Sleeping arrangements with GF and daughter

[BORRISGOODENUF]

GET YOUR SELF OUT AND AWAY FROM THAT SITUATION. EVENTUALLY COULD LEAD TO GREAT TROUBLE.

[kennypowers]

While children tend to sleep with adults at a young age, this certainly doesn't extend to teenage years. Moreover, sharing beds is due to lack of beds/mattresses. Most Thai kids would jump at the chance to sleep in their own comfy bed in an air conditioned condo, rather than sharing the mattress with mom, dad or brother/sister. On a serious note, have you considered that your GF doesn't find you sexually attractive and is trying to limit your opportunity?

[monkeycountry]

Just one of many scenario's.

You and the girlfriend decide to part and the girlfriend is sore about this. She decides to set you up by saying you've tampered with her daughter unless you pay her xxxx baht. You decline to pay. She goes to the police and they come to have a word with you. How can you deny you have slept with the daughter? You can't. You are off to the monkeyhouse to join the queue of other farangs set up in a similar way. Don't be a mug, put a stop to it.

What difference will it then make if they sleep in separate bedrooms - or even separate houses? The GF could still claim they all slept together and that the OP tampered with the daughter, and the OP has no proof they did not.

Generally one cannot prove a negative, which is why the courts ask for proof that something did happen, not proof that something did not happen. Even Thai courts know this, although the corrupt police may not.

Btw, sleeping in the same room and/or same bed as anyone else of any age is not illegal in Thailand (and most other countries), as long as there is no sex involved.

Edited May 12, 2014 by monkeycountry

[casualposter]

Tell the girlfriend that the daughter has been playing with your Thai Visa Forum member when the wife sleeps o the floor and that it is time to end your temptation with her daughter. Ask her to say nothing to her daughter as you are embarrassed by the whole situation. That should do the trick as it is unlikely your girlfriend will confront her. Remember your girlfriend is dependent on her daughter for security in your girlfriend's old age and remember that Thais have a very liberal view of sex - not morality connected. After sleeping alone for 2 weeks, your girlfriends daughter will prefer the new sleeping arangements. Just to reassure the family that you like everyone invite her to sleep in your bed ( but not next to you) occasionally when your girlfriend is unavailable to you.

I also had this problem but my Thai wife also loves my membership and privacy so she eased the child out and into her own bedroom. She comes back rarely but the honeymoon is over.

"Tell the girlfriend that ..... it is time to end your temptation with her daughter."

What an unbelievably sick comment.

[healthbkkbkk]

You are the Boyfriend, not even the step-father? Why should you even need to ask your question; of course not, you don't sleep with the mother with the daughter even in the same house.

[marko kok prong]

Mate,i guess you pay the rent,buy the food ,pay the bills,so you are the guvnor,just put your foot down and tell the gf it has to stop immediatly or you will walk,money speaks louder than words here ,if she thinks you will leave i am sure she will do as you say,why should you have to buy an i pad or something,you already stated you had got furniture for the room,and forget all this "thai custom crap ,she is with you a falang,tell her it is not your custom,sometimes here you really have to stand up for yourself, i told my Mrs after weeks of 2 or 3 Karaoke parties a week at our house if they did not stop i would be gone,guess what,have not had one since.

[davidmann]

we are to easy with our thai family ,if this was a western girl you would soon tell her where she sleeps ,and she would soon get used to it

[NoshowJones]

I never knew there was 57 varieties of baked beans! Fascinating.

Op I would prefer my own bed. I sleep much better.

You can't sleep with a 12 yo.

If that's a real comment about the 57 varieties, it's actually an old marketing slogan of Heinz, rather than a statement of fact. They actually sell, or used to sell, a Heinz 57 steak sauce.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinz_57

A Heinz 57 varieties is what you call a mongrel dog in the UK.

[easybullet3]

for now... be content with the daughter on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

you can "play when the daughter is sleeping.

so,, you and gf on YOUR bed.. and her daughter on mattress on floor next to bed.

part of the issue is your gf LOVES her daughter (more than you).. so obviously she wants to hug and share love with her own daughter.

- you should understand that this is "part of the baggage" that you 'signed up for' when you date a single mum.

just be happy with the daughter on the floor mattress next to your bed.

in time you can talk to the daughter about growing up and having her own PRIVATE room so she can be a young lady.

PS: if you watch horror or zombie or bloody action movies with your daughter at home,, then of course you are creating fear in her and she will never want to sleep alone!!! so NEVER EVER let her watch horror or zombie or gross action movies. they are a recipe for disaster !!!

[Emilp]

Personally, seeing as your not the father, I don't think its appropriate for you to sleep in the same bed, irrespective of any Thai "norms"

although not Thai related, when I worked in the US, I had an American GF, who had a niece who used to come and stay with us weekends, and a similar story the niece didn't want to sleep on her own and wanted to sleep in the bed with her Aunt, right from the offset, I felt uncomfortable with this arrangement even though the GF and Niece who was 12, said it was ok and the GF would sleep in the middle, in the end I used to sleep in the spare bed room, and the GF would sneak away to the spare room once the niece was asleep in the main bedroom to play hide the Sausage and then go back and sleep next to the niece..

You should tell your GF to separate her daughter's bedroom. Explain to her that it is not good to have children in adult room. You don't know when she wakes up or you can do as Soutpeel suggestion.

Edited May 12, 2014 by Emilp

[xen]

As the daughter is 12 and coming to the age that her interests will soon be fashion and music and other stuff that young teenagers are interested in like being independent and hi-so then tell her she can't be in her mothers bed and be an young adult too. Give her a choice - be a baby or be an young adult Tell her how it is soooooo ban - nok it is to be a baby like that . Maybe put a mattress on the floor next to the bed to wean her off being in the same bed but in the same room for a few weeks but soon she will want her space . Invite her friends around so she needs to show off her space and how grown up she is..Pretty soon she will not want to even be seen with her mother when her friends are around.

Lucky she is past the peeing the bed stage .

[mrowe1973]

Yeah just start eating a ton of beans! I'm sure both of them will want to sleep in the other bedroom! Lol

[a99az]

I had something like this happen to me in the first couple of weeks just after we got married, my wife's sister and nice came to our room late one night. They chatted away I did not understand a word of what was said then her sister and nice went into the bath room came out and all climbed into our bed with out so much as a word to me. I asked the wife as to what this was all about she said "no problem" I moved out of the bed onto the floor. It turned out that her sister had a problem with her husband but returned the next day.

[dunque]

Dude...for your own protection, you need to put a stop to this immediately. This situation is putting you in danger.

Yes I agree I am not comfortable with this and am working on getting her back into her own bedroom.

Any suggestions?

Hammocks ?

[healthbkkbkk]

"for now... be content with the daughter on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

you can "play when the daughter is sleeping."

That is absolutely sick and illegal. Having sex in the presence of a child is considered felony child sexual abuse.

I can't believe some of the depravity people are capable of.

[stickylies]

maybe WALEN could make an extra buck and compile all these amazing "thai customs" into one crashcourse book/manual called

"dating someone who has little to nothing in common with you... while your brain is in hiatus modus"

[ve741]

I remember talking with a 23 year old thai girl who was visiting her mom back home and she was sleeping with her mom and talking with me online in bed.. even though her Brother was not home and she could have been sleeping in his room... but that may have just been that she missed her mom..

[ve741]

They chatted away I did not understand a word of what was said then her sister and nice went into the bath room came out and all climbed into our bed with out so much as a word to me. I asked the wife as to what this was all about

LOL

[monkeycountry]

"for now... be content with the daughter on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

you can "play when the daughter is sleeping."

That is absolutely sick and illegal. Having sex in the presence of a child is considered felony child sexual abuse.

I can't believe some of the depravity people are capable of.

Keep in mind that your cultural background and that of the OP is probably not the same. It may be illegal in your home country, but it is not illegal in Thailand, as long as the child is not involved, and it is not illegal in most western countries either. Some people may find it a bit weird, mainly because most people don't like if someone is watching/listening, incl their own kids, but it is legal nonetheless.

Also keep in mind, that centuries ago, it was common in ALL countries for parents to have sex in the same room as their children were sleeping for the simple reason that most houses only contained one room where everyone in the family slept. If that was not the case, most of us would not be here today. Granted, most people avoid this practise these days once the kids reach a certain age as most have several rooms and thereby options, but that does not change the fact that it is a perfectly natural thing and that it does no proven harm to the children whatsoever.

Apparently certain cultures find it sick, but certain cultures also find it sick if a woman drives a car, goes to school, talks to men outside her family, marries someone she likes instead of her cousin and so on, all of which both Thai and western culture finds perfectly natural. Perhaps it is just time certain cultures found their way out of the stone age?

Edited May 12, 2014 by monkeycountry

[taotoo]

"for now... be content with the daughter on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

you can "play when the daughter is sleeping."

That is absolutely sick and illegal. Having sex in the presence of a child is considered felony child sexual abuse.

I can't believe some of the depravity people are capable of.

On the contrary, you seem to have no problem envisaging it.

[aboctok]

Dude...for your own protection, you need to put a stop to this immediately. This situation is putting you in danger.

Didn't he already do just that? The daughter now sleeps on her own mattress by the bed.

[ajarnyai]

Co-sleeping is an issue for many parents. No matter what country they're from. Its not that big a deal. You may be shocked by the idea, but just work towards a solution.

I had a girlfriend with a 5 year old. She said it was important for her daughter to sleep with us, although we had plenty of room in the 3 floor house. I was uncomfortable, but didn't make a big deal out of the situation. The girlfriend, myself and the kid MANAGED OUR TIME. Quality time for the adults happened after dinner or sometime before bed time. This was only a temporary measure. We put the toys , Tv, and computer in another room, and she would fall asleep there. Then at the right time we moved her to our room, but not our bed.

A twelve year should be able to understand that there's a time to do your own thing and not bother Mom and Dad. That includes bed time. There's no need to make this a fight or make the kid feel unwanted. They will deal with new situation eventually and so should you in the meantime. Be a family and talk it out... this doesn't need to be dramatic, but everthing on ThaiVisa does.

Edited May 12, 2014 by ajarnyai

[Patsycat]

Twelve is too old for a girl (not a child) to sleep in the marital bed. Especially with a man who is not related to her.

Twelve is an age when you need privacy, your own things around you, sleepovers etc. Yes, sleepovers!! Are her friends all going to pile into bed with you too`!!

You said she already has an i-pad (she's lucky, i'm 50 and don't have one), tell her that the i-pad stays in her room, and she can only use it there. Ask her how she would like her room to be decorated, make it personal for her. Get a puppy or a kitten - it stays in her room with her etc. I loved having my own room, from the age of dot, with a big do not disturb sign on it. It was my domain. My mum made me tidy it, clean it etc.

Make her room her space that you cannot enter without knocking, make her feel grown up.

And get her mother to understand how uncomfortable you feel about the situation. 12 year olds can manipulate everything to their own advantage because they think they are smart.

Get a lock on your door.

If she feel scared get a night light, and leave her door open etc. Like we in the West do with a two year old in his new "big" bed.

Edited May 12, 2014 by Patsycat

[FlorenceM]

"for now... be content with the daughter on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

you can "play when the daughter is sleeping."

That is absolutely sick and illegal. Having sex in the presence of a child is considered felony child sexual abuse.

I can't believe some of the depravity people are capable of.

Keep in mind that your cultural background and that of the OP is probably not the same. It may be illegal in your home country, but it is not illegal in Thailand, as long as the child is not involved, and it is not illegal in most western countries either. Some people may find it a bit weird, mainly because most people don't like if someone is watching/listening, incl their own kids, but it is legal nonetheless.

Also keep in mind, that centuries ago, it was common in ALL countries for parents to have sex in the same room as their children were sleeping for the simple reason that most houses only contained one room where everyone in the family slept. If that was not the case, most of us would not be here today. Granted, most people avoid this practise these days once the kids reach a certain age as most have several rooms and thereby options, but that does not change the fact that it is a perfectly natural thing and that it does no proven harm to the children whatsoever.

Apparently certain cultures find it sick, but certain cultures also find it sick if a woman drives a car, goes to school, talks to men outside her family, marries someone she likes instead of her cousin and so on, all of which both Thai and western culture finds perfectly natural. Perhaps it is just time certain cultures found their way out of the stone age?

Wait, so you say that people in your country have sex in front of their children? And it's perfectly natural? Are you from third world?

It's not illegal in Thailand but is it appropriate? I think this one is common sense here that you should not have sex in front of your children. If it's perfectly natural why would some people who live in one-bedroom house have to wait until everyone is sleeping and do it secretly? How can you think that it's right to show sex act, your penis, your wife's vagina, your dick moves in and out the mother of the children thousand times in front of them? Even if you say you just do it secretly in the same room, you don't mean to let them see, but what if they see those stuffs? Are you sure it's appropriate? Yeah maybe it was like this before in stone age but everything has changed and if it's changed in a better and more civilized way then I think we should do the right things. You are not living in stone age anymore.

What do you know about child sexual abuse? If it's natural then letting children watch pornos or live pornos from very young ages is natural too, right?

[Lifeon]

What about a stealth root. No one would know, see or hear

Sent from my SM-P605 using Tapatalk

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Yes, many Thai homes only have 1 room.

Yes, many Thais in a family all sleep on one mattress (often 3 generations all together).

Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice).

They also go out to 'short-time' hotels for an hour of Privicy sometimes, money allowing.

You have three choices, sleep alone, sleep together, get the daughter to sleep alone.

Sorry, fourth choice, find a new gf with no children.

Oh, and I agree, it's not satisfactory for many men brought up in the western world.

My sympathies for your predicament.

"Yes, the adult couple often does have sex while everyone else is in the room (everyone else pretends not to notice)."

You obviously know nothing about Thai people and Thai culture. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that

you and I are from the same country. Mainly for your bigoted view of the word and your poor spelling.

A surprising comment seeing as I am Thai and have hundreds of Thai relatives.

Many of the families behaving exactly as I have stated.

Can't see any spelling mistakes in my post, can see one in yours (as you brought it up).

Edited May 12, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Patsycat]

To add to my post. When i was little i often slept in my parent's bed. But that was when my dad was away travelling for his job. For me it was fun to sleep there with my mum. He was often away for 6 or eight weeks at a time, but i still had my own room to go to.

[healthbkkbkk]

"for now... be content with the daughter on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

you can "play when the daughter is sleeping."

That is absolutely sick and illegal. Having sex in the presence of a child is considered felony child sexual abuse.

I can't believe some of the depravity people are capable of.

Keep in mind that your cultural background and that of the OP is probably not the same. It may be illegal in your home country, but it is not illegal in Thailand, as long as the child is not involved, and it is not illegal in most western countries either. Some people may find it a bit weird, mainly because most people don't like if someone is watching/listening, incl their own kids, but it is legal nonetheless.

Also keep in mind, that centuries ago, it was common in ALL countries for parents to have sex in the same room as their children were sleeping for the simple reason that most houses only contained one room where everyone in the family slept. If that was not the case, most of us would not be here today. Granted, most people avoid this practise these days once the kids reach a certain age as most have several rooms and thereby options, but that does not change the fact that it is a perfectly natural thing and that it does no proven harm to the children whatsoever.

Apparently certain cultures find it sick, but certain cultures also find it sick if a woman drives a car, goes to school, talks to men outside her family, marries someone she likes instead of her cousin and so on, all of which both Thai and western culture finds perfectly natural. Perhaps it is just time certain cultures found their way out of the stone age?

i think you had better check the laws and your morality again.

It is illegal in Thailand and in every European country.

Sick, sick, sick. There's no reasoning with perversion because, in a pervert, the part of the brain that reasons is broken.

Why don't you go to the child protection agency or the nearest police station and tell them how it's all OK.

Edited May 12, 2014 by healthbkkbkk

[Showbags]

What about a stealth root. No one would know, see or hear

Sent from my SM-P605 using Tapatalk

Whats the point if nobody can hear it....part of the fun innit ?

We echo down the valley I am sure.

[hhgz]

"I am expecting some comments on sleeping with underage girls..."

Well, that is the point of your post, is it not? Did your moral compass get broken during your relocation to Thailand? You know perfectly well that sleeping in the same bed as a 12-year old girl is inappropriate, and it doesn't take either a rocket scientist, or a poll of strangers, to solve this situation.