My Thai wife just had a meltdown

[AYJAYDEE]

This has happened to me also, not the hiding money thing but the need or want to start her own business.

With Thai's I find it is all-in when it comes to starting a new business. No market research, no thinking it through and no 'dipping one's foot in the water first' mindset.

The fact she wants to open a business is great. She's not lazy and she is ambitious. Agree to the idea in principle but express the need to start small, slowly, baby steps to ascertain if it is gonna work. If business is good and picks up and is steady, give her a verbal agreement that you will expand the business and build proper premises.

So a little coffee house is about 10,000 baht second hand, couple tables and chairs (cheap), some signage (very cheap) and let her give it a whirl.

If she doesn't want to try the idea then you know its all a load of BS and you can make your decision on your future with clearer info. My wife has tried many ideas and some have failed but some are good earners. Be open minded, maybe she is looking out for both your futures also. Best of luck.

Coffee machine alone costs 40k and up.

Good luck getting a coffee shop set up without a coffee machine.

Next problem,

Women who marry foreigners are often lazy, and only last a week or two in a hobby shop.

Mind you, I wouldn't mind having a real coffee machine at home, for a bargain price, PM me when your gf/wife gets tired of her new shop.

women who marry foreigners are often lazy!!!?? lol

[Naam]

Yes It seems the comments reinforce my view our marriage is doomed.

Pity really as I'm otherwise happy with my little family. I suppose given what I know now I'm probably living in a one-sided loveless marriage.

What a shame my wife does not see things from an us/together point of view instead of a how-much-I-get/got point of view.

I wonder if her thinking is so entrenched she will never allow herself to live in a normal relationship and is simply unable to accept a relationship based on mutual trust and understanding instead of viewing life as if disaster awaits around every corner and one-self is all that matters.

if you give up now without trying hard to rectify or improve the situation i'd consider that very un-manly. if you do, please change your Thaivisa name.

[NanLaew]

I skipped adding my tuppence worth when this one kicked off since it was already chock-full of the vaguely misogynistic and borderline racist advice from the "throw the tramp out" brigade. *

The OP has simply discovered that after 8 years of married life (and a child), there was a fundamental but very serious communication lapse. A fair few of the posts on this page allude to a common enough oversight by farang partners here; your significant others financial security if your clock stops ticking or decide to leave. If you pop your clogs or indeed do have a late or second midlife crisis, buy (another) Harley and run away with Pui, the farm fresh, leggy gogo dancer from Nongbualamphu, what has your wife been left with?

In the end, the OP's wife didn't steal a satang and I see no evidence of being dishonest or lying since it wasn't until the OP got suspicious and started rooting around, that he discovered her secret stash. The excuses reasons given by his wife, although they may have been made while both were upset, doesn't indicate to me that she was lying to cover more sinister reasons. She too was probably frustrated at being unable to communicate adequately what her motivation was. And the haters just sucked that all up as proof of her being 'typically Thai' and totally untrustworthy. The fact that he had to snoop around in his own house and couldn't ask just emphasizes the poor state of communications before this unfolded.

I hope the OP manages to get past this and build on whatever it was that brought (and kept) them together all these years.

(* Thanks NancyL for that)

[Naam]

The problem with joint bank accounts is that Immigration don't accept them as proof of funds.

Funds for extensions must be in the applicants name only.

If it is your intention to leave your Thai banking assets to your wife, then leave a Will to this effect. Even then she will have to go through Court to get those funds released to her.

incorrect information! last february we had our 11th extension based on our joint account.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

The problem with joint bank accounts is that Immigration don't accept them as proof of funds.

Funds for extensions must be in the applicants name only.

If it is your intention to leave your Thai banking assets to your wife, then leave a Will to this effect. Even then she will have to go through Court to get those funds released to her.

incorrect information! last february we had our 11th extension based on our joint account.

Yes, but you're both aliens.

Edited November 15, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Beetlejuice]

Yes this is my hope.

She has calmed down today and seems to understand an error in her method. I told her again that it’s good to save but not in secret and showed her a plan to save money together.

Now I have to say that this will color my thinking in the future and I hold little confidence that we can buy a house together.

Naturally I need this to be a one-off incident and if a pattern of this behavior recurs I’ll have to plan my exit.

It does seem her thinking is indeed one of “money she can hide away from me is her money” While my income and assets are also hers not ours. Not sure if an “us” exists in our relationship, just an “what I get?” and “how much I got” (her view)

Have to agree with some posters that much of this behavior can be attributed to facebook gossiping along the lines of “be careful he will do what all men do and leave you with nothing!” and “therefore get all you can Quick! Quick! Quick!”

Could this be a beneficial learning experience for us both?

In all of these cases, it is possible to make very dangerous assumptions and to build on them until the resulting tower bears no relation to reality. I like the Occam's Razor philosophy which holds that the simplest explanation is most likely true. Our wives need cash, sure enough and even though you are only middle aged, there will come a time when you have a lot at stake and perhaps you become sick or die. Don't forget that this is a nightmare which Thai women live with all of their lives, looking after old and /or sick parents husbands and children. My thought is that there is nothing at all wrong with squirrelling money away and, she is quite possibly doing you a favour and may not actually wish you any harm at all, but taking harsh advice and punishing her for years for something that you only expect to happen is both dangerous and unfair. I advise you to put all of the money on the table, and take her hand and tell her that you think it is good that she is thinking of all 3 of you, then, take the money and deposit it into an account at your local bank, Not ATM accessible and which requires both signatures to open. That way, she can see it there safe and then both of you can put whatever you can spare into it on your own. This means that even if one of you dies, the other will gain full access and in the meantime, who cares if she can find free money to put into the account. It is there to care for both and if it eventually amounts to a couple of million Baht, it will provide for security and care for all 3 of you for at least a few years. Then, on the passing of the two in say 30 years, whatever is left becomes a legacy for your daughter

It certainly does not appear your wife has found a prize catch in you and seems you have firmly put your wife in her place as having to be the subservient partner within this marriage.

I guess you and your wife are living in either rented accommodation or with her relatives. You claim to have an income and assets. What sort of income and what assets do you have and where, meaning what exactly do you have to offer her? Is your wife working? If not, why not? Does she have any sort of financial independence at all or does she need to account to you for everything she spends?

Your wife appears to be locked in a no hoper married relationship, no home she can call her own, no financial freedom and all assets belonging to you. Some posters on here are complaining about Thai women relationships, but I can tell you that most western women with any sort of self respect would never entertain being associated with guys like the OP, let alone being married to him.

I sincerely hope there are no children involved within this marriage or that having children will not be considered until the marital affairs have been properly established

You have stated that “Naturally I need this to be a one-off incident and if a pattern of this behavior recurs I’ll have to plan my exit.” So then it seems that your wife`s facebook friends with their assumptions of “be careful he will do what all men do and leave you with nothing!” are spot on by your own admission.

You should certainly begin analysing your own faults and unreasonable expectations of a wife, Thai or otherwise. I am also wondering how many other relationship failures you have experienced during your lifetime? Because somehow I doubt this one is your first.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Your wife appears to be locked in a no hoper married relationship, no home she can call her own, no financial freedom and all assets belonging to you. Some posters on here are complaining about Thai women relationships, but I can tell you that most western women with any sort of self respect would never entertain being associated with guys like the OP, let alone being married to him.

She could have a go earning her own money, like we (men) all had to do.

No woman with any respect for herself, needs to be supported by a man, she supports herself.

My gf can live off me for as long as she likes.

She can leave at any time, she can work at any time, I will pay for her education if she wants one.

(She just finished high school, I have suggested she now attends university at my expense)

The idea she can live off me then take a chunk of my money if she leaves is incomprehensible to me.

Edited November 15, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Liquorice]

AnotherOneAmerican, on 15 Nov 2014 - 13:48, said:

Faz, on 15 Nov 2014 - 12:08, said:

The problem with joint bank accounts is that Immigration don't accept them as proof of funds.

Funds for extensions must be in the applicants name only.

If it is your intention to leave your Thai banking assets to your wife, then leave a Will to this effect. Even then she will have to go through Court to get those funds released to her.

The problem with joint accounts is, you gotta be stupid to let someone else access money you earned.

You recently posted in another thread how women deny you sex, when you feel the urge and that sex should be on your demand.

Seems to me when it suits your needs, you want to explore that 'secret garden' which belongs to her.

But you don't want to share money which belongs to you!

In the UK we refer to men with such attitudes as 'male chauvinistic **** '

[AnotherOneAmerican]

You recently posted in another thread how women deny you sex, when you feel the urge and that sex should be on your demand.

Seems to me when it suits your needs, you want to explore that 'secret garden' which belongs to her.

But you don't want to share money which belongs to you!

In the UK we refer to men with such attitudes as 'male chauvinistic **** '

If she lives off me, I have visiting rights to that garden.

She is free to leave at any time she doesn't agree.

I define that as freedom of choice.

For both of us.

Edited November 15, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Beetlejuice]

Your wife appears to be locked in a no hoper married relationship, no home she can call her own, no financial freedom and all assets belonging to you. Some posters on here are complaining about Thai women relationships, but I can tell you that most western women with any sort of self respect would never entertain being associated with guys like the OP, let alone being married to him.

She could have a go earning her own money, like we (men) all had to do.

No woman with any respect for herself, needs to be supported by a man, she supports herself.

My gf can live off me for as long as she likes.

She can leave at any time, she can work at any time, I will pay for her education if she wants one.

(She just finished high school, I have suggested she now attends university at my expense)

The idea she can live off me then take a chunk of my money if she leaves is incomprehensible to me.

You have only quoted a part of my comments that gives an incomplete description of my post, which actually contravenes Thai visa rules.

As regards whether or not the OP`s wife is or is not working and has or has not her own independent financial means of support, I am still waiting for the OP to respond to this one, otherwise all what I said in my previous complete post still stands.

[rayongchelsea]

Jungle Jim, on 15 Nov 2014 - 13:22, said:

Sadly i think the OP does not get it! I hope you have a few million more to give her. She will be back to her old tricks within a week. Again i ask. Where did you meet her ?

No, I think the OP does get it, sadly you don't.

What relevance does where he met her have. It's the person, not the place that matters.

Are you implying if she was a 'bargirl' she has no morals.

Do you think bargirls like to sleep with old farts because they enjoy it!

They do it purely for the money, for financial security when their older.

Of course it matters where he met her. It gives an indication of the type of person you are dealing with, including morals..

[bangkok2013]

It's appalling how these people are, really......Everyday we have to hear about their lies ,and deceit . And how many people get injured, or killed ........we only hear a 20th of what really goes on here......Nothing has ever happened to me ,except once ,because of their complex of inferiority , but i have heard so many stories over the years......I really hate them sometimes.........

This post opens the box of the hidden Thailand . It's really good.

[NanLaew]

Jungle Jim, on 15 Nov 2014 - 13:22, said:

Sadly i think the OP does not get it! I hope you have a few million more to give her. She will be back to her old tricks within a week. Again i ask. Where did you meet her ?

No, I think the OP does get it, sadly you don't.

What relevance does where he met her have. It's the person, not the place that matters.

Are you implying if she was a 'bargirl' she has no morals.

Do you think bargirls like to sleep with old farts because they enjoy it!

They do it purely for the money, for financial security when their older.

Of course it matters where he met her. It gives an indication of the type of person you are dealing with, including morals..

Oh dear. If the OP says he met her in a Soi 4 watering hole, then you can get all smug, self-righteous and say, 'I thought as much' and 'I told you so'.

But if the OP DID meet her in a Soi 4 watering hole, how high is your moral ground now? Still going to offer him advice? He's still a man after all regardless of his lifestyle choices. Isn't that right?

[bangkok2013]

It does matter where a person is coming from .If they come from the bar scene and they have been at it for some years ,they have lost any innocent spirit ,they had when they started .That business hardens people.

and they distrust humans to irreversible proportions.

I had a good friend who after years and being sick and tired of working Factory decided to give a hot , was very skeptical, then the shit started happening where she worked .I told her get the hell out of that business,it's not for you ! She listened to me and has been grateful ever since .

Now she is married with 2 kids living in England ,and we are still great friends.

[Beetlejuice]

It's appalling how these people are, really......Everyday we have to hear about their lies ,and deceit . And how many people get injured, or killed ........we only hear a 20th of what really goes on here......Nothing has ever happened to me ,except once ,because of their complex of inferiority , but i have heard so many stories over the years......I really hate them sometimes.........

This post opens the box of the hidden Thailand . It's really good.

And you don`t think that this thread also highlights the lack of confidence, flaws and non-empathetic characters of these used and abused farang boyfriends and husbands, the long and suffering, who blame everyone closest to them for their own failures to hack it here in Thailand other than themselves?

Thailand is like any other country: a man only gets the woman he deserves. If he can't get a good woman he only needs to look in a mirror and start analysing his own character to know why.

[Robby nz]

Seems the OP is getting plenty of advice one way or the other so let me add by 2 cents worth.

After 8 years of your life invested and a child to think of walking away should be the last option.

Could it be that her worries are legitimate, notwithstanding the reaction ?

Agree with her that it is a good idea to have money put away in case of accident of other eventuality but suggest it would be safer in a bank account, preferably one that is gaining interest such as term deposit, or multiple term deposits.

Tell her that there have been houses robbed and she could lose the lot if that happened.

Say you would like to help her with this and would be prepared to give her something (not a lot) each month to help build up a nest egg, but that if there is to be a house in the future she would have to use her money that she is saving as part of the house purchase.

If you do this in the right way she may even be happy to tell you how much she is saving, but if she wants to keep that as her secret don't ask.

Wish you good times whatever you decide.

[Naam]

The problem with joint bank accounts is that Immigration don't accept them as proof of funds.

Funds for extensions must be in the applicants name only.

If it is your intention to leave your Thai banking assets to your wife, then leave a Will to this effect. Even then she will have to go through Court to get those funds released to her.

incorrect information! last february we had our 11th extension based on our joint account.

Yes, but you're both aliens.

why should a Farang/Thai couple be treated less favourable?

[Naam]

Your wife appears to be locked in a no hoper married relationship, no home she can call her own, no financial freedom and all assets belonging to you. Some posters on here are complaining about Thai women relationships, but I can tell you that most western women with any sort of self respect would never entertain being associated with guys like the OP, let alone being married to him.

She could have a go earning her own money, like we (men) all had to do.

No woman with any respect for herself, needs to be supported by a man, she supports herself.

My gf can live off me for as long as she likes.

She can leave at any time, she can work at any time, I will pay for her education if she wants one.

(She just finished high school, I have suggested she now attends university at my expense)

The idea she can live off me then take a chunk of my money if she leaves is incomprehensible to me.

to each his own!

my take is that no man with self respect asks his wife to work to support herself (assuming that he can afford that she doesn't work).

[manly100]

Seems the OP is getting plenty of advice one way or the other so let me add by 2 cents worth.

After 8 years of your life invested and a child to think of walking away should be the last option.

Could it be that her worries are legitimate, notwithstanding the reaction ?

Agree with her that it is a good idea to have money put away in case of accident of other eventuality but suggest it would be safer in a bank account, preferably one that is gaining interest such as term deposit, or multiple term deposits.

Tell her that there have been houses robbed and she could lose the lot if that happened.

Say you would like to help her with this and would be prepared to give her something (not a lot) each month to help build up a nest egg, but that if there is to be a house in the future she would have to use her money that she is saving as part of the house purchase.

If you do this in the right way she may even be happy to tell you how much she is saving, but if she wants to keep that as her secret don't ask.

Wish you good times whatever you decide.

Thanks Rob, I really think this could be good for my little family. My wife sees I'm not mad at her and how I want us to do things together as a family. She has agreed to save together and talk with me about her concerns. So yes I think good things could come of it.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

And you don`t think that this thread also highlights the lack of confidence, flaws and non-empathetic characters of these used and abused farang boyfriends and husbands, the long and suffering, who blame everyone closest to them for their own failures to hack it here in Thailand other than themselves?

I think you are being a little unfair to many foreigners in Thailand who are mostly decent guys looking for love.

And some, don't hang out in bars with hookers all the time (Eg. Number 1 bar).

Edited November 15, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Beetlejuice]

Seems the OP is getting plenty of advice one way or the other so let me add by 2 cents worth.

After 8 years of your life invested and a child to think of walking away should be the last option.

Could it be that her worries are legitimate, notwithstanding the reaction ?

Agree with her that it is a good idea to have money put away in case of accident of other eventuality but suggest it would be safer in a bank account, preferably one that is gaining interest such as term deposit, or multiple term deposits.

Tell her that there have been houses robbed and she could lose the lot if that happened.

Say you would like to help her with this and would be prepared to give her something (not a lot) each month to help build up a nest egg, but that if there is to be a house in the future she would have to use her money that she is saving as part of the house purchase.

If you do this in the right way she may even be happy to tell you how much she is saving, but if she wants to keep that as her secret don't ask.

Wish you good times whatever you decide.

Thanks Rob, I really think this could be good for my little family. My wife sees I'm not mad at her and how I want us to do things together as a family. She has agreed to save together and talk with me about her concerns. So yes I think good things could come of it.

My Thai wife and I have joint bank accounts, both in Thailand and abroad. The family home is in the names of our children and if I die before my wife she will be secure financially for the remainder of her life, my pensions, savings and so on, no problems as I have provided and planned our futures carefully, plus all OUR monies and assets would be easily accessible to her on the event of my death. None of my savings, income and assets is kept private from my family.

My wife and I are well aware of our monthly budgets. We spend per month what we can afford, my wife never has and still does not withdraw any monies from OUR accounts exceeding our budgets and has never and never will have to account to me for her spending, she has full access to all our banking accounts. She knows the score as well as I do and both of us use common sense when it comes to spending.

The majority of the money and income has been provided by me, except the home and land that was inherited from her grandparents prior to our marriage that I expanded and refurbished later on, and this is totally irrelevant in the scheme of things, as I regard what is mine is also my family`s, this is what I have legally and honestly worked for all my life, because once I go, I will not be able to take it with me, but rather to be passed on to my children and future generations, this is what married life`s all about.

The couples that fail to comprehend what I have mentioned above must educate themselves and bring some organisation into their married lives, working towards the prosperity of their families using common sense and reason. If not able to archive this and there is always going to be a basic lack of trust between the parties, than there can be no hope for a marriage based on that type of relationship and situation.

Manly100, this is the best advice you will ever receive, heed it carefully and start working towards a positive goal in your life, it`s up to you.

Edited November 15, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[rayongchelsea]

Jungle Jim, on 15 Nov 2014 - 13:22, said:

Sadly i think the OP does not get it! I hope you have a few million more to give her. She will be back to her old tricks within a week. Again i ask. Where did you meet her ?

No, I think the OP does get it, sadly you don't.

What relevance does where he met her have. It's the person, not the place that matters.

Are you implying if she was a 'bargirl' she has no morals.

Do you think bargirls like to sleep with old farts because they enjoy it!

They do it purely for the money, for financial security when their older.

Of course it matters where he met her. It gives an indication of the type of person you are dealing with, including morals..

Oh dear. If the OP says he met her in a Soi 4 watering hole, then you can get all smug, self-righteous and say, 'I thought as much' and 'I told you so'.

But if the OP DID meet her in a Soi 4 watering hole, how high is your moral ground now? Still going to offer him advice? He's still a man after all regardless of his lifestyle choices. Isn't that right?

You are right, but isn't it a game of odds. Nothing to do with self righteousness ..not into" the told you so"..he is a grown man..we have all been done over one way or another..I will stick with my original premise..it has nothing to do with how I feel..

[rayongchelsea]

Seems the OP is getting plenty of advice one way or the other so let me add by 2 cents worth.

After 8 years of your life invested and a child to think of walking away should be the last option.

Could it be that her worries are legitimate, notwithstanding the reaction ?

Agree with her that it is a good idea to have money put away in case of accident of other eventuality but suggest it would be safer in a bank account, preferably one that is gaining interest such as term deposit, or multiple term deposits.

Tell her that there have been houses robbed and she could lose the lot if that happened.

Say you would like to help her with this and would be prepared to give her something (not a lot) each month to help build up a nest egg, but that if there is to be a house in the future she would have to use her money that she is saving as part of the house purchase.

If you do this in the right way she may even be happy to tell you how much she is saving, but if she wants to keep that as her secret don't ask.

Wish you good times whatever you decide.

Thanks Rob, I really think this could be good for my little family. My wife sees I'm not mad at her and how I want us to do things together as a family. She has agreed to save together and talk with me about her concerns. So yes I think good things could come of it.

My Thai wife and I have joint bank accounts, both in Thailand and abroad. The family home is in the names of our children and if I die before my wife she will be secure financially for the remainder of her life, my pensions, savings and so on, no problems as I have provided and planned our futures carefully, plus all OUR monies and assets would be easily accessible to her on the event of my death. None of my savings, income and assets is kept private from my family.

My wife and I are well aware of our monthly budgets. We spend per month what we can afford, my wife never has and still does not withdraw any monies from OUR accounts exceeding our budgets and has never and never will have to account to me for her spending, she has full access to all our banking accounts. She knows the score as well as I do and both of us use common sense when it comes to spending.

The majority of the money and income has been provided by me, except the home and land that was inherited from her grandparents prior to our marriage that I expanded and refurbished later on, and this is totally irrelevant in the scheme of things, as I regard what is mine is also my family`s, this is what I have legally and honestly worked for all my life, because once I go, I will not be able to take it with me, but rather to be passed on to my children and future generations, this is what married life`s all about.

The couples that fail to comprehend what I have mentioned above must educate themselves and bring some organisation into their married lives, working towards the prosperity of their families using common sense and reason. If not able to archive this and there is always going to be a basic lack of trust between the parties, than there can be no hope for a marriage based on that type of relationship and situation.

Manly100, this is the best advice you will ever receive, heed it carefully and start working towards a positive goal in your life, it`s up to you.

I don't usually agree with your postings but this is completely and utterly correct. It is called having a committed, equal and committed partner. Someone who thinks they can just randomly take is none of those. Good post.

[Jip99]

Seems the OP is getting plenty of advice one way or the other so let me add by 2 cents worth.

After 8 years of your life invested and a child to think of walking away should be the last option.

Could it be that her worries are legitimate, notwithstanding the reaction ?

Agree with her that it is a good idea to have money put away in case of accident of other eventuality but suggest it would be safer in a bank account, preferably one that is gaining interest such as term deposit, or multiple term deposits.

Tell her that there have been houses robbed and she could lose the lot if that happened.

Say you would like to help her with this and would be prepared to give her something (not a lot) each month to help build up a nest egg, but that if there is to be a house in the future she would have to use her money that she is saving as part of the house purchase.

If you do this in the right way she may even be happy to tell you how much she is saving, but if she wants to keep that as her secret don't ask.

Wish you good times whatever you decide.

Thanks Rob, I really think this could be good for my little family. My wife sees I'm not mad at her and how I want us to do things together as a family. She has agreed to save together and talk with me about her concerns. So yes I think good things could come of it.

Good news. I hope it works out.

[plachon]

Your wife appears to be locked in a no hoper married relationship, no home she can call her own, no financial freedom and all assets belonging to you. Some posters on here are complaining about Thai women relationships, but I can tell you that most western women with any sort of self respect would never entertain being associated with guys like the OP, let alone being married to him.

She could have a go earning her own money, like we (men) all had to do.

No woman with any respect for herself, needs to be supported by a man, she supports herself.

My gf can live off me for as long as she likes.

She can leave at any time, she can work at any time, I will pay for her education if she wants one.

(She just finished high school, I have suggested she now attends university at my expense)

The idea she can live off me then take a chunk of my money if she leaves is incomprehensible to me.

Sounds like you are after a pet (albeit partly educated), and not a partner in life. That's fine, but there is little real trust in such arrangements, as opposed to marriage, which is normally viewed as an equal partnership.

[OmarZaidMD]

Be gone Satan . . .

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Sounds like you are after a pet (albeit partly educated), and not a partner in life. That's fine, but there is little real trust in such arrangements, as opposed to marriage, which is normally viewed as an equal partnership.

Marriage is only seen as a equal partnership in a few Christian communities, which are not the majority of the world.

Jewish, Eastern Orthodox, Catholic, Mormon, Amish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist all view the man as the important one (to varying degrees) and the woman as inferior (if not property). That includes China who mostly have no religion.

Always surprised that so many of white anglo saxon protestant descent still think their way is the right and only way.

You are in the minority.

Edited November 15, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[ThomasHOL]

A thread like this makes me so sad, not because of the OP’s problem but the majority of guys posting here. It seems to me that most guys here are not married or have a girlfriend, they have a live in housekeeper with benefits. When you are married it is a cooperation and both parties pitch in best they can. If you want a stay at home wife then it is your obligation to support her both now but also save up for your retirement. What most of you guys are saying is stop her access to YOUR money but it cant only be YOUR money when you want the stay at home wife you have to share it. I’m not saying that you should be a fool and give her all the money in your account. But you need to support her need also the needs that might not be food and a place to live.

Regarding the OP’s problem we have no idea of how long she has been saving, but if she done so the last 5 years she set aside 2150 baht / 67 USD a month and that is not exactly a huge amount.

[Liquorice]

AnotherOneAmerican, on 15 Nov 2014 - 14:46, said:

She could have a go earning her own money, like we (men) all had to do.

No woman with any respect for herself, needs to be supported by a man, she supports herself.

My gf can live off me for as long as she likes.

She can leave at any time, she can work at any time, I will pay for her education if she wants one.

(She just finished high school, I have suggested she now attends university at my expense)

The idea she can live off me then take a chunk of my money if she leaves is incomprehensible to me.

AnotherOneAmerican, on 15 Nov 2014 - 15:17, said:

Faz, on 15 Nov 2014 - 14:54, said:

You recently posted in another thread how women deny you sex, when you feel the urge and that sex should be on your demand.

Seems to me when it suits your needs, you want to explore that 'secret garden' which belongs to her.

But you don't want to share money which belongs to you!

In the UK we refer to men with such attitudes as 'male chauvinistic **** '

If she lives off me, I have visiting rights to that garden.

She is free to leave at any time she doesn't agree.

I define that as freedom of choice.

For both of us.

Only the deepest respect for women then eh!

Maybe one day you might meet your 'Miss Right'......................I sincerely hope her first name is 'Always'

[AnotherOneAmerican]

^^

Dear Faz, I never said my gf had any respect for herself.

If she had, I don't believe she would be living with me.

In the immortal words of Marx

"I wouldn't marry any woman that would accept a man like me for a husband"

Respect is something that every person needs to earn for themselves.

Man or woman.

Edited November 15, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican