out, the boyfriend question is always thrown out there to give them a way out. If a girl is not interested in a guy for whatever reason, then they have the chance to say they have a BF which tells the guy they are not interested. She didn't.

The other thing, she did ask a few questions and wasn't totally stand-offish and they have a couple things in common already. They both like fitness, go to the same club, live in the same area, and she has seen where he lives. Needless to say, the conversation could have went on for sometime if she had taken the coffee offer as there seemed to be enough filling just from the 10mins talking on the side of the road.

Is there no hope here? No phone numbers where exchanged. Coffee was turned down - and kind of like a "whatever" attitude during the initial talk. He is really struck by her.

Where should it go from here you big romeos out there? How do you read the conversation and situation?

[zaz]

Nice read that was....now the suspense is killing and I can't wait for the next episode!!!! Wormdrive you've got to continue this and let us know..!!

I reckon she's not a No and she's not quite a Yes - she's being cautious, she sees a new guy (are you a farang?) and treats him with suspicion especially if he's foreign. The guy comes across as ok in the above which is why she responded ok in return and note also that she will look out for the guy in the gym next time. I suspect there will be a smile from her in the gym next time and maybe more of a chat. Coffee? Perhaps. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Boo]

so the boy is you right?

Maybe she doesn't like coffee, maybe she thinks it is not a suitable place for a single thai women to be asked out to.

With a lot of thai people, going out for a coffee isn't in thier dating culture & you might have been better asking her if she wanted to go get some food or else asked her to meet near where you both live & for her to bring along a friend if that made her feel more comfortable.

Maybe she just wasn't that into you & was maintaining the conversation to be polite as she knew she would be seeing you often at the gym?

Too many variables & with any women, body language is the best way to read if she likes you or not. Try & ask her again, be a bit more formal & with the offer of bringing a chaperone & if she knocks you back or uses the "maybe" then I'd say she just isn't interested.

Good luck with it all

[Nam Kao]

Most non BGs are very shy, keep working on her

[Fast Eddie]

From the information provided, it doesn't sound as if she is immediately interested in you. There doesn't appear to be any signals that she is. Personally, after that dialogue, i would be selecting another target. Say hello next time you see her and strike up a short conversation, but if she responds in a similar manner and with a lack of warmth then don't push it to far and end the conversation gracefully.

[ProfessorFart]

Sounds like it could be a woman from anywhere giving the gentle brush off if you ask me! Move on!

[Totster]

From the information provided, it doesn't sound as if she is immediately interested in you. There doesn't appear to be any signals that she is. Personally, after that dialogue, i would be selecting another target. Say hello next time you see her and strike up a short conversation, but if she responds in a similar manner and with a lack of warmth then don't push it to far and end the conversation gracefully.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe he is better taking it slowly Fast Eddie...

totster

[BambinA]

Where should it go from here you big romeos out there? How do you read the conversation and situation?

no no no not my conversation!!

[Thaipwriter]

How old are you?

and which part of Thailand are you in?

I would be very happy to have a situation like this, a man enjoys a chase every now and then

Farang men in Thailand tend to be the prey in the tourist areas, (which is why we come here?)

but even that gets boring after a while.

If i were you i would continue to make idle chatter at the gym but not be pushy.

Give her your business card / number, tell her your waiting for an SMS .

Thai women love to SMS.

Good luck and keep us informed

be prepared for rejection though, thai girls can lose face by having a farang boyfriend....and face is everything

[Ice Maiden]

I am not a Thai female but being a female I'll try my best here.

b: you know I just trying to make friend in this new city

g: oh really?

b: friends yes.. girls no

Okay so here you have made it clear you would like to be friends.

g: oh, if you want girl you can goto a gogo.

Then here it's obvious that this girl thinks you were implying you wanted sexual favours. I'd feel a bit edgy right now if I had these thoughts in my mind.

b: I know. I know. It's very easy for me to get a girl. If I wanted that, but I am trying to make a friend.

You make it clear again you would only like to be friends.

b: listen, would you like to get a cup of coffee for a bit?

Since you have already expressed you only want to be friends this sounds like a nice friendly move. But if I was the girl I would feel edgy still because she has only known you for a few mins and she still might think you are just after sexual favours.

b: hmmm... maybe you have a boyfriend already? That's why you can't?

g: No. No. I don't have a boyfriend.

Now here is where you go wrong. You ask here if she already has a boyfriend. A bit too personal for a guy shes known for a few mins.

You have broken the barrier between friends and someone who is intrested. Maybe you should of waited until you got to know her a little better? You probably scared her away. But after all it would of made things easier for you to find out sooner or later.

I take it you are intrested in this girl. If I was you I wouldn't rush it. Start talking to her during the gym it could be simple things like "Hello how are you today." once you start basic convos with her then ask her out to coffee. Even suggest she bring a friend like another member said.

Me personaly I wouldn't go out to coffee with someone I didn't know. You carn't run before you can walk. Start fresh maybe?

[britmaveric]

Honestly - takes a bit to crack the shell so to speak. My advice get some food together and have her invite some of her mates along. (that will give her an added comfort factor) It's a pain in the arse, but if all goes well - it will work out as a plus in the end.

[Girlfrombar]

"want to be friends" = no sexual intercourse

friends should NOT have sex with friends

sex doesn't work with 'FRIENDSHIP'

bear in mind honey

[Ice Maiden]

"want to be friends" = no sexual intercourse

friends should NOT have sex with friends

sex doesn't work with 'FRIENDSHIP'

bear in mind honey

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thankyou for making that crystal clear, something I missed off on my post

[BambinA]

"want to be friends" = no sexual intercourse

friends should NOT have sex with friends

sex doesn't work with 'FRIENDSHIP'

bear in mind honey

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

have u ever heard these word.."benefit friend" aka "friend for phunk"

[Girlfrombar]

have u ever heard  these word.."benefit friend"  aka "friend  for phunk"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

this's my so called 'sex buddy' na bambi

[Totster]

have u ever heard  these word.."benefit friend"  aka "friend  for phunk"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

this's my so called 'sex buddy' na bambi

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

aka &lt;deleted&gt; buddy..

totster

[Girlfrombar]

Thankyou for making that crystal clear, something I missed off on my post

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

welcome icy

[BambinA]

From the information provided, it doesn't sound as if she is immediately interested in you.

for me, she is smart , and know how to play game with a guy

and IMHO she is interested in u , that's why she keep conversation with

maybe she read too much "the rule" book

bible for girl hahahhahaha

[zaz]

have u ever heard  these word.."benefit friend"  aka "friend  for phunk"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

this's my so called 'sex buddy' na bambi

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

aka &lt;deleted&gt; buddy..

totster

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I've grown accustomed to that term now Tots....

[Ice Maiden]

Shame on you Zazzer

... And I thought you were a nice guy

[zaz]

Shame on you Zazzer 

... And I thought you were a nice guy   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not that I've got any &lt;deleted&gt; buddies....honest...it's just that someone...ahem...suggested it...

[Pie Boy]

Having read the original post I would say she was simply trying to let you down gently, time to move on me thinks.

[wormdrive]

Wow, almost confused as I was before the post. Many people saying move on and many saying "keep at it."

Seems like reading between the lines is pretty difficult.

We will see how girl and boy are over the course of the next week. Will she stop getting her water break near him, or continue as usual.... if she continues her patterns inside the gym and doesn't steer clear of Boy, then I think that would be an OK sign... right?

If she disappears for a couple of weeks - I think that would be the message of not interested...

She is awfully clever, and it could be that she does know how to "play" the game. It could be that she is used to guys trying to develop something with her.

So Boy should just relax and say hello when the occassion presents itself at the gym?

[Jai Dee]

I find it difficult to read any woman...

Venus and Mars

The added complexity of inter-racial interaction makes it almost impossible...

Take it easy... slowly, slowly... don't seem too keen, stay away from personal subjects, and let nature run it's course. If there's mutual attraction, something will develop.

[BangnaBound]

Listen to the ladies on the forum, most of the time it’s not a Thai/Farang communication issue it’s just the universal man / women communication difference.

It sounds like Girl is telling Boy, “If you’re just interested in a short time fling, you can toss off now. If you interested in some kind of real relationship, I don’t think you’re entirely unattractive, but I have no idea who you are or what you’re like.”

IMHO – Asking her out for coffee was a very forward move. There is really no way in polite Thai society that she could have accepted that offer, regardless of her interest. Tell Boy if he is really interested in Girl just to take it slow. Don’t ask her out until they are familiar with one another and know each other better. The courting process for many 20 somethings in Thailand is a lot closer to that of early teens in the west (at least the way I remember it, who knows about today).

Your final thought sounds about right.

[SiamOne]

I agree, it is nothing to do with being Thai, it is the boy/girl thing

she may be interested, is all. So now you have to continue being friendly etc

Then, maybe, she will let you get closer and share a bowl of noodles

[aughie]

(I should say that her English is spot on)

(and boy is talking in his caveman/thai farang english)

Converse with her in a normal manner. Speaking to her otherwise is putting an unneceassary distance between the two of you. Why start off a meeting by indicating how different you assume the two of you are? Initially similarities = safe.

[Insight]

Next time, perhaps try passing your mobile # along - the ball is then in her court. Plus she can then talk to you in private without having to worry about onlookers. Don't hold out for the phone call and you won't be disappointed.

To the girls who've commented so far about friends/shagging - all good relationships start out as friends, don't they? Anything after that is natural progression...?

[Tyree D.]

I've never had any struggles with a Thai woman. I can easily disguise my motives. Your quotes were flawed. If you can get any woman you want (why did you even say that?), why are you struggling to get a Thai woman for just a friend? And why did you ask if she has a BF? Those little guys never get in my way.

I love me.

ไทรีรักไทย

[aughie]

I've never had any struggles with a Thai woman.  I can easily disguise my motives.  Your quotes were flawed.  If you can get any woman you want (why did you even say that?), why are you struggling to get a Thai woman for just a friend?  And why did you ask if she has a BF?  Those little guys never get in my way.

I love me.

ไทรีรักไทย

I can just imagine. Can you get past the head?

You're caught up in a pretty tight loop.