Why AreExpats So Stuck Up

[fish fingers]

KingstonKid I hope things improve - maybe forget farangs and press the reset button perhaps. The farangs who are doing ok in life usually won't make the time for anyone new, the bad ones will... thats my experience.

And Bangkok can be a miserable place if you don't know many people. I learnt the key was to make thai friends and once they trust you they will intro you to their friends etc. Thai people are genuinely fantastic, the key to the way they react to you is down to your own self confidence. Reset!

Edited February 6, 2014 by fish fingers

[baneko]

Your correct about the stuck up ex pats. I am an ex pat but certainly not stuck up. In my village not far from BKK I spend most of my time with normal working class Thais. Friendly and nice people. Avoid the stuck up ex pats and spend time with the Thais....We are in Thailand.

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[JLCrab]

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

-- Oscar Levant (1906-1972)

[fish fingers]

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

-- Oscar Levant (1906-1972)

so, which one are you?

[JLCrab]

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

-- Oscar Levant (1906-1972)

so, which one are you?

The world.

[KevinB]

Some posts have hinted at it - but no-one has come out and said it. There are big national differences in attitude to responding to greeting from strangers. I bet your teachers are Brits - the average Aussie / Kiwi or Southern African would have said Hi long ago. On a recent trip to UK I visited with friends and like my normal self greeted folk as I walked down the street (in a smallish village) to do a bit of mid-morning shopping at the mini-Tesco - I even said hello to the neighbours. Got lots of frosty responses especially from the neighbour a mid 30s something guy. When I asked my hosts in the evening, after they got back from work, why their neighbour was so stuck up - they told me they had been living next to each other for 5 years plus and had never been greeted or bothered to try and greet them. The new generation of folk are all on Facebook and Twitter in an endless stream of chatting to "friends" and people who "like" them - maybe they feel that they have no need what so ever to be in contact with those in close physical proximity to them. Maybe its because they grew up at the time when everyone was petrified of paedophiles and kids were told "Never talk to strangers".

I remember being in the suburbs of a big US city about 5 years back and was constantly greeted while out walking around the lovely leafy roads - even got to stop and chat to some folk walking their dogs - they were very friendly until I inadvertently mention that I thought Obama was good President.

So there is not much hope for our poor poster out in Ringit if you are surrounded by snobby Brits. I've had some great chats with folk I've meet in the gym (I go to a very big one in a new shopping complex near our housing complex) and thinking about it most are Yanks or Southern Hemisphere folk including an Argentinian and in most cases they greeted me first and I responded. As some posters have noted It's sometimes consider strange to greet people and try and start a conversation - the changing room is one such place if you are a guy - save the chat for when you bump into each other grabbing for the English language newspaper in the rest area.

[donniereadit]

Where I come from (farangland) you don't usually chat up strangers with every encounter. Politeness yes, but is that what you are really looking for? One reason I can put a finger on is that as an expat I get tired of answering the same personal questions about job, income, what am I doing here, where are you from etc etc from complete strangers I'm meeting for the first time. It's none of their business and if people can't talk about enjoying life and culture then they are just rambling off the same questions to everyone they meet and uttering the same BS. I have heard dialog and knew where it was going before it even started.

Expectations here between expats are OVERLY friendly in my opinion. It has something to do with being in a foreign culture where people from the same places have a need to band together more then they would in their home countries. It's like animals banding together to ward of threats or danger in strange territory enemies will turn to friends with a change in environment as a survival response, same principal applies to humans.

A MAN has had difficulties with neighbors at houses way off that need to come by and BOND. Some of us are here to get away from this sort of thing and like the novelty and strangeness of discovering who we are in a strange challenging environment. We don't WANT to hear the same BS that we did back home. So if someone is not receptive to your OVERTURES it's YOUR PROBLEM. Make contact, then leave them alone if it's going nowhere. And it's their right to not have to CODDLE YOU and get involved. Another point is don't come onto THEIR TERRITORY with your BS. Wait until they are in a common or public area.

Edited February 6, 2014 by donniereadit

[Fookhaht]

Where I come from (farangland) you don't usually chat up strangers with every encounter.

In the southern part of my home country it's common to chat up strangers on the first meeting. In the north part of the country it's uncommon.

Therefore I find your assumptions very provincial.

[IDL]

As a good ole Belgium mate of mine always says: "I am not racist, I just don't like anybody!"

[smotherb]

Certainly there are plenty of stuck up degree snobs in Thailand. That precious piece of paper isn't necessarily going to prove anything about a persons ability to do a job either. Especially if it's in an unrelated subject! I have two BA degrees but my GPA was poor in one of them (marketing). However as long as you turn up and show some kind of progression you'll get through with a grade.

Well, it's pretty hard to argue that a Thai cannot do the job many falangs do. If you argue the falang has experience, why can't the Thai get a chance to have that experience. If you argue the falang has a degree, then the Thai also has to get a degree. However, the point is an applicant with a degree, but no experience is a better bet than an applicant without degree or experience. The combination of degree and experience is obviously the best--look how many good jobs require it. Of course, I am arguing professional jobs, not just skilled labor. A laborer may have no need for a degree, unless he wishes to become the manager of the laborers.

[Notable]

Experience wins in any situation, I graduated from Nottingham university with a BA in marketing and worked for Reebok for 10 years. There were many more practice situations that taught me skills I couldn't have learned at uni. If you needed to take a flight in a small plane during a storm and had the choice of two pilots. Let's say, Pablo the crop spraying Mexican, no qualifications but 40 years flying experience. Or Edward from Rugby, first class with honours from Oxford in applied hypothetical aviation scenarios, with1000 hours practical. I think I know who you'd choose.

[FiftyTwo]

Some posts have hinted at it - but no-one has come out and said it. There are big national differences in attitude to responding to greeting from strangers. I bet your teachers are Brits - the average Aussie / Kiwi or Southern African would have said Hi long ago. On a recent trip to UK I visited with friends and like my normal self greeted folk as I walked down the street (in a smallish village) to do a bit of mid-morning shopping at the mini-Tesco - I even said hello to the neighbours. Got lots of frosty responses especially from the neighbour a mid 30s something guy. When I asked my hosts in the evening, after they got back from work, why their neighbour was so stuck up - they told me they had been living next to each other for 5 years plus and had never been greeted or bothered to try and greet them. The new generation of folk are all on Facebook and Twitter in an endless stream of chatting to "friends" and people who "like" them - maybe they feel that they have no need what so ever to be in contact with those in close physical proximity to them. Maybe its because they grew up at the time when everyone was petrified of paedophiles and kids were told "Never talk to strangers".

I remember being in the suburbs of a big US city about 5 years back and was constantly greeted while out walking around the lovely leafy roads - even got to stop and chat to some folk walking their dogs - they were very friendly until I inadvertently mention that I thought Obama was good President.

So there is not much hope for our poor poster out in Ringit if you are surrounded by snobby Brits. I've had some great chats with folk I've meet in the gym (I go to a very big one in a new shopping complex near our housing complex) and thinking about it most are Yanks or Southern Hemisphere folk including an Argentinian and in most cases they greeted me first and I responded. As some posters have noted It's sometimes consider strange to greet people and try and start a conversation - the changing room is one such place if you are a guy - save the chat for when you bump into each other grabbing for the English language newspaper in the rest area.

As every British person knows, you never talk to a person until you are formally introduced by a third party who knows you both.

Speaking to a stranger just isn't done.

[harrry]

Experience wins in any situation, I graduated from Nottingham university with a BA in marketing and worked for Reebok for 10 years. There were many more practice situations that taught me skills I couldn't have learned at uni. If you needed to take a flight in a small plane during a storm and had the choice of two pilots. Let's say, Pablo the crop spraying Mexican, no qualifications but 40 years flying experience. Or Edward from Rugby, first class with honours from Oxford in applied hypothetical aviation scenarios, with1000 hours practical. I think I know who you'd choose.

I guess the Mexican airline allows smoking.

[Aussieroaming]

I think there is a difference between acknowledging someone's presence and engaging them in conversation. I might acknowledge someone I see but I don't necessarily want to engage them in conversation.

If you are lonely then join a few social groups, but don't expect strangers to talk to you just because you feel isolated.

Find a few places to hang out where you have a sport or human interest and you will find like minded people there who enjoy the same things, then you will have something in common that you can discuss with someone else without anyone thinking its weird.

[godzilla]

have you ever thought of just popping next door and saying hello. you should do this - unless you are that dull chap in our building

[stedyedy]

Thats the problem with this world people cant accept others differences because you say good morning and they dont all of a sudden there stuck up,maybe they dont feel like saying anything is that alright or theve got problems at home or they want to leave there job or just plain unhappy would knowing that justify there actions or lack of or no put on the smiley face and say,well good morning there kind sir or mam make you feel better even though they didnt mean it.

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[pigeonjake]

If someone I don't know wants to say Hi to me, I'll think they are a dash weird... That doesn't make me stuck up, it just makes me think you might be a bit of a nut-job...

In quieter area's, small villages etc there may be other reasons, but in a large city such as Bangkok I don't expect strangers of any nationality to say Hi to me and I certainly don't imagine that I'll go around saying Hi to people I don't know.

A counter question may be asked: "Do people think you are weird if you say Hi to strangers and expect a response ?"

i wonder how conversations ever got started,

so you no everyone you ever talk to,???

im one of the freindly nut jobs that would say alright mate if i saw a fellow falang in big c,

ive worked all over this world of ours, not as a teacher,

i would of been a very lonely bloke had i not said hello to a few people,

or said hello back to a few,

i cant believe some of the replies to this thread

jake,

talking is good get out and do it

[wym]

Very relevant article on the cultural differences of smiling in public from Sochi

http://www.nationaljournal.com/politics/why-russians-aren-t-smiling-at-you-in-sochi-20140207

[MW72]

Some posts have hinted at it - but no-one has come out and said it. There are big national differences in attitude to responding to greeting from strangers. I bet your teachers are Brits - the average Aussie / Kiwi or Southern African would have said Hi long ago. On a recent trip to UK I visited with friends and like my normal self greeted folk as I walked down the street (in a smallish village) to do a bit of mid-morning shopping at the mini-Tesco - I even said hello to the neighbours. Got lots of frosty responses especially from the neighbour a mid 30s something guy. When I asked my hosts in the evening, after they got back from work, why their neighbour was so stuck up - they told me they had been living next to each other for 5 years plus and had never been greeted or bothered to try and greet them. The new generation of folk are all on Facebook and Twitter in an endless stream of chatting to "friends" and people who "like" them - maybe they feel that they have no need what so ever to be in contact with those in close physical proximity to them. Maybe its because they grew up at the time when everyone was petrified of paedophiles and kids were told "Never talk to strangers".

I remember being in the suburbs of a big US city about 5 years back and was constantly greeted while out walking around the lovely leafy roads - even got to stop and chat to some folk walking their dogs - they were very friendly until I inadvertently mention that I thought Obama was good President.

So there is not much hope for our poor poster out in Ringit if you are surrounded by snobby Brits. I've had some great chats with folk I've meet in the gym (I go to a very big one in a new shopping complex near our housing complex) and thinking about it most are Yanks or Southern Hemisphere folk including an Argentinian and in most cases they greeted me first and I responded. As some posters have noted It's sometimes consider strange to greet people and try and start a conversation - the changing room is one such place if you are a guy - save the chat for when you bump into each other grabbing for the English language newspaper in the rest area.

As every British person knows, you never talk to a person until you are formally introduced by a third party who knows you both.

Speaking to a stranger just isn't done.

I am a brit from the north of scotland. I live in a rural area and we say hello and talk to complete strangers when we pass them in the streets or walking the dog in the forest or at the beach. Not all brits are stuck up repressed fools who won't talk to a stranger because of some antiquated idea of etiquette. One of the things i like about americans is how friendly they can be with a complete stranger.

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[Fookhaht]

I remember being in the suburbs of a big US city about 5 years back and was constantly greeted while out walking around the lovely leafy roads - even got to stop and chat to some folk walking their dogs - they were very friendly until I inadvertently mention that I thought Obama was good President.

Practical wisdom tells one that jumping into politics or religion upon a first meeting is not a very wise conversational opener...stick to the weather or sports if you truly want to make friends and influence people. Edited February 10, 2014 by Fookhaht

[RikDao]

If someone I don't know wants to say Hi to me, I'll think they are a dash weird... That doesn't make me stuck up, it just makes me think you might be a bit of a nut-job...

In quieter area's, small villages etc there may be other reasons, but in a large city such as Bangkok I don't expect strangers of any nationality to say Hi to me and I certainly don't imagine that I'll go around saying Hi to people I don't know.

A counter question may be asked: "Do people think you are weird if you say Hi to strangers and expect a response ?"

You my friend are what we are talking about. Must be a sad life.

Lol. Yep, poor r_s237 probably shouldn't be calling other people nut-jobs.

[richard_smith237]

If someone I don't know wants to say Hi to me, I'll think they are a dash weird... That doesn't make me stuck up, it just makes me think you might be a bit of a nut-job...

In quieter area's, small villages etc there may be other reasons, but in a large city such as Bangkok I don't expect strangers of any nationality to say Hi to me and I certainly don't imagine that I'll go around saying Hi to people I don't know.

A counter question may be asked: "Do people think you are weird if you say Hi to strangers and expect a response ?"

You my friend are what we are talking about. Must be a sad life.

Lol. Yep, poor r_s237 probably shouldn't be calling other people nut-jobs.

You are free continue to walk around saying hi to and being ignored by complete strangers and getting upset about it...

Others, myself included will just get along with a normal and very happy life without any expectation that everyone around us should acknowledge our presence and existence.

[pauly1964]

Well unknown friend I would agree with you I am the same everyday cleanly dressed the works and yet speak to so many expats who think they know it all and really think they are above us all....WELL the answer is simply......THEY ARE A NOBODY WHERE THEY COME FROM ...so they try to be someone here.

[bkkdave1220]

many here (Jomtiem) are russian and manners were bred out of them years ago. never hear good word from them.

[StreetCowboy]

I'm sat here and the place is absolutely thick with farang. None of them are saying hello to one another, but I don't ascribe that to any snobbery or defects of character. It's just not the done thing, at an airport.

SC

[wym]

many here (Jomtiem) are russian and manners were bred out of them years ago. never hear good word from them.

Actually, particularly true for Russians, a stranger just up and smiling at them for no reason, they REALLY think you're looney tunes.

In general Russians only smile among friends, really need to have a good reason for it and even then don't show their teeth.

Not at all stuck up, just life's been brutally hard there for just so long.

[baneko]

I just spent 3 days in Pattaya for my friends 50'th. I'm an ex pat by the way but live in a small village about 1 hr from BKK.

The ex pats (scots) same as myself were rude to the bar staff, rude to the people sending food to the bar and generally treating people like slaves.

Slavery finished in Thailand King Rama 5. Thais only go to Pattaya now to make money.

As for why are ex pats stuck up. Its not only ex pats. Rich Thais dont talk to poor Thais. We are all human beings. In India with the class system its worse.

As I said before I live in a small village. A working class village. Everyone says hello to each other and its a happy life. Unfortunately I still see the underlying class system.

Spend your time with Thais though....Class system or not being a farang they will all think your loaded.

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[khunpa]

After living several years abroad, I actually agree with you. I think the problem is that many of the expats feel superior, when they come to SEA. They can suddenly afford and do things, they would never be able to do at home. Their lifestyle changes and so does their personality. The funny thing, is that e.g. Teachers, who are actually very low income and e.g. many low-income embassy staff (who are the worst), also tend to become "Stuck up".

Personally, I gave up the normal expat life style long ago. But when I sometimes do meet other expats, I often also get "the look", although I actually make more money than most of them. The difference however is, that I do not attend the social expat arrangements, I stick to having Thai-friends and I do not live in a fancy house and do not have a maid or even a car to show off. I do not live in an expat community either, because it would make me mad.

So if I was you, then I would stick to Thai-people. With Expats it is also a continuous getting to know new people, because many are only here for a short period of time anyway.

I think the important thing, is not to focus on what people think about you, but how you think of yourself. And then spend you time on people, that really cares about you, instead of trying to fit in to something you might find is just a artificial world anyway. Because many expats do live in a "dream world" and only face reality, when they end up back home.

Edited February 16, 2014 by khunpa

[StreetCowboy]

After living several years abroad, I actually agree with you. I think the problem is that many of the expats feel superior, when they come to SEA. They can suddenly afford and do things, they would never be able to do at home. Their lifestyle changes and so does their personality. The funny thing, is that e.g. Teachers, who are actually very low income and e.g. many low-income embassy staff (who are the worst), also tend to become "Stuck up".

Personally, I gave up the normal expat life style long ago. But when I sometimes do meet other expats, I often also get "the look", although I actually make more money than most of them. The difference however is, that I do not attend the social expat arrangements, I stick to having Thai-friends and I do not live in a fancy house and do not have a maid or even a car to show off. I do not live in an expat community either, because it would make me mad.

So if I was you, then I would stick to Thai-people. With Expats it is also a continuous getting to know new people, because many are only here for a short period of time anyway.

Why do you feel the need to point out that you "actually make more money than most of them?"

EDIT: typo corrected

Edited February 16, 2014 by StreetCowboy

[khunpa]

After living several years abroad, I actually agree with you. I think the problem is that many of the expats feel superior, when they come to SEA. They can suddenly afford and do things, they would never be able to do at home. Their lifestyle changes and so does their personality. The funny thing, is that e.g. Teachers, who are actually very low income and e.g. many low-income embassy staff (who are the worst), also tend to become "Stuck up".

Personally, I gave up the normal expat life style long ago. But when I sometimes do meet other expats, I often also get "the look", although I actually make more money than most of them. The difference however is, that I do not attend the social expat arrangements, I stick to having Thai-friends and I do not live in a fancy house and do not have a maid or even a car to show off. I do not live in an expat community either, because it would make me mad.

So if I was you, then I would stick to Thai-people. With Expats it is also a continuous getting to know new people, because many are only here for a short period of time anyway.

Why dfo you feel the need to point out that you "actually make more money than most of them?"

Because the fact is that I actually do make more money than they do, but still often meet a "stuck up" mindset and run into constant conversations of who makes the most money, when it comes to Expats. That is also why I stay away from them and "laugh to myself", when I am met with a "he is nothing look"...