Used And Abused Or Just Stupidity? How Would You Have Handled The Situation?

[Naam]

Lesson learnt. Eat and drink at home. If inviting friends, tell them to bring their own stuff.

and look at the bright side. with friends like this you don't need enemies

[Naam]

Thais normally tip 20 baht irrespective of how much the bill.

Was the service good, is that not what a tip should be based on? no one has mentioned that. Here in Thailand a tip is expected even if the service is poor - how's that work?

"20 Baht irrespective..." is a clear indication what class of Thais you know

[Naam]

I thinking tipping 50 baht on a 9000 baht bill is over the top.

it was 50 Baht each, the OP wrote, so a 100 Baht tip for a 9000+ Baht restaurant bill is KHEE NIEOW !!! VERY annoyingly small a tip for those who worked all night to keep your mood in full swing !

I use to count how many staff are whizzing around to serve our table and never give less than 40 BHT for each of them on a diner the OP described.

Rubbish - this is half a nights wages - this ain't the USA.

50 baht is a very nice tip.

sure! food and drinks were prepared and served by one single employee

[JaiLai]

Thais normally tip 20 baht irrespective of how much the bill.

Was the service good, is that not what a tip should be based on? no one has mentioned that. Here in Thailand a tip is expected even if the service is poor - how's that work?

"20 Baht irrespective..." is a clear indication what class of Thais you know

And where does it say this is about the Thais i know?

This is what i see happen at restaraunts i go to, cheap, medium and high priced places, Thais leave 20 baht tips, whether the bill is 300 baht or 10,000 baht.

[barefoot1988]

hate people like that. i remember once where i was invited for a party and expected to pay for everyone. i didnt even get to order and didnt even drink as everyone ordered flavored gasohol

[Plucky]

So now he's hiding hoping you don't see him. What a buffoon this man must be. If you invite friends out to dine with your family and meet them then etiquette suggests this so called host pays. Especially in a country where enjoyable dining is so affordable.

Shame on the host.

[JeffreyMcCollum]

I'd say most have a story or two to tell

One my wife and I were asked out to dinner by another couple from Spain.

They each had several drinks, extra dishes, Wife and I are more simple and non drinkers for the most part. Our total was near 150 Bt and theirs near 1400 Bt., I was dumbfounded when the bill came and he said should we split this down the middle then ?

I did pony up but cut ties aftr driving out of the parking lot.

If I invite, I expect to pay. If you invite, I expect you to pay, unless up front you say other wise.

Have been invited to a few Thai birthday parties to only find out I am paying for this party. Now I only except if a close friend and I ask prior if they want me to pay for it.

[GreenSnapper]

Have been invited to a few Thai birthday parties to only find out I am paying for this party. Now I only except if a close friend and I ask prior if they want me to pay for it.

Lovely, but not uncommon here.

But why did you pay?

They lost face already by trying that scam. You won't lose much more by just paying for your drinks and leave. No need to have such "friends".

[overherebc]

Many years ago my ex GF in BKK suggested we go to a certain seafood restaurant. Within 30 mins three other couples I didn't know joined us. At the end of the meal/drinks the bill was put in front of me. I divided it by four, put my share on the table and walked back to the car.

It never happened again.

Very quiet night after though with the GF

[travelmann]

I wouldnt have paid, then disowned him friend or no friend , friends dont do this, I dont have many friends and I like it that way.

[travelmann]

Many years ago my ex GF in BKK suggested we go to a certain seafood restaurant. Within 30 mins three other couples I didn't know joined us. At the end of the meal/drinks the bill was put in front of me. I divided it by four, put my share on the table and walked back to the car.

It never happened again.

Very quiet night after though with the GF

well done and quite correct, I went up to Loei with the wife, then her Brother tagged along and "some other guy" no money was given for fuel and the other guy just wanted to go on a trip apparently.

We now go alone and Ive made it quite clear to the wife about this for the future.

[telldem]

When I invite, I pay the whole bill. Your friend should've done the same.

Sent from my.iPhone 4S using Thaivisa Connect App

[2unique]

Nothing to do with the OP but I must admit I don't understand those that assume a free lunch just because invited as a couple - when I'm invited to lunch or dinner (with or without the wife) at a restaurant by friends I assume we're splitting the bill equally or at least fairly, I certainly don't expect to belch and leave.

When I'm the instigator as such it goes either,

I'd like to buy you and your missus dinner, when is convenient

or

Let's go to dinner next week

Either way its very clear in the invitation when I'm paying and I've never had anyone confused. As friends we expect to bring a bottle when we go to each other's for dinner but not provide food. As for petrol money if the person is going anyway we take care of them with beer when we get there - unless covering vast distances.

[F1fanatic]

Nothing to do with the OP but I must admit I don't understand those that assume a free lunch just because invited as a couple - when I'm invited to lunch or dinner (with or without the wife) at a restaurant by friends I assume we're splitting the bill equally or at least fairly, I certainly don't expect to belch and leave.

When I'm the instigator as such it goes either,

I'd like to buy you and your missus dinner, when is convenient

or

Let's go to dinner next week

Either way its very clear in the invitation when I'm paying and I've never had anyone confused. As friends we expect to bring a bottle when we go to each other's for dinner but not provide food. As for petrol money if the person is going anyway we take care of them with beer when we get there - unless covering vast distances.

I'm sure the OP agrees and was more than happy to 'stump up' for his share of the meal.

The problem arose 'cos some idiot Westerner (presumably short of money) decided he couldn't 'lose face' so decided the bill was to be paid by him and the OP!

Taken by suprise, the OP behaved the way most of us would - and paid up whilst getting v bad-tempered about it and realising that the 'friend' was not a friend at all.

[aussiebebe]

commiserations to the OP, I'd feel the exact same way - just politely decline any further invitations.

[payak]

you paid it, should have said hell no, count what you order and pay that only.

he clearly screwed you.

[2unique]

Nothing to do with the OP but I must admit I don't understand those that assume a free lunch just because invited as a couple - when I'm invited to lunch or dinner (with or without the wife) at a restaurant by friends I assume we're splitting the bill equally or at least fairly, I certainly don't expect to belch and leave.

When I'm the instigator as such it goes either,

I'd like to buy you and your missus dinner, when is convenient

or

Let's go to dinner next week

Either way its very clear in the invitation when I'm paying and I've never had anyone confused. As friends we expect to bring a bottle when we go to each other's for dinner but not provide food. As for petrol money if the person is going anyway we take care of them with beer when we get there - unless covering vast distances.

I'm sure the OP agrees and was more than happy to 'stump up' for his share of the meal.

The problem arose 'cos some idiot Westerner (presumably short of money) decided he couldn't 'lose face' so decided the bill was to be paid by him and the OP!

Taken by suprise, the OP behaved the way most of us would - and paid up whilst getting v bad-tempered about it and realising that the 'friend' was not a friend at all.

Noted and I did comment on that earlier in the thread. I actually give kudos to the OP for not making a scene and embarrassing the overseas guest - the sister - he did have a good time, he just paid an unfair amount too much but least he didn't pay for a crap evening. Sometimes you have to say, sod the cost, I had a good time anyway and I know not to take that whore to dinner again...

[ITGabs]

a friend not do that

Edited August 25, 2012 by ITGabs

[fletchsmile]

Beetlejuice,

Very presumptuous of your friend. I wonder what was going thru his mind. I don't understand why you just paid and kept quiet. That was a mistake.

How would I have handled it?

If it was one of my friends, then it would be as unexpected to me as it was you, as I can't imagine any of my friends doing that. Sometimes someone picks up the entire bill, sometimes we share, sometimes some pay on behalf of their invitees, and a whole host of other combinations depending on the situation. One thing that doesn't happen though is taking liberties with what someone else pays, and asking them to pay more than their fair share. Fine to offer to pay more (whether accepted will vary), but not to ask someone else to pay more.

For a friend/ good friend. I'd have just laughed and said something like: "Half/ split it 50/50 how do you work that one out?", "50/50 what happened to the rest of the family"? etc. i.e good humouredly ask where they are coming from. With a good friend I'd feel comfortable enough to ask. The answer would then have governed what happened next.

Good humouredly laughing gives you the option of what to do next. If you realised he was stuck and needed help, both you and he would know it, You could then pay half, and you both recognise what went down as a favour and help. Or if no real reason I'd simply smile again and say something along the lines of: "as my wife doesn't really drink...hope you don't mind but on this occasion I'd rather just pay for our share, and let the family pick up the rest...". Then an audible calculation 9,100 for 13, that's 700 apiece, so 1400 for two and then give 1500 or 2000, highlighting you've chipped in more than your fare share, and haven't taken advantage.

For a very good mate, this would be very unusual, and I'd read between the lines there was a problem, and I would therefore just have paid half. As soon as no-one else was around, I'd have made a good humoured comment like "what was all that about with the bill?" and then found out what the story was. A very good friend wouldn't let it go unnoticed, and would be worth more than 4,600 baht anyway even without the laugh and question.

So your biggest mistake, is not asking in a good humoured way there and then for a good friend, or later quietly over a laugh for a very good friend why you should be paying half, and just paying and letting it go unsaid. One of the things about friends is an ability to talk honestly and openly about what's on your mind.

Sounds like he's not a particularly close friend. I wouldn't write him off completely though, as he may have had his reasons. To simply ignore him in future would be another mistake in my view. Next time you meet though I would say something like: "Hope you don't mind me asking, but what was the deal with the bill last time" At least give him an opportunity to explain. If he gets all sh***y and defensive or agressive then he probably isn't worth being a friend. If you get a decent explanation and an apology you never though, this could be a pivotal moment in becoming better friends.

[overherebc]

We have 3 or 4 other couples that we meet regularly for meals out etc. Sometimes people don't drink or eat very much but it's always an equal split. I believe the expression is Swings and Roundabouts.

No one ever argues that they had only one beer and you lot had 4 or 5, it just goes round.

[jacktrip]

Situations like that are not uncommon.

Whenever someone hands over the bill with that typical "farang must pay" grin, I grin back, check the bin for a few seconds, place 1000 Baht "for the missus and me", and hand it back.

Problem solved.

Not quite, you get handed the bill and the other members of the party duck out.

Do you then hand the waiter just your portion of the check and walk out? Seems you would be responsible for the bill since your the last man standing. Some places will prevent you from leaving in this situation.

Another option would be ready at the end and just walk out with everyone else and nobody pays.

Edited August 25, 2012 by jacktrip

[teatree]

Nothing to do with the OP but I must admit I don't understand those that assume a free lunch just because invited as a couple - when I'm invited to lunch or dinner (with or without the wife) at a restaurant by friends I assume we're splitting the bill equally or at least fairly, I certainly don't expect to belch and leave.

When I'm the instigator as such it goes either,

I'd like to buy you and your missus dinner, when is convenient

or

Let's go to dinner next week

Either way its very clear in the invitation when I'm paying and I've never had anyone confused. As friends we expect to bring a bottle when we go to each other's for dinner but not provide food. As for petrol money if the person is going anyway we take care of them with beer when we get there - unless covering vast distances.

You sound like Larry David

Edited August 25, 2012 by teatree

[Pseudolus]

All this talk about service charge therefore no tipping needed; in most places not only (but definitely) in Thailand, the service charge is not actually given to the waiting staff or employees. The owners take it all or the largest percentage of it.

As for the original situation, ask him out with 10 of your friends and do the same in return. Tell your mates in advance they might be stumping up for their own though, but just at the end, say before the bill arrives that you and the swiss guy are picking up the tab. That way you will see the true spirit of the guy. Better make sure though that your event is as fun as the one you enjoyed so well.

[2unique]

Nothing to do with the OP but I must admit I don't understand those that assume a free lunch just because invited as a couple - when I'm invited to lunch or dinner (with or without the wife) at a restaurant by friends I assume we're splitting the bill equally or at least fairly, I certainly don't expect to belch and leave.

When I'm the instigator as such it goes either,

I'd like to buy you and your missus dinner, when is convenient

or

Let's go to dinner next week

Either way its very clear in the invitation when I'm paying and I've never had anyone confused. As friends we expect to bring a bottle when we go to each other's for dinner but not provide food. As for petrol money if the person is going anyway we take care of them with beer when we get there - unless covering vast distances.

You sound like Larry David

Oh <deleted>, busted... Flee

Sent from Android, please excuse errors in type or judgement.

[bendejo]

...the bill was plonked onto the table in a posh gleaming silver dish. At that moment most of the group sprung up from the table and hurried away as if the place was on fire.

The appearance of the bill elicits the same reaction in Thailand as being involved in a car crash -- RUN!!!

When the going gets tough the tough get going.

[maidu]

from the OP:

"it came to a staggering 9120 baht that included all the expensive wines, whiskey, brandy’s, beers...."

If you hang out with people who do recreational drugs, you take a chance on getting ripped off.

Why tip? If you want to pay more, that's your biz. If you automatically tip, like all Americans are required to do in the US, than you help create expectations among Thais, that all farang must tip. If we don't tip, then they feel slighted or get angry (as would happen in the US, if you don't tip, even if service/product was poor)

I tip all sorts of people, even trashmen and road workers, if I feel they're doing an exceptional job. Sometimes, I impulsively give money to very poor people I see on the street (even if they don't ask). I give some thought to who I offer tips to. I don't tip automatically to tourist service people in the upper echelons, like American automatons do.

I would bet $100 to a dime that the big dinner you got hoodwinked in to paying half for, there were loads of food left over. It's the Thai way: order many dishes, take a bite or two of each, and giggle, and leave the rest as waste. Very wasteful eaters. Dogs must like the leftovers, though, if they can stomach pure starch (whoops, I meant non-nutritious rice), heaps of spices and MSG. No wonder Thai dogs are so mean and straggly.

Edited August 26, 2012 by maidu

[TwoDogz]

The OP seems to be lacking in the nads department severely.

[Tchooptip]

if he ever askes you out again,

you just say that you and your wife can eat for far less alone,,,

like you say once bitten twicw shy

If he ever asked you out again... personally I would tell him i am not rich enough to accept your invitations,then you explain, you certainly were taking by surprise, now that you have cooled down you should tell him, I am sure you will feel better afterwards! Plus I guess your wife would love it LOL

[Boo]

I don't know if it's a man ego thing or something but every woman I know would have told him to sling it & offered to pay for our own food & drink plus a little bit extra, like leaving a decent tip. If he invited you & rocked up with a bunch of people you would have been well within your rights to have asked him if he was joking then thrown down a thousand baht & got up from the table.

I would not extend a friendship with such a piss taker.