Girlfriend wants me to buy her a house

[taiping]

A thousand NO's.

[chappie1207]

I hope you have known this lady for a couple of years, be very careful as a lot of Thai ladies are professional scammers. I agree with previous posts, buy a condo in your name, don't be another "bought girlfriend a house then she left me" TV poster!!!

[KonKorat]

Tell her to pay the deposit and get the home loan as her part of the bargain.

Then you will make all the monthly payments for the next 25 years as your share.

How generous is that offer!

(Deposit on 1M, about 100k, repayments on 900k over 25y about 7k/month)

I find the idea of a 25-year loan frightening. Are there shorter term mortgages?

Yes 24 years

[asdecas]

Why stop at just one million? Hell, if you're that much in love, go the whole hog and build a palace for your princess, invite the whole family.

In for a Penny, in for a Pound I say, and the devil take the hindmost.

[ice4351]

Are you crazy? Do not buy her a house in her name. There are many horror stories about this. Buy yourself a condo and if she is willing to live there, then fine. If not, there are many other girls looking for a good man.

[twix38]

would you buy the love of your life a house in your home country (particularly if it had to be in her name only)?

Forget the differences here when answering. Obviously NO!!

Anyone who came to me and said "Buy me a house" and was pushing for it would get told where to go before they told me where to go and live afterwards. Thai ladies will lie to your face and show you so much love and attention that it fools many, but deep down some actions rather than the words will have you unsettled at motives and you know it! Ignore what they say and interpret the actions. Lying to your face is a way of Thai life and it is not viewed as badly as we view it. It's just part of normal life and saving face or worse if scamming.

My advice, sit down and discuss rationally with safeguard and best buy the condo in your name or come to some arrangement that doesn't allow for her to take the house off you whenever she wants to or at least mitigates the loss were it to happen, as has been suggested.

Edited June 28, 2014 by twix38

[nanapong]

I always say, do not even consider getting married, unless you have lived together for at least 12 months. Many rush this, and are sorry later. It is always in the interest of a Thai woman to rush things, and move up the agenda. It is always in our interest to slow things down, and let them develop in a more organic fashion. Take your time. Time is your ally. If it is good, it is only going to get better with time. If there are problems, they are going to reveal themselves with time. So use the time in a positive manner, and push back if she creates a sense of urgency. If you have a lot of money, and you have been together long enough to truly know who she is, what the hell? If she is from a poor family, there is an expectation of this kind of assistance. Most women are looking for financial security no matter where they are from. But be prudent.

Spidermike

Chaiyaphum, Thailand

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

The 'your time advice' is always going to be good advice. However, living together before marriage is not always possible - I certainly was not permitted to live with my Girlfriend until we were married, I have a number of friends who also married ladies from respectable backgrounds who's Parents would permit them to live with their boyfriend until they were wed.

Of course, these are relationships between similarly aged, socially-economically-edcuationally compatible couples, who's country differs, but with a fundamentally similar upbringing with regards to ethics, respect and moral values.

I suspect your comments handle a specific and more 'needy' female demographic in which a case additional caution needs be advised...

That said, in any relationship regardless of background, upbringing or origin, taking their time is the best advise anyone will encounter...

What he means OP is , if your girls of a lower class ( a brass you met in a bar ) you must be a mug buying her a house.

[Saan]

What Thai woman doesn't want her boyfriend/husband to buy her a house. It is part of the deal that you give some support. You've been well advised when told to take out a mortgage in her name and then you pay it off as long as she is with you. The same thing applies to buying cars or motorsai in their names. Have them borrow the money and you make the payments. No honey, no money. Usufruct is OK unless the property is in your wife's village. Then you could find it very hard to exercise your rights and live there after she has left you. As much as you may love her look on any transactions as you would a business deal. Good luck and I hope you have a long and happy life together.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

I'm going to side with the majority of posters here who have seen far too many of these kind of deals as the OP is considering go bad... very bad. Don't do 1 million for a house, especially for one that you and she aren't going to even live in. Doesn't matter whether you consider it just a house purchase or even a sinsod marriage gift. Don't do it.

As for the 30-year lease notion, just also be aware, Thai law basically says that legally married couples cannot have binding legal contracts between them. So if someone's going to do a lease, do it prior to marriage. Actually, to be precise, there could be a lease. But under Thai law, either a husband or wife could legally, unilaterally void it any time during the marriage or up to one year after a divorce takes effect.

[ehs818]

Dude, just say no. Find a new gf. This will save you ALL of your money and belay your concerns. This is a very common ploy to 'sub ngern jak farang' (suck money from the foreignor). This is the national hobby of Thais. If you MUST buy that house, which at 1 million in Lampang is reasonable, buy the land in her name, get a 99 year lease, then build the house. Keep the house in YOUR name only!

Good luck...

[kerrysum]

I would have thought by now with the internet being so mainstream and Thai ladies reputation proceeding them that posts like this would start to dry up. Seems not.

Be kind I'm new here.

Nothing new, just people giving advise, it isn't about being kind, but instead about reality... I'd go for the condo.... Just a thought brother.....

kilosierra

[tomwct]

I have lived in Thailand for 11 years. Under no circumstances should you buy a house for cash in your GF's

name. If you can lose 100K you can make the deposit but try and get her to pay all of it or half of it!

Remember, after you buy the house you have to buy furniture and then modify the house to make your lifestyle

comfortable! The bank will also require you to buy an insurance policy on the house! All in all, the furniture and modifications will cost upwards of 300K!!! Can you afford to walk away with up to 400K loss???

I also would not recommend a condo until after you have lived together for 2-3 years. Rent a house or condo

first! This is Thailand and the laws are for Thai's not you!!!

[JO1973]

"Have to pay for the other things that I am supposed to buy according to Thai custom"

You're getting married too which means your customs matter just as much, particularly because "Thai custom" quite often changes (or invented on the spot!) when foreigners are involved.

Don't pay for anything you wouldn't pay for back home -- and that especially means buying her a house in her name which you would soon find overrun with her family who would become de facto tenants.

[TonyPaul]

Always better to rent than buy and I am not talking about houses or condos here! Paul McCartney would testify to this I am sure.

[RayHaas]

Initially for her mother and son to live in but it would be ours to use at a later date.

Am I reading this correctly? She has already a kid? (guess she was married before)

So in that case the Thai tradition of buying big gifts for the wedding is of the table. No Thai would do it so why would you?

[pitchag]

My T/g/f wanted us to buy a house too but I needed security into my old age, not risk being evicted at a later stage if things went wrong.

So I bought a beach side Condo in Bang chang in my name and will arrange to leave it to her in my will, I bought in my name only. I have been married twice to the" love of my life"so no longer believe in the myth of soul mates.

She now loves living here and we have made many friends in the complex both falang and Thai.

In short do not be conned into buying in her name only and join the long list of disappointed ex husbands thrown out of the house and with no recourse in law.

[Andyfez]

Even after 5 years or more you cannot understand the priorities of a Thai girl and the influences from other friends and family.

You may love her, but it's in both your interests that you start on a firm footing, and this 'house' situation is something the should be approached with caution - possibly two years further down the road.

Make yourselves comfortable, make plans, but a house is way over the top.

If she loves you she should be prepared to wait.

Dowry for a normal Thai girl should be a few bits of gold - anything over 7 or 8 baht of gold is way too mauch, plus maybe a bit of cash - 100-400,000 maximum!

It sounds to me like she thinks she has caught a big fish. But consider: if she is demanding this already, do you think after 5 or 10 years of the same you will be happy? Cos once they think they can get it they will continue expecting......

Getting married isn't the big hurdle before quietly settling down with some girls (so I've heard from many friends), it's the start of the race......

[Tatsujin]

I want my fairy godmother to buy me a house too ... but it's never going to happen ...

Rent together for a while, see how it goes, and decide on buying a house in a years time.

There's no need to rush to buy here.

[Travel Dude]

Drop her! Sounds harsh but she is in for your money. As you know or might have heard from friends some woman can be nice for years till... they achieve their goal. Thousands of crying foreigners around who lost everything.

[Just1Voice]

Tell her to pay the deposit and get the home loan as her part of the bargain.

Then you will make all the monthly payments for the next 25 years as your share.

How generous is that offer!

(Deposit on 1M, about 100k, repayments on 900k over 25y about 7k/month)

I find the idea of a 25-year loan frightening. Are there shorter term mortgages?

Yes. I got a 12 yr mortgage on my house. The land is in name of wife & son, the house is in mine and son's, with a 30 year "lease" on the land. Granted a 12 yr mortgage makes for some steep monthly payments, but it will be paid off a heck of a lot faster, and save me a ton in interest rates.

[Travel Dude]

My T/g/f wanted us to buy a house too but I needed security into my old age, not risk being evicted at a later stage if things went wrong.

So I bought a beach side Condo in Bang chang in my name and will arrange to leave it to her in my will, I bought in my name only. I have been married twice to the" love of my life"so no longer believe in the myth of soul mates.

She now loves living here and we have made many friends in the complex both falang and Thai.

In short do not be conned into buying in her name only and join the long list of disappointed ex husbands thrown out of the house and with no recourse in law.

Don't put too much in the will and never tell her as you might live shorter then you expect. Happened to a friend of mine... He can't tell us anymore. Took a life insurance on his life and the beneficiary was his wife. She didn't wait for a natural death to (try to) cash in... Edited June 28, 2014 by Travel Dude

[ggt]

Rented a house from a Thai woman once...she informed me that it and 3 other homes which foreigners had built for her...were for sale...be careful that this is not just a business deal on her part...puzzy for a new house...then move on to the next victim...

[brianP]

Carefull, i bought my bride a home and she gave me a kid, and since it's a big home, we need more kids.

[TTom911]

if buying cash is either not an option a "too big a leap" then buying on a loan, which she has to sign up to, may be another option. Yes, it comes at the extra cost for a loan, of course, but, if you want and things go well you can pay for the loan on a regular basis, if things go sour you have the option to pull out.

That is also a test what your girlfriend's intentions are: "just" wanting a nicer and more comfortable life with you together in a new house (which is fine, I guess and as long as the money is there, and which such arrangement would give her/you both) or is she straight after "secure assets in her own name"? If her response/behaviour points at the latter scenario then I, if I were you, would become VERY careful indeed... Not knowing your GF and not wanting to disparage anybody, but it is a well known FACT (!!) that at least some kind of Thai ladies do know EXACTLY what they want and they are VERY persuasive and often very successful in getting what they want...Don't underestimate the little cute face's determination and skills... DONT LOOSE YOU HEAD, keep speaking to people you trust to not "get wrapped up, carried away and eaten like a Christmas turkey ..."

The short version: be cool headed, smart and careful. A STEP AT A TIME is hardly ever wrong rather than jumping straight into the deep end... If she is serious then she will accept and not run away... if she does make a runner then "good for you, too", then you save the trouble getting rid of her sooner or later...

Edited June 28, 2014 by TTom911

[WildChilli]

Y2k.

Honestly take the advice from the lads here

Unless you are ao filthy rich you can throw money away and not worry about it

In witch case can you throw some my way too

Please

Loyalty from some of the Thai girls only goes as far as your wallet can supply new stories that they tell their friends of how much money you spend on her when the wallet dry up so does the stories then your not good enough for her anymore

NEXT

Sure there is good girls too I know a few who stand by their man in good times and bad

But they are as rare as milonare Thai girls who wants to date poor westerners

[vahack]

Why buy anything at all? It's not required. You aren't a farmer's son asking for the hand of a farmer's daughter. A dowry isn't required these days. Its symbolic only.

I wouldn't pay for a house I wasn't going to live in. That's not a normal thing to do in life (only in Thailand). I also wouldn't pay for someone else's kid. Where is the deadbeat Thai dad?

Get married, rent a place for a few years, and if day to day life doesn't end your marriage, then look at spending some money. My wife and I rented a house for 4 years before building. She never once asked me for any money or dowry. That's the difference between a wife and a whore.

[garyinhuahin]

it's all said here. Cynically, I'd say she announced her intentions already and they are not good.

If you believe otherwise, test it (and protect yourself) by proposing a sensible alternative.

If she objects to that , move on

But moving on now strikes me as the thing.... The red flags are all over the place

[TeeKay]

Bad idea on so many levels. You need to assert yourself. At the very least joint ownership of the house with legal rights to the land the house sits on for many years to come. The condo idea is the better of the two. If she fails to follow your lead then I would consider moving on with my life.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[mxer90]

OP just a few questions....

Where did you meet this girl? Bar? Pattaya? Internet?

How long have you actually spent together? 1 week a couple of times?

How old are you? How old is she?

Does she work? Bar? Office? Salon?

Do you send here money monthly? Does she ask for money?

Can you afford to come and live in Thailand with no job, and support this girl and her family for the rest of their lives (because usually that is what is expected)?

Where does she actually stay? Her village? Pattaya? Bkk?

Personally, I'm with the "would you do this in your home country?" guys. Buy a condo in your name, etc, irrelevant of the answers to the questions but I am just curious, as I don't think this as been asked yet.

Your OP just is a little vague, missing some key points regards your situation and the monumental disaster that could unfold...

Also can you be sure of your answers, especially about where she works or stays, as you say you have not known her for long?

Edited June 28, 2014 by mxer90

[ChrisKC]

You have found the love of your life. Has she found the love of her life? Or has she found her economic future, much of which might not include your good self!