So...I am new to this whole forum thing. But I'll do my best!

I just got into a relationship with a Thai man, and I am a farang woman, and we both live in the United states. I have been searching everywhere to find out about how Thai's view relationships. Levels of commitment, and so on.

What I am really curious about is ...is it custom for the Thai man to always pay for everything? Or is he just spoiling me extra? As an american woman, I am not used to guys insisting on paying for everything. When I offer, or try to pay, he still pays. No matter what. Is it rude of me to try to pay? I don't want to offend him, but I feel bad because I don't want him to spend all his money on me.

Also...he asked me to be his girlfriend right off the bat when we first started hanging out....Is that his way of just asking me to "date" him....or possibly more of a commitment??

He also said he loved me after we had been together for only a week? I didn't know what to say back at that time. I have only known him for one month, and have been his "girlfriend" for the last week. So if someone could help me to understand, I would be so grateful! He doesn't speak English too well, so it's hard for me to try and ask him these things, with out there being any mis-communication. I really like him, and want to learn as much as I can about his culture, and his language. Thank you!

What I am really curious about is ...is it custom for the Thai man to always pay for everything?

i would say yes .. in THai .. guy need to paid for it ...80% guys here do like that

Or is he just spoiling me extra?

guys need to take care girl even money ..funny but true

As an american woman, I am not used to guys insisting on paying for everything. When I offer, or try to pay, he still pays. No matter what. Is it rude of me to try to pay?

its not rude at all ..good to share atleast he knows that you dont wanna scam..and fair enuf

I don't want to offend him, but I feel bad because I don't want him to spend all his money on me.

dont worry much ..thats thai style

Also...he asked me to be his girlfriend right off the bat when we first started hanging out....Is that his way of just asking me to "date" him....or possibly more of a commitment??

thats guys's behavior

He also said he loved me after we had been together for only a week? I didn't know what to say back at that time.

dont believe it ...easy to love , easy to lost

Thanks for the info back!

Any other, or same opinions to help me out??

Just curious, how long has he been it the States? I find it kinda odd about the whole thing, ofcourse I can be wrong. I rather spend more time together to find out how my partner is really like. Best of luck in your relationship.

Why was it necessary to post three posts on the same topic????????

Why was it necessary to post three posts on the same topic????????

More Answers?

Why was it necessary to post three posts on the same topic????????

I said I was new to this Forum thing...I have never done these before....

As far as the same topic....I believe that each one is asking or saying something different....Yes it's all around Thai Men....but different subject matter. However...it we are only aloud to talk about something one time on a forum....I guess I won't be asking about Thai guys anymore.

Perhaps letting me know about proper forum ettiquette instead of askind a sarcastic question....would help better.

There a lot of people that just love to jump all over people for the smallest little thing on this board. Don't worry about it.

There a lot of people that just love to jump all over people for the smallest little thing on this board. Don't worry about it.

Thank you Seville

Dear luvinmythai,

As a guy looking from the outside, the first thing that comes to my mind is the large number of stories that one hears in UK of ladies hooking up with Arabs in the UK and are treated like queens initially (aren't most women til they deliver?) and then when marrying and moving more realistically into the culture being treated the same as the average Arab women, which isn't always how a western lady wants to be treated.

Whats this got to do with Thailand? Well I believe women are regarded culturally as being inferior to men , which is why it is said lady bar do not fear dying from AIDS as they should because it will give them the chance to be reborn as a man quicker.

Further reason? Women cannot touch monks because women are regarded as unclean.

The concept of love western style does not generally exist in Thailand so if you are judging things by this criteria you are on different pages.

Your best bet is to remember two things 1)'This is Thailand' and you cannot be sure what is going on in a Thai persons head (except one thing) 2) Him Thai me Farang.

Enjoy but do not set yourself up. Analyse objectively.

Actually spacebass, I disagree with your analysis almost entirely.

It completely depends on the man, his family and how he was raised. Everyone has different values in this country. My brother-in-law is a complete pig, treats his wife like a servant and does nothing for himself. Whereas my father-in-law, who is 70 and would expect to be traditional, does his own laundry, often cooks and treats his wife like a partner not a servant.

" Women cannot touch monks because women are regarded as unclean."

Where are you coming up with this one? How about Women don't touch Monks, so the Monks aren't tempted to break the vow of celibacy.

Where do hang out soi Nana? What's the saying for a man dying of Aids?

Sorry to go off, but I truely find this type of thinking to be so offensive.

My understanding has always been that monks are not allowed to touch women so as to avoid temptation. The same reason they shave their heads and eyebrows is to banish temptation and vanity.

The idea being that the man is weak and these restrictions make it easier for him to be strong. A monk is supposed to forgo the outside world.

Missed that one, Seville. Thanks for the heads up.

Please DO NOT FORGET the socio-economic dif/factors , when you compare West vs Thailand.

Pls. note , Eng is my second lang.

As a Thai male, also living in the states, I agree most with SBK.

I would also like to add that "one could never be careful enough when it comes to love"; especially, after just 1 week .

-OR- You must have been something REALLLLYYY special

I'd like to help lovinmythai but there are so many other factors as the other posters have been saying. Background, education, where born........

But as someone pointed out - and I have been married to Thai men twice - in the end for me my husbands expected quite a lot of adaptation. So we compromise and discuss but it took a long time!!! Only last night he was complaining about me not cleaning the house enough and saying "you don't know the way to do....". But other times he's fine. I think it's so hard for the Thai man to have this big farang woman with her liberated ideas etc so COMPROMISE is the key word.

If there is anything specific lovinmythai please ask me.

I didn'y mean to be sarcastic when I said why post three times, it's supposed to be a jokey way we talk here - sorry.

Thanks for the info back!

Any other, or same opinions to help me out??

Please forgive me for intruding but your topic caught my eye, so may I interject a bit.

First I'm from Los Angeles, I would never dream of a date paying for anything, just the way I was raised, it's become an old fashion thing now but no to long ago, it was the norm. In the past ladies have always returned the favor in other ways, like a great home cooked meal, whatever.

Based on your photo your a very beautiful woman. Thais are facinated by white skin, just as I am by dark skinned ladies. So I would imagine he finds your beauty to be beyond his wildest dreams.

Commitment that you are dating maybe it was his way of finding out where your thoughts were and not being used to the culture the simplies thing to do was ask.

Love he probably is in love at the moment with his dream woman, but it takes a very long time to really know a person especially if you are just dating. You may be his dream lady, but you nay be his nightmare and he for you before it's over. Time will tell all of that.

At the moment enjoy what you have, let it go where it is going.

No matter where you put us male and female types in thi old world we are not really that much different. One thing that I would say that Thai ladies undertand very well is the mean want to be heros and truly enjoy giving to someone they love.

Good luck to both of you

See here :

http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/qanda-women.pdf

for an academic explanation of why Women are regarded as unclean and even why they are regarded as 'a commodity' in Buddhist Society and lots of other good very alien stuff.

Culture is culture, you are your culture. You can pretend not to be.

" Women cannot touch monks because women are regarded as unclean."

Where are you coming up with this one? How about Women don't touch Monks, so the Monks aren't tempted to break the vow of celibacy.

Where do hang out soi Nana? What's the saying for a man dying of Aids?

Sorry to go off, but I truely find this type of thinking to be so offensive.

My understanding has always been that monks are not allowed to touch women so as to avoid temptation. The same reason they shave their heads and eyebrows is to banish temptation and vanity.

The idea being that the man is weak and these restrictions make it easier for him to be strong. A monk is supposed to forgo the outside world.

Missed that one, Seville. Thanks for the heads up.

uhm .....

"Helping the Daughters of Buddha

Interview with Dr Chatsumarn Kabilsingh

by Monte Leach

... SI: What’s been the response in Thailand and throughout the world to this approach?

Dr CK: Internationally, people tend to understand better. In my work in Thailand, I do not talk about ordination of women because that is a very sensitive issue. I have to work at the grass roots, and talk at the level of people’s understanding. I realize that women in my country are not ready yet for ordination because they are not prepared. Right now we are giving them Buddhist education and training. When they are committed enough in their own practice, they will be committed enough to start wanting to lead a committed life, and then they will ask for ordination. Then we will go to the next step.

People don’t understand what the connection is between this ordination problem and the problem of prostitutes, for example. I try to bring this out in my presentations. When women cannot become ordained, because the image of women is so negative, that pushes women to the other end of the spectrum. That’s why the door to brothels is open for women. But why are the doors closed for women to become nuns? I talk about the need to see social issues as holistic — you cannot separate them.

SI: It is clear that women are considered second-classcitizens in many cultures. Can you speak about how that relates to your work?

Dr CK: For example, women are told that they are unclean. This has nothing to do with Buddhism, but it has been passed on in our society as Buddha’s teaching, in Thailand, and most Buddhist countries. Women are not allowed to circumambulate at the holy places, for example. The problem is that women menstruate, and the men cannot understand that, so therefore they bar women. They cannot differentiate between menstruating women or non-menstruating women, so they bar all women from entering the holy places. This separates people, and gives negative values towomen. Women who are born into this kind of tradition don’t have a critical mind — they just believe that they are born lower, unclean.

Further, people say that women are an enemy to the monks’ purity. This is true in the teaching. But the next line says that men are also an enemy to the purity of women. But in our country we have only monks, so monks quote the first phrase, but never the second. The result is that women tend to have a very negative image of themselves. "We are the ones who become obstacles to the monks’ spiritual development." It is as though we don’t have spiritual development for ourselves. This type of social value needs to be re-examined.

SI: How do you help change that?

Dr CK: It is very difficult. In my own small work, I conduct retreats. Women who are interested in Buddhist practice come and discuss these issues, and try to get rid of these negative ideas. But some of these ideas are so ingrained that even three or four retreats help only a little. Educated people tend to change more easily, but educated people are only the minority.

http://accessnewage.com/articles/mystic/BUDHADTR.HTM

*edit: An interview with Thai activist and author Dr. Chatsumarn Kabilsingh about her work in expanding women's awareness of their potential, particularly in the context of Buddhism's dogmas.

Dr Chatsumarn Kabilsingh is a scholar and activist in social justice and women’s issues in Asia. She is Associate Professor of Philosophy at Thammasat University in Bangkok, and author of the book Thai Women in Buddhism. She is also past President of Sakyadhita (Daughters of Buddha) International, a Buddhist women’s organization. Monte Leach interviewed her for Share International.

.....

Thanks Kat you saved me a lot of research time.

Spaceball,

This came from Buddha net

Women in Buddhism: Questions & Answers

Question:

Is it true that monks are not to touch women because women are impure?

Answer:

One of the practiced customs is that women are not to come into direct contact with monks applies only in Thailand. There is no such prohibition found in the Vinaya. In the Tripitaka when Ananda asks how a monk should behave towards women, the Buddha was made to say "Stay away from them," and if they should confront women "they are not to look at them." If this instruction is true we have to take it with a grain of salt.

It is possible that this instruction is meant only for Ananda. As we know he was a good looking monk and had a charming personality. At one certain instant he almost lost himself to a seductive woman but the Buddha intervened and saved him. The teaching might also be taken, as general instruction when we understand that most monks are still not enlightened beings. Should they be allowed close connection with women, they can easily become confused. To avoid being side-tracked, monks should keep clear from women. But not having direct contact with women does not imply impurity an inherent negative quality in women.

The Buddha himself never had to avoid women. He received them at every appropriate time because he was enlightened having transcended any sexual inclination. There is also more positive passage in which he recommended monks to treat women the same age as their mothers the way they would treat their mothers, etc.

How can the four groups of Buddhists work together as foundation for Buddhism when women as half of the population are always excluded? If women are weakened in supporting the Sanghas, Buddhism also becomes meaningless as it is used as a tool for liberating only the other half of the population. Both women and men must come together as established by the Buddha in supporting and promoting Buddhism.

I am not really concerned in any way whether in purist Buddhism women are regarded as impure or not.

My response was to the original question which is really seeking information about Thai people most of whom are Buddhist.

I reiterate directly verbatim from Kats post:

"For example, women are told that they are unclean"

This would seem to be a fact of life in Thai/Buddhist society if not pure Buddhist doctrine.

I did not invent it and being a westerner believe it to be nonsense, however the original posters boyfriend is not a westerner and she should be aware of the very differing nature of her boyfriends culture that may not be obvious in the U.S.A.

Thanks Kat you saved me a lot of research time.

No problemo. Thanks for the thanks

Interesting, because my husband was specifically taught by his abbot when he was a monk that it wasn't that women were unclean but that men were easily tempted.

And many times I have seen women circumambulate the bot here, in fact, have done so myself.

So, perhaps different wats, different abbots have different ideas.

And spacebass, I think that values and ideas vary from man to man in Thailand just as they do in the West. So, just because some guys think some ways doesn't necessarily mean all guys do, and applying broad generalization in this case is probably not going to work because we, in fact, are talking about an individual who has spent some time in the US. Unlike the large majority of Thai men.

Also, just one thing I'd like to point out is the fact that the OP stated her boyfriend has been in the US for 4 years and is thinking of returning to Thailand so, it seems pretty clear to me that altho he may be a luk kreung, he still spent a serious time in thailand.

I think individual men may think and deal with the messages and values of their culture differently. However, if he is a Thai man who is Buddhist, we are talking about Thai Buddhist values and culture. Your husband may have not told you about the more sensitive issues that he was told as a monk.

But yes, it's my understanding that messages vary from Wat to Wat, and Abots. The message of cleanliness is also more astutely observed in the North, because of certain temples that house relics of the Buddha. Women are not allowed into these temples because of the issue of menstruation, i.e. cleanliness. There was a huge spat between a female PM from the Northeast and Northern Thais, when she attempted to challenge this practice.

There are also different ways to look at the whole menstruation thing. Some could see it as the unseen magical power of women, as a force that can throw off the power of buddhist relics, as some do argue.

there is the 'unclean' thingy: i have a kerchief w/pali words written on them and some amulets etc in them , holding them for my boyfriend (moving from job to job illegaly ) safely on a shelf along with my buddha above my bed (w/flowers etc)... he told me not to handle them cause i'm a woman...

also, in issaan there are still women whom afterchildbirth sleep in a special hut for a month w/the baby and the husband can visit but cant 'bother' her (intercourse)... a friend's wife recently did this (this is very small village issaan).... with a small fire constantly burning...

however having intercourse during menstruation didnt bother him like it did me (in jewish religioun this is strictly taboo, although im not religious, cultural family education still is ingrained in me)...

It's all interpation isn't it. Being part of a Native American Community this issue comes up a lot and it always seemed to come down to the men who truely respected women and saw them as equals had one take and the men who felt superior had another.

I don't know what to think about why out of all the things to bring up and Thai sayings to repeat, one would choose what Spacebass decided to post.

Perhaps he has a low oppinion in the Thai men he has met. I'm not saying this to be a smart ass or cause an uproar. I just find it so offensive.

If someone had posted how she couldn't understand why her boyfriend treated her so pourly, then I might be able to understand why someone would bring this type of thing up. Kao Jai

I think it should be obvious at this time the original poster has an American boyfriend. She is tired of reading the thought provoking posts on this thread because she has a limited attention span. Her limited attention span and limited knowledge of the world have not prepared her to the wealth of information that is available from people who actually travel and live in strange Asian countries. I would not expect her to post again. She could have gotten all the information she needed out of a simple search anyway

I think it should be obvious at this time the original poster has an American boyfriend. She is tired of reading the thought provoking posts on this thread because she has a limited attention span. Her limited attention span and limited knowledge of the world have not prepared her to the wealth of information that is available from people who actually travel and live in strange Asian countries. I would not expect her to post again. She could have gotten all the information she needed out of a simple search anyway

Actually I have done a lot of research in books and on the computer....I couldn't find answers to my questions on Thai Men/Farang woman relationships. I have searched long and hard. The only reason I haven't posted recently, is because I work hard, and am in the middle of my work week. Sorry to be delayed.

It's obvious that there are many different opinions, which I appreciate, I like to see what different people from different backgrounds have to say.

I just don't know that much about Thai men, that's all....so I thought this would be a good place to find out some info....I was right!

So, now my BF is getting ready to tell his mom that he has asked me to be his girlfriend....I am curious as to what she may think. Any ideas on that one???

As someone, (sorry I can't currently see) earlier mentioned, that I said my BF was returning to Thailand, he is only going for a visit to see his mom. He likes living in America, and we will go there for a visit.

I have never been in a relationship with someone that is from outside America, and I know and appreciate that Thailand is very different then America, so it has just sparked my interest in learning more, out of respect of my new boyfriend. Thanks for all the responses...

I think it should be obvious at this time the original poster has an American boyfriend. She is tired of reading the thought provoking posts on this thread because she has a limited attention span. Her limited attention span and limited knowledge of the world have not prepared her to the wealth of information that is available from people who actually travel and live in strange Asian countries. I would not expect her to post again. She could have gotten all the information she needed out of a simple search anyway

....OH...and by the way.....Mark45y..

Yes he has lived in America for the last 4 years, but I am seeing that his thoughts, and beliefs are still very "Thai style"....hence why I am trying to learn more. I have tried to do what you call a "simple research"....and obviously I wasn't able to find the answers I was searching for, and then on another search it brought me to this forum. I thought it would be a good idea to ask some actual real people with some real experiences, their opinions.

I am not at all tired of reading posts on here.....as I mentioned in the first response to this....I work every day and night for 5 days in a row, so to say that I have a short attention span is rude, and uncalled for, but I thank you for your quick judgements, and kind words anyway....but it's okay with me if you would like to keep those to yourself....