One Liners

[midasthailand]

A one liner in the thread about banning alcohol during Songkran inspired me to start this thread, the one liner was posted in the body of a response to the OP by Halion (post 19) and reads " there is as much chance of that as trying to poke butter up a badgers ass with a red hot knitting needle."

I loved that analogy!

One of my own.....Sweating like a fat chick in the back of a Torana.

I would like to see many more one liners on this thread, come one come all, you must have a favorite one liner?

[Morakot]

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."

Edited March 23, 2013 by Morakot

[harrry]

you care for me I care for you

Edited March 23, 2013 by harrry

[wildorchid]

• i've had a perfectly wounderful evening, but this wasn't it.

if i agreed with you then we'd both be wrong.

it's better to keep your moth closed and let people think your a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

[uptheos]

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard

[StreetCowboy]

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard

Two of the reasons.

The chopstick is one of the reasons the Chinese invented pairs.

[chrisinth]

A little bit of practise can screw up a whole lot of theory................

[stoneyboy]

He not busy being born is busy dying.

[uptheos]

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion

[Chicog]

She's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle.

[chrisinth]

If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?.........

[krisb]

Need a drink, I'm dryer than an Arabs sandal.

[Star Dust]

• (one for the hang em high brigades at TV) If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis”
• I was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.
• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• Men have three emotions: Hungry, Thirsty and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich, served with cold beer.
• If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
• I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
• with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
• Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
• I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die. (sorry ladies)
• A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get
• married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
• Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
• Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
• Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
• The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
• Deja Vu – When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before,

  it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his

• friends.

And my personal favourites: Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?

and: With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

[Star Dust]

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

[Star Dust]

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

[smokie36]

We should dedicate this thread to Semper. King of the one liner......(sorry Payboy )

RIP.

[Tywais]

It's not rocket surgery.

[smokie36]

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

[Star Dust]

Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.

[Rancid]

I'd never join a club that would have me.

I didn't come here to be insulted. Where do you usually go?

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman.

“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.”

[Payboy]

Here's to alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

[seabear]

It was so silent, you could have heard a mouse fart.

Everybody sees when I'm drunk, nobody sees when I'm thirsty

[stoneyboy]

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

[bkkmick]

If you had two brains you'd be twice as stupid.

[FarmerJoe]

It's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get.

I can eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh*t a better argument than that.

Never have a dog watch your food.

Just because it fits in your mouth, doesn't mean it belongs there.

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

[MZurf]

Fighting for peace is like <deleted> for virginity.

[HeavyDrinker]

(from a traffic cop tonight at Bang Na Highway toll booth)

You go straight on, then take the first or maybe second exit, then you'll be in Rama 4 or maybe Rama 3..."

I actually wanted to go to New Phetburi and we got the right nod from a lad at the petrol station.....

Not a 'one liner' per se but blimey!

[Payboy]

Why fart it and waste it, when you can burp it and taste it?

[Dancealot]

"He who knows does not post and he who posts does not know".

[Exsexyman]

When you have a Thai girlfriend, you never lose her, you just sometimes lose your place in the queue.