A one liner in the thread about banning alcohol during Songkran inspired me to start this thread, the one liner was posted in the body of a response to the OP by Halion (post 19) and reads " there is as much chance of that as trying to poke butter up a badgers ass with a red hot knitting needle."

I loved that analogy!

One of my own.....Sweating like a fat chick in the back of a Torana.

I would like to see many more one liners on this thread, come one come all, you must have a favorite one liner?

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."

you care for me I care for you

• i've had a perfectly wounderful evening, but this wasn't it.

if i agreed with you then we'd both be wrong.

it's better to keep your moth closed and let people think your a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard

Two of the reasons.

The chopstick is one of the reasons the Chinese invented pairs.

A little bit of practise can screw up a whole lot of theory................

He not busy being born is busy dying.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion

She's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle.

If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?.........

Need a drink, I'm dryer than an Arabs sandal.

• (one for the hang em high brigades at TV) If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary between “shit” and “syphilis”
• I was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.
• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• Men have three emotions: Hungry, Thirsty and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich, served with cold beer.
• If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
• I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
• with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
• Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
• I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die. (sorry ladies)
• A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get
• married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
• Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
• Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
• Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
• The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
• Deja Vu – When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before,

  it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his

• friends.

And my personal favourites: Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?

and: With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

We should dedicate this thread to Semper. King of the one liner......(sorry Payboy )

RIP.

It's not rocket surgery.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.

I'd never join a club that would have me.

I didn't come here to be insulted. Where do you usually go?

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman.

“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.”

Here's to alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

It was so silent, you could have heard a mouse fart.

Everybody sees when I'm drunk, nobody sees when I'm thirsty

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

If you had two brains you'd be twice as stupid.

It's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get.

I can eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh*t a better argument than that.

Never have a dog watch your food.

Just because it fits in your mouth, doesn't mean it belongs there.

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Fighting for peace is like <deleted> for virginity.

(from a traffic cop tonight at Bang Na Highway toll booth)

You go straight on, then take the first or maybe second exit, then you'll be in Rama 4 or maybe Rama 3..."

I actually wanted to go to New Phetburi and we got the right nod from a lad at the petrol station.....

Not a 'one liner' per se but blimey!

Why fart it and waste it, when you can burp it and taste it?

"He who knows does not post and he who posts does not know".

When you have a Thai girlfriend, you never lose her, you just sometimes lose your place in the queue.