Missing Person Advice

[harlander]

On 17 November I was due to travel back from Bangkok to England with my wife having just obtained a visa. Unfortunately at the airport my wife got 'cold feet' and left me. At this point I assumed that she would return to her family who had only recently left us at the airport, however she has not been seen by anyone since.

I know that this is not a forum for posting missing persons so will not go into details.

I would dearly love for her to return to her family, so at least I would know that she is alright. Having spent 3 of the last 5 days with at her family's farm, I know that she deeply loves her family, so am gravely concerned that she has not contacted them.

My best friend has been married to her sister for 2 years and I keep constant contact with her. She re-assures me that my wife was truely happy before her disappearance and looking forward to coming to England. She also tells me that her family really love me, hence the mystery.

I am led to believe that her 'best friend' was rather upset after getting the visa and put some kind of emotional strain on my wife because she was being left alone. I believe that the 2 are together now.

Is it common for a girl to disappear after leaving her husband?

Is my wife likely to return home eventually? How long?

Because my wife's family love me, is my wife likely to feel shamed, so she cannot contact her family?

Is there anything I can do to find her?

I don't know if anyone has any similar experience that they may wish to share.

Thanks

Harlander

[Prakanong2005]

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

You could have a point in this

"Because my wife's family love me, is my wife likely to feel shamed, so she cannot contact her family?"

I know a guy who was working away ion the ME and his wife stayed in Thailand. He turned up for one of his regualr visits and his wife was not there as usual. He went to their home and his MiL was there and deeply upset as it was her that had to break the news his wife had run off with someone.

I beleive it caused a rift in that family for a while and the mother and daughter did not speak for a while.

The only thing you could do to find her would be to hire someone - it may give you peace of mind if you need that just to know she is safe and well

I beleive the costs are around 5k-6k a day plus exe's - get a professional and not the likes of an English Teacher moonlighting though.

[Thetyim]

Sounds to me that maybe the whole family was pushing her to marry you. Her sister is not likely to tell you the whole truth.

You think that your wife has left you to be with her girlfriend, how much do you know about this relationship ?

Your wife will return to visit the family eventually but it might be a long wait, possibly many months, possibly over a year.

She will not desert her family she will return eventually.

[Mighty Mouse]

Do you know the 'best friend,' if so, do you know where she lives? Do you have a telephone number?

Your wife will need money to support herself. Do you have a joint bank account in Thailand? If so, you can track her withdrawals and her location.

Does or did she have employment in Thailand? If she got cold feet to travel to the UK she may well have gone back to work.

You say that she developed 'cold feet' at the airport. Did you have an argument and did she take her luggage with her or was it checked in for your flight?

How old is she, how long have you been married, what type of visa did she have, have you reported her missing to the police.....

What are you doing about locating her other than posting your problem here?

All that we can do in this forum is offer you support and advice, not much else.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

On 17 November I was due to travel back from Bangkok to England with my wife having just obtained a visa. Unfortunately at the airport my wife got 'cold feet' and left me. At this point I assumed that she would return to her family who had only recently left us at the airport, however she has not been seen by anyone since.

I know that this is not a forum for posting missing persons so will not go into details.

I would dearly love for her to return to her family, so at least I would know that she is alright. Having spent 3 of the last 5 days with at her family's farm, I know that she deeply loves her family, so am gravely concerned that she has not contacted them.

My best friend has been married to her sister for 2 years and I keep constant contact with her. She re-assures me that my wife was truely happy before her disappearance and looking forward to coming to England. She also tells me that her family really love me, hence the mystery.

I am led to believe that her 'best friend' was rather upset after getting the visa and put some kind of emotional strain on my wife because she was being left alone. I believe that the 2 are together now.

Is it common for a girl to disappear after leaving her husband?

Is my wife likely to return home eventually?  How long?

Because my wife's family love me, is my wife likely to feel shamed, so she cannot contact her family?

Is there anything I can do to find her?

I don't know if anyone has any similar experience that they may wish to share.

Thanks

Harlander

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Where are you located now Harlander ?

[harlander]

Mighty Mouse

I do know who the friend is, but do not have an address and she appears to have stopped using her old sim. My wife gave her phone to her monther at the airport.

We do not have a joint bank account. She has been working in hair-dressing, but I am informed that she has not gone back to her old job. I have been sending her money, but do not want to do this now in the hope that when her money runs out she will need to contact her family.

We did not have an argument, although she had not been her usual 'bouncy' self all day, but I thought that she was just very nervous. At the time I thought that she got 'cold feet' because she had just said goodbye to her family. I am satisfied that she was happy and intended to come - She could have purposely failed the entrance interview, which would mean she could not travel. She was also genuinely happy after getting the visa.

Her family has reported her disappearance to the police, but they seem to be un-interested. She does have a fiance visa to enter the UK for the next 2 years. We married in August and applied for the visa at that time, but due to delays at the embassy we had to wait until November, so I returned to support the visa and bring her home.

Fortunately I am still on good terms with her family and they are trying to trace her, but...

I do appreciate any support and advice that anyone has/can offer.

Thetyim

"She will not desert her family she will return eventually" - Thanks this is re-assuring. I was thinking that Songkran would probably be the most likely time for her to go home, but it will be a nightmare wait for me and her family.

dr_Pat_Pong

I am currently back in England - I want to come back to Thailand to look for her but I think that I would be struggling to find her if everyone spoke perfect English.

Thanks to everyone for your replies.

[britmaveric]

Have to think we are missing smth here? Why did you board without your wife? (seems to me I wouldn't have left BKK without her - least aborted the flight and see what the problem was before leaving the country)

[rio666uk]

Have to think we are missing smth here? Why did you board without your wife? (seems to me I wouldn't have left BKK without her - least aborted the flight and see what the problem was before leaving the country)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Brit youve posted exactly what i was thinking... its a tragic story but also seems a bit far fetched - not that im saying its bow-locks mind you.

I just cant imagine accepting that your mrs has gone through all the agro of getting the visa, flights paid for, got to airport, scarpered off and the guy has boarded the plane anyway... probably thinking

"its been one of those days!"

[bino]

I'm agreeing that something doesn't quite gybe here, and remembering this thread;

I Have Been Completely Stitched Up By Ex Thai Gf

About the guy whose girl left him in the UK to take up with another man there that she had met on Khao San Road.

Harlander, were you checked in for the flight when she bolted? If not, was she in possession of her ticket, or were you holding it / still have it?

Is it possible that since she had a valid visa and ticket to the UK, that she might have changed her flight and actually be there?? Maybe a check with your "Home office" to see if she has entered the country could rule out this possibility, and allow you to concentrate your search efforts in Thailand......?

[udon]

Very similar, thanks Bino.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

UK Privacy Laws ?

[harlander]

britmaveric rio666uk

All I can say is that I didn't have a contingency plan for when my heart had just been ripped out about 2 minutes before check-in. It's easy to think after the event, but when you're not thinking straight, what is normally rational goes out the window.

I've asked myself exactly the same questions over and over again since then. Why didn't I chase after her? Why didn't I make sure that she was going back to her family? Why didn't I make sure she phoned them? Why didn't I make sure that she had enough money? Even after I checked in, why didn't I go looking for her? I've been beating my head against a brick wall since I got home.

bino

The flight that I booked was with KLM. KLM do not use a ticketing system any more and it's perfectly acceptable to turn up at the check-in desk with only your passport. The tickets themselves were non transferable, no refund, no changes.

We have checked with the police, who apparently suspected me of people trafficing for a short period and they confirmed (about 2 weeks ago) that the passport has not been used.

Knowing what my wife is like, I really cannot see her 2-timing me (maybe I am naive) and considering that her sister is married to my best friend, I cannot see her coming to England and not wanting to see her sister.

I have also considered that her sister might not be telling me the whole truth, but have come to trust her over the 2.5 years that I have known her. She also wants to return to Thailand to search for her sister at her own expense, so do think that she is genuine in what she is telling me.

[britmaveric]

Well guess hindsight is 20/20 however for the life of me I can't see why your wife would do such a thing over a lonely mate? My only conclusion is she doesnt love you and decided what she did thus far was a big mistake and decided the only way out was a runner. I feel rather bad for you!

Not lot you can do apart from hiring a Private investigator and see if they can track her down. However anyway I look at this - doesnt end up with a happy ending.

[Mighty Mouse]

There has to be a logical reason as to why she so abruptly changed her mind about travelling with you.

Did she mention to you a fear of flying?

What were her last words to you at the airport? Perhaps her words may have given an indication as to where she was headed.

She must have an email address. Why not send her an email, perhaps one of those e-card sites where you can send a card and the site will report back to you when the recipient accesses their mail.

It's not a great solve everything solution, but it will at least indicate to you that she is going about her daily affairs, and she may well send you a reply.

I think you need to trust her sister. She would be able to obtain up to date information from her own family via telephone contact.

I hope you get word soon.

[udon]

harlander,

while I sympathise with you, I'm not surprised at your lass's behaviour.

I have experienced the vanishing trick and so have 3-4 friends of mine.

They would rather vanish without a word than confront the truth.

Given time she will contact you, esp if she has no access to $$$$$$$.

[Thetyim]

Harlander,

What is your long term objective ?

Do you want your wife back ?

I also think we don't know all the facts here.

Could there be a baby hidden somewhere ?

[harlander]

Mighty Mouse

No fear of flying, we have taken internal flights together.

Her last words were something like, 'sorry I don't think I will be happy in England', with a tear streaked face.

She has no email. All our comminications have been through telephone, SMS and writen letter. I believe that she still has her sim (although no tel) so have been sending messages in the hope that she is using her sim in someone elses phone.

I have come to trust her sister and keep hoping everytime I go to their house that there's a big yell of 'Suprise', but...

udon

Thanks for your words - I can only hope at the moment, and I seem to be running out of that. If she thinks that she has wronged me in some way then I can see why she has not been in touch with me, but to be ignoring her own family, I cannot understand.

Thetyim

No baby involved.

Obviously I would love to have her back. Even if she no longer loves me, I still genuinely love her. That said I would not want a relationship that is one way, and would never make anyone do anything that they don't want to do. I think at the time this is probably why I let her go so easily at the airport. I could see how upset she was and didn't think that it was right to insist that she come. Naturally now I wish I could re-live that day and would have stayed behind to make sure she was/is alright.

[nonthaburial]

Her parting words were "sorry I dont think I will be happy in England" to me those words mean a lot and I am surprised that you did not bring this up earlier in your posts!

Scenario One. She actually meant that she would not be happy in England and decided to opt out of the journey HOWEVER if this is the truth then I am surprised that she has not gone back to her family, beg their forgiveness and when her emotions return to normal,contact you and apologise etc etc and tell you she will be waiting here as your wife for you to return to her etc etc.

Scenario Two. What she really meant was that she would not be happy living in England with you, and that is a different ball game. As she departed the Airport and has not been seen or in contact with anyone since, sadly I feel that there must be another involved with her.

I am sorry to convey thouhts that no doubt you dont want to hear but lets call a spade a spade. I guarantee its happened before and it will certainly happen again but hopefully not to you!

[taxexile]

to me it sounds like she wasnt telling you everything about her life here.

possibly a big and important skeleton in the cupboard

if i were you i would get back to thailand asap and keep in touch with her parents until she makes contact with them and then take it from there.

but if she doesnt want her parents to inform you about her whereabouts , then they probably wont.

could be it was just a spur of the moment decision at the airport after days of private soul searching , a decision she feels deeply ashamed of now.

it is undoubtedly driving you out of your mind , and i hope some resolution to your problem can be found soon.

good luck.

[lopburi3]

This is not our business but might help in trying to figure the possibilities if you can advise. We really know very little to offer solid advise.

1. How long have you been closely involved?

2. Was this an introduction by her sister in the UK?

3. Was there a local wedding involved? Did you or family pay? Cost?

4. Was there sin sot (bride payment) given to parents? Was it given to wife/returned to you/or kept?

5. Were the amounts given by you prior to marriage in the 10k per month range or more? Can you account for the spending (within reason)?

6. How long were these payments made.

7. Were there any incidents where you were together to suggest anything amiss, such as phone calls, not wanting to visit certain areas or people etc.?

8. Is there any chance she could have a gambling problem? Or owe money to anyone else?

[papaya9]

Harlander- I know you are hurting inside but the faster you put her behind you the better you will be, sooner. I remember having a gf like this and I should have ditched her long ago instead of hoping. Best of luck with everything!