Sinsod 1 Million Baht

[bangkokfanatic]

It would be interesting to know how much the last guy got fleeced for? Obviously we all can't buy them a resort!

he paid 800,000 baht for sinsod.

That explains it! A changing of the guard and Mum thinks it's payday again! Obviously inflation has crept into it as well.

How about a decrease in the price since she is older and has otherwise been well used by the previous boyfriend? And Mum has already been paid for her contribution anyway.... You have been asked to pay new car prices for an older model.

If your girl was so shallow as to break up with you over this then you should consider yourself very lucky.

[soi41]

she runs a small resort of 4 bungalows in koh lanta....... Her ex-boyfriend is 76 he funded the resort......

It would be interesting to know how much the last guy got fleeced for? Obviously we all can't buy them a resort!

he paid 800,000 baht for sinsod.

Sinsod is paid once! So the fact that your "GF" and her mother is trying to play that card again, talkes very loud about, that she is not a keeper. They would never try that trick with a Thai, who knows the system!

So even the 20 baht is too much for "damaged goods". (with the ex being 76, she might not be that damaged!).

So Mr Arran, wake up. As your "GF" is already siding with her family to fleece you, imagine what it is going to be like in the future!

[NBD]

Why should the OP (or anyone else) respect the people who tried to fleece him for 1 million baht? Or their supposed culture. I married an Issan farm girl from a small traditional village and was never asked for it. The matter was gently probed and dropped when I said a flat no and that it was a deal breaker for me. Happily married with one kid now, family are fine with me and everyone still has a face as far as I can see.

Culture is all well and good but when it's used, as it often is, to excuse dishonesty, greed and general stupidity then it's no more worthy of respect than racism, religious intolerance, witch trials or anything else that has been around for a while.

Frankly if the family can't deal with that then it's up to the daughter to prove she isn't a tradable commodity and make her own mind up.

[Fgis]

30 millions women here and you can get most of them for free, so the one who still pay the SINSOD is just plain stupid.

It is not because you understand the culture that you have to accept it !

I never and will never, also will look down forever on the ones who pay.

[rikkie]

Surely the oiffer of 20 baht was a joke which got passed on or taken literally, i suspect.

Personally I have never paid a penny, explianed that I was against it and we discussed it, eventually 40k baht was used, 1 baht gold given to wife which she kept, money returned immediately after the ceremony. Family save face, everyone happy.

thats the way to go, better take care family all the time, but sure put some money and gold on the table just for respect for the family, just not insult the Mom with 20 bath that's stupid, remember you take her daughter, and income they don't have big retirement here, so think who have to help when mom get to old to work.Good system

[durianfan]

Run away from this family. If they are asking for 1 mil. now, what will they be asking you for in the future? Dump them and find yourself a decent woman with a good family.

For the record I paid no sinsot. My wife strongly disagrees with the practice. We didn't even get married in Thailand - went over to the US for a small ceremony and her family was fine with that.

[krisb]

1 million for a 2nd hand wife!

You cannot be serious! Unless your wife to be was Pancake, run Forrest, run.

[DonaldBattles]

Was she a proven fresh product or very second or third hand.

Sinsod is the biggest scam you could ever be exposed to. In India the girls's parents have to pay the man.

There is a a reasonable new supply coming in daily at the train and bus station in Bangkok. With your bad luck you might want to start a new there.

[gerry123]

i also was asked for a sinsod amount 400.000 my wife at the time 46 year 3 adult children

because i had done my home work about this subject made the offer of 100.000 which was accepted

about 2 months after the marriage wife gets letter from bank saying unless the bank loan was paid the home would be reposessed mmmmmmmmmmmmm ok my reaction to this was no sinsod but i would pay bank,

this offer was immediately accepted but the twist is the bank payment 200.000

do all your home work another Thai tradition borrow as much as you can and forget to repay

[PaulHamon]

Surely the oiffer of 20 baht was a joke which got passed on or taken literally, i suspect.

Personally I have never paid a penny, explianed that I was against it and we discussed it, eventually 40k baht was used, 1 baht gold given to wife which she kept, money returned immediately after the ceremony. Family save face, everyone happy.

Never paid a cent, not in the business of purchasing women form their parents. culture or not.

[jacko45k]

Need to know more information.

Roi Et is a very poor area. If the mother is a rice-farmer, then the 1 million baht + 10 baht of gold is an insult.

What does your gf work as? What's her education? This is important.

I've even heard of guys being asked for 500,000 baht when the girl in question is divorced, 35 years old with kids! This is a blatant insult and the reply offer of 20 baht is not less insulting.

A good point, insulting offers do work both ways. Not sure if i would have come back with a 20 baht offer however

The OP could fill in a few more details for us all.

the offer of 20 baht was made in a private conversation between me and my girl friend in the car away from the family.

Perhaps it didn't remain private............

[taninthai]

i also was asked for a sinsod amount 400.000 my wife at the time 46 year 3 adult children

because i had done my home work about this subject made the offer of 100.000 which was accepted

about 2 months after the marriage wife gets letter from bank saying unless the bank loan was paid the home would be reposessed mmmmmmmmmmmmm ok my reaction to this was no sinsod but i would pay bank,

this offer was immediately accepted but the twist is the bank payment 200.000

do all your home work another Thai tradition borrow as much as you can and forget to repay

sorry my friend i dont think you done your homework at all a 46 year old with 3 children and you still payed sinsot mmmmmm the parents would have already recieved sinsot from first marriage dont know why you felt the need to pay it again,each to their own i guess.

For the record my misses was 38 when we married she was never married before has no children, went to bangkok and got a degree when she was younger amount of sinsot payed zero didnt even do the showing of bit with a wedding party, twas just a simple trip to the amphur job done

Sent from my GT-P7500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[taninthai]

Surely the oiffer of 20 baht was a joke which got passed on or taken literally, i suspect.

Personally I have never paid a penny, explianed that I was against it and we discussed it, eventually 40k baht was used, 1 baht gold given to wife which she kept, money returned immediately after the ceremony. Family save face, everyone happy.

Never paid a cent, not in the business of purchasing women form their parents. culture or not.

this is spot on,simply told my misses i dont buy people and if i had to pay evryone in my family would be dissappointed that i had to buy my wife, sinsod never mentioned again after this

Sent from my GT-P7500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[how241]

Run a mile. If your financial status is all that's important, the rest of the relationship will be a failure.

+1

[jampola]

My sinsod was 7mil THB. In saying that, minus the cost of the wedding, we got it all back. The large amount was solely due to face value (well know family business) and making the son in law look good. Stupid I know but it's easier to just do what you're told I find!

Most families (at least Chinese Thai family) will give the sinsod back from what I'm aware.

In saying that, the amount can vary. There is no hard and fast rule either.

Sounds like the girls mum had no sense of humour!

[zoran1]

How old are you that you need to pay for women. Are you buying her, and she became your property

[VETO72]

Surely the oiffer of 20 baht was a joke which got passed on or taken literally, i suspect.

Personally I have never paid a penny, explianed that I was against it and we discussed it, eventually 40k baht was used, 1 baht gold given to wife which she kept, money returned immediately after the ceremony. Family save face, everyone happy.

Run a mile. If your financial status is all that's important, the rest of the relationship will be a failure.

Spot on Neeranam......the best way to find out if your missus true to you (money wise).... is let the cash flow slowly dry up for 6 months or so and see if she hangs around..worked for my mates

[VETO72]

Sin Sod is to be negotiated on, instead you apparently felt the need to insult her mother with an offer of 20 baht. No wonder your relation broke up.

You could have explained that in your culture sin sod is not done and you are not comfortable with it and start from there.

Bearing in mind ...alot of Thais havent got a sense of humour too

[SOTIRIOS]

...it does not sound good....

[gamba]

When I married my wife I did not have so much money but we put 40.000 bath on the table and 3 hour later we get the 30.000 back. It was only a show to the family that I was not too poor.

Another of her family recently get married but Thai/Thai. Ask for 50.000 Baht but settle with 25.000 baht paid over time.

Don’t give too much. You will never end paying because you are so rich. Personally I think if you’re coming wife really wants YOU, she support you whatever you can or want to give.

[gtm2k]

sharing my story here....

Well, i got married to a girl who hails from nongkhai - however - she's the struggler type : got herself educated on her own (MBA MIS & MKtg) , got a job & became independent. She made a point to send some pocket money (in kind mostly, and sometimes only in cash) to her mum *only*.

During our wedding the subject of sin-sod came up as well. Since I have been on my own as well - started with a job and then moved on to setting up a business - i made it very clear to my in-laws that i will provide the sin-sod only ceremonially, ie, it will be given to keep the tradition intact, but i would require it back in full to meet my wedding expenses. This was agreed upon and everything went on smoothly.

2 years into my marriage , i now realise that my in-laws all pass taunts / rants / comments to my wife (they dont dare in front of me , my spoken thai is good) about not getting any "khaa tua" (her worth in dowry). I am lucky that my wife is firstly educated, secondly sensible and thirdly loves me enough to not abandon me for not giving dowry to her family.

Bottomline - if you look at "sin-sod" as the tradition - it "perhaps" used to have its meaning in the early days. But nowadays its only about "how much can the imported cow be milked" so that it can consumed by other family members. None of these issan folks have the basic "finance micro-managing skills" so that the cash can be converted into useful investments with returns in the long term - its only immediately consumed. Thai society has some serious issues and this is just one of them. We expats who have married thais can either live here and find our way around it - or just leave and go somewhere else.

getting back to the OP, i think your dowry paid would have only led to other kinds of misery later in your married life - once paid the requests never stop coming. Secondly, your 20 baht tip surely was an insult. Assuming you really loved your girl - you are both lucky and unlucky at the same time. At the same time, your girl won't wont ever be able to justify sticking to you in the face of a 20 baht insult to her mother. Perhaps, had you just declined the sin-sod request, things would have been different. But still, lucky you !

[ben2203]

I wouldn't rush into getting married

[marioc]

Sin Sod is to be negotiated on, instead you apparently felt the need to insult her mother with an offer of 20 baht. No wonder your relation broke up.

You could have explained that in your culture sin sod is not done and you are not comfortable with it and start from there.

>Need to know more information.

Roi Et is a very poor area. If the mother is a rice-farmer, then the 1 million baht + 10 baht of gold is an insult.

What does your gf work as? What's her education? This is important.

I've even heard of guys being asked for 500,000 baht when the girl in question is divorced, 35 years old with kids! This is a blatant insult and the reply offer of 20 baht is not less insu

lting.

she runs a small resort of 4 bungalows in koh lanta, her education she left school early to take care of her sisters children, however she is now studying law, she is 34 with no children, I am 41 with 2 children. Her ex-boyfriend is 76 he funded the resort. Mother is a rice farmer.

This says it all run like hell and do not look back

[F4UCorsair]

she runs a small resort of 4 bungalows in koh lanta....... Her ex-boyfriend is 76 he funded the resort......

It would be interesting to know how much the last guy got fleeced for? Obviously we all can't buy them a resort!

he paid 800,000 baht for sinsod.

In which case you should have paid.......zero??

Isn't their custom also that it's only paid for the first marriage? In theory, I suppose her marriage to you would have been the first for her, but I think it was a case of the old lady seeing a sucker, after cleaning out the 76 yo sucker.

I thought 20 Baht was a bit too generous under the circumstances.

[473geo]

Of course it could be, those that don't hold out for sinsod, are the real desperate ones...take anything going.

[TheGhostWithin]

Agree with everything said but there are still greedy unrealistic Gold-digging parents out there in deepest Isaan ( or should we rename it insane?)

Hope you're not referring to me

I'll be asking for A LOT more than 1 million for my daughters, because of their stunning beauty and good education at private schools.

I'm glad you are following your traditional customs. I hope that you will follow ours too, if your daughters choose a Farang and are happy to cover the costs of the wedding.

No slight to you, but it is incredibly insulting when a large percentage of Thai families expect Foreigners to respect their customs, which may or may not be modified with inflated sin sot requests for personal gain, but refuse to acknowledge ours. I have read (though not personally experienced) that Thai men pay considerably less than a Farang for a sin sot, I have also read of cases in which the man was promised the money returned post ceremony, which never happened. I have even read of cases in which the money was used "for the good of the family" and promised later.. with an eventual divorce ensuring that the money was never returned.

I am currently in the process of a strenuous part of my relationship, as I refuse to marry due to the request for the 1 million baht sin sot. This being, because my partners parents refuse to accept any of my customs whatsoever. Sometimes it is important to understand how the person on the other side of the fence feels, before we start making demands on our own expectations. It is a negotiation as others here have stated, which means both sides move from their respective extremes to meet somewhere in the middle (or close to it). My hope for your daughters is that you are willing to do the same, I wonder how many daughters that are genuinely in love lose the men they are happy with because of their cultural loyalties to the family and their families insistence of non-acknowledgement of other cultures and the concept of true negotiation.

It also needs to be taken into consideration that in Thailand, the financial loss of the husband in the case of a divorce (initiated by the husband or not) is minimal, whereas in most western countries the loss can be 50% of his life savings, or even more.

No slight to you again, but Thai people need to understand the world through the eyes of a Farang wanting to be with someone they love.

[Eddythekid]

Sin Sod is to be negotiated on, instead you apparently felt the need to insult her mother with an offer of 20 baht. No wonder your relation broke up.

You could have explained that in your culture sin sod is not done and you are not comfortable with it and start from there.

You could also explain that in your culture it is traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. Then explain how you've got a five star resort wedding in mind, at their expense of course.

I've seen this come up many times whenever sinsot is discussed on forums such as this and accepted it as my wife and I only had the ampur registration.

That is I accepted it until my step son got married.

At his wedding, his wife's parents paid for the food, drink and entertainment; although my wife and I did make a contribution it was a voluntary one, we weren't expected to.

He and his bride paid for the flowers and the gifts for the guests.

Maybe it's different in Rayong, where his wife is from and their wedding was held, to Issan?

BTW, I paid no sinsot; I didn't even know such a custom existed at the time of my marriage. When i asked my wife about it she said that as she had been married before and not lived with her parents for many years, why should I pay anything?

My stepson paid 200K, half of which was returned in cash afterwards and the rest used as the deposit on a car for him.

He also gave 5 baht of gold; which actually belonged to my wife and I. It was on show during the wedding, and he returned it to us afterwards.

Hey as much as I love this story, and well done finding a good honest woman with good morales. But this handing over of cash and gold for the sake of looking good, I understand it's their custom and I'm not knocking you or your son, in fact I praise you for allowing such a valuable item to be left on display, but the whole thing thais have with money really sickens me. In the villages here in the North East, among young Thais (I have a few female cousins that have married) they are paying token payments between 10-30k. I know many falang that have paid in excess of 100k, but really for that the girl should be a virgin (who wants one of them??) and well educated, so not your usual bar-girl senario. If the falang stop paying these silly figures then the girls will stop taking the pi$$. I also think age may have a large part to play, if there's a big age difference then the dowry may well be higher. But the OP is only 7yrs older, having met her only 4 months ago, was the OP really considering parting with 1mil (are you having a laugh?) she seems to have done alright by her first marriage, was he a falang? are things still amicable between them? or maybe he's dead? or maybe he was murdered? what ever the situation she sounds like a right money grabbing, greedy bitch and you are well rid of her and the miserable money grabbing mother-in-law

[F4UCorsair]

My sinsod was 7mil THB. In saying that, minus the cost of the wedding, we got it all back. The large amount was solely due to face value (well know family business) and making the son in law look good. Stupid I know but it's easier to just do what you're told I find!

Most families (at least Chinese Thai family) will give the sinsod back from what I'm aware.

In saying that, the amount can vary. There is no hard and fast rule either.

Sounds like the girls mum had no sense of humour!

Are you telling us that you put up over $200,000 on the 'understanding' that it would be given back? You did that because 'you were told'???

Who has $200K+ in ready cash? The only place for that sort of money is earning an income, and to have it in cash denotes a mug to me..

[TheGhostWithin]

the offer of 20 baht was made in a private conversation between me and my girl friend in the car away from the family.

If she has the typical Thai mindset, and has not had exposure to western philosophies, you need to understand a few things (you may know this already but may not have clicked).

When you talked to her and offered her 20 baht, away from the flapping ears of the family, you may have thought it was a few words said in jest between the two of you. The reality is, you were speaking in jest about her family to her, to her mother, and her father, as well as to the village all at once (she will repeat everything you say about the family, even if you ask her not to) - you were putting a price on the family.

Sin sot is about bragging rights in many cases, about who can get the most presented at the ceremony, who can have the newest cars, who can have the biggest houses. In my case, the sin sot is being asked because another girl in the village got 800,000 - the mother now wants to beat that with 1 million because of their standing in the community.

I argue that because I bought her to my country, sponsored her visas, got her a job here which pays well and will give her a future, cover all costs in the household and because she saves almost her entire salary in her own accounts (we have a shared account we use for a dinner a few times a week when I am off work) that this should be taken into consideration -- but the family see this as the natural duty of a man in Thailand, ignorant of the fact that women have equal rights, responsibilities and (arguably) opportunities in the western world.

[schondie]

Surely the oiffer of 20 baht was a joke which got passed on or taken literally, i suspect.

Personally I have never paid a penny, explianed that I was against it and we discussed it, eventually 40k baht was used, 1 baht gold given to wife which she kept, money returned immediately after the ceremony. Family save face, everyone happy.

Same situation with me, 200,000 baht was shown to people and luckily my parents in law understood westerners don't like it one bit. As Charlie said "Family save face, everyone happy." Everyone was a winner that day.