The 12 Days Of Christmas

[warfie]

What if someone actually did it?

December 14, 1972

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always, Agnes

December 15, 1972

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love, Agnes

December 16, 1972

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love, Agnes

December 17, 1972

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes

December 18, 1972

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes

December 19, 1972

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbours are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially, Agnes

December 20, 1972

John:

What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of dam_n joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely, Agnes

December 21, 1972

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their dam_n cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.

Agnes

December 22, 1972

Hey <deleted>:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbours have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours! Agnes

December 23, 1972

You rotten prick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhoea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.

I'm calling the police on you! Agnes

December 24, 1972

Listen fuc_khead:

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy, Agnes

December 25, 1972

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole

Edited December 20, 2012 by warfie

[scottishjohn]

You know of course that it was really much worse! as:-

ON DAY ONE, THE CHARACTER IN THE SONG GETS A SINGLE PRESENT (A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE). BUT ON DAY TWO, THE BENEFICIARY RECEIVES A NEW PRESENT (A PAIR OF TURTLE DOVES) PLUS ANOTHER PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE. DAY THREE BRINGS A SECOND HELPING OF DAY TWO'S GIFTS, PLUS MORE NEW ITEMS (THREE FRENCH HENS). THIS CARRIES ON ALL THE WAY TO THE TWELFTH DAY WHEN 12 DRUMMERS DRUMMING, AND NEW COPIES OF ALL THE PREVIOUS DAY'S GIFTS ARE RECEIVED

The total becomes 264!!

Edited December 23, 2012 by scottishjohn

[warfie]

You know of course that it was really much worse! as:-

ON DAY ONE, THE CHARACTER IN THE SONG GETS A SINGLE PRESENT (A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE). BUT ON DAY TWO, THE BENEFICIARY RECEIVES A NEW PRESENT (A PAIR OF TURTLE DOVES) PLUS ANOTHER PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE. DAY THREE BRINGS A SECOND HELPING OF DAY TWO'S GIFTS, PLUS MORE NEW ITEMS (THREE FRENCH HENS). THIS CARRIES ON ALL THE WAY TO THE TWELFTH DAY WHEN 12 DRUMMERS DRUMMING, AND NEW COPIES OF ALL THE PREVIOUS DAY'S GIFTS ARE RECEIVED

The total becomes 264!!

on day one, the character in the song gets a single present (a partridge in a pear tree). but on day two, the beneficiary receives a new present (a pair of turtle doves) plus another partridge in a pear tree. day three brings a second helping of day two's gifts, plus more new items (three french hens). this carries on all the way to the twelfth day when 12 drummers drumming, and new copies of all the previous day's gifts are received

ahh... that's better...

Edited December 23, 2012 by warfie

[soap]

Funny Irish version of the 12 days of Christmas

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.c...ed/lbejNNCTr7k" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Crossy]

And the Indian version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DKMv4sGvyI