Marrying An Older Thai And The Sid Sod.

[thaipod]

You need to think harder on what your future plans are . to marry a bar worker who is older than you and you have not spent a great time with her and she has a boyfriend already .now you want to marry her! Man, get a hold of yourself . You are still in your 20's get a life and enjoy it.

Paying sinsod for a girl as what you say she is I would'nt . When I married my wife I paid 200000 ( we went halves ) but she was well educated from a good family and she sold her gold to display new gold and her father paid for the receception of 100+ guests and gave us a house and land and helped us to establish our new business .

There is a lot of girls out there who would enjoy your company PARTY ON ..........

[zzaa09]

I seen naivete before, but this really takes the cake..... because you continue to not learn. You would actually contemplate marrying a girl whose JOB it is to have sex with other men ? And then seriously contemplate paying her parents for the privilege ? Do you honestly think that she will bond with you ? If this is all real and not a troll, you must be one of the biggest fools to have posted on this forum.

They're born every minute.....and continue to come to Thailand. Falling for the same.

Edited August 31, 2011 by zzaa09

[garrfeild]

Got to be a troll with a name like bananas. Taking the p*ss me thinks

[Semper]

Confirmed troll -- no response from the OP in a matter that would be of substantial importance. Obviously nothing more than a pathetic troll.

Obviously not, as it's still running.

[zzaa09]

Confirmed troll -- no response from the OP in a matter that would be of substantial importance. Obviously nothing more than a pathetic troll.

Obviously not, as it's still running.

Indeed. Yet, they've been known to slip through - undetected.

[transam]

Confirmed troll -- no response from the OP in a matter that would be of substantial importance. Obviously nothing more than a pathetic troll.

Obviously not, as it's still running.

Indeed. Yet, they've been known to slip through - undetected.

Perhaps he's just drowning his sorrows with our input. When l look back at my youth l didn't take any notice of what anybody said but now older, gosh they were right.

[TheWalkingMan]

I think it is great how some guys married a woman who's family gave them something. For bananas, I think all he will get is a laundry list of invoices...

[Geekfreaklover]

This is Bananas.

Or to be more precise a potential banana skin

[chops]

That is fantastically unbelievable, man. I never paid any Sin Sod BS for any girl in Thailand. My wife is Thai and she NEVER requested any Sin Sod CRAP.

I fear you could be set up for a scam. She could take your money and run. What I would do is stay away from prostitutes and go with ordinary Thai girls. In case you don't know by now, prostitutes are for sex for just short time hire. Wives are there for long term hire. I pay by the month. About 5-10k. And my wife has stood by me for 2 years now.

What I would do is propose to girls on the streets and shops. I never knew any Thai or anything. I just walked up to girls and wanted to know if they were interested in a farang for a LTR(marriage or whatever). I found one in Pattaya and she NEVER worked at a bar or gogo.

I think you are looking in the wrong place. Don't look in Pattaya for LTR's!!!!!!!!!!!

[chops]

Confirmed troll -- no response from the OP in a matter that would be of substantial importance. Obviously nothing more than a pathetic troll.

Obviously not, as it's still running.

Indeed. Yet, they've been known to slip through - undetected.

Perhaps he's just drowning his sorrows with our input. When l look back at my youth l didn't take any notice of what anybody said but now older, gosh they were right.

Why constantly think about youth? Women only care about relationship and financial security. That is it, mostly. Looks matter too, but not as much as some of you old guys think.

I am 30 and when I was 25(and poorer) I got less girls attentiion than I do now. Think about that....

[Bagwan]

I have to admit that I consider the payment of sinsod a no go area. Soon after settling here many moons ago I met up with a shy little lady selling clothes from a market stall. I helped her with her English for a week and took her out for dinner on 3 or 4 occasions and then she started talking about marriage. After she made a visit to her parents upcountry she announced that she was willing to marry me if I handed over 250K baht. This from a girl who wouldn't hold my hand in public and wouldn't enter any building with me without a chaperone. I had never mentioned marriage, or even bedding her, and I turned down the offer. After consultation with her parents she told me that the sum had been reduced to 25K baht. She seemed to go into shock when I said that sinsod might well be a Thai custom but that I wasn't Thai and felt no obligation to indulge in what gave out overtones of a meat market. Furthermore I would decide If. when and to whom I would marry, and the lady having avaricious parents would put a heavy damper on the matter. She assisted me in finding a suitable house and then left in a huff when she discovered that her name would not be on the deeds.

I have a very positive view of ladies that work the bars and have been friends with a few, but would view sharing my life with one a very risky undertaking.

[simon43]

I really cannot understand why you would consider paying that amount of sinsod when the same women asked only half that amount from me not more than 3 days ago...

I think you need to bargain a bit harder

Simon

[kerryk]

Haven't any of these Thai women ever offered to pay one of you handsome young guys sinsod? I would think they would be jumping all over you all.

[LivinLOS]

So her honour is solid.

That made me laugh so hard..

Yeah sure its solid.. While shes screwing this guy for sponsorship and maintaining another iron in the fire with you 2 phone calls a week..

How many others do thye think are calling ??

[mrtoad]

There's one born every minute.

[mrtoad]

I really cannot understand why you would consider paying that amount of sinsod when the same women asked only half that amount from me not more than 3 days ago...

I think you need to bargain a bit harder

Simon

Half, shit I got her down to 75k

[gosompoi]

I am all for love and dreams happiness in the future but at 21 in Thailand for 300,000 baht to a bar girl. Everyone is right here, this is only the first 300,000 of millions more for home, land, car and a business or loans to family. Your too young to understand what we are all saying, is grow up and love some more, and run away fast from this it can only end bad for you. Do not waste any of your young years and money on this love, to confirm this call the British guy and have a chat with him. Better to learn now that you are being a fool than learn later with empty pockets. You already know you are not the only one and there are more guys still since she is still working as a working girl. Grow up, move on.

[mrtoad]

Confirmed troll -- no response from the OP in a matter that would be of substantial importance. Obviously nothing more than a pathetic troll.

Obviously not, as it's still running.

Indeed. Yet, they've been known to slip through - undetected.

Still, it's amusing - and he may actually be telling the truth - probably after seeing the replies he's gone into hiding.

[Bakseedaa]

have you met her children yet?

I think you will find that the two neices are her childrens... of that I am 99% certain... 300k is way too much, I called of my wedding last year to an ex hooker, but my amount was 40,000 bahts and her father was to return half to me after the wedding...(about saving face) I also had to buy the usual gold trinkets etc... You are being taken to the cleaners... I am here since 1990, have a lot of lady experience ... Try to walk away from her... really , I know its difficult, but its for the best.. She will break your heart and your bank balance... Breaking your own heart is much easier and cheaper... They are like buses... another one is coming from just around the corner...!!!

[GreenSnapper]

Soon after settling here many moons ago I met up with a shy little lady selling clothes from a market stall. I helped her with her English for a week and took her out for dinner on 3 or 4 occasions and then she started talking about marriage. After she made a visit to her parents upcountry she announced that she was willing to marry me if I handed over 250K baht. This from a girl who wouldn't hold my hand in public and wouldn't enter any building with me without a chaperone. I had never mentioned marriage, or even bedding her, and I turned down the offer. After consultation with her parents she told me that the sum had been reduced to 25K baht.

Quite a reduction in price. Seems great deals can be had in Thailand :jap:

But you didn't tell us if the price was justified after bedding her?

[IanForbes]

The OP is not necessarily a "troll", but he might have been scared off by all common sense posted here. Beetlejuice gave some good advice (as did others) if the post was for real. The truth is often stranger than fiction. Men DO lose their hearts and brains to a pretty woman. It's been happening since humans were on earth. Women have been manipulating men for as far back as history has been written. After having two "successful" marriages that happily ended I can truly say the only valid reason for being married is if you want to have children. Otherwise it's much easier and convenient to just live with someone until you both feel the need to part. That time will eventually come whether you believe it or not.

[Arkady]

Tell her that you are very young and not yet earning a lot of money and Bt 300,000 is impossible for you to raise without incurring a heavy debt burden at a high loan shark interest rate which would make your early married life together very tough, if not impossible. If you are really serious about marrying this girl, negotiate a lower amount to be deferred for, say 10 years, when you are earning a lot more money. Bt 99,999 would an appropriate amount and a very lucky number for Thais. If you really need to get married for visa purposes, just get married in a district office and defer the Buddhist ceremony in the village, where you will have to show off the cash and gold, indefinitely. Tell her, you want to do in style when you have the money. If she ever goes to live in the West, and tries to find a job, she will soon understand how hard it is to work and save money there.

Better still defer the whole thing indefinitely. You don't know this person but you do know she is a hooker and has at least one other foreign customer/boyfriend on the go and can easily get more. I also doubt that you can communicate with her in more than pijjin English which will get very boring for both of you very fast, if you start spending a lot of time together. Unfortunately life in the bars hardens up these pretty young things inside very fast and after 3 years on the game the vast majority are irredeemable. It's best to put the long term plans on ice for now and see how it goes. From what you have told us, it is going to be extremely tough to a settlement visa for her in OZ anyway.

If you are looking for a wife, you need a basic check list of suitability factors. If you just wanna have fun, enjoy it but don't confuse it with something else.

Edited September 4, 2011 by Arkady

[Chris Lawrence]

Run Banana RUN !!!

:cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy:

Banana' is Banana's

[khunPer]

Sin Sot is a difficult matter to us Westerners, as we are grown up with, that the bride's family pays a dowry to the new married couple. However, Thai tradition is different. Sin Sot is a compensation to the brides family and the sum may be depending of a number of factors: How young the bride is, is she a virgin, have she been married before, do she have children, the status of the brides family, the status of the grooms family and most important: making face.

There is that part more to the tradition. When a decent lady and a man have been sleeping together, they are considered as a married couple. If it happens, that a family find their young daughter has been sleeping with a man - or even being raped - a marriage will be arranged and a Sin Sot agreed. No one loose face.

The common price for an uneducated lady from an Isaan farmer family will between Thai families normally range from 30,000 and up to some 150,000 baht - often plus some agreed upon baht-of-gold. The higher Sin Sot, the more gold on top; like four to six bath, when the Sin Sot is over 100,000. Normally the engagement is a small ceremony, where the bride will be given some (of the) gold and the date for marriage and amount of Sin Sot will be agreed.

The Sin Sot has to be shown in cash money at the marriage and counting the money is a major part of the local village ceremony. Both families make face - the higher a Sin Sot, the more face. Some times - probably more often now on days - the brides family will return part of or the whole amount to the new married couple. Some times more money are shown, that actually agreed for Sin Sot, and the brides family will return some of the Sin Sot money to the grooms family. It is a question of making face for both families.

When a farang comes into the picture, the Sin Sot price will go up - typically double up. A farang is supposed to be rich and the bride's family needs to make more face. Even if the lady may have been connected to the nightlife and found her farang groom there, which may - officially - not be known in the village. However, probably known to everyone, but nobody talks, just keeping face.

So what is the right Sin Sot price for a young lady, having an unspoken past in the nightlife?

Really a good question, as the Sin Sot is a kind of "business agreement" between the families. 300,000 (plus gold) may seem like a (too) high price. An older retired and "rich" farang man should probably pay that - or more but in a Western opinion, not a young man. However, the Sin Sot reflects the status of the grooms family and shows, that the groom is "rich enough" to take good care of the bride - and her family. There may be that bit more to the Sin Sot, as it may be expected, that the bride care for her family and will continue to support her family in the future.

So it is also a question of how much face, the bride's family may loose.

The really difficult part comes, when there are feelings involved - probably a farang have more feelings in marriage than a Thai. Many - or most village Thai ladies have been brought up with, that she should please a man, who can take good care of her and her family - love may come later, over time.

Think twice and remember: Some times, falling in love (with a Thai) may hurt a lot - but in time, the wound will heal.

I know it I've tried it - and I am still unmarried!

Edited September 4, 2011 by khunPer

[TexasRanger]

There is plenty of info about this on here and also other places

You do what you feel is right, sin sodt is about face in a lot of instances, but I agree the family shouldn't be asking. It is up to you how much you pay.

[prakhonchai nick]

Sin Sot is a difficult matter to us Westerners, as we are grown up with, that the bride's family pays a dowry to the new married couple. However, Thai tradition is different. Sin Sot is a compensation to the brides family and the sum may be depending of a number of factors: How young the bride is, is she a virgin, have she been married before, do she have children, the status of the brides family, the status of the grooms family and most important: making face.

There is that part more to the tradition. When a decent lady and a man have been sleeping together, they are considered as a married couple. If it happens, that a family find their young daughter has been sleeping with a man - or even being raped - a marriage will be arranged and a Sin Sot agreed. No one loose face.

The common price for an uneducated lady from an Isaan farmer family will between Thai families normally range from 30,000 and up to some 150,000 baht - often plus some agreed upon baht-of-gold. The higher Sin Sot, the more gold on top; like four to six bath, when the Sin Sot is over 100,000. Normally the engagement is a small ceremony, where the bride will be given some (of the) gold and the date for marriage and amount of Sin Sot will be agreed.

The Sin Sot has to be shown in cash money at the marriage and counting the money is a major part of the local village ceremony. Both families make face - the higher a Sin Sot, the more face. Some times - probably more often now on days - the brides family will return part of or the whole amount to the new married couple. Some times more money are shown, that actually agreed for Sin Sot, and the brides family will return some of the Sin Sot money to the grooms family. It is a question of making face for both families.

When a farang comes into the picture, the Sin Sot price will go up - typically double up. A farang is supposed to be rich and the bride's family needs to make more face. Even if the lady may have been connected to the nightlife and found her farang groom there, which may - officially - not be known in the village. However, probably known to everyone, but nobody talks, just keeping face.

So what is the right Sin Sot price for a young lady, having an unspoken past in the nightlife?

Really a good question, as the Sin Sot is a kind of "business agreement" between the families. 300,000 (plus gold) may seem like a (too) high price. An older retired and "rich" farang man should probably pay that - or more – but in a Western opinion, not a young man. However, the Sin Sot reflects the status of the grooms family and shows, that the groom is "rich enough" to take good care of the bride - and her family. There may be that bit more to the Sin Sot, as it may be expected, that the bride care for her family and will continue to support her family in the future.

So it is also a question of how much face, the bride's family may loose.

The really difficult part comes, when there are feelings involved - probably a farang have more feelings in marriage than a Thai. Many - or most – village Thai ladies have been brought up with, that she should please a man, who can take good care of her and her family - love may come later, over time.

Think twice and remember: Some times, falling in love (with a Thai) may hurt a lot - but in time, the wound will heal.

I know it – I've tried it - and I am still unmarried!

The sooner the Thais grow up and learn to live without the nonsense of "face" the better off they will be all round!

They currently gain enough "face" just by having a farang in the family. No need for a dowry.

[scotto]

Mate grow up a bit and stop thinking with the little head!!

you have a lot of time yet before being tied down

think about this she is boofing a fat old brit who is 60 or more and paying her way no wonder she has not asked you for money then you want to jump on?

if you really want a thai lady then great but do not rush into it you were here on holiday and fell in love with the first girl

who liked you ? stop step back a little and see how you feel after 6 mths then if you still feel the same then go for it.

many of us on here have been there done that and lived to tell the tale take note do not be foolish.

Also it is no easy task to get a Thai girl into Australia and it will cost you plenty and a lot of hassles if you do not have good advice.

My advice go look for a thai girl already in oz she will no our ways and not ask for sin sod no hassles with the embassy and waitng for a visa

stop open your eyes and turn the little head off and the brain back on

[prakhonchai nick]

There is plenty of info about this on here and also other places

You do what you feel is right, sin sodt is about face in a lot of instances, but I agree the family shouldn't be asking. It is up to you how much you pay.

or don't pay!!!

Edited September 7, 2011 by metisdead
Do not modify someone else's post in your quoted reply, either with font or color changes.

[F1fanatic]

Sin Sot is a difficult matter to us Westerners, as we are grown up with, that the bride's family pays a dowry to the new married couple. However, Thai tradition is different. Sin Sot is a compensation to the brides family and the sum may be depending of a number of factors: How young the bride is, is she a virgin, have she been married before, do she have children, the status of the brides family, the status of the grooms family and most important: making face.

There is that part more to the tradition. When a decent lady and a man have been sleeping together, they are considered as a married couple. If it happens, that a family find their young daughter has been sleeping with a man - or even being raped - a marriage will be arranged and a Sin Sot agreed. No one loose face.

The common price for an uneducated lady from an Isaan farmer family will between Thai families normally range from 30,000 and up to some 150,000 baht - often plus some agreed upon baht-of-gold. The higher Sin Sot, the more gold on top; like four to six bath, when the Sin Sot is over 100,000. Normally the engagement is a small ceremony, where the bride will be given some (of the) gold and the date for marriage and amount of Sin Sot will be agreed.

The Sin Sot has to be shown in cash money at the marriage and counting the money is a major part of the local village ceremony. Both families make face - the higher a Sin Sot, the more face. Some times - probably more often now on days - the brides family will return part of or the whole amount to the new married couple. Some times more money are shown, that actually agreed for Sin Sot, and the brides family will return some of the Sin Sot money to the grooms family. It is a question of making face for both families.

When a farang comes into the picture, the Sin Sot price will go up - typically double up. A farang is supposed to be rich and the bride's family needs to make more face. Even if the lady may have been connected to the nightlife and found her farang groom there, which may - officially - not be known in the village. However, probably known to everyone, but nobody talks, just keeping face.

So what is the right Sin Sot price for a young lady, having an unspoken past in the nightlife?

Really a good question, as the Sin Sot is a kind of "business agreement" between the families. 300,000 (plus gold) may seem like a (too) high price. An older retired and "rich" farang man should probably pay that - or more – but in a Western opinion, not a young man. However, the Sin Sot reflects the status of the grooms family and shows, that the groom is "rich enough" to take good care of the bride - and her family. There may be that bit more to the Sin Sot, as it may be expected, that the bride care for her family and will continue to support her family in the future.

So it is also a question of how much face, the bride's family may loose.

The really difficult part comes, when there are feelings involved - probably a farang have more feelings in marriage than a Thai. Many - or most – village Thai ladies have been brought up with, that she should please a man, who can take good care of her and her family - love may come later, over time.

Think twice and remember: Some times, falling in love (with a Thai) may hurt a lot - but in time, the wound will heal.

I know it – I've tried it - and I am still unmarried!

The sooner the Thais grow up and learn to live without the nonsense of "face" the better off they will be all round!

They currently gain enough "face" just by having a farang in the family. No need for a dowry.

And how depressing is that?

They're 'happy' to have a farang in the family? I wonder why.

[Thakkar]

The sooner the Thais grow up and learn to live without the nonsense of "face" the better off they will be all round!

They currently gain enough "face" just by having a farang in the family. No need for a dowry.

Actually, marrying a foreigner, especially one much older than the bride, is a slight loss face. It's an admission of defeat; the woman could not find a suitable mate within her own community. The oblivious foreign husband of course is led to believe the exact opposite and blithely takes this delusional aggrandizement to his grave.

BTW, in many cases, 'face' is just another word for dignity. I'm sure, when you say Thai's should live without the nonsense of 'face', what you mean is that they should reexamine and then redefine what constitutes 'face'. If so, I agree.