Have you any friends?

[kevvy]

One of my two best friends got killed by a cobra two days ago.

I have one dog left now, sad times

It is like losing your best friend , I have been there .

[kevvy]

I notice before that the Mod deleted some posts that were attacking fellow members .The member should think about how to become a better person, is learning to notice their current behavior, whether it is how they react to stress, how they cope with loss, how they manage their anger, or how they treat the people they love. The only way to make an improvement in any of these departments is to first take note of there current behavior, then reflect on how it can be improved, and finally, make the necessary changes. Remember that the change cannot happen until they know what is wrong in the first place. Then they will find they can make some more friends if they want too.

Kevvy

[lazygourmet]

NO! but I do like my own company, don't drink, which makes it difficult

I do drink... But sharing my beloved flasks with philistines: NO WAY !!

[FiftyTwo]

this must be a old fart problem..

No, it's a socially inadequate problem.

As for the guys who only have their wife as a friend, when she dumps you you'll be really, really sad!

To be honest ,you sound a very sad sort of person ,been dumped?

My wife in the UK had allowed me NO friends, edged out all my old ones, replaced them with the husbands of her friends. When she dumped me, I had no friends of my own at all .... a personal disaster. Yes, I was really, really, sad, but my own fault.

That's why I warn everyone, you must have your own friends, totally independent of your wife, better if she never meets them, and has no way of contacting them.

Listen to Transam and me ............ we have been there and done that ......................

When in a relationship, no matter how strong,

YOU STILL NEED YOUR OWN FRIENDS.

[FiftyTwo]

Condescending and holier-than-thou response to my post , in fact , offensive. You have just proven why genuine friendship is hard to come by. Because there are with personalities as yourself propping themselves up as know-it-alls on message boards

and probably out making the world a worse place to live , rather than a better one.

It's probably much harder to make friends if you take offence so easily.

Lighten up a bit, and live a happier life.

[villagefarang]

I have a bit of a hard time with you guys who, overuse the “been there done that” line. You seem to be insisting that because something happened to you, it is somehow universal and we must all be wary of the same thing happening to us. I don’t get the need to insist, and shout, that you know the best way to do something.

Also firsthand experience is not the only way to gain knowledge and understanding, as some seem to imply. You don’t need to have “been there” to have an educated opinion about something. But that is just my individual opinion and others may disagree.

[MJP]

I have a bit of a hard time with you guys who, overuse the “been there done that” line. You seem to be insisting that because something happened to you, it is somehow universal and we must all be wary of the same thing happening to us. I don’t get the need to insist, and shout, that you know the best way to do something.

Also firsthand experience is not the only way to gain knowledge and understanding, as some seem to imply. You don’t need to have “been there” to have an educated opinion about something. But that is just my individual opinion and others may disagree.

I've found I know absolutely everything there is to know about anything and everything . . . if I have an internet connection and Google. Otherwise my mind goes blank.

[FiftyTwo]

I have a bit of a hard time with you guys who, overuse the been there done that line. You seem to be insisting that because something happened to you, it is somehow universal and we must all be wary of the same thing happening to us. I dont get the need to insist, and shout, that you know the best way to do something.

Also firsthand experience is not the only way to gain knowledge and understanding, as some seem to imply. You dont need to have been there to have an educated opinion about something. But that is just my individual opinion and others may disagree.

Fair point,

So what if your wife is your only friend, and she dies unexpectedly (it does happen quite often)?

Wouldn't it be nice to have a few friends around you, in your time of need!

[kevvy]

this must be a old fart problem..

No, it's a socially inadequate problem.

As for the guys who only have their wife as a friend, when she dumps you you'll be really, really sad!

To be honest ,you sound a very sad sort of person ,been dumped?

My wife in the UK had allowed me NO friends, edged out all my old ones, replaced them with the husbands of her friends. When she dumped me, I had no friends of my own at all .... a personal disaster. Yes, I was really, really, sad, but my own fault.

That's why I warn everyone, you must have your own friends, totally independent of your wife, better if she never meets them, and has no way of contacting them.

Listen to Transam and me ............ we have been there and done that ......................

When in a relationship, no matter how strong,

YOU STILL NEED YOUR OWN FRIENDS.

when you get married, your best friend cannot be your BEST FRIEND anymore. That's what your wife is for. And you are going to need alone time together. Your wife will be your right hand man.Look around you at your wedding pictures and ask yourself who will be in your life 10 years from now. Wedding pictures are forever. Unfortunately, many friendships are not.If your marriage is strong your wife will be with you forever.I know alot of people have "been there and done that" Best friends before marriage can still be good friends

Kevvy

[StreetCowboy]

I have a bit of a hard time with you guys who, overuse the been there done that line. You seem to be insisting that because something happened to you, it is somehow universal and we must all be wary of the same thing happening to us. I dont get the need to insist, and shout, that you know the best way to do something.

Also firsthand experience is not the only way to gain knowledge and understanding, as some seem to imply. You dont need to have been there to have an educated opinion about something. But that is just my individual opinion and others may disagree.

Fair point,

So what if your wife is your only friend, and she dies unexpectedly (it does happen quite often)?

Wouldn't it be nice to have a few friends around you, in your time of need!

"... if your wife ... dies unexpectedly (it does happen quite often)?"

You don't need to be Japp of the Yard to get suspicious at confessions like that...

I'm worried about the company I'm keeping, frequenting this forum.

SC

[kevvy]

I have a bit of a hard time with you guys who, overuse the been there done that line. You seem to be insisting that because something happened to you, it is somehow universal and we must all be wary of the same thing happening to us. I dont get the need to insist, and shout, that you know the best way to do something.

Also firsthand experience is not the only way to gain knowledge and understanding, as some seem to imply. You dont need to have been there to have an educated opinion about something. But that is just my individual opinion and others may disagree.

Fair point,

So what if your wife is your only friend, and she dies unexpectedly (it does happen quite often)?

Wouldn't it be nice to have a few friends around you, in your time of need!

Too many mistakenly name anyone who they have had any form of contact with positevly as a friend. But fact of live is that most people that come through our lives are only acquaintances.So in a time of need many acquaintances will help village farang if the need arises. I am one of those acquaintances and so will many other people , am I a friend of his ...no...I am an acquaintance . Do you really need friends when you have so many acquaintances. Up to the person .

Edited October 27, 2013 by kevvy

[ghworker2010]

a dog is a mans best friend..

[impulse]

"... if your wife ... dies unexpectedly (it does happen quite often)?"

You don't need to be Japp of the Yard to get suspicious at confessions like that...

I'm worried about the company I'm keeping, frequenting this forum.

SC

I'd be more worried about what happened to me. During courtship and a short marriage, I focused all my energy on that one relationship (and my job as the economy was in the toilet).

I thought my (US) wife was my best friend, but she thought otherwise. So when the divorce happened, I was lost for quite a while. Never made that mistake again.

When I was a kid, someone told me to treasure friendships because they'll be more valuable than all the nookie you can possibly get. I was too hooked on the nookie to believe him. (Actually, more the pursuit of the nookie since not much was usually on tap) Decades later, I remember fondly the many friends (mostly guys) that shaped my life as we grew up together. I remember the girls' names, but not much else. I suspect it's the same for women.

Bros before hoes! (You women can substitute your best, but I'll bet it doesn't rhyme as nicely)

[myluckythai]

this must be a old fart problem..

alt=clap2.gif width=31 height=25>

No, it's a socially inadequate problem.

As for the guys who only have their wife as a friend, when she dumps you you'll be really, really sad!

To be honest ,you sound a very sad sort of person ,been dumped?

My wife in the UK had allowed me NO friends, edged out all my old ones, replaced them with the husbands of her friends. When she dumped me, I had no friends of my own at all .... a personal disaster. Yes, I was really, really, sad, but my own fault.

That's why I warn everyone, you must have your own friends, totally independent of your wife, better if she never meets them, and has no way of contacting them.

Listen to Transam and me ............ we have been there and done that ......................

When in a relationship, no matter how strong,

YOU STILL NEED YOUR OWN FRIENDS.

your wife had allowed you no friends....? no there's the problem right there isn't it. the wife is the closest friend you should have, who know the most of you, who knows your true heart. if not i think there is a problem in your marriage. but that is just the way i look at it.My wife knows all the people i am seeing, who they are and what they do is not for her to Judge, she has no saying in this. she can show her opinion in this but it is uo to me and noone else who i go along with! i know many many have not married in this way or for these reasons...My wife is my only real best friend. rely on this 100% no. like said before wives can leave you to of course.

Edited October 27, 2013 by myluckythai

[myluckythai]

think i am checking out on this one, as it has all been said..... one more thing left for me to say: KEVVY you are ALLRIGHT! the things you say show me a person with true value , thoughtfullness and concern. Thanks for the great post and replies to 'm ... you must have the heart in the right place

[kevvy]

think i am checking out on this one, as it has all been said..... one more thing left for me to say: KEVVY you are ALLRIGHT! the things you say show me a person with true value , thoughtfullness and concern. Thanks for the great post and replies to 'm ... you must have the heart in the right place

Thankyou for your kind words.This thread has taught myself many things as well. There are alot of good people out there and you being one of them too.

Thanks for everyone who supported this thread and were kind in their posts to everyone else.

kevvy

[irishsmile]

Awwwwwwww..... Let's all have a big friendly loving hug )

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[WitawatWatawit]

Awwwwwwww..... Let's all have a big friendly loving hug )

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

But no hickeys.

[WitawatWatawit]

I have a bit of a hard time with you guys who, overuse the “been there done that” line. You seem to be insisting that because something happened to you, it is somehow universal and we must all be wary of the same thing happening to us. I don’t get the need to insist, and shout, that you know the best way to do something.

Also firsthand experience is not the only way to gain knowledge and understanding, as some seem to imply. You don’t need to have “been there” to have an educated opinion about something. But that is just my individual opinion and others may disagree.

VF, I admire your posts, so please don't get me wrong - it's true that first-hand experience is the best teacher, but when you've never experienced something before and you suddenly encounter it, the knowledge gleaned from other people can often come to the fore to help you to deal with it. That's the value of listening to the advice of others. Sure people get on their soapboxes, and some act like they're the last word on everything, but sometimes there are gems among the coal dust.

Cheers,

Wit.

[villagefarang]

I have a bit of a hard time with you guys who, overuse the “been there done that” line. You seem to be insisting that because something happened to you, it is somehow universal and we must all be wary of the same thing happening to us. I don’t get the need to insist, and shout, that you know the best way to do something.

Also firsthand experience is not the only way to gain knowledge and understanding, as some seem to imply. You don’t need to have “been there” to have an educated opinion about something. But that is just my individual opinion and others may disagree.

VF, I admire your posts, so please don't get me wrong - it's true that first-hand experience is the best teacher, but when you've never experienced something before and you suddenly encounter it, the knowledge gleaned from other people can often come to the fore to help you to deal with it. That's the value of listening to the advice of others. Sure people get on their soapboxes, and some act like they're the last word on everything, but sometimes there are gems among the coal dust.

Cheers,

Wit.

I don't disagree with you but I might look at things a little differently. My view is that it all depends on what you want to learn. You can learn about history and various other topics without having been there or done that, simply by reading a book. It would be very hard to learn music, math or science without a teacher but some other things might be more fun to find out for yourself.

I view life more like learning how to walk on a tightrope or surf. Reading a book simply won’t get you there and what worked for someone else may not work for you. I have always had an aversion to having a coach or signing up for courses. For me the journey, sense of discovery and accomplishments are even more important than the end result. Though I acknowledge it might take me longer to get there, I take pride in having found my own way.

I suppose my outlook is based on having moved to Thailand at a very young age, not at the behest of governments, gods or corporations, with no backup or guides of any sort. There were no guidebooks and no Google, so you never really knew where you were going or what was over the next mountain. That probably means my learning bias is very outdated in this modern age but it is still what feels best to me.

By all means listen to others but my advise is alway to forge your own path. I am neither sheep nor shepherd, just a lone wolf howling at the moon, enjoying life and take things as they come.

Edited October 27, 2013 by villagefarang

[Neeranam]

Yes, I have many friends - I could trust at least ten with my life.

Join a club.

[Neeranam]

NO! but I do like my own company, don't drink, which makes it difficult

It's because I don't drink, I have so many friends.

[WitawatWatawit]

"By all means listen to others but my advise is alway to forge your own path. I am neither sheep nor shepherd, just a lone wolf howling at the moon, enjoying life and take things as they come."

It's certainly the more interesting path, I'll give you that. I think pretty much all of us have been in unchartered waters at some point in our lives. Having had a dysfunctional family, I cast out into the great unknown at the tender age of 17, and often encountered the same situations you describe above. After a lot of adventures over the next 20 years, I found myself alone in Thailand, not sure of where I was going, or what I was going to do. My homeland was grim as far as work prospects were concerned, and I didn't fancy returning to Aussie (even though I like it immensely), nor did I fancy heading to the UK to try to get a work permit. So, it was stay here and see what transpired - a callow 38-year-old, still a country boy at heart, and ripe for plucking. My 25 years in Thailand have been a complete adventure in itself as I had to learn the ropes pretty quickly, especially as far as my work was concerned. Like you and many others, I would not change that experience for the world - it was the whole gamut of emotions and bruises and experiences. Great fun in the wash-out, don't you think? Well, I've just finished work, and now it's time for a beer. And let's see what new tricks I can learn to evade the police checkpoint on the way to the 7/11.

Cheers.

PS; Kevvy - just a couple of blokes chewing the fat. Hope you don't mind.

[smokie36]

My friends keep getting banned.

[ABCer]

Yes and No.

Depends of what meaning you put into the word FRIEND

kevvy, OP said:

In Aus I had a group of friends which we all would do anything for each other.

Well, now that changes a thing or two, kevvy. As I sensed, you were not talking about drinking buddies or 'mates' or people you invite for a party or go to see footy with.

I think you were wrong back than to feel hurt and to 'run away'. The REAL FRIENDS you are talking about are mostly formed in our youth. And they are never many.

And like everything in life their friendships are born, bloom, wither and die.

I also had friends like this. Most things in our lives were going along different but parallel lines. We knew each other inside out. There was a lot of talks, arguments, differences, understanding, support and sharing.

We never quarrelled, we just went separate ways. Such is life. There is still understanding, but our ways have been different for 35 - 40 years... We now live in different countries. We all have changed. And the funny part is - we would have changed even if we were still living in the same neighborhood.

This kind of friendship rarely develops in adulthood. Too many outside factors - wifes, work, kids, social status, health etc. This is my opinion.

Surely I have some friends now, here in Thailand. But nothing like those REAL FRIENDS from my youth for all the above reasons.

Edited October 27, 2013 by ABCer

[WitawatWatawit]

My friends keep getting banned.

Wish I could get an offer of marriage. Need a housekeeper.

[ABCer]

Yes, I have many friends - I could trust at least ten with my life.

Join a club.

Neeranam, this is relatively easy. I am also the member of this club.

People remember some Commandments better than the others.

Of the ten of them, how many would you trust with your money? your wife? your daughter?

'Thou shan't kill' - is an easy one.

Especially if you add - 'without a reason' to it...

[Rsquared]

An inspiring thread that I have had the pleasure of having the time to read through.

Many varying definitions of "friend".....so I'll throw in my two bobs worth....

Over the years I have encountered many strangers. Being the introvert that I am...I always take the second move. Some friendships have that chemical attraction that just "feels right", others need a little kneading, folding and covered with a damp cloth to grow into a comfortable state.

I guess for me, a true friend is where I can feel at ease in their company, not wishing I was elsewhere or being concerned that I might say the wrong thing......being comfortable in silence is also a good measure.

A moot point, but I guess we really don't know at what level a friend is until they are no longer with us.

But to end on a lighter note......when my wife was first in Australia and I took her to the local club, she was the centre of attention but was the observer more than being observed. Later she asked me "if Simon is your friend, why do you put shit on him.....and Paul who you don't like, you are nice to him...very confusing!"

I told her that it's a crazy Aussie custom....it's how to tell who your true friends are.

Cheers.

p.s. Big Thanks to Kevvy

[smokie36]

My friends keep getting banned.

 

Wish I could get an offer of marriage. Need a housekeeper.

Oh hello darling....you are back agsin I see.

[transam]

My friends keep getting banned.

Mine too.