Socks with sandals ... Germans

DO you have a craving for sausage or get upset about bad timekeeping? Then you might actually be GERMAN.

Geneticists claim HALF of Brits could have German blood in them.

Up to 200,000 Anglo-Saxon immigrants came to south-east England in the Fifth and Sixth Centuries after the Romans left in AD410.

Biologists at University College London studied a Y chromosome found in nearly all German and Danish men - and found it is surprisingly common in Britain.

Supported by archaeological studies on teeth and enamel, experts have concluded that 50 per cent of Brits have some German in their genetic make-up.

But The Sun has come up with an alternative test to help you discover your true roots.

Answer A, B or C to the questions below to find out your German-ness "oompah" rating.

HOW often do you wear sandals with socks?

A. Never.

B. Only in Majorca.

C. Always.

What is your favourite U2 album?

A. Under A Blood Red Sky.

B. Pop.

C. Achtung Baby.

What is your favourite number?

A. Seven.

B. Eight.

C. Nein!

After a penalty shoot-out, are you left...

A. With your head in your hands, despairing at how close you came yet again.

B. Optimisitic about your chances next time.

C. Smugly triumphant.

With members of the opposite sex, are you attracted to their...

A. Bottom.

B. Eyes.

C. Herr.

When your train is delayed, do you...

A. Tut and glance at your watch.

B. Moan to the person sitting next to you.

C. Storm up to the ticket office and wave the timetable at the staff while complaining loudly.

Ladies, when your armpits are a little hairy do you...

A. Reach for the razor.

B. Wear a long-sleeved top.

C. Take every available opportunity to remove your top and put your hands on your head.

Liebfraumilch is...

A. Never heard of it, mate.

B. A sweet wine from the Seventies.

C. A lovely tipple.

Is the engine of your car...

A. Being held together with red Post Office elastic bands.

B. Getting you from A to B, thank you very much.

C. The benchmark for precision engineering.

Wearing leather trousers and slapping your thighs is OK only if...

A. You are a rock star or Russell Brand.

B. You are Max Mosley.

C. You fully appreciate what a magnificent traditional dance form it is.

When you see a picture of the late Steve McQueen, do you think...

A. Ah... The Great Escape. What a film. What a hero.

B. Is that the fella who was in that PoW film who almost got away on a motorbike?

C. That sneaky escape artist - get him back in ze Cooler!

When you see a sun lounger by a hotel pool do you...

A. Have a lie down and order a nice cold lager.

B. Leave it for now... it's far too early to think about sunbathing.

C. Put a towel on it. Immediately.

What is your favourite drink?

A. A nice cup of tea.

B. A glass of wine.

C. Becks.

Audi is...

A. What Gene Hunt drove in Ashes To Ashes.

B. A supermarket stacked with cheap food.

C. Vorsprung Durch Technik.

You like David Hasselhoff because of...

A. His enthusiastic remarks on Britain's Got Talent.

B. His early Baywatch career.

C. His contribution to pop music.

England's third goal in the 1966 World Cup final was...

A. Clearly over the line.

B. Hard to tell from such an angle.

C. Never in a million years was it even close to being over the line. You cheats...

Who is your favourite Wimbledon commentator?

A. John McEnroe.

B. Sue Barker.

C. Boris Becker.

Speaking of Boris, when you see him do you...

A. Remind yourself never to accept an invitation to visit the broom cupboard.

B. Remember him diving for shots at Wimbledon.

C. Reminisce fondly about sporting domination.

Getting naked in public is OK only if...

A. You are jumping over the stumps at a cricket match.

B. You are in a nudist colony well away from "normal" people.

C. It's acceptable in any place, at any time.

A frankfurter is...

A. A character from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

B. A type of food popular at sports grounds.

C. The delicious hotdog invented in Frankfurt.

So, how German are you?

If you answered mostly As, you are as British as talking about the weather and queuing. You're liable to burst into Rule Britannia at any moment - no German blood here.

If you answered mostly Bs, your German genes might just be shining through - but you are still proud to be British.

If you answered mostly Cs... are you sure you're not from Berlin? You undoubtedly have German blood coursing through your veins, you are ruthlessly efficient... and would undoubtedly take a damned good penalty.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/3651181/Study-reveals-fifth-of-UK-have-German-blood.html

all Cs here...

Where did you steal that photo of me in my sandals? Both the socks and the sandals make sense. The socks because it keeps tender tootsies from blistering, and the sandals because they have enough leather coverage over the toes for shifting gears on my motorbike.

I certainly get a craving for sausage from time to time but I don't think it's because I'm German

Who are U2 ??

Can the Germans make sausages - I know they have some wurst that are long and round and have meat in 'em, but have you ever tried them with worcester sauce? Lee and Perrins can't do anything to make them taste like Wall's best.

And have you heard them singing 'The Red Flag' - they've got it mixed up with the tree-huggers - Tannenbaum or something. (Not as bad as the canucks - they think it's 'The Red-and-White Flag' - Canada, Oh Canada indeed!

Never had a good ale over there either - all ice-cold fizzy stuff. They call it beer, but I call it pissner.

And what's wrong with being Anglo-Saxon? Gave our name to England, we did. We're the true heart of England - fought for East Anglia against both the Danes and the mob of soon-to-be-Taffys around Alfred, fought of the invading Normans (Hereward was one of us) and will fight anyone, anytime.

There is probably just as good a chance that most Brits have some Norse blood cursing through their veins.

Now, where's me parrot.

Yes, there is a reason it was called Danelaw.

Uh-huh-huh, ja, aber zie English, zey drink tea!! Uh-huh-huh.

/Buttkopf

This begs the question, what happened to the Viking spirit? Not complaining mind you but its interesting that the Scandos went from raping and pillaging their way around Northern Europe to a peaceful, laid back (generally-not all of course but you don't read about many soccer riots there) bunch of people. Did all the rapists and pillagers kill each other off thus extinguishing that trait?

Or did they just migrate it to the UK?

Christianity, and better organized resistance against raids in Europe, as well as assimilation with the local population in the British Isles, Normandy and the Ukraine.

Sweden actually has a worse soccer hooligan problem these days than the UK does. The UK found a largely successful strategy handling theirs, I think Sweden is working on implementing something similar.

Uh-huh-huh, ja, aber zie English, zey drink tea!! Uh-huh-huh.

/Buttkopf

bekause of ziss disgusting behafiour zee Anglo-Sachsens vere expelled from Tchermanny in anshent times. rumour has it zat zome of zee Englisch pour (YUCK!) milch in zeir tee und water (YUCK!) in zere schnaps und zen zey even drink it!

Uh-huh-huh, ja, aber zie English, zey drink tea!! Uh-huh-huh.

/Buttkopf

bekause of ziss disgusting behafiour zee Anglo-Sachsens vere expelled from Tchermanny in anshent times. rumour has it zat zome of zee Englisch pour (YUCK!) milch in zeir tee und water (YUCK!) in zere schnaps und zen zey even drink it!

If you have tasted English schnapps (Gott in himmel! My mouth, my throat!!) you would know why water is added.

As for tea, I look at the stain around the teapot and think 'do I want my insides to look like that?' and turn to my tankard of real ale instead.

I think I have the gene.

In unguarded moments, I get an almost irresistible urge to invade Poland..........

I am always on time. Usually even a few minutes early.

I am always on time. Usually even a few minutes early.

so we now know you have no Thai Genes SBK

This begs the question, what happened to the Viking spirit? Not complaining mind you but its interesting that the Scandos went from raping and pillaging their way around Northern Europe to a peaceful, laid back (generally-not all of course but you don't read about many soccer riots there) bunch of people. Did all the rapists and pillagers kill each other off thus extinguishing that trait?

They all joined the Swedish Merchant Marine and travel round the world getting pissed and wrecking bars on shore leave.

I am always on time. Usually even a few minutes early.

so we now know you have no Thai Genes SBK

But I wait patiently!

This begs the question, what happened to the Viking spirit? Not complaining mind you but its interesting that the Scandos went from raping and pillaging their way around Northern Europe to a peaceful, laid back (generally-not all of course but you don't read about many soccer riots there) bunch of people. Did all the rapists and pillagers kill each other off thus extinguishing that trait?

Or did they just migrate it to the UK?

The average Scandinavian is nowadays too drunk to do pillaging, raping or even a small football riot...

This begs the question, what happened to the Viking spirit? Not complaining mind you but its interesting that the Scandos went from raping and pillaging their way around Northern Europe to a peaceful, laid back (generally-not all of course but you don't read about many soccer riots there) bunch of people. Did all the rapists and pillagers kill each other off thus extinguishing that trait?

Or did they just migrate it to the UK?

The average Scandinavian is nowadays too drunk to do pillaging, raping or even a small football riot...

There are still plenty of berserkers around - mainly employed overseas on construction contracts.

I spent half my time abroad working with them - and loving every minute.

Well, I can honestly say, no 'Hermon the German' in my family. No problem if there were mind you.

I think if I was a bit 'sausage side' there would only be three issues that may give me concern. All in all I think the pros would out weight the cons…….Pros; I think I'd look good in short leather shorts, commando, why not, (I have the legs for it) I already

leave my cloths all over the place….. A few towels lost on sun beds won't go a miss, I love sausages and beer and German porn, I've seen the "Panzer commander and the milk maid" at least 100 times, (well, all the best bits) I can curse fluently in German and I still have a German bank account, ( I may owe them money....Ooops) I could slip over the border and mingle, seamlessly…………If not for three things, Cons; sandals and socks…No way Houssay, or should that read no way Valter? Poland, never had a single urge to go there. The other thing, them little leather handbags…..Sorry, 'Man-bags' all you Continentals seem to like. No I'll just stick to bad food, warm beer and gobby birds………..Just my two Pence worth!